L
LFA
Guest
First off I’d like to apologize if I am posting in the wrong area. I am new here and learning to navigate the forums. I’d also like to mention that I myself don’t believe I have earned the right to call myself Catholic, though do strongly believe I want to join the faith. I have recently come to an understanding with myself to embrace the Catholic Faith and Gods love. With that said my knowledge of the religion and of many things pertaining to it, is rather minute, so I don’t in any way mean to offend anyone. I am looking for answers to some important questions that I have and hoping that in this community I can find them. 
A few days ago, and I am not even sure how or why, I had this overwhelming sensation to embrace the belief that God does exist. Generally I would question myself on this, but for some reason at that time I had just accepted it and at that time everything seemed so clear to me. I believe as a child growing up, the hardships I went through caused me to push the thought of God away, this of course not exactly knowing what I believe I know now. I felt as though I was suffering and blamed God for that, so I didn’t want to believe God existed. I didn’t want to believe God wanted me to suffer, so I came to the quick, but apparently short lived (in terms of relevant time), conclusion that there was no God. However even throughout those years of doubt I always felt that there was a God, and now I believe I am ready to accept that God does exist. Though by accepting the belief there are concerns that I have.
I wasn’t raised Catholic, no religion for that matter. My mother and my father both claim that they are Catholic, my father more than my mother, though I have yet to see them really display any of the Catholic practices (that I know of). That being said I wasn’t baptized, from what I have read baptism is an important practice correct? I find that it has a rather beautiful meaning to it and was wondering, if I wanted to can I be baptized even though I am an adult (19 years old)? Through so many years I have sinned so many times, and feel undeserving of Gods love. Baptism seems it is a way for me to commit and show God that I truly am sorry for all I have done. Additionally in regards to baptism, **if I am in-fact able to be baptized as an adult, can it be a private? **I’m a rather shy person and generally try to avoid being in any form of “spot light”, so if it is at all possible all I would like to be there is my father, my mother, and the Priest. My mothers parents are no longer with us and I do not believe my fathers mother would attend even if asked.
For 19 years with no religion, and if I’m not mistaken it is after the age of 7 that we become individually responsible for our actions (correct me if I am wrong please), that’s between 12-19 years of sinning that I have not repented for and have continuously sinned (and this is probably almost every single day, not stretching the truth). How would I possibly ask for forgiveness for all I have done? What of the sins I have committed, but cannot remember? I just… really don’t know where I would begin, and the guilt I am feeling for all this is just very overwhelming. Since this all began there hasn’t been a night where I haven’t cried for all I’ve done.
This last thing, and it is my biggest concern. I’ve done things that would qualify me as gay. Though I’ve never actually engaged in sexual behavior with another man, but it still feels wrong to me now.
Since this all began I haven’t done anything sexual wise nor acted on temptation, though thoughts still come to me, but I do try to quickly push them out. Can I be forgiven for these sins in particular? Regardless of the answer I am going to do all I can to never act on these temptations again. I would welcome forgiveness, but in truth for what I have done (pushing God away, sinning, and sinning on this kind of level) I feel as though I’d never deserve it. No one in my family knows of this, it’s something I’ve always kept to myself. I do love my family and wish they would never find out about this, as most certainly some would push me away (not because of religious belief, just how they are). Chances are I’d still tell them, if I didn’t it would be the same as lying no? I would like to move away from all that, if at all possible forget I have ever done it, but I feel as though it’s something I’ll just have to always remember.
With the above information am I forbidden from joining the faith for what I have done? This may seem like a dumb question, but I sure wouldn’t want to show any disrespect for it by trying to join with my past history.
Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read, understand, and reply to my long post and questions. I will be truly grateful.
A few days ago, and I am not even sure how or why, I had this overwhelming sensation to embrace the belief that God does exist. Generally I would question myself on this, but for some reason at that time I had just accepted it and at that time everything seemed so clear to me. I believe as a child growing up, the hardships I went through caused me to push the thought of God away, this of course not exactly knowing what I believe I know now. I felt as though I was suffering and blamed God for that, so I didn’t want to believe God existed. I didn’t want to believe God wanted me to suffer, so I came to the quick, but apparently short lived (in terms of relevant time), conclusion that there was no God. However even throughout those years of doubt I always felt that there was a God, and now I believe I am ready to accept that God does exist. Though by accepting the belief there are concerns that I have.
I wasn’t raised Catholic, no religion for that matter. My mother and my father both claim that they are Catholic, my father more than my mother, though I have yet to see them really display any of the Catholic practices (that I know of). That being said I wasn’t baptized, from what I have read baptism is an important practice correct? I find that it has a rather beautiful meaning to it and was wondering, if I wanted to can I be baptized even though I am an adult (19 years old)? Through so many years I have sinned so many times, and feel undeserving of Gods love. Baptism seems it is a way for me to commit and show God that I truly am sorry for all I have done. Additionally in regards to baptism, **if I am in-fact able to be baptized as an adult, can it be a private? **I’m a rather shy person and generally try to avoid being in any form of “spot light”, so if it is at all possible all I would like to be there is my father, my mother, and the Priest. My mothers parents are no longer with us and I do not believe my fathers mother would attend even if asked.
For 19 years with no religion, and if I’m not mistaken it is after the age of 7 that we become individually responsible for our actions (correct me if I am wrong please), that’s between 12-19 years of sinning that I have not repented for and have continuously sinned (and this is probably almost every single day, not stretching the truth). How would I possibly ask for forgiveness for all I have done? What of the sins I have committed, but cannot remember? I just… really don’t know where I would begin, and the guilt I am feeling for all this is just very overwhelming. Since this all began there hasn’t been a night where I haven’t cried for all I’ve done.
This last thing, and it is my biggest concern. I’ve done things that would qualify me as gay. Though I’ve never actually engaged in sexual behavior with another man, but it still feels wrong to me now.
Since this all began I haven’t done anything sexual wise nor acted on temptation, though thoughts still come to me, but I do try to quickly push them out. Can I be forgiven for these sins in particular? Regardless of the answer I am going to do all I can to never act on these temptations again. I would welcome forgiveness, but in truth for what I have done (pushing God away, sinning, and sinning on this kind of level) I feel as though I’d never deserve it. No one in my family knows of this, it’s something I’ve always kept to myself. I do love my family and wish they would never find out about this, as most certainly some would push me away (not because of religious belief, just how they are). Chances are I’d still tell them, if I didn’t it would be the same as lying no? I would like to move away from all that, if at all possible forget I have ever done it, but I feel as though it’s something I’ll just have to always remember. With the above information am I forbidden from joining the faith for what I have done? This may seem like a dumb question, but I sure wouldn’t want to show any disrespect for it by trying to join with my past history.
Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read, understand, and reply to my long post and questions. I will be truly grateful.
