Looking for answers

[GVAZ1979]

Hello all,

I am new to this but feel the need to ask and hopefully get some more light at the end of my tunnel. I am 35 and have 3 daughters. I was married to my 2 older daughters father for almost 4 years. We divorced and the girls really don’t know him other than pics from our wedding and speaking to him on the phone once in a while. I was with my youngest daughters father for 8 years. He was cheating on me and I finally ended that relationship several months ago.

I am currently 7 weeks pregnant with my fourth child, not married, and don’t want to rush a marriage simply because I am pregnant. Yes, I know I may have made a bad decision but my problem now is my mother. She is a VERY devout Catholic and is continuously telling me that I should marry and that my soul will not be saved and that I (in the future) will be an embarrassment to my children, etc etc.

Any (name removed by moderator)ut from anyone will be greatly appreciated. How can I respond to her witout hurting her feelings? I am grown woman and she needs to respect that.

 

[aicirt]

The father of the youngest is the father of the baby you are carrying?

He was cheating on you and you threw him out. Your Mom wants you to marry him? You were with him for eight years. Was this a habitual thing or did he cheat only once?

Whether you marry him or not, he’ll probably be involved with his children. I suggest you yourself go to therapy and find out how you can make better choices. And he should do the same.

Is he even interested in marrying you?

 

[Xantippe]

Hello all,

I am new to this but feel the need to ask and hopefully get some more light at the end of my tunnel. I am 35 and have 3 daughters. I was married to my 2 older daughters father for almost 4 years. We divorced and the girls really don’t know him other than pics from our wedding and speaking to him on the phone once in a while. I was with my youngest daughters father for 8 years. He was cheating on me and I finally ended that relationship several months ago.

I am currently 7 weeks pregnant with my fourth child, not married, and don’t want to rush a marriage simply because I am pregnant. Yes, I know I may have made a bad decision but my problem now is my mother. She is a VERY devout Catholic and is continuously telling me that I should marry and that my soul will not be saved and that I (in the future) will be an embarrassment to my children, etc etc.

Any (name removed by moderator)ut from anyone will be greatly appreciated. How can I respond to her witout hurting her feelings? I am grown woman and she needs to respect that.

Talk to your pastor and then say something that starts, “My pastor says…”

 

[GVAZ1979]

aicirt

This baby is another man’s. Thanks for your (name removed by moderator)ut!!

 

[Graceful_Lamb]

It is going to be impossible to hide that the child that you are carrying is by someone else other than the previous two fathers of your children.

I don’t believe the Catholic church encourages two people to get married just because they are expecting a baby. I believe the Catholic church wants two people to get married of their own free will without any undue pressure (family, pregnancy, etc.).

In one way I get your mother’s thinking, but in another way I don’t. Is it going to be good if you get married because you are pregnant and if it doesn’t work out, then you may need to get a divorce? How is that better for your soul? Just my 2 cents.

 

[ahs]

Hello all,

I am new to this but feel the need to ask and hopefully get some more light at the end of my tunnel. I am 35 and have 3 daughters. I was married to my 2 older daughters father for almost 4 years. We divorced and the girls really don’t know him other than pics from our wedding and speaking to him on the phone once in a while. I was with my youngest daughters father for 8 years. He was cheating on me and I finally ended that relationship several months ago.

I am currently 7 weeks pregnant with my fourth child, not married, and don’t want to rush a marriage simply because I am pregnant. Yes, I know I may have made a bad decision but my problem now is my mother. She is a VERY devout Catholic and is continuously telling me that I should marry and that my soul will not be saved and that I (in the future) will be an embarrassment to my children, etc etc.

Any (name removed by moderator)ut from anyone will be greatly appreciated. How can I respond to her witout hurting her feelings? I am grown woman and she needs to respect that.

You are exactly correct. You should not rush a marriage just because you are pregnant. And if that were THE reason you were getting married, it’s a good bet it would be an invalid marriage. [Notice I said THE reason.]

With all due respect to your mother, she is not as devout as you may think if she is pressuring you into a marriage on the sole basis of pregnancy and is doing so out of concern of embarrassment. That is “thinking in the ways of man, not of God”.

First things first: if you are Catholic, or considering becoming Catholic, consider going through the annulment process to see if you are validly married to one of those other men. If you are, then do NOT marry again…because that would be adultery. Until you know for sure, you must assume you have a valid marriage.

If you are NOT Catholic, it would still be un-wise to marry a guy just because you are pregnant. Yes, people may judge you, your mother may be scandalized, you may get dirty looks…but you will also be able to find support from friends/family. Project Rachel can help here, I believe. See if there is a local one in your area.

 

[1ke]

We’ve all made mistakes in our lives. Don’t let your mother pressure you into making an additional one.

Confession is for sinners-- all of us are sinners. Go to Jesus with a sorrowful heart, and promise to make different choices in the future.

If, down the road, you find a good, solid Catholic man who will love you, your daughters, and the Church, and you have resolved your past behaviors/choices then you will be on the road to a solid foundation for marriage.

Worry about that LATER.