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Does anyone know of a good self help book to help one learn to accept others as they are?
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Morwenna
Guest
I’ve enjoyed and found helpful:
The Temperament God Gave you
The Five Love Languages
And finally, one that isn’t written from a religious standpoint, but I found it very insightful:
Please Understand Me: Character and Temperament Types
.
The Temperament God Gave you
The Five Love Languages
And finally, one that isn’t written from a religious standpoint, but I found it very insightful:
Please Understand Me: Character and Temperament Types
.
P
PaulfromIowa
Guest
The New Testament.
A
Auntie_A
Guest
This might seem New Agey but “Please Understand Me” is based on the classic idea of the Four Temperaments and is truly insightful into people and their differences, especially in one-to-one’s but also in groups. You are not pegged into any one type. It’s not the Enneagram. It’s about introvert/extrovert, intuitive/thinking, thinking/feeling, perceiving/judging and all of those possible combinations and how we rub up against others. It certainly has explained issues in my very large family.
A
acleator
Guest
I recommend Father Jonathon Morris’ two books:
**
God Wants You Happy
The Promise: God’s Purpose and Plan for When Life Hurts**
Both excellent!!
**
God Wants You Happy
The Promise: God’s Purpose and Plan for When Life Hurts**
Both excellent!!
E
EasterJoy
Guest
I like “Co-Dependent No More”. It has a lot of good thoughts on letting your business be your business and letting other people’s business be their business–even other people in your own family!–which starts with knowing which one is which. A lot of accepting other people as they are, after all, lies in accepting that it really isn’t your business to decide how they “ought to be” in the first place, and it certainly isn’t in your control to get them there!
E
Eliza10
Guest
These are all good books.
My thought is in Morwenna’s direction with Temperaments. It really helps when you see that others have completely different motivations and ways of approaching life than you. Different things will annoy them. For example, maybe your personality! No offense. We all annoy some! Just by being simply ourselves we annoy them!
The Temperaments and the Briggs-Meyers 16 types are very interesting and have helped much but last year I stumbled on something that was extremely useful in understanding all the people in my life. The Russian form of Briggs-Meyers is Socionics. Its based on Jung’s 4 temperaments. Only they took it much further and its studied far more extensively - and I mean very, very thorough large studies and many researchers putting their life’s scholarly work into this - and not only discuss the 16 temperaments (basically the same as the Briggs-Meyers) but each of these temperaments have a different kind of relationship with each of the other 16 types. It was the relationhip types (in relatin to the 16 personality types) that I find particularly fascinating.
So you have an “Identical” relationship with your same type, and a “Conflicting” with your total opposite type and then 14 other differnt types of relationships, and some of them make for difficult relations and others much better.
It helped me so much to understand the relations in my life.
It also helped me so much to accept others for how they are. It also made me realize that some people have great marriages not because they are so exceptional but they happened to be with one of the easier relationship types for them. Some very good people marry Conflictors or Supervisors/Supervisees and have much unhappiness, despite huge concerted efforts.
It helped me see why some relationships were so difficult. And it helped me see why I fell so hard for someone who came into my life. It made no sense as I was not looking for anyone; I really want to be content alone. And there are obstacles, particularly financial. But it seemed God drew us and then I learned about Socionics and found we sort of hit the personality-jackpot: we are “Duals”, which could not be more perfect, and explains also why we were so drawn, why we feel such peace in each other’s presence, and all sorts of things.
Anyway, if you like learning this sort of thing there is much on the Internet. Beware that you can stumble upon bad translations from the Russian in some of the articles (that are too difficult to read, but that’s only some). But there are many articles and websites. Wikisocion for one. The 16types website has many excellent articles. Don’t overlook “Model A” - it explains a lot. It really is fascinating and informative.
You will become more charitable, too, when you realize that everyone has a certain amount of types of people of the 16 who will find them very dull or very annoying! It explains my theory developed as a teen that “Some people are just born into the wrong families”. It seemed to me that some unhappy people, if they were just in a different type of family, they woudl be appreciated for who they are and they would have blossomed. Well, now I see its true. Some of us are born into families that are just blind to our gifts, or find them a negative.
(However, God can make all things new and those in this situation can develop true compassion and there many other are “goods” God can make of our “bads” if we let Him.)
So that relative or parent or perhaps spouse that you are always at odds with might be your Conflictor or Supervisor (or Supervisee, if you find them terribly annoying!). There is advice for getting along with all the difficult relationship types, and for Conflictor, one is giving each other lots of space. I realized as I read that some marriages just require more grace. One researcher said: “Marry your Dual and be happy, marry your Conflictor and become a philosopher!” I thought that was a nice way to look at it. As a Catholic, the prescription would be to make heavy use of the Sacraments!
My thought is in Morwenna’s direction with Temperaments. It really helps when you see that others have completely different motivations and ways of approaching life than you. Different things will annoy them. For example, maybe your personality! No offense. We all annoy some! Just by being simply ourselves we annoy them!
The Temperaments and the Briggs-Meyers 16 types are very interesting and have helped much but last year I stumbled on something that was extremely useful in understanding all the people in my life. The Russian form of Briggs-Meyers is Socionics. Its based on Jung’s 4 temperaments. Only they took it much further and its studied far more extensively - and I mean very, very thorough large studies and many researchers putting their life’s scholarly work into this - and not only discuss the 16 temperaments (basically the same as the Briggs-Meyers) but each of these temperaments have a different kind of relationship with each of the other 16 types. It was the relationhip types (in relatin to the 16 personality types) that I find particularly fascinating.
So you have an “Identical” relationship with your same type, and a “Conflicting” with your total opposite type and then 14 other differnt types of relationships, and some of them make for difficult relations and others much better.
It helped me so much to understand the relations in my life.
It also helped me so much to accept others for how they are. It also made me realize that some people have great marriages not because they are so exceptional but they happened to be with one of the easier relationship types for them. Some very good people marry Conflictors or Supervisors/Supervisees and have much unhappiness, despite huge concerted efforts.
It helped me see why some relationships were so difficult. And it helped me see why I fell so hard for someone who came into my life. It made no sense as I was not looking for anyone; I really want to be content alone. And there are obstacles, particularly financial. But it seemed God drew us and then I learned about Socionics and found we sort of hit the personality-jackpot: we are “Duals”, which could not be more perfect, and explains also why we were so drawn, why we feel such peace in each other’s presence, and all sorts of things.
Anyway, if you like learning this sort of thing there is much on the Internet. Beware that you can stumble upon bad translations from the Russian in some of the articles (that are too difficult to read, but that’s only some). But there are many articles and websites. Wikisocion for one. The 16types website has many excellent articles. Don’t overlook “Model A” - it explains a lot. It really is fascinating and informative.
You will become more charitable, too, when you realize that everyone has a certain amount of types of people of the 16 who will find them very dull or very annoying! It explains my theory developed as a teen that “Some people are just born into the wrong families”. It seemed to me that some unhappy people, if they were just in a different type of family, they woudl be appreciated for who they are and they would have blossomed. Well, now I see its true. Some of us are born into families that are just blind to our gifts, or find them a negative.
(However, God can make all things new and those in this situation can develop true compassion and there many other are “goods” God can make of our “bads” if we let Him.)
So that relative or parent or perhaps spouse that you are always at odds with might be your Conflictor or Supervisor (or Supervisee, if you find them terribly annoying!). There is advice for getting along with all the difficult relationship types, and for Conflictor, one is giving each other lots of space. I realized as I read that some marriages just require more grace. One researcher said: “Marry your Dual and be happy, marry your Conflictor and become a philosopher!” I thought that was a nice way to look at it. As a Catholic, the prescription would be to make heavy use of the Sacraments!
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