Looking at Girls

[AJFromLa]

Hello,

My brothers in Jesus of Nazareth! My name is A.J. and I am 17! I am a servant of the Lord Jesus, a slave to God, and a sinner. I have a question regarding Christian morality. When I am at school or at my home I will often see cute girls and look (without them noticing) at their chest and butt. Is this is a sin in the eyes of Jesus our saviour?

Do you have any knowledge on how to stop such acts…I struggle with this somewhat! Thank you, my brothers.

 

[m8g8]

Hello!

I’m not an expert, but have read about this a few times.

You know it’s morally wrong, to look at someone lustfully and I think that so long as you regret it after, or stop yourself as soon as you remember it’s wrong, you may not have sinned. Temptation isn’t a sin.

My priest once told me that humans are beautiful and it’s natural to appreciate someone else’s appearance. But we must remember that they’re made in the image of God, so we have to treat them with love and lust demotes someone into an object.

However, to me, it doesn’t seem like you suffer from lust.

And by the way, welcome to the forum!

 

[PatrickSebast]

You should probably just poke your eyes out now. Most colleges don’t even have dress codes. It is after all, almost unthinkable that a heterosexual male would be sexually attracted to a female. Do you think God built us to desire sex or something?

Seriously though, as long as you don’t let your mind linger on these things then it is fine. Lust and attraction are two different things. It is natural for a man to appreciate the female form, the sin occurs when you begin to use thoughts of that form as a source of personal entertainment and separate the body from the person.

 

[if_youCthispray]

From now on look away when you catch yourself and say a prayer.

 

[Randy_Carson]

Is this is a sin in the eyes of Jesus our saviour?

On Looking at Girls
By Jimmy Akin
jimmyakin.org/2009/01/appreciating-beauty-vs-concupiscence.html

A reader writes:

This is regarding “looking at girls”.

I am very clear that obviously pornography is a grave matter. I also am clear that deliberately engaging in lustful thoughts, lustful desires, or trying to arouse yourself (outside marriage) with full knowledge and full consent is also mortal sin. Of course thoughts without these aspects are either venial or not a sin.

What I still struggle with is the question of “deliberately looking at an attractive or shapely girl”. And liking to do so.

I had understood that one could deliberately look at an attractive girl and admire her beauty -even the beauty of her form- and that the pleasure one finds in seeing her beauty and shape was not sinful to consent to and one could just ignore any “reactions of concupiscence” that happen.

Of course one must take care …and know yourself …as well as at times use custody of the eyes --particularly if she is very immodestly dressed.

Also that one could even look at a work of art that is nude etc (that is not lustfully done --that shows the dignity of the person) and admire the form and beauty and ignore any “reactions of concupiscence”.

Is this treating a girl as an object? Am I wrong in doing this? Is it sinful?

In this context, treating someone “as an object” mean improperly treating a person as an instrument of sexual gratification and thus not properly recognizing the dignity of the person. There are also other ways one can (non-sexually) “object”-ify a person, e.g., treating a spouse as merely a means of getting certain tasks done (breadwinning, household management, whatever). In general, treating someone merely as a means to an end and not respecting the fundamental dignity of the person results in the objectification of that person. Sexual objectification is just one species in a larger genus.

But you know what doesn’t belong to this genus? Recognizing a person’s good points.

If someone is beautiful or handsome or smart or prudent or a good breadwinner or a good household manager or a good square dance caller or has any other good points, it’s *fine *to recognize and appreciate those facts. If they are manifest, it would even be contrary to reason not to do so. So recognizing and appreciating the beauty of the human form–in general or in a specific case–is not a sin.

At least you couldn’t guess it from the statues and paintings that the folks at the Vatican have all over the place. They sure seem to be on board with this idea. I mean, just look at the Sistine Chapel! Just look at the Last Judgment! And this is where they elect popes!

So it seems to me that one is on pretty safe ground saying that it’s okay and not-automatically-objectifying if you recognize and appreciate physical beauty or any other good attribute that a person has.

It becomes objectifying if you reduce the person’s worth to just their good or useful qualities. Of course, in the area of appreciating physical beauty–especially of the opposite sex–we have to be careful.

It’s one thing to be looking at a marble statue of a nude woman.

It’s another to be looking at a color photograph of a nude woman.

It’s another yet to be looking at a real live nude woman.

These represent different levels of moral risk, and the greater the peril, the more stringent efforts must be taken to avoid it or escape from it. Because people are different and subject to different levels of temptation, they will have to determine based on their own self-knowledge and personal history what situations are too dangerous for them to allow themselves to be in.

(cont.)

 

[Randy_Carson]

For some–particularly males at a particular stage of life–even looking at artistic representations of nudes may be too much. As normal in risk management–which is what avoiding temptation is, since it’s not possible to completely eliminate the risk of temptation (given the mind’s ability to produce temptation on its own)–one must avoid two extremes: under-estimating the risk that a situation poses and over-estimating it.

For most people the laxist approach is the greater danger, which is why Jesus told us to seek the narrow path. For other people, particularly those subject to scrupulous tendencies, the rigorist approach is a danger. Neither approach is what we are called to.

What one must do is evaluate the risk a particular course of action poses for one and act accordingly. In some cases temptation will arise despite one’s efforts. That’s the nature of risk. As long as the risk isn’t zero–and it never is in this life–sometimes temptation will arise.

The thing to do when that happens is relax, ignore the temptation, and move on to something else. The “relax” part is important, because if one allows oneself to become anxious about temptation then it only reinforces the temptation. Temptation is deprived of its power if you refuse to get anxious about it and simply move on.

Because I’m not the reader, I can’t say precisely what courses of action are too risky in his case, but I can say that it’s not sinful to simply recognize and appreciate beauty. (As opposed to dwelling on or studiously contemplating the details of a particular person’s physical form, which is going to increase risk.) I can say that it is not sinful to be exposed to any and all levels of non-zero risk. (Zero risk of temptation is impossible in this life.)

And I can say that if he tries to instantly avert his eyes from every single pretty girl he sees then he will foster an anxiety about temptation that will actually feed the temptation he is seeking to minimize. The better thing to do is avoid situations that are known to be dangerous (i.e., that pose a significant risk of significant temptation) and to otherwise relax and move on when temptation does appear.

 

[Ashton_Gaskill]

If you are only admiring their breasts and butts, then yes, I would imagine that falls under “objectifying” women - as in you’re treating as an object for your pleasure - as in you are not treating them like a person who deserves to be loved.

The human body itself is a beautiful work of art, crafted by the Master Artist (God). The human body consists of both the physical aspects and the spiritual aspects. The physical symbolizes and explains the spiritual, and the spiritual is fulfilled and expressed through the physical. Both are important and both must be respected.

In the Gospels Jesus says that if one looks upon a woman with lust, that person has committed adultery with her in his heart. So by looking at these young women in a sexually stimulating way, (assuming they didn’t say it was okay) you have raped them in your mind. Even if they do approve, that doesn’t make it okay (for the record).

Now, how to stop? I admit, lust is a big sin I’ve struggled a lot with over the last few years, so this is coming from my personal experience.

Go to confession often and receive communion whenever you can. Go to adoration. Pray, ask God to help you. Some people, our society in general, will say that “thinking lustfully and looking sexually at any woman and masturbating are all natural, and while it’s a nice ideal to say one can stop, it isn’t really realistic”. That line of thinking completely ignores the fact that God can do ANYTHING. Ask Him to help you.

I sleep with a rosary in my hands most nights, and pray it every night before going to bed, asking for purity of heart. I also read books on Theology of the Body. Thanks to those studies, I’ve turned my greatest weakness into a great strength for my faith. And now that I am more pure, I experience Love so much… clearer, stronger, truer. It’s fantastic.

Don’t give up! Confession, rosary, Eucharist, prayer, persistence (in no particular order).

edit: As others have said, if it’s just an involuntary passing glance and you don’t linger on those thoughts and temptations to objectify, then you’re in the clear. Just make sure you’re loving every woman with your eyes and thoughts!

 

[AJFromLa]

Yeah sometimes I catch myself admiring her body and so like I’ll look at something else…and then other times i just can’t turn away, you know?

Is “checking out” a girl the same as “looking lustfully” at a woman? I’m not sure…it’s something I have yet to stop…I will pray on it soon.

Thank you for any advice. You guys are great.

 

[Ashton_Gaskill]

Checking a girl out can be looking lustfully, depending on the intent of the looker’s heart. If you look and admire her as a beautiful person who’s body glorifies the caring and supportive aspects of God, then that’s fine. If one is checking a girl (or guy or thing or w/e) out because of a desire to have sex with her (or him, or it), then it would be “looking lustfully”. It’s up to the looker to know whether they are treating the person they look upon with respect or not, since we can’t know your thoughts we can’t tell you if that applies to you or not.

Read some material on Theology of the Body. nods It’s good stuff.

 

[benidict]

Hello,

My brothers in Jesus of Nazareth! My name is A.J. and I am 17! I am a servant of the Lord Jesus, a slave to God, and a sinner. I have a question regarding Christian morality. When I am at school or at my home I will often see cute girls and look (without them noticing) at their chest and butt. Is this is a sin in the eyes of Jesus our saviour?

Do you have any knowledge on how to stop such acts…I struggle with this somewhat! Thank you, my brothers.

Personally Im a leg man myself. Its natural to look at girls. Im 42, and my fiancee, is beautiful. shes 44. things dont change. Just dont consider the Priesthood at this point in your life. If your attracted to females. by all means, get a girlfriend. Just remember, shes not yours. So, no sex until marriage. Trust me, Its a much better thing to wait. Im waitin with mine.

 

[Dempsey1919]

It’s natural to look at girls. Don’t worry about it unless it leads you to commit sins of lust. Do you feel guilty when you look at nice cars and wish you could drive them? No. You look at the car and wish you could drive it for a few seconds and then you forget it. You don’t obsess about it for hours afterwards and begin thinking of ways you can illegally drive it. It may be a dumb example but the same rule applies to girls. It’s ok to admire a woman and think about how you would like to marry her or date her. However, it becomes a problem if you obsess about it and begin to fantasise about how you would like to have sex with her. Focus on real human relationships and don’t just isolate sex and make it your sole aim. Women are so much more than objects to drool over.

 

[Filthy_Tugboat]

Hello,

My brothers in Jesus of Nazareth! My name is A.J. and I am 17! I am a servant of the Lord Jesus, a slave to God, and a sinner. I have a question regarding Christian morality. When I am at school or at my home I will often see cute girls and look (without them noticing) at their chest and butt. Is this is a sin in the eyes of Jesus our saviour?

Do you have any knowledge on how to stop such acts…I struggle with this somewhat! Thank you, my brothers.

I can’t see why it would be wrong, it’s a natural impulse and one that has kept the human race going as long as you don’t treat women purely as objects than there isn’t a problem.

 

[Filthy_Tugboat]

Hello!

I’m not an expert, but have read about this a few times.

You know it’s morally wrong, to look at someone lustfully and I think that so long as you regret it after, or stop yourself as soon as you remember it’s wrong, you may not have sinned. Temptation isn’t a sin.

Why is it morally wrong? Lust being commonly defined as sexual desire, I can’t imagine why desiring someone sexually would be wrong.

My priest once told me that humans are beautiful and it’s natural to appreciate someone else’s appearance. But we must remember that they’re made in the image of God, so we have to treat them with love and lust demotes someone into an object.

Lust alone is only concerned with sexual desire but sexual desire can be and often is accompanied by emotional attachment and value.

 

[Love_Divine]

. When I am at school or at my home I will often see cute girls and look (without them noticing) at their chest and butt. Is this is a sin in the eyes of Jesus our saviour?

.

On a side note, we have a 6th sense for this. We know when you’re looking. You’d be amazed at how many reflections of ogeling men I catch. While it may not be a sin depending on your thoughts, it is rude, and any self-respecting woman/girl does not appreciate it. Work to get in the habit of looking at their faces

 

[Ashton_Gaskill]

Why is it morally wrong? Lust being commonly defined as sexual desire, I can’t imagine why desiring someone sexually would be wrong.

Because society has redefined lust. As far as my studies have shown, Catholics use the same definition of lust which Jesus did when he said looking lustfully equates to committing adultery in one’s heart.

The sexual desire is natural, and shows that we, as humans, are made longing for relationships, and are social creatures, which points us back to our creator since we are made in His image as per Genesis.

However, since we are made in His image, we also have our souls and the individual dignity of each other person we come into contact to consider. Looking at a woman and having sexual desire for her is fine, but when one starts to dwell and embellish those feelings, fantasizing about her in a sexual manner, becoming fixated on certain body parts (whatever they may be), one stops remembering that the woman is a person, and not just a sexual toy in one’s mind.

When I look at a beautiful woman and she notices me, how do I respond? Usually I smile at her, because I know my intentions were pure and I have nothing to hide. I wasn’t only admiring her butt, I was looking upon her entire person, the shape of her body, the type of clothes she’s wearing, trying to figure out her personality and attempting to understand her as much as I can based on a quick glance. Before I could manage to look upon a beautiful woman purely, however, if I was caught I looked away because I was ashamed of the feelings that I was allowing to manifest in my heart. They might not have always been fully formed thoughts, but I was letting the desire to have sexual relations with her right then, right there, fester. I wasn’t trying to restrain the temptation to objectify her, and, deep down, I knew she and I deserved better than that, so I looked away in shame.

I hope that answers your question.

 

[AJFromLa]

On a side note, we have a 6th sense for this. We know when you’re looking. You’d be amazed at how many reflections of ogeling men I catch. While it may not be a sin depending on your thoughts, it is rude, and any self-respecting woman/girl does not appreciate it. Work to get in the habit of looking at their faces

Most girls in my area dress wearing tight clothes that show their cleavage and wear high skirts or high shorts to show off their legs. To be honest, from my experience, women don’t give us guys ANY help by dressing conservatively. It’s just not something they do, not in this area at least. If they dress, it’s either going to be skimpy or skin tight. That’s just fashion these days. They show of cleavage, their abdomen, wear short shorts to show off the legs, or tight bottoms to show off the butt. I mean honestly, they must want us to look at them like that.

It’s natural to look at girls. Don’t worry about it unless it leads you to commit sins of lust. Do you feel guilty when you look at nice cars and wish you could drive them? No. You look at the car and wish you could drive it for a few seconds and then you forget it. You don’t obsess about it for hours afterwards and begin thinking of ways you can illegally drive it. It may be a dumb example but the same rule applies to girls. It’s ok to admire a woman and think about how you would like to marry her or date her. However, it becomes a problem if you obsess about it and begin to fantasise about how you would like to have sex with her. Focus on real human relationships and don’t just isolate sex and make it your sole aim. Women are so much more than objects to drool over.

I don’t fantasize about sex with them, I just admire how beautiful their body is. And I don’t obssess.

I thank God that I have a girlfriend who dresses pretty conservatively. It helps me out a lot.

Edit: Thabks for the responses, guys. I’m trying to stay away from sin and any helpful tips from fellow Christians is great…I mean we should support each other like this. So we can each follow Christ in the best way possible.