Longing to be a Nun - Yet with an uneasy heart

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LydiaW

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I am prayerfully considering becoming a Nun. It is a hard decision to make, but I have felt a longing for it for a long time. Even as a little girl, when I was still protestant, I would read and hear about Nun’s and long to know more. It was through the loving example of my Catholic relations that I came into the church.

It is hard to make such a life altering decision, and I hesitate to make it even though I long for it. My parents are divorced, and for years I have been my Father’s only support in the face of a lot of difficulty. He himself is going about converting presently to Catholicism. When I told him about my ponderings about possibly becoming a Nun, something that I see as a wonderful honor to the Lord, he broke down in tears. This is a man who I haven’t seen cry since my Grandfather’s funeral when I was 10.

He has said he would feel lost without me, and I know I would feel similar. He would support me in either decision, to stay in the world or to become a Nun and serve God. But, it is so difficult to make that decision.

I simply don’t know what to do. I have wanted to marry and have children ever since I was little, yet I feel this deep longing in my heart to serve as a religious. There is a wonderful order of Nun’s near where I live, the Benedictines of Mary, that I have been prayerfully considering.

I keep asking for some sign from God…do I give up everything, all my aspirations in this world, my family and friends, for him?

I know it is a selfish thing to want to deny him that.

Any advice? I really need some (name removed by moderator)ut. Such a decision is uneasy on the heart and soul.
 
LydiaW said:
I am prayerfully considering becoming a Nun. It is a hard decision to make, but I have felt a longing for it for a long time. Even as a little girl, when I was still protestant, I would read and hear about Nun’s and long to know more. It was through the loving example of my Catholic relations that I came into the church.

It is hard to make such a life altering decision, and I hesitate to make it even though I long for it. My parents are divorced, and for years I have been my Father’s only support in the face of a lot of difficulty. He himself is going about converting presently to Catholicism. When I told him about my ponderings about possibly becoming a Nun, something that I see as a wonderful honor to the Lord, he broke down in tears. This is a man who I haven’t seen cry since my Grandfather’s funeral when I was 10.

He has said he would feel lost without me, and I know I would feel similar. He would support me in either decision, to stay in the world or to become a Nun and serve God. But, it is so difficult to make that decision.

I simply don’t know what to do. I have wanted to marry and have children ever since I was little, yet I feel this deep longing in my heart to serve as a religious. There is a wonderful order of Nun’s near where I live, the Benedictines of Mary, that I have been prayerfully considering.

I keep asking for some sign from God…do I give up everything, all my aspirations in this world, my family and friends, for him?

I know it is a selfish thing to want to deny him that.

Any advice? I really need some (name removed by moderator)ut. Such a decision is uneasy on the heart and soul.
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First–God bless you for discerning religious life…praise be to God. I think this is so amazingly cool. 🙂 In response to your dad’s reaction, he probably is just taken aback and his emotions came pouring out because he thinks he may not see you as much as he does now. You can still be the awesome supportive daughter you are now to him–becoming a nun might only make the bond even stronger! I think that you have to follow God’s will…His call to this. If He is calling you to religious life, then He will work it all out for you with your family. That is just my core belief.

I pray that things will go well with you, and may God’s wisdom and guidance direct to your future. God bless!
 
I can’t quite remember, but St. Therese of Lisieux dealt with the problem of being separated from family members that she loved when she desired to be a cloistered nun. If you haven’t read her, “Story of a Soul,” it’s pretty much mandatory reading for any would-be nun. 🙂

-Rob
 
Is that order completely cloistered? I know Mother Angelica’s mom missed her so much she joined the order! (I know that’s not an option for Dad) 😉 If you are happy, really happy, he will be too eventually. Or you might find an order that is more active and contemplative, a nice blend, is better for you. But that is a personal thing.
 
No, they are not completely cloistered. Right now they are in the process with the diocese to build a monastary in the country near the city where I live. The plans include a school, so you never know, if I joined the order I might end up being a teacher. Thats actually a profession I have considered before.

I have not read “Story of a Soul” yet, but it is on my present to-do list. St. Therese is actually my patron saint, and I took her name at Confirmation when I converted.

Oh if only this decision were easier. It is so hard…
 
Would you be happy if you didn’t follow this calling to be a nun, for your dad? (to be there for him) Or would you feel something is missing in your life?
 
Lydia,

My prayers are with you. I’m thinking of a religious life as a brother or a priest too but what is holding me back is my family. Being the eldest in the family, I’m responsible for taking care of my parents. My mom wants me to get married though but she would let me go. My spiritual director asked me one question when I told him my parents are kepting me back, “Do you think you can take better care of your parents than God?” If God calls you, you can bet that he has plans for your parents.

God bless you and may you grow in your discernment.

Regards,
JL
 
I can honestly say when I think about it, I would feel that there is something missing in my life if I gave up the longing to be a Nun.

It’s a hard decision though when I also think about missing out on having a family. Yet, I feel at the same time I would be gaining another family all together.

I am also the eldest in my family, so I also feel that obligation to take care of them and my Dad especially.

I have felt in my soul though since I was a little girl that I don’t have long on this earth. I don’t know how to explain it, but poor health has often held me back. Despite the problems I have and will face, I truly want to use my time to the best of my abilities and serve God. If I was only to live another 10 years, I would want to use every moment well. I feel like I haven’t been up till now…but when I think about becoming a Nun, this strange peace comes over me.
 
LydiaW said:
I am prayerfully considering becoming a Nun. It is a hard decision to make, but I have felt a longing for it for a long time. Even as a little girl, when I was still protestant, I would read and hear about Nun’s and long to know more.

Any advice? I really need some (name removed by moderator)ut. Such a decision is uneasy on the heart and soul.
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That is me to a TEE! I have always felt a strange “longing” to research sisters and nuns, and more and more, a pull to discern a religious vocation! I’m not even Catholic yet! (But I want to be!! :))

I agree with everyone else… it’s hard, but if God has plans for you as a nun, he will definitely take care of your family!!! No worries.

🙂
 
These things are for certain:
  1. Religious life has a novitiate period during which one can leave or be sent home.
  2. Marriage doesn’t have a novitiate.
  3. It’s easier to try the religious life then leave and get married.
  4. One can marry and become a “third order” member, in which the person leads a life of devotion in the world.
  5. Men and emotions don’t usually get along, and they either get mad or they break down because they can’t get the words they need to express themselves.
Have a heart-to-heart talk with your dad, and try to be as empathic as possible with him. Are there any in your family who are dependent upon you for either medical or financial reasons? That’s where you have to start.

You’ve been the mother-figure for your family, and St. Therese the Little Flower would be a good one to pray to in this circumstance. (“Little Flower/In this Hour/Show your Power.”) When her oldest sister, Pauline, entered Carmel, it nearly killed her to lose her “second mom” after the death of her real mom from breast cancer.

Do you have a spiritual director? If not, find one. They might be able to explain it better than you. Family will oftentimes listen to someone outside the family rather than someone they have to put up with on a daily basis.

If you’re feeling called to the contemplative life, you might check out my website, Cloister Outreach: cloisters.tripod.com/

HTH.

Blessings,
Cloisters
 
…It is a requirement in canon law–maybe the apologist forum could weigh in on this–that no one can enter religious life with family obligations, which, I think, include psychological as well as monetary dependency-that is, the family member is dependent not only on your financial support, but your psychological support as well. If you look in the ‘requirements’ section of community website, almost all of them list this requirement, along with (usually) freedom from debt. Orders do not want to take on the onus of separating someone from a family obligation–the family member may force the entrant to later leave, or may experience a physical or mental breakdown, even a suicide attempt.
 
Honestly I’d say stay with your father. You do not have to be a nun to serve God, and I think God wants you to be there for your father (“honor thy mother and father”). That your father is considering converting should be a sign that you need to be there for your father.

Just my two cents. Whatever choice you make, you have my prayers:)
 
37"Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; 38and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. 39Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.

–Matthew Chapter 10

I think you should find a trusted and orthodox spiritual director.
 
LydiaW said:
I. When I told him about my ponderings about possibly becoming a Nun, something that I see as a wonderful honor to the Lord, he broke down in tears. This is a man who I haven’t seen cry since my Grandfather’s funeral when I was 10.

He has said he would feel lost without me, and I know I would feel similar. He would support me in either decision, to stay in the world or to become a Nun and serve God. But, it is so difficult to make that decision.

I .
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it is quite natural that you and your father would be especially close given your circumstances, but surely you both realize you would also have to leave him if you marry. Would you allow his feelings to jeopardize a marriage? then they should not be allowed to interfere with a real religious vocation. You do realize it would not be a permanent break where you never see each other again.

sometimes that desire, either to be a mother and wife, or to be a nun, is based on unrealistic expectations, and what is needed is a reality check, some time spent in a convent seeing what religious life really means, instead of relying on our own preconceptions. Same with marriage, we have to get beyond hollywood and pop music and be with some real married people and see the reality of their lives and its demands. try babysitting for friends for an extended period of time, for instance.
 
I would highly recommend the book “What Does GOD Want?” by Fr. Michael Scanlan. The book gives very good, straightforward advice on how to discern God’s will in big decisions like joining a religious order. The book gives you a way to test your idea or calling to be as sure as you can that it comes from God. The tests are conformity, conversion, consistency, confirmation, and conviction. It’s a short read, but it goes into great detail and delves into many types of difficult circumstances involving big decisions. I’ve used it a couple times for discerning my own vocation as well as where to go to college. Also, Fr. Scanlan was President of the Franciscan University of Steubenville in Ohio. It’s a great book!!

You’re in my prayers! I hope God makes it clear to you what you should do.

Cyceri
 
Parents usually have trouble with their children entering religious life. One of our sisters is from a very similar situation as you are, except her Dad is still protestant not planning to convert.
God has a way of taking care of these things.
If you got married and you husband had to move away for work, you’d be separated from your father also.
If the community you’re looking at isn’t cloistered you’ll probably be able to go home and visit and what not.
The fact that religious life still attracts you is a sign of something. If God is calling you have to respond.
When your Dad learns more about religious life, it probably won’t scare him so much.
Perhaps, if and when you are fairly sure about the order, you can see if the parents of one of the Sisters can talk with him.
 
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