Long-distance Relationship Hits Snag

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Aureole

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Hi all, I’ve got this problem.

I have this girlfriend, she’s really sweet and just all around awesome. Since she went off to school I’ve found it difficult to continue the relationship though. Long-distances are hard! If she hadn’t gone off such a great distance it wouldn’t be a problem at all. But now she says she’s saved enough monies to visit me over Spring Break and that was exciting news. The main problem is that she doesn’t have the monies to get a place of her own for the stay. She thought she could stay with me but I’m not so sure I could handle such close, intimate proximity with her without, well, trying something (maybe not to her but just something naughty). Our relationship could really use this boost though and I’m afraid without it we’ll drift apart.

So should I have her stay (she’s a really good Christian, she would not let anything happen) or not?
 
If you are not sure you want her, then tell her that for petes sake in stead of making excuses. you will only drag out this thing knowing that you dont have the love for her that it takes.

Also. A relationship where one wants to “try something naughty” while leaving the responsibility of purity up to the other person is bound to fail in chastity. Two purity-comitted people is what it takes for chastity to really work.
You are the man… you should be the defender of virtue, not the tempter who tries to see how far he can go.

Sex is not only intercourse. there are many ways of loosing your purity and causing another person to loose hers.

Stop playing around and break it off.
 
Find a place for her to stay - your parents home, a female friend’s apartment, with your sister and brother-in-law, with that nice couple from the Parish, at a local religious house - somewhere OTHER than with you. If you know absolutely no one who will let her stay, then, tell her to wait to visit until you can afford a place for her to stay.

If you cannot trust yourself to be alone, then, find chaperones or only meet in public when she visits.
 
GraceDK said:
If you are not sure you want her, then tell her that for petes sake in stead of making excuses. you will only drag out this thing knowing that you dont have the love for her that it takes.

Also. A relationship where one wants to “try something naughty” while leaving the responsibility of purity up to the other person is bound to fail in chastity. Two purity-comitted people is what it takes for chastity to really work.
You are the man… you should be the defender of virtue, not the tempter who tries to see how far he can go.

Sex is not only intercourse. there are many ways of loosing your purity and causing another person to loose hers.

Stop playing around and break it off.
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Worst advice, ever.

The solution to purity is not to stop dealing with someone, I would recommend prayer when your mind wanders.
 
Listen here GraceDK I don’t appreciate your condescending and mean-spirited tone! I don’t want to break up with this girl at all, I was just saying it’s been hard to continue this long-distance relationship. She’s a wonderful girl and I’d hate to ruin what we have due to some curmudgeonly advice. Thanks but no thanks! :mad: Personally I think an apology is due.

As for kage_ar and nmoerbeek thanks for your advice. I should have mentioned this earlier but there really is no other place for her to stay around here. I haven’t really taken the opportunity to meet anybody at school and I moved away from home to attend the one I’m at so my family isn’t nearby. I also don’t really know anybody at a church or the like… I find it really hard to meet new people.

If you don’t mind my asking, would either of you have had your girlfriend over in my position? I know some of my friends back home would but I’m different from them.
 
I’m not a guy 🙂 But, if I were unmarried I would not stay at my boyfriend’s apartment/dorm/room.

Chastity, it is not easy, but it is best.

Spend some time getting to know people!!! Do you have a Newman Center or FOCUS at your school?
 
I don’t know what the solution is to where she could stay, but I think it would be very good to let her know that you value her so much as a person that you would do whatever it takes to preserve her chastity. That would be evidence of real love.
 
Aureole said:
Listen here GraceDK I don’t appreciate your condescending and mean-spirited tone! I don’t want to break up with this girl at all, I was just saying it’s been hard to continue this long-distance relationship. She’s a wonderful girl and I’d hate to ruin what we have due to some curmudgeonly advice. Thanks but no thanks! :mad: Personally I think an apology is due.

.
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When you said you found it hard to continue the relationship I assumed you were contemplating giving up on it… but then she let you know she was coming to visit and from there you went on to talk about your dilemma.
I have no problem offering an apology. however, you might have been more specific and avoided the misunderstanding.
Anyway… we are all happy I expect. Congratulations on your relationship and happiness.
Buy her a motel room or something when she comes if there is any doubt whether you can handle the temptation. For most people staying in the same house over night is a near occasion of sin. To a few who are not tempted in sexual things, it is not. Its not worth the risk finding out which category you belong to.

God bless
 
If you have a buddy who has a girlfriend, ask your buddy’s girlfriend if yours could room with you for the brief time she will be there. Just a thought.
 
kage_ar said:
Find a place for her to stay - your parents home, a female friend’s apartment, with your sister and brother-in-law, with that nice couple from the Parish, at a local religious house - somewhere OTHER than with you. If you know absolutely no one who will let her stay, then, tell her to wait to visit until you can afford a place for her to stay.

If you cannot trust yourself to be alone, then, find chaperones or only meet in public when she visits.
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This is what I would suggest, too.
 
Sorry for my late replies, I’ve been busy of late and haven’t been terribly available to check the thread.

I think my school has a Newman Centre, it probably does what school doesn’t? I’ve thought about going in to say hello but I always find some excuse (lame or otherwise) not to. I don’t even know what a FOCUS is so I can’t comment on that.

GraceDK in hindsight my response was probably a bit, well, harsh. I hope I didn’t offend you, I just get really defensive and such when things concern my relationship with my girlfriend. She’s very important to me and as may be expected (given my personality) it’s hard to meet friends let alone a girlfriend.

Et Cetera, we weren’t going to be staying in the same room anyway. By the way where is the signature you have from? It seems intriguing.

To reiterate once again, there really isn’t a place she could stay at other than mine. Maybe I’ll offer to get her a hotel room though. That might work nicely, though I’ll have to save my monies to do so…
 
The alone together in a motel room idea doesn’t sound very good frankly either even if you aren’t both going to ‘spend the night’.
 
Aureole said:
Sorry for my late replies, I’ve been busy of late and haven’t been terribly available to check the thread.

I think my school has a Newman Centre, it probably does what school doesn’t? I’ve thought about going in to say hello but I always find some excuse (lame or otherwise) not to. I don’t even know what a FOCUS is so I can’t comment on that.

GraceDK in hindsight my response was probably a bit, well, harsh. I hope I didn’t offend you, I just get really defensive and such when things concern my relationship with my girlfriend. She’s very important to me and as may be expected (given my personality) it’s hard to meet friends let alone a girlfriend.

Et Cetera, we weren’t going to be staying in the same room anyway. By the way where is the signature you have from? It seems intriguing.

To reiterate once again, there really isn’t a place she could stay at other than mine. Maybe I’ll offer to get her a hotel room though. That might work nicely, though I’ll have to save my monies to do so…
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Aureole, my signature is from T.S. Eliot’s “The Wasteland”.
 
Aureole said:
Hi all, I’ve got this problem.

I have this girlfriend, she’s really sweet and just all around awesome. Since she went off to school I’ve found it difficult to continue the relationship though. Long-distances are hard! If she hadn’t gone off such a great distance it wouldn’t be a problem at all. But now she says she’s saved enough monies to visit me over Spring Break and that was exciting news. The main problem is that she doesn’t have the monies to get a place of her own for the stay. She thought she could stay with me but I’m not so sure I could handle such close, intimate proximity with her without, well, trying something (maybe not to her but just something naughty). Our relationship could really use this boost though and I’m afraid without it we’ll drift apart.

So should I have her stay (she’s a really good Christian, she would not let anything happen) or not?
Click to expand...
Every couple will eventually be in a situation where “bad” things might happen… Don’t kid yourself, if you feel like you cannot be in the same house as her then there is obviously a problem with your self control (Don’t take that badly, I have this problem)…

So four things:
  1. Work on your control, because eventually you gonna need it
  2. Try find a temporary solution by finding lodging for her at someone elses house…
  3. Make the decision based on whats best for your purity, NOT whats easiest…
  4. I hope you fare better then I did 😉
 
Shin said:
The alone together in a motel room idea doesn’t sound very good frankly either even if you aren’t both going to ‘spend the night’.
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i think he was meaning, that he will offer to put her up in a hotel room by herself.
but then again…u may feel quite tempted to do more because,
she isnt around people other than you.
so be really careful with that!!!
i second the - stay with a friend, parent or friend’s gf option. alot more safer.
 
my signature is from T.S. Eliot’s “The Wasteland”. __________________
Shall I part my hair behind? Do I dare to eat a peach?
I shall wear white flannel trousers, and walk upon the beach.
I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.
Click to expand...
Isn’t that “The Love Song of Alfred J. Prufrock?”

Ruthie, not Prince Hamlet, nor was meant to be…
 
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