Looking for ideas to get Husband more involved

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Traci75

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Little background: I’m a cradle Catholic that fell away from the faith during college and really started to return when we had our first daughter 7 years ago. My husband was raised Protestant. He wouldn’t convert when we got married, but agreed to convert about 5 years ago before he deployed to Iraq the first time. He didn’t go through RCIA, our priest at the time went through some information with him, had him do a confession and then confirmed him.

My problem is that while I can usually get him to go to Mass with the family on Sunday, I can’t get him to be involved in anything else. He thinks he’s good because we send our daughter to Catholic grade school and that I help with CCD classes.

He doesn’t understand the importance of confession, doesn’t understand the beauty and peace you get from the Rosary, and doesn’t want to talk about church.

Being Catholic has come to be a very important part of my life. I’m trying to keep growing in my faith, but feeling kind of stagnant right now without him growing with me. I’ve tried to talk to him about it, tried to get him to go see our priest, even asked if he would go to a weekend couples’ retreat with me.

Nothing seems to be getting through.

Help! Any ideas. I would love to have our family do more faith-based activities together, especially a daily praying of the Rosary.
 
I suggest trying to convince him to go to RCIA. It’s not just for converts you know. Tell him it’s a bit like adult religious education and that it would mean a lot if he’d go and keep an open mind and heart. If he does that, I’d think that the RCIA courses would educate him enough that he would be willing to do more, especially if you do it together.
 
One thing you can try is to start something small for Lent. Often people are willing to do something extra for Lent, because it’s temporary and less threatening. Also, you could tell him that it’s ok to ADD something like this for lent IN PLACE OF giving something up. Maybe he would agree to a Lenten resolution to pray a decade of the rosary at night as a family. You could do it just Monday through friday, and this way, get one set of mysteries done each week. Only would take about 5 minutes, so it is pretty easy.
 
Is it possible for you two to take a religious ed class together? My husband went with me when I was going through RCIA (even though he was a cradle catholic) and it really sparked his faith.
 
If he’s a “manly” type, could you talk him into volunteering when there’s a need at church to set up or take down chairs? Or help with packing food for the hungry? Or help with coffee/donuts, or something like that? Then, he can get involved and meet some people.
 
i have the same problem with my husband. keep praying that the holy spirit will inspire him. in my case, trying to force things like retreats and daily rosary do not work. what i do is i go ahead with my rosary and always ask him to join if he wants. always leave the door open for him but never argue or try to force religion, IT DOESN’T WORK. lead by example and keep praying. he’ll get there eventually.
 
I think a couple things can get guys “involved”:
  1. Get him to pray with the kids. If you don’t have kids, get him to pray with you. It is a “baby” step and uncomfortable for MANY people to do outloud, but once a person clears that hurdle it seems like other things arent “so bad.”
  2. Find another husband or man in the parish like him. This isn’t always easy, a lot of the men that are “on fire” with their faith aren’t always similar to the men that arent involved. I do know though, that men like your husband are out there and strong in your faith, but it is finding them.
  3. Talk to your priest and suggest that the parish do something MANLY. Maybe a charity poker tourney, horseshoe tourney, 3 on 3 basketball, golf outing etc… I attended a church once where the priest signed up in a foursome with 3 “absent” husband and 2 out of the 3 of them hit it off so well the priest and those 2 golf weekly.
It is thinking outside the box. Spiritual immersion works for some and not others. Sometimes you have to build the faith brick by brick and not wall by wall. Fr. Corapi said that when he first was converting he only said the Hail Mary once a day so as to not become FANATICAL. Some men need the slow process, and in the end it is better for them.

Also, just talking about it with him. Answering questions is a BIG thing for guys. As a guy I know that I dont like “not knowing” things. So when I am exposed and intimidated by something, I feel that I appear WEAK and dont want to do it. So talking with him, and having him learn the faith in a comfortable situation (jumping into an RCIA class seems like the LAST thing some men would want to do) is a good idea. If you can help him learn some things, he will understand things and feel more comfortable.
 
Traci75 said:
Help! Any ideas. I would love to have our family do more faith-based activities together, especially a daily praying of the Rosary.
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The Rosary is not for everyone. I personally found the Rosary to be horribly boring, and every time I prayed it I simply counted the number of cycles left to go before it would end.

Why don’t you look for faith-based activities that would be more in sync with your husband’s personality. How about volunteering together, maybe find an organization that builds houses for the poor?

Does your husband enjoy reading? Maybe read an interesting book about the Church with him.
 
Maybe suggest the Knights of Columbus? It would allow him to interact with other Catholic men who would be a good influence on him.
 
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