J
Joribear
Guest
My ex and I have two wonderful teenage boys, 16 and 13. We have been divorced for 10 years (his decision, not mine). We were married in the Church; he was present at both boys’ baptisms, but was never active with the Church. In the years we were married, he attended mass for our wedding, both baptisms and once when his parents were visiting us. The children and I, however, attended daily mass (I was a stay at home mom during our marriage).
Since the divorce, I have lived chastely with no other relationships. My ex has re-married (a wonderful woman, imho). I have continued to raise our children in the Faith. Now that I am the sole supporter, we no longer can attend daily mass as a family, but they do attend a Catholic school. My ex and his current wife attend a Baptist church in the town where they live (the children & I live in Kansas, whereas their father lives in Mississippi).
While I have tried for many years to keep their father involved in the boys’ lives, it hasn’t been easy, as there have been so many time when the boys have called their father, only to get a voicemail and it will often be weeks before he returns their phone call.
So, there’s the history, now for the dilemma…Presently the boys are visiting their father in Mississippi. Prior to getting to MIssissippi, they spent a couple days in New Orleans. My sons fell in love with many of the churches in New Orleans and requested to attend mass, which was quickly dismissed and denied. Once I was able to calm them down after their disappointment, but it wasn’t easy (heart-breaking, on my part!).
Their relationship is strained, to say the least. This afternoon I received a text message from my oldest about an incident. Apparently, their father took them to a fireworks warehouse and attempted to purchase a fireworks display for $25, while the actual was $35. In front of our 16 year old, he unequivocally told the cashier that the price was $25; my son corrected him and told the cashier that the actual price was $35. According to my son, he “got chewed out” for over an hour for calling attention to his father’s lie. When my son tried to explain to him that being dishonest is not a trait one should strive for, he got chewed out for another hour.
My response to my son was that maybe he (his father) was just confused on the price and didn’t like being corrected in front of another adult. I couldn’t grasp someone lying in front of their child for a mere $10, so I thought for sure it was just confusion on his part (even though, having known him for 20+ years, in my heart I knew that wasn’t the case). My sons (both the one who got chewed out & the one who got to hear his brother getting fussed at) have told me no, he admitted it was to pay the lower price.
I told my son, no matter how hard it was, he needs to apologize to his father for calling him out on his dishonesty and to pray for him that God would open his heart as to why honesty is the route he should always take. My son responded that he has no problem praying for his father, but didn’t feel he should have to apologize, as he feels his father ridiculed him for being honest (again, this is something I can see their father doing). I told my son to remember the “honor they father and mother” commandment and that he wasn’t honoring his father when he calls him out in front of strangers.
My son (showing me that the money I spend for that Catholic education is worth it), responded with “Thou shall not bear false witness against thy neighbor!” (The kid has a point!)
Was I wrong to tell him to apologize to his father? I know if he doesn’t, the rest of this month will be miserable for both of my children. Unfortunately, due to their father’s new church, my boys won’t even have the comfort of attending mass and receiving the Eucharist until next month when they’re home.
I am open to ideas for helping them during their visit when I cannot be with them. Any advice??
Since the divorce, I have lived chastely with no other relationships. My ex has re-married (a wonderful woman, imho). I have continued to raise our children in the Faith. Now that I am the sole supporter, we no longer can attend daily mass as a family, but they do attend a Catholic school. My ex and his current wife attend a Baptist church in the town where they live (the children & I live in Kansas, whereas their father lives in Mississippi).
While I have tried for many years to keep their father involved in the boys’ lives, it hasn’t been easy, as there have been so many time when the boys have called their father, only to get a voicemail and it will often be weeks before he returns their phone call.
So, there’s the history, now for the dilemma…Presently the boys are visiting their father in Mississippi. Prior to getting to MIssissippi, they spent a couple days in New Orleans. My sons fell in love with many of the churches in New Orleans and requested to attend mass, which was quickly dismissed and denied. Once I was able to calm them down after their disappointment, but it wasn’t easy (heart-breaking, on my part!).
Their relationship is strained, to say the least. This afternoon I received a text message from my oldest about an incident. Apparently, their father took them to a fireworks warehouse and attempted to purchase a fireworks display for $25, while the actual was $35. In front of our 16 year old, he unequivocally told the cashier that the price was $25; my son corrected him and told the cashier that the actual price was $35. According to my son, he “got chewed out” for over an hour for calling attention to his father’s lie. When my son tried to explain to him that being dishonest is not a trait one should strive for, he got chewed out for another hour.
My response to my son was that maybe he (his father) was just confused on the price and didn’t like being corrected in front of another adult. I couldn’t grasp someone lying in front of their child for a mere $10, so I thought for sure it was just confusion on his part (even though, having known him for 20+ years, in my heart I knew that wasn’t the case). My sons (both the one who got chewed out & the one who got to hear his brother getting fussed at) have told me no, he admitted it was to pay the lower price.
I told my son, no matter how hard it was, he needs to apologize to his father for calling him out on his dishonesty and to pray for him that God would open his heart as to why honesty is the route he should always take. My son responded that he has no problem praying for his father, but didn’t feel he should have to apologize, as he feels his father ridiculed him for being honest (again, this is something I can see their father doing). I told my son to remember the “honor they father and mother” commandment and that he wasn’t honoring his father when he calls him out in front of strangers.
My son (showing me that the money I spend for that Catholic education is worth it), responded with “Thou shall not bear false witness against thy neighbor!” (The kid has a point!)
Was I wrong to tell him to apologize to his father? I know if he doesn’t, the rest of this month will be miserable for both of my children. Unfortunately, due to their father’s new church, my boys won’t even have the comfort of attending mass and receiving the Eucharist until next month when they’re home.
I am open to ideas for helping them during their visit when I cannot be with them. Any advice??