Looking for Perspective on Young Catholics and Sexuality

[keebler22]

I consider myself a pretty good catholic, but there’s been one teaching of the Church that I’ve never really been able to reconcile with experiential knowledge, and that is on the topic of sex. I know that the Church’s teachings explicitly and expressly forbid any type of sexual relations outside of marriage. I fully understand the apologetic arguments behind the rule, but cannot help but feel that the dirty secret about sex is that its not that dirty after all, even in a premarital context.

Furthermore, I don’t know if its a reasonable in some situations to request people to wait until they are married to fulfill such a fundamental need. Seeing as people start to feel that they need sex at [around] the age of 16, and many people are not societally ready to be married until their mid twenties (because of career or fiduciary reasons, for example), there is a gap of a few years that arises that is all to often filled with regret and guilt. It just seems that psychological readiness and need is diverging from the readiness to be married as a result of the demands on modern young people.

I also realize that I might just be suffering from disillusionment, coming from a “sheltered” Catholic family to a large public university. All the girls I’ve dated simply don’t seem to understand where I’m coming from with my ideas on the matter, and neither do a lot of people who I’ve talked to about the subject.

There are my thoughts on the subject, and would like your reactions and perspectives on the matter. When I was back in high school, I was made to attend quite a few chastity conferences, and have a good grasp on the dogmatic teachings and even the suggested strategies to live with the teachings, so repeating all of that might not be what I’m looking for . Really, I agree with the Church’s doctorines, and would like to live them, but need some way to rectify the doctorines with actual life.

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

I consider myself a pretty good catholic, but there’s been one teaching of the Church that I’ve never really been able to reconcile with experiential knowledge, and that is on the topic of sex.

There are many Catholics who struggle with this teaching, both single and married! So know that you are not alone.

I know that the Church’s teachings explicitly and expressly forbid any type of sexual relations outside of marriage. I fully understand the apologetic arguments behind the rule, but cannot help but feel that the dirty secret about sex is that its not that dirty after all, even in a premarital context.
**
Try looking at it a bit differently (you did want perspective, right?)… see it as sex is FOR marriage, an integral part of marriage, and within marriage serves God. So to take something that was created for marriage and to use it outside of marriage takes away it’s fundamental purpose (to unite spouses and to procreate). Sex’s fundamental purpose has absolutely nothing to do with quelling our raging hormones

**

**
I don’t have time to post more right now but I have a feeling you are going to get a lot of help on this thread. Like I said, many people struggle with the teachings on sex and many have come to understand them…so can you:thumbsup:**

 

[jmcrae]

I consider myself a pretty good catholic, but there’s been one teaching of the Church that I’ve never really been able to reconcile with experiential knowledge, and that is on the topic of sex. I know that the Church’s teachings explicitly and expressly forbid any type of sexual relations outside of marriage. I fully understand the apologetic arguments behind the rule, but cannot help but feel that the dirty secret about sex is that its not that dirty after all, even in a premarital context.

Furthermore, I don’t know if its a reasonable in some situations to request people to wait until they are married to fulfill such a fundamental need. Seeing as people start to feel that they need sex at [around] the age of 16, and many people are not societally ready to be married until their mid twenties (because of career or fiduciary reasons, for example), there is a gap of a few years that arises that is all to often filled with regret and guilt. It just seems that psychological readiness and need is diverging from the readiness to be married as a result of the demands on modern young people.

I also realize that I might just be suffering from disillusionment, coming from a “sheltered” Catholic family to a large public university. All the girls I’ve dated simply don’t seem to understand where I’m coming from with my ideas on the matter, and neither do a lot of people who I’ve talked to about the subject.

There are my thoughts on the subject, and would like your reactions and perspectives on the matter. When I was back in high school, I was made to attend quite a few chastity conferences, and have a good grasp on the dogmatic teachings and even the suggested strategies to live with the teachings, so repeating all of that might not be what I’m looking for . Really, I agree with the Church’s doctorines, and would like to live them, but need some way to rectify the doctorines with actual life.

In Vanilla Sky, there is a line that has always stuck with me - “Sex is a promise that you make with your body - it’s a forever promise.” And when the bond ceases, the instinctive animal response is to want to kill the breaker of the promise, to prevent him or her from reproducing with anyone else - this tidbit of biological fact is the premise of the Vanilla Sky story.

Solomon was aware of this fact when he was writing the Book of Proverbs; he writes about vengeful women, because he was writing with male readers in mind, but males are equally vengeful when an extra-marital sexual relationship has to come to an end for whatever reason.

Human biology is unlike animal biology in that not only do we have sex to procreate, we also have sex to make a permanent bond with our sex partner. But, if we can’t fulfill that “forever” promise with the bond of permanent marriage, then we break the promise that our body has made, and become unfulfilled and unhappy in our sex life (including later married life) - as well as leaving behind a trail of unhappy partners who are fantasizing about killing us.

By having premarital sex, we are not only putting other people into harm’s way emotionally, we’re also damaging our own ability to have a happy marriage later on in life, as well. It’s not just the cliched problem of calling out the wrong name at the moment of orgasm (although Heaven knows you’d want to avoid any behaviour that leads to that, as well; it’s rather icy in the dog house, at times); it’s a problem of emotional and physical bonding that simply doesn’t go away.

 

[1ke]

I fully understand the apologetic arguments behind the rule, but cannot help but feel that the dirty secret about sex is that its not that dirty after all, even in a premarital context.

The Catholic Church does not teach that sex is “dirty” and so despite your pronouncement that you know all the dogmatic teachings, it seems you missed a big one.

Sex, like everything else God created, is good. It is good when it fulfills its purpose within God’s creation. It is not good when it is misused.

Furthermore, I don’t know if its a reasonable in some situations to request people to wait until they are married to fulfill such a fundamental need.

Sex is not a fundamental need.

And, it is always reasonable to obey God’s law. God contains every attribute in perfection-- including reasonableness.

there is a gap of a few years that arises that is all to often filled with regret and guilt.

Only when one fails to exercise virtue.

I also realize that I might just be suffering from disillusionment, coming from a “sheltered” Catholic family to a large public university. All the girls I’ve dated simply don’t seem to understand where I’m coming from with my ideas on the matter, and neither do a lot of people who I’ve talked to about the subject.

Yes, it is problematic when one begins to interact with those who have not been properly formed in the faith and morals. Do you try to meet women who are attending Mass and involved in Catholic ministry? That is where you are likely to find women who share your faith and morals.

There are my thoughts on the subject, and would like your reactions and perspectives on the matter.

My thoughts on the matter are that the culture can cloud your mind. It is very tempting to view that which is evil as “not so bad” or even “good”. But, God tells us he has set before us two ways-- the way of life and the way of death. (Read Deuteronomy Ch 30). It is up to us to choose the good-- to exercise our will in virtue.

Really, I agree with the Church’s doctorines, and would like to live them, but need some way to rectify the doctorines with actual life.

There is nothing to rectify. There will always be those who call good evil and evil good. You must listen to the voice of God-- through his servants, the Magesterium-- to make sure you are forming your conscience correctly and seeking always God’s will and obeying God’s law.

God created sex good. The purpose of sexual relations is the begetting of new life and the unity of the married couple. Outside of marriage, sexual intercourse does not even make sense.

There isn’t anything to “rectify” or “justify” regarding what the Church teaches. The culture around us is simply wrong in what it teaches and what it does.

 

[flatlanderjenn]

Furthermore, I don’t know if its a reasonable in some situations to request people to wait until they are married to fulfill such a fundamental need. Seeing as people start to feel that they need sex at [around] the age of 16, and many people are not societally ready to be married until their mid twenties (because of career or fiduciary reasons, for example), there is a gap of a few years that arises that is all to often filled with regret and guilt. It just seems that psychological readiness and need is diverging from the readiness to be married as a result of the demands on modern young people.

This really stuck out to me because it seems to be a common argument I hear so often, but it’s based on opinion, not fact. With permission, I’d like to quote some of Chapter 1 from an incredibly awesome book called Sexual Wisdom by Richard Wetzel.

The misconception that people have specific, genital, sexual needs is based upon the fact that people like to have sex. People really like to have sex because genital sexual intercourse is arguably the most intense physical pleasure one can experience. There are, however, other things besides physical pleasure that we should consider. Imagine two people at a table on which sits a delicious-looking cholocate-fudge brownie. Now imagine the same situation, except that the brownie has been replaced by a stalk of broccoli. Since the first case involves a treat, it is likely to lead to one person taking advantage of the other. How desireable and convenient it would be if one person can convince the other that he or she has a need for that brownie, so as to get more than one’s fair share. It would be even better to convice oneself of this need in order to avoid any feeling of guilt for making off with the brownie.

Rationalizing “needs” gives people an excuse to take advantage of others. Highly enjoyable activities like sex, and eating brownies, encourage the development of such rationalizations. This “needs” misconception, in turn, promotes tolerance of abusive attitutes and sexual practices in our society. It asserts that men, in particular, need to climax, need to fulfill fantasies, or need to have sex with a certain frequency, or in a certain position. It’s as if men are addicts, in need of a sexual “fix”. According to popular wisdom, “boys will be boys,” men cannot control themselves (“they are animals”), and men must relieve themselves of sexual tension. A man sees a beautiful woman and thinks “I must have her.” It’s as if his genitals will fall off or wither away if they are not put to regular use (an event conspicuously absent from recorded history).

Other biological needs, such as those for food and sleep, can be deferred temporarily, but then recur more strongly. Genital sexual impulses, however, do not fullow any such pattern, and can be deferred indefinitely. Frustrations that arise from unrelieved sexual desires may escalate temporarily, but if relief remains unobtainable, they eventually dissipate.

Sexual intercourse relieves sexual tension (an obvious benefit) but there is no documented requirement for such relief. No serious untoward consequence are associated with sexual abstinence. No one as ever died from it. It does not lead to any disease or even any psychiatric disorders. In fact, just the opposite is true. Sexual abstinence is used to treat some phychosexual disorders.

While all people have sexual urges, which may at times be powerful, they are distint from life-sustaining needs for food, water and sleep. There is no boilogical necessity to climax. Not even nocturnal emissions are evidence for a biological need to ejaculate. These culminate not only intense sexual dreams, but also violent or otherwise stressful dreams - dreams which include no sexual imagery at all.

I left out several paragraphs from Chapter 1, but above was basically the author’s point. It’s a really great book, and in many cases the author is blunt, and makes his point clearly. It is packed with common sense, and might help you sort things out. It really helped me and my husband.

 

[Ruthie]

I like what Jenn posted.

I’m obese. I basically eat what I want, when I want, which is from lack of temperance, one of the 7 cardinal virtues. Worse, I don’t stop until it’s gone, a phenomenon I call “automatic eating.” That’s because I lack another virtue, self-control.

My lack of temperance and self-control shows on my body. It makes it hard for me to get around. It keeps me from doing things I want to do, like riding horseback.

Sexually, lack of temperance leads to sex before marriage. Lack of self-control leads to multiple partners and/or the “m” word.

It may not show on your body, but it will show on your soul.

Continence before marriage enables you to give a great gift to your spouse. Many of us who gave that away can tell you how much it would have meant to give it to the *right *person.

Lack of self-control can lead in two directions. Both multiple partners and the “m” word lead to selfishness in sex, which is meant to be a glorious giving of oneself to one’s spouse. If you have developed the habit of thinking only of yourself, of your own orgasm, during sex, that will carry over into your marriage, and you will disappoint your spouse. Also, multiple partners means you risk STDs, some of which are incurable, and one of which is fatal. Do you want to put your future spouse at risk? And your children?

As for premarital sex when you’re engaged - don’t do it. I can tell you from experience that (if you’ve been sleeping with her) the night of your wedding, which is supposed to be so wonderful, will be just another sexual episode and no big deal. Plus many here can give you the statistics on the percentages - people that wait tend to stay married a lot longer than those who don’t. I think it has to do with making sacrifices for each other. If you care so little for her soul (and she for yours) that you’re willing to lead her into grave sin…

In spite of what this sex-obsessed culture is telling you, it really isn’t that big a deal to “keep it zipped.”

God bless you,

Ruthie

 

[Harmony1988]

Look at the bigger picture, the sex drive is there not to cater to the relatively few people in western civilization (as opposed to the third world) who get married in the mid-twenties to thirties usually, to make them toil in their teenage years, but because throughout history people got married at younger ages, considering the low life expectancy throughout history.

Consider people in the third world, they get married as young as 14 at times, people in the western world are not ready for that, families are started early there because it makes sense to do so at an early age, they are also more mentally able to cope with it. Not so in the western world, it’s literally ‘worlds apart’. Nowadays teenagers in the western world have to battle a different battle before getting into that marital phase, this includes pornography, drugs, all kinds of distractions, psychologically unhealthy lifestyles, many of these things aren’t existent in third world countries, where their battles are of a different nature.

I disagree with your point on the psychology of the teenagers, if anything, very few teenagers embrace waiting for marriage for sex, and therefore it seems these psychological and emotinal problems come due to pre-marital sex and that lifestyle.

I fully understand the apologetic arguments behind the rule, but cannot help but feel that the dirty secret about sex is that its not that dirty after all, even in a premarital context.

Sex isn’t “dirty” in a premarital context either…but it does make it all the more beautiful having waited for it until marriage.

Good discussion.

 

[thomfra]

In Vanilla Sky,Human biology… ]we also have sex to make a permanent bond with our sex partner

Eh…do you have a scientific basis for this?

 

[manualman]

Scientific? No. Science is great at explaining What, Where, When and How. It is lousy at explaining Why and What does it mean.

Scripture and Tradition both speak very clearly of the union of bodies being an outward manifestation of the inward union of souls. When it is used in a transitory fashion just for lust, the very capacity for it to serve as a union of souls is damaged.

The definition of sin is, after all, an action that damages a person’s ability to give and receive love. The lists of sins are just for convenience and instruction.

 

[puzzleannie]

I consider myself a pretty good catholic, but there’s been one teaching of the Church that I’ve never really been able to reconcile with experiential knowledge, and that is on the topic of sex. I know that the Church’s teachings explicitly and expressly forbid any type of sexual relations outside of marriage. I fully understand the apologetic arguments behind the rule, but cannot help but feel that the dirty secret about sex is that its not that dirty after all, even in a premarital context.
.

I think this mistaken thinking is the root of your dilemma. Since the teaching that sex belongs in marriage, and only in marriage, is based on the fact that sex is a good, NOT that it is dirty, the rest of your argument is obviously flawed since your premise is flawed. Sex is a good when it is used by the people to whom God has given this gift–those who are married–and for the purpose with which He has endowed it–for procreation, union and pleasure. It never becomes an objective evil, but its use be people to whom it has not been given by God, for purposes he does not intend, make a subjectively evil situation.

 

[KayFrisco]

First of all, I’m sorry you had the impression that the church thinks sex is dirty – even outside of marriage. Some people say and do things that imply that, but someone wronged you to give you that impression.

“psychological readiness and need”. I don’t think “urge” or “desire” necessarily mean that we are entitled to have our wishes fed. Certainly, a person’s mindset and commitment on the matter will affect whether they learn healthy ways to channel their sexuality while saving sex for marriage, or whether they will choose to let the urges build and become their god or take over their personal commitment, etc.

“girls I’ve dated simply don’t seem to understand where I’m coming from … neither do a lot of people” Your choice or your commitment regarding sex comes from your own relationship with God and commitment you have made to Him and to yourself. Another person’s understanding is beside the point, if this is your conviction and belief. The church teaches us God’s ways, but you don’t find your strength and conviction by keeping those ways strictly for the church’s sake… it’s for your own. If you hunger to know more behind God’s ways, and to experience a deeper understanding for his teachings, then seek Him about it. It most likely will not happen overnight, and you may not love every step of the process, but He promises that you will find Him if you seek Him.

“I agree with the Church’s doctrines, and would like to live them” In this case, then you will only find your answer within your own heart and your relationship with Christ. You know everything you need to know on a mental level, but to find that commitment -that REASON- in your soul in order to maintain it… that’s only established between you and God. There is nothing we can say to make that magically happen. Maybe other people can help you in that journey, but we can’t give you THE answer that will settle this in your own spirit.

It kind of cracked me up to hear the premise that former partners “fantasize about wanting to kill us” because when I’d only read your post, I was thinking of saying that at times in my early life I felt the “psychological readiness and need” to commit murder (not because of sex because I personally felt I had all the reasons in the world –in addition to the church’s teachings- to wait for marriage). But none of us condone following through with murder for any reason, so obviously we are obligated to control our human urges in many instances – no matter what kind of frustration it causes.

I admire your search for answers and a deeper understanding of this calling! I’m certain you can find the answers and certainty you seek.

 

[Island_Oak]

In Vanilla Sky, there is a line that has always stuck with me - “Sex is a promise that you make with your body - it’s a forever promise.” And when the bond ceases, the instinctive animal response is to want to kill the breaker of the promise, to prevent him or her from reproducing with anyone else - this tidbit of biological fact is the premise of the Vanilla Sky story.

Solomon was aware of this fact when he was writing the Book of Proverbs; he writes about vengeful women, because he was writing with male readers in mind, but males are equally vengeful when an extra-marital sexual relationship has to come to an end for whatever reason.

Human biology is unlike animal biology in that not only do we have sex to procreate, we also have sex to make a permanent bond with our sex partner. But, if we can’t fulfill that “forever” promise with the bond of permanent marriage, then we break the promise that our body has made, and become unfulfilled and unhappy in our sex life (including later married life) - as well as leaving behind a trail of unhappy partners who are fantasizing about killing us.

By having premarital sex, we are not only putting other people into harm’s way emotionally, we’re also damaging our own ability to have a happy marriage later on in life, as well. It’s not just the cliched problem of calling out the wrong name at the moment of orgasm (although Heaven knows you’d want to avoid any behaviour that leads to that, as well; it’s rather icy in the dog house, at times); it’s a problem of emotional and physical bonding that simply doesn’t go away.

Well…that’s quite a theory…vengeful, murderous ex-lovers populating the landscape…tormented emotions…failed marital bonds…EXCEPT that far too many of us KNOW that these “facts” simply aren’t true.

Just to be clear, I am not advocating anything in contravention of the Church’s teachings. Quite to the contrary, I think they embody solid, valid and hard-won wisdom and offer much to aspire to. However, the challenge–to convincing the masses that this is THE path–is that the counter-point to not following the rightous path is not as bleak or devastating as suggested in the post quoted above.

It used to be shameful, frightening and unappealing to be sexually active before marriage. Nowadays…it’s idealized. Many who consider themsleves moral have fallen short of the straight and narrow along the path to marriage. We have had love lives prior to wedding our “forever” partner. Some here married, but found it lasted much shorter than forever.

While I know there are some scorned lovers who want to kill, the vast majority do not. Some folks have no trouble whatsoever with sexuality practiced for sake of gratification without EVER entertaining thoughts of forever. They don’t kill, they aren’t wracked with regrets or guilt, do eventually marry and live very peaceful, satisfying lives.

Perhaps what we need is a new marketing strategy. Perhaps even rethink the extreme fire and brimstone approach to sexuality. By all means elevate the humanity, the sprituality, the uniqueness, the intimacy of marital love. But don’t mislead, deceive, and expect to convince.

The love found in a Catholic marriage entered into with virginity intact IS special and different. Let’s celebrate that…offer it as an aspirational choice, much as other lifestyle options that require sacrifice–like the pursuit of a higher education, saving vs. spending, dieting vs. gluttony, etc.–but do so by refocusing, not misleading. We have to acknowledge that people are giving something up–and it’s not damnation–it’s pleasure, it’s gratification, it’s the easy, comfortable path, it’s social acceptance, it’s popularity. We need to make the case that the benefits and blessings are worth the sacrifice of a conventional sex life, if you will, because a conventional sex life has a real appeal and offers tangible rewards.

Anyone get my point?

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

Scientific? No. Science is great at explaining What, Where, When and How. It is lousy at explaining Why and What does it mean.

Scripture and Tradition both speak very clearly of the union of bodies being an outward manifestation of the inward union of souls. When it is used in a transitory fashion just for lust, the very capacity for it to serve as a union of souls is damaged.

The definition of sin is, after all, an action that damages a person’s ability to give and receive love. The lists of sins are just for convenience and instruction.

**Actually there IS scientific evidence on the bond created between two people during sex…hopefully someone else will be able to find references because I am not having any luck in limited time right now.

From what I recall, the bond is created by chemicals (much like a breastfeeding mom and baby) which creates a psychological connection between the two.

Many married couples have personal testimony as to how having previous sexual relationships hurt their marriage…**

 

[Angels_Unaware]

I am glad you posted this, because to me it is the epitome of what is destroying the foundation of the family in our culture today.

Your first premise is that sex is a fundamental biological need that can be engaged in without permanent commitment without consequence.

Your second premise is that there is a period of time between the late teens and the mid-twenties where people are emotionally mature enough to engage in sex, but not emotionally mature enough to marry. Untrue.

If a person is “ready” to have sex, then they are ready to get married, because the sexual act itself makes two one flesh. That bond should never be broken.

Your problem is that you are seeing this through the distorted lens of our culture. The vast majority of people believe that it is acceptable to separate sex and marriage. It is not.

 

[KayFrisco]

Island Oak: Yes, I get your point. I agree that it best to use truth when promoting virginity until marriage. I feel the false information I was given (deceit, if you will) could have been very destructive, especially if my choice was based strictly on the teachings. God does not need us to twist the truth in an effort to help Him be God.

This is one reason why I can never use a church-based source as “proof”. I must find that author’s source(s), whether scripture, research literature, etc. I have already learned that they will abuse my trust in their word and interpretations of original sources.

I 100% believe that saving sex for marriage is the way to go! I just think God has plenty of good reasons even if they get mixed up with and confused with false teachings.

With all the good reasons, it seems a shame to focus the thread on what’s false… but I guess we owe it to the OP.

 

[thomfra]

**Actually there IS scientific evidence on the bond created between two people during sex…hopefully someone else will be able to find references because I am not having any luck in limited time right now

Many married couples have personal testimony as to how having previous sexual relationships hurt their marriage…**

Yes, but the evidence you find certainly won’t say that the people have to be married to create this bond.

And many happily married couples will say that having sex (with others) before they married has had a neutral or positive effect. The point (that I belive the OP is trying to makes) is that if you go around saying “have sex before marriage you will have problems” is pointless. I should think that the focus should be on

1. Morals - the church says this is how it should be.
2. Life will be even better if you wait until you are married (i.e the marketing bit the OP was talking about)

As for the poster that sighted the 0.01% divorce rate amongst people who “trully live” the catholic faith or whatever was written…well…that is an obvioulsy pointless statistic (for obvious reasons).

NB. I personally don’t agree with either point 1 or 2.

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

Yes, but the evidence you find certainly won’t say that the people have to be married to create this bond.

**
Obviously. If a chemical bond is taking place it makes no difference of the couple’s marital status.

And of course there will be married couples who have engaged in premarital sex with other partners who claim no effect or even a positive one…but they have nothing to compare it to. It’s completely subjective and is probably a whole lot of denial and self-convincing:shrug:**

And once someone learns of the true value of sex within a marriage it would be impossible to say that the other sex they had with other people was a good thing or has no effect. But the understanding has to come first.

 

[thomfra]

**
Obviously. If a chemical bond is taking place it makes no difference of the couple’s marital status.

And of course there will be married couples who have engaged in premarital sex with other partners who claim no effect or even a positive one…but they have nothing to compare it to. It’s completely subjective and is probably a whole lot of denial and self-convincing:shrug:**

And once someone learns of the true value of sex within a marriage it would be impossible to say that the other sex they had with other people was a good thing or has no effect. But the understanding has to come first.

People who waited to have sex until after they are married have nothing to compare to either. It’s also completely subjective.

 

[Dtmccameron]

Furthermore, I don’t know if its a reasonable in some situations to request people to wait until they are married to fulfill such a fundamental need. Seeing as people start to feel that they **need sex **at [around] the age of 16, a

.

Need, need, need! What a needy person you are! Gah! You anger me! I feel like mocking you! But I shant. Or maybe I shall!

“Fundamental need” Oh, gracious! Oh, poor baby, his hormones have gotta hold over him! Down boy, not on the sofa! Down, down!

Cause that’s what I see you as! A dog in heat! What’s the matter, can’t control your own FLESH! Mind over body! If you’ve no will, then you’re no man! You’re a beast!

And you’re no beast, you’re a man! Made in the image of God! And He has planned such great things for you! What mighty deeds you’ll one day achieve for His glory!

As soon as you start living for HIM!

Look buddy, people need lots of things, but sex isn’t one of them. Okay? (I feel like being bad and saying, "You may as well drop the Catholic title, start masturbating, and save some poor woman some strife, but no. I don’t condone evil. At all.

Call yourself Catholic, then act like one. That’s all I’m saying!

I’m not saying that it’s easy, no sir-ee, but…Well, it’s a helluva lot easier living with sin.