Longing for Purity

[therese_1]

I am engaged to be married to a man that I have been with for 5 years. We started off our relationship wrong…in every way possible. A little over 2 years ago we made the decision to be chaste and pure in our relationship. I am so happy with this decision, though it has been a struggle. We still have a lot of struggle in our relationship and have clashed many times on the level of purity that we should have. We are supposed to be getting married next April. I guess my question is can this relationship ever make it having began so evil and full of filth? I am so afraid of doing the wrong thing…I want to live my life completely for God. For some reason I fear that this will keep me from being completely given to God.

 

[Shin]

I am engaged to be married to a man that I have been with for 5 years. We started off our relationship wrong…in every way possible. A little over 2 years ago we made the decision to be chaste and pure in our relationship. I am so happy with this decision, though it has been a struggle. We still have a lot of struggle in our relationship and have clashed many times on the level of purity that we should have. We are supposed to be getting married next April. I guess my question is can this relationship ever make it having began so evil and full of filth? I am so afraid of doing the wrong thing…I want to live my life completely for God. For some reason I fear that this will keep me from being completely given to God.

Have you considered a religious vocation, or the pure single life in the world rather than marriage?

People who are married have to tend to the needs of their spouses more and are distracted by this rather than spend their time directly on God.

Read a lot of what the saints have written about purity, and share those writings and think and pray on them. A love of purity once acquired…

Is so very attractive, marriage can suddenly look like what it is, the lesser option.

Two spouses who do not agree on purity… that is a difficult thing to bear… one could find oneself in such a situation involuntarily, but voluntarily? You both should have a very great love of purity.

There’s a book called ‘The True Spouse of Jesus Christ’ which has many beautiful things to say on purity.

 

[DaughterOfMary6]

Yes, it is possible when God is in the picture. If you were doing it yourself, it would be very difficult, but God gives the graces necessary to do His will. It’s been 2 years now since you made the determination to live chastely. Even if you are not a virgin, you are being celibate for the right reasons. Living pure is not strictly for virgins, religious, or consecrated people in the Church. It is for all.

I trust you have undertaken the necessary 8 month prep courses such as Pre-Cana and Engagement Encounter? These are a requirement that Holy Mother Church in all Her wisdom has for those who wish to be bonded together in the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony. I would recommend also that you and your future spouse read “Theology of the Body” or attend seminars if it is not offered in Pre-Cana courses. It teaches you how to love and respect your partner, not use them for personal gain or sex. I highly recommend it.

If you are fearful, it means you are keeping vigilant that God’s will is being done. Don’t worry about the future. If you have gotten to Confession yet, I believe it will be a great grace to you. As Padre Pio once said:

“Pray, hope, and don’t worry. Worry is useless. God is merciful and will hear your prayer.”

Put your trust in Divine Mercy. He is there for all. May God bless you in this New Year and your future marriage!!

 

[Highwayhound]

I am engaged to be married to a man that I have been with for 5 years. We started off our relationship wrong…in every way possible. A little over 2 years ago we made the decision to be chaste and pure in our relationship. I am so happy with this decision, though it has been a struggle. We still have a lot of struggle in our relationship and have clashed many times on the level of purity that we should have. We are supposed to be getting married next April. I guess my question is can this relationship ever make it having began so evil and full of filth? I am so afraid of doing the wrong thing…I want to live my life completely for God. For some reason I fear that this will keep me from being completely given to God.

Have you ever heard Crytalina Evert talk about chastity? She has a compelling life story. You can see her speak in the video Romance Without Regrets. Her husband Jason Evert starts speaking and Crystalina later speaks. In this video they are not yet married.

Here is a link to a short video in which Jason speaks about ideas related to your question.

chastity.com/node/406

I hope this helps

God bless

 

[therese_1]

Have you considered a religious vocation, or the pure single life in the world rather than marriage?

People who are married have to tend to the needs of their spouses more and are distracted by this rather than spend their time directly on God.

Read a lot of what the saints have written about purity, and share those writings and think and pray on them. A love of purity once acquired…

Is so very attractive, marriage can suddenly look like what it is, the lesser option.

Two spouses who do not agree on purity… that is a difficult thing to bear… one could find oneself in such a situation involuntarily, but voluntarily? You both should have a very great love of purity.

There’s a book called ‘The True Spouse of Jesus Christ’ which has many beautiful things to say on purity.

Thank you for your reply and advice. It is hard to find someone who understands where I am coming from - from a Catholic perspective.

It is interesting that you mention a vocation other than marriage in your post. I have actually given some thought to this…I do not know how to know for sure or not.

One thing that I have been struggling with for some time since embarking on this journey is the feeling that I have in my heart. It is kind of hard to explain, but it is this tremendous feeling of longing, joy, love, passion for Jesus…I feel I will never find a man that can even compare to Him. I know that I won’t, but I feel as if I will be taken away from him if I get married. I don’t know if this makes any sense…I can’t describe the feeling.

 

[vee8]

Thank you for your reply and advice. It is hard to find someone who understands where I am coming from - from a Catholic perspective.

It is interesting that you mention a vocation other than marriage in your post. I have actually given some thought to this…I do not know how to know for sure or not.

One thing that I have been struggling with for some time since embarking on this journey is the feeling that I have in my heart. It is kind of hard to explain, but it is this tremendous feeling of longing, joy, love, passion for Jesus…I feel I will never find a man that can even compare to Him. I know that I won’t, but I feel as if I will be taken away from him if I get married. I don’t know if this makes any sense…I can’t describe the feeling.

After reading that I think you should give more than some thought to the religious life!

 

[Shin]

Thank you for your reply and advice. It is hard to find someone who understands where I am coming from - from a Catholic perspective.

It is interesting that you mention a vocation other than marriage in your post. I have actually given some thought to this…I do not know how to know for sure or not.

One thing that I have been struggling with for some time since embarking on this journey is the feeling that I have in my heart. It is kind of hard to explain, but it is this tremendous feeling of longing, joy, love, passion for Jesus…I feel I will never find a man that can even compare to Him. I know that I won’t, but I feel as if I will be taken away from him if I get married. I don’t know if this makes any sense…I can’t describe the feeling.

St. Lutgardis was visited by a young suitor once, and after he left, she had a vision of Christ who came to her and bared his breast revealing his burning Sacred Heart. He said to her, ‘Look. . . this is what thou oughtest to love. Forsake the attractions of human love, and thou shalt find in my Heart ineffable delights.’

He said it to her, and He says it to you too, if you can walk that path.

I think you might have a religious vocation here. That’s why I really recommend reading something like ‘The True Spouse’ something about a life consecrated to God alone.

The life of purity is a beautiful life… so beautiful God has declared He prefers it above all others… St. John the Beloved apostle is a virgin… St. Paul, speaking by the Holy Ghost, recommends refraining from marriage to all people who are capable of it… he wishes all people to be as he is.

Your past does not matter… it is the dedication now and the future that does. Many saints in scripture, after marriage, later decide to live lives of perpetual chastity as brother and sister, or separate into the religious life with mutual permission. This is because of how preferable this state is. Purity is that beautiful.

If you haven’t thoroughly investigated this yet… you really are called by God to give it a fair hearing… every person generally is, and should, understand what both different callings offer.

As a general rule, I think if you are capable of not being married and living a healthy life apart from this, if you do not have a great longing for children… your call is very likely not it. Many more people are called to total and singular devotion to God than find that call.

And marriage does get in the way of that, just because it has so many duties to people as well as the bodily duties to one another. It is the ‘Martha’ way more than the ‘Mary’ way, the active life more than the contemplation of God life. There’s no comparison of the purity of one compared to the other.

I wish I had all the extracts from books like ‘The Catholic Girl’s Guide’ and such on vocations. There are some good chapters.

Have you read the ‘Everything you ever wanted to know about a vocation’ thread?

What did Saint Lutgardis do after being offered the Heart of Christ? Well… I think one can imagine. But this is what she did… She promptly kicked her shocked suitor out of her life, calling him, ‘fodder of death’.

 

[therese_1]

St. Lutgardis was visited by a young suitor once, and after he left, she had a vision of Christ who came to her and bared his breast revealing his burning Sacred Heart. He said to her, ‘Look. . . this is what thou oughtest to love. Forsake the attractions of human love, and thou shalt find in my Heart ineffable delights.’

He said it to her, and He says it to you too, if you can walk that path.

I think you might have a religious vocation here. That’s why I really recommend reading something like ‘The True Spouse’ something about a life consecrated to God alone.

The life of purity is a beautiful life… so beautiful God has declared He prefers it above all others… St. John the Beloved apostle is a virgin… St. Paul, speaking by the Holy Ghost, recommends refraining from marriage to all people who are capable of it… he wishes all people to be as he is.

Your past does not matter… it is the dedication now and the future that does. Many saints in scripture, after marriage, later decide to live lives of perpetual chastity as brother and sister, or separate into the religious life with mutual permission. This is because of how preferable this state is. Purity is that beautiful.

If you haven’t thoroughly investigated this yet… you really are called by God to give it a fair hearing… every person generally is, and should, understand what both different callings offer.

As a general rule, I think if you are capable of not being married and living a healthy life apart from this, if you do not have a great longing for children… your call is very likely not it. Many more people are called to total and singular devotion to God than find that call.

And marriage does get in the way of that, just because it has so many duties to people as well as the bodily duties to one another. It is the ‘Martha’ way more than the ‘Mary’ way, the active life more than the contemplation of God life. There’s no comparison of the purity of one compared to the other.

I wish I had all the extracts from books like ‘The Catholic Girl’s Guide’ and such on vocations. There are some good chapters.

Have you read the ‘Everything you ever wanted to know about a vocation’ thread?

What did Saint Lutgardis do after being offered the Heart of Christ? Well… I think one can imagine. But this is what she did… She promptly kicked her shocked suitor out of her life, calling him, ‘fodder of death’.

Hi Shin,

Thank you for your thoughts. I have ordered the book that you mentioned by St Ligouri. I am very excited and a little nervous to read it. May I hear his voice…