Looking for advice (maybe just sympathy)

[carol_marie]

Oh leonie, you and are are cosmic twins. I could’ve written your post two years ago. BEGGED for another baby but DH flatly refused to consider it. We fought about it all the time… mostly me crying & begging… and him standing his ground.
As it turned out, God was on my side because when we LEAST expected it… he gave us our little AvaBava. I love that baby to bits… but gosh, she’s ALOT of work. Some of my husband’s reasons why we didn’t need another baby were sort of true … we don’t have alot of $ - our house is small - we’re getting old AND we’re tired. Rather than bugging your husband, maybe you could bug God… if He really wants you to have another baby, you will… despite your husband’s opinion. And yes, I think it’s totally normal to desire a baby. I will ALWAYS desire more babies…tired or not. I am certain when I’m 80 years old and I find out my granddaughter is expecting I’ll totally be like, “Darn! Wish I was too!”

OK - about the house. Our husbands are somewhat similar. My husband will start the remodel project… but it will be 10 messy dust filled years in the works. What do we do? I suppose try to keep our houses, even if they are small, in order so we’re not overtaken by all the “stuff” that comes with having a big family. When I’m feeling like poor old me in this little house an episode of Little House on the Prarie … espeically in the later years when they adopted two kids… ALL those kids in a small 3 room house - that makes me feel like if they could do it (and yes, it’s just a TV show… but still - based on reality) so can I. I think since we can’t change our husbands, or our living situations, all we can change is our attitude about it. I think Satan would LOVE us to spend our days all grumbly over what isn’t… We can’t let him steal our joy!

This is my life’s motto: Happiness isn’t getting what you want … it’s wanting what you’ve got.

I haven’t got that down yet… but I’m trying.

Here’s a ((HUG))… you have my sympathy.

 

[AmberDale]

I only have 2 kids and 1 husband (duh)… I’m not homeschooling (yet). But here is my advice.

You have 6 kids (wonderful!) they are all old enough to do chores. From what I’ve read, housework is school (it’s home economics). Have your children help you. you are not at this alone. Your children are old enough (even the preschoolers) to do housework.
Declutter, each day pick one thing you are going to get go through and get rid of. Try reading the Fly Lady book. It takes time but with less stuff the house doesn’t look so unkept.
Donate all unused items. If it’s “I might use this” but you haven’t used it in 2 years donate it. Don’t keep things you don’t need.
Clothes you’ll need for hand me downs, so get storage totes, label, put them in the garage (if you have one).
Proove to your husband you can keep the house clean and get the school done. It is possible.

If all 6 kids and yourself spend only 1/2 - 1 hour each day cleaning, sorting, donating. You will have clean house. And once you have gotten it all clean, then all that is required is tidying each day.

Just my .02

 

[Princess_Abby]

Well, I don’t really have any practical advice either, other then to take on the finances so you can at least be able to counter or agree with DH when he says affording it is not an option. Also work on decreasing the chaos or workload so that another baby sounds sweet and wonderful to him and not like a nightmare compounding an already difficult situation.

But, I just wanted to say I completely understand desiring a baby when it isn’t practical or feasible. Granted, I only have one, so I don’t know if it’s remotely comparable to you…but, another one right now would be life-threatening for me and not to mention financially out of control (we call Sophie our ‘half million dollar baby’ for a reason), but I want another one anyway. My hubby does, too, though, so it’s comforting to be able to talk to him about what we ‘want’ but can’t necessarily ‘have’ right now. I’ll pray for you!

Remember that desires, as long as they are godly, aren’t ‘wrong.’ There is nothing wrong with wanting another baby. It’s just what we do with those desires. I have started thinking about how much Mary must have loved Jesus and how she probably adored soothing him and feeding him and loving him as a little one. I let myself wonder if she ever felt pangs of wanting a tiny one again as He grew, and knowing she would only nurture one baby to adulthood. Obviously we don’t know with certainty that we won’t have another baby but you can still take that suffering of right now to His cross and share it with Him. Your husband must be a very loving and good daddy to have welcomed six children already, so…maybe with time and prayers from you, his heart will be softened once again.

 

[KCT]

It all comes down to prayer, doesn’t it?

Yes, it does! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve offered Mases, rosaries, holy hours etc for specific intentions. Looking back, I can see how God answered each time. Sometimes in the way I had hoped and sometimes in ways I never could have imagined. —KCT

 

[Giannawannabe]

Remember that desires, as long as they are godly, aren’t ‘wrong.’ There is nothing wrong with wanting another baby. It’s just what we do with those desires. I have started thinking about how much Mary must have loved Jesus and how she probably adored soothing him and feeding him and loving him as a little one. I let myself wonder if she ever felt pangs of wanting a tiny one again as He grew, and knowing she would only nurture one baby to adulthood. Obviously we don’t know with certainty that we won’t have another baby but you can still take that suffering of right now to His cross and share it with Him. Your husband must be a very loving and good daddy to have welcomed six children already, so…maybe with time and prayers from you, his heart will be softened once again.

This brought tears to my eyes. Most of you know that I am an adoptive mom of 3 children. I have wanted and desired more babies for all of my married life (20 years). It really is a natural desire for women to want more babies ( I know that there are exceptions out there!). Sometimes God says “no”. Sometimes circumstance of life say “no”. It is a real sacrifice to accept that “no”. Offer up that pain and frustration for your husband, your family, and your intentions.
I agree with others who say to de-clutter your home and make order out of the “chaos”. If DH comes home to chaos and a tired, frustrated wife, he won’t be that open to another child. When I homeschooled, I was that frustrated and tired wife. I didn’t do myself any favors in convincing DH that homeschooling was for our family! A PP said to include the kids in organizing and cleaning every day. That is a wonderful idea. When DH sees a well-organized, orderly home and a calm/happy wife, he may be more inclined to agree with another little one.

 

[Giannawannabe]

I just want to add that SOMETIMES husbands are right. So many times, early in our marriage, decisions were based only on my emotions/feelings. At some point, my dh took over with his “common sense” approach to things. I look back on some of the decisions that were made, and realize that I should have let dh have more (name removed by moderator)ut. I’ll bet your dh has your best interest at heart. He may be somewhat influenced by his family/co-workers, but my guess is that he sees how “overwhelmed”(in his eyes) you are, and thinks he should put his “foot down” on more kids.