Looking for advice from converts

[decjlc]

By the way, some people have taken the apologist remark way too seriously; I meant it jokingly. I simply meant that I have a lot of learning to do in order to explain things to my family when they ask me about them. I didn’t mean to give them impression that I’m some argumentative person looking for my next victim for a religious debate. I’m very mild-mannered, and even shy!

 

[Della]

Thanks. I’d never make up an answer and am not afraid to say I don’t know when I don’t. I simply meant that I don’t want to give an “I don’t know” answer because I didn’t take the time to learn about the faith, if that makes sense.

That makes perfect sense. Of course, there’s so much to learn and people can have such odd questions that you can’t possibly be prepared for all of them.

I think what zz912 is saying, if I may speak for him/her, is that as a new convert you need time for yourself–to immerse yourself into Catholic practice and culture. If you are challenged you can simply say that you will get back to them. IOW, you don’t have to feel put on the spot merely because someone throws an objection/question your way. This is especially true at gatherings with family or friends. It’s not fair of them to make an issue of your faith under certain circumstances. You can say you’d love to discuss it but at another time and place. Just don’t feel pressured, is the thing.

 

[decjlc]

That makes sense. Thanks for the advice.

 

[Della]

That makes sense. Thanks for the advice.

You’re welcome. :tiphat:

 

[lutherlic]

Thank you. I think this will be key. I fear I may have to become somewhat of an amateur apologist before I can even fully become Catholic.

I see that some have a problem with the phrase “amateur apologist”, but we are all called by virtue of our valid Christian baptism to be priest, prophet and king. Learning and sharing the faith and conversion through it is on-going. You will just have a few more opportunities for quick growth early on than most.

Remember when engaged by your relatives that they love you and are concerned for your eternal welfare. If they ask a question that you don’t know the answer to, tell them so, research it and get back to them. Slow them down if they try to overwhelm you with a rapid-fire series of issues. A good approach if this happens is to ask them for their top (say 1 to 3) criticisms of Catholicism. That will focus them and limit a deluge of issues. Do not debate (at least until you really are an apologist!).

Most important: this is the Church our Lord Himself directly founded and has the fullness of the Christian faith. There are no “gotcha” questions for us.

May the Holy Spirit guide you in your journey. Welcome home.

 

[decjlc]

I see that some have a problem with the phrase “amateur apologist”, but we are all called by virtue of our valid Christian baptism to be priest, prophet and king. Learning and sharing the faith and conversion through it is on-going. You will just have a few more opportunities for quick growth early on than most.

Remember when engaged by your relatives that they love you and are concerned for your eternal welfare. If they ask a question that you don’t know the answer to, tell them so, research it and get back to them. Slow them down if they try to overwhelm you with a rapid-fire series of issues. A good approach if this happens is to ask them for their top (say 1 to 3) criticisms of Catholicism. That will focus them and limit a deluge of issues. Do not debate (at least until you really are an apologist!).

Most important: this is the Church our Lord Himself directly founded and has the fullness of the Christian faith. There are no “gotcha” questions for us.

May the Holy Spirit guide you in your journey. Welcome home.

Thank you very much. That’s great advice!

 

[EricCWolfe]

I’m looking for advice from people who have converted to Catholicism from another denomination (esp. Pentecostal, Evangelical backgrounds).

Were your friends and family accepting? I fear that my family will be extremely disappointed in my conversion, and I expect I may even lose some friends over it. If this has happened to you, how did you talk to them or deal with the loss of the relationship?

If this is posted in the wrong area, please let me know. I’ve looked over the board for several days but can’t seem to find a forum dedicated to converting.

I’m in RCIA right now. My wife is Catholic. My dad has been accepting. He’s Buddhist. My mom, non-denominational Protestant, has been less accepting. Her side of the family is really anti-catholic. Lots of prejudices and misconceptions which none of them will seek out answers on their own. They just take what their preachers say as strict truth.

As for my friends, they have all been accepting. Some of my friends are anti-catholic but polite enough to keep their prejudices to themselves. I figure, if I can’t be comfortable telling them about my faith, how will I ever go out into the world? And, if they turn against me because of it, then they weren’t really my friends anyway.

Remember, Jesus said the world will hate us because if Him. I’d rather have Him as my one best friend than have tons of friends in hell. Finally, some advice from one of our priests who is also a convert in adulthood, " You gotta do what you gotta do."

 

[FabiusMaximus]

I’m in RCIA right now. My wife is Catholic. My dad has been accepting. He’s Buddhist. My mom, non-denominational Protestant, has been less accepting. Her side of the family is really anti-catholic. Lots of prejudices and misconceptions which none of them will seek out answers on their own. They just take what their preachers say as strict truth.

As for my friends, they have all been accepting. Some of my friends are anti-catholic but polite enough to keep their prejudices to themselves. I figure, if I can’t be comfortable telling them about my faith, how will I ever go out into the world? And, if they turn against me because of it, then they weren’t really my friends anyway.

Remember, Jesus said the world will hate us because if Him. I’d rather have Him as my one best friend than have tons of friends in hell. Finally, some advice from one of our priests who is also a convert in adulthood, " You gotta do what you gotta do."

I’m trying to wrap my head around the fact that your mother is comfortable with a non-Christian as a husband but upset with a Catholic son.

 

[EricCWolfe]

I’m trying to wrap my head around the fact that your mother is comfortable with a non-Christian as a husband but upset with a Catholic son.

They’re divorced. My dad turned out to be gay after years of marriage. They got divorced when I was an infant.

 

[MaryRita85]

While growing up, I was Protestant and ALL of my family still go to the same Nazarene Church. They have all been completely supportive. I haven’t lost any friends but I have distanced myself and they with me,from a few of my Atheist friends.

 

[Euphon]

I’m in RCIA right now. My wife is Catholic. My dad has been accepting. He’s Buddhist. My mom, non-denominational Protestant, has been less accepting. Her side of the family is really anti-catholic. Lots of prejudices and misconceptions which none of them will seek out answers on their own. They just take what their preachers say as strict truth.

Just chiming in here to say that everyone in my (nominally Protestant, some of them agnostic or atheist) family has been super-supportive of my intention to join the Church. However, the strain of virulent anti-Catholicism that seems to run in some Protestant circles (not even denominations, I think it’s more geographical than that) appears to be a recurring feature in many conversion stories.

Even someone like me, who was brought up effectively without religion playing any kind of role in my life, had it subtly drummed into me from an early age that Catholics were the bad guys, in a pervasive way (like background noise) rather than someone outright sitting me down and telling me. It’s something I’ve found people from a similar background often recognise in each other’s stories; I doubt some anti-Catholic Protestants even consciously realise how deep that sort of teaching runs, or indeed that there’s anything wrong with being anti-Catholic at all.

I can honestly say hand on heart I’ve encountered none of that since I announced my decision to convert, but I know plenty of people who’ve come up against that sort of thing.
Having said that, in my own experience from talking to other converts and in what I’ve read on this forum (and I’m a newbie so this may not be the most accurate picture, but just based on what I’ve seen), it’s less common to encounter it than to get, if not support per se, then at least a kind of matter-of-fact acceptance. They may not see it as ideal, but if the alternative isn’t for you to stay in their Protestant denomination - if the choices are either that you become Catholic or that you become an atheist/Muslim/snake handler/voodoo witch doctor - the acknowledgement that at least you’re seeking to get closer to God, albeit in the “wrong” way, seems to crop up more often than I’d have expected.

 

[contraryness13]

Almost all of my close friends are Protestant, and I’ve gotten everything from curiosity to genuine excitement to “that’s cool for you, but I don’t really wanna hear about it”. So far though, I haven’t encountered any outright hostility. I have had opportunities to correct some common myths and stereotypes about Catholicism, though God only knows how effective my explanations have been!

One of the more difficult things has been the lack of contact from friends where I used to live, some of whom very likely think that I’m going to hell for converting. When I first started making my plans to convert public, I braced myself for concerned emails trying to dissuade me; however, when I didn’t hear anything, it felt a bit like they didn’t care anymore about the state of my soul. But my hope is that perhaps they’ve rethought their prejudices, or that they’re simply trying not to be judgmental.

As for my family, none of them go to church very often and my brother is an outright atheist, so that’s a whole 'nother set of reactions But in general they’ve been supportive and they’ve started cautiously asking questions about Catholic doctrine. So there is hope for them yet!

I wish you all the best with your friends and family, and with your whole conversion experience. I hope that you’ll be pleasantly surprised by the amount of positive reactions as I have been; and if not, I pray that you’ll be able to cling to God and rest in His total acceptance of you no matter what the world thinks of you.

 

[Patti_M]

Thanks. I’d never make up an answer and am not afraid to say I don’t know when I don’t. I simply meant that I don’t want to give an “I don’t know” answer because I didn’t take the time to learn about the faith, if that makes sense.

decjlc, there is over 2000 years of church history plus the Catechism and Bible to consider when you say you “didn’t take the time to learn.” The mass alone is packed with knowlegde that you can’t even imagine as new Catholic. I am not a convert but not a day goes by (I’m over 50) that I don’t realize that there is no way I can learn all the church can teach me. Don’t fret over this, please. Just try to take in as much as you can when the opportunity presents itself. Converts have taught me more than I will ever know. They bring so many gifts with them. Try to teach us a few things!

 

[Newsy]

I’m looking for advice from people who have converted to Catholicism from another denomination (esp. Pentecostal, Evangelical backgrounds).

Were your friends and family accepting? I fear that my family will be extremely disappointed in my conversion, and I expect I may even lose some friends over it. If this has happened to you, how did you talk to them or deal with the loss of the relationship?

If this is posted in the wrong area, please let me know. I’ve looked over the board for several days but can’t seem to find a forum dedicated to converting.

I haven’t read this thread, just answering the questions first.

My family was not happy about my conversion, but it ranged from “unapproving” to “unaffected”. There has been movement in a positive way since my conversion. My wife’s family was not thrilled, but has more or less accepted it.

We left the PCUSA, Presbyterian Church, and we lost several friends. We did not lose any close friends, but some became more distanced.

 

[decjlc]

Thank you, everyone, for your stories and advice. I really appreciate you taking the time to answer!

 

[Steveabrous]

Mother and sister converted with me, father was upset but over ruled and later joined us, we didn’t care what extended family thought, friends were irreligious( I was 22) so didn’t really matter to them.

 

[Southy82]

decjlc,
I’m from Portsmouth, OH, so I understand your trepidation. I’m 30 now, but I was 23 when I converted. Some of my protestant friends did not approve, but it didn’t affect our friendship. My family on the other hand were a little upset. They gave me a little bit of grief, but nothing serious. I just explained to them why I was converting and that nothing was going to change that.
Just remember what Jesus said in Mark 3:32-35,

A crowd seated around him told him, “Your mother and your brothers* [and your sisters] are outside asking for you.” But he said to them in reply, “Who are my mother and [my] brothers?” And looking around at those seated in the circle he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers. [For] whoever does the will of God is my brother and sister and mother.”

 

[decjlc]

decjlc,
I’m from Portsmouth, OH, so I understand your trepidation. I’m 30 now, but I was 23 when I converted. Some of my protestant friends did not approve, but it didn’t affect our friendship. My family on the other hand were a little upset. They gave me a little bit of grief, but nothing serious. I just explained to them why I was converting and that nothing was going to change that.
Just remember what Jesus said in Mark 3:32-35,

A crowd seated around him told him, “Your mother and your brothers* [and your sisters] are outside asking for you.” But he said to them in reply, “Who are my mother and [my] brothers?” And looking around at those seated in the circle he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers. [For] whoever does the will of God is my brother and sister and mother.”

Thank you for the encouragement.

 

[decjlc]

Mother and sister converted with me, father was upset but over ruled and later joined us, we didn’t care what extended family thought, friends were irreligious( I was 22) so didn’t really matter to them.

I’m glad that your father came around!