Losing faith in God again

[Robby]

Well, was invited to my younger cousin’s party tonight for his 12th birthday and his cousin, my aunt, was already drunk!!!

His mother is without a doubt an alcoholic but she thinks she is just a regular run of the mill drinker.

I mean do any of you know anybody who isn’t an alcoholic that starts to drink at around 11:30AM? And almost always at home? And at her young son’s party for his 12th birthday!!!

Needless to say, the poor kid’s birthday party was ruined before it even started.

This kid has had a rough life already with his mother’s alcoholism playing a huge,huge part in it.

His father is not involved at all,so no help there.

My mother,my cousin’s mother’s sister, and the rest of our family are either enablers or just don’t give a ****.

His school will only give him pamplets about alcoholism to bring home to his mother.

Child Welfare doesn’t seem interested as he is still getting feed,etc.

Anyhow, I am sure you guys are gonna say all that is awful but not God’s fault but don’t you think he could at least intervene in some way?

I think my cousin is going through alot of unnecessary pain right now at such a young age.

 

[Norseman82]

Well, was invited to my younger cousin’s party tonight for his 12th birthday and his cousin, my aunt, was already drunk!!!

His mother is without a doubt an alcoholic but she thinks she is just a regular run of the mill drinker.

I mean do any of you know anybody who isn’t an alcoholic that starts to drink at around 11:30AM? And almost always at home? And at her young son’s party for his 12th birthday!!!

Needless to say, the poor kid’s birthday party was ruined before it even started.

This kid has had a rough life already with his mother’s alcoholism playing a huge,huge part in it.

His father is not involved at all,so no help there.

My mother,my cousin’s mother’s sister, and the rest of our family are either enablers or just don’t give a ****.

His school will only give him pamplets about alcoholism to bring home to his mother.

Child Welfare doesn’t seem interested as he is still getting feed,etc.

Anyhow, I am sure you guys are gonna say all that is awful but not God’s fault but don’t you think he could at least intervene in some way?

I think my cousin is going through alot of unnecessary pain right now at such a young age.

The problem is that people have free will, and your aunt and the people in your family that are enabling her are misusing that free will. You seem to be the one person who is properly using the free will God gave you. In fact, YOU mught be the instrument by which God intervenes.

How old are you? If you are still a teenager, this might be a huge task to take on by yourself, although if you are close enough in age you might be able to socialize with him.

I would suggest Alateen for your cousin. I know I wish I would have known about it when I was a teenager (so yes, I know what it is like to deal with what your cousin is going through). It is a support group for teenagers who have to deal with alcoholic family members. It can at least let him know that he is not alone and he is not the wrongdoer there and that it is his mother that is doing something wrong, not him. Believe me, I speak from personal experience when I say that achieving that understanding is often a breakthrough in itself.

A few other questions:

1. Does your cousin go to Catholic school?
2. Is there any possibility of physical danger?
3. Does you aunt isolate your cousin at all?

The first question was designed to ascertain if there is another source of help (like a priest), and the last two are meant to analyze the danger level your cousin faces.

 

[Robby]

I am 23, I hang out to play Video Games with him sometimes when his mother is in an alcohol induced sleep.

I don’t know how much I can help him because his mother is very controlling of him.

Answers to your questions:

1: No, he attends public school.

2: Not really concerned about physical danger from his mother but he has talked of cutting himself on two occasions due to his unfortunate circumstances.

3: yes, as stated above, she is very controling of him.

 

[Norseman82]

I am 23, I hang out to play Video Games with him sometimes when his mother is in an alcohol induced sleep.

I don’t know how much I can help him because his mother is very controlling of him.

Answers to your questions:

1: No, he attends public school.

2: Not really concerned about physical danger from his mother but he has talked of cutting himself on two occasions due to his unfortunate circumstances.

3: yes, as stated above, she is very controling of him.

If he’s talking of cutting himself, that right there is a signal of physical danger. Have you brought this to the attention of your parents? Maybe this will spur children’s services to act? Just be careful, people who are “controlling” often will strike back when they are “told on”.

It is commendable that you are spending time with him. It’s just too bad that others seem to have their heads stuck so far up their butts that they can give themselves colonoscopies.

Prayers for this situation.

 

[nana3]

Well, was invited to my younger cousin’s party tonight for his 12th birthday and his cousin, my aunt, was already drunk!!!

His mother is without a doubt an alcoholic but she thinks she is just a regular run of the mill drinker.

I mean do any of you know anybody who isn’t an alcoholic that starts to drink at around 11:30AM? And almost always at home? And at her young son’s party for his 12th birthday!!!

Needless to say, the poor kid’s birthday party was ruined before it even started.

This kid has had a rough life already with his mother’s alcoholism playing a huge,huge part in it.

His father is not involved at all,so no help there.

My mother,my cousin’s mother’s sister, and the rest of our family are either enablers or just don’t give a ****.

His school will only give him pamplets about alcoholism to bring home to his mother.

Child Welfare doesn’t seem interested as he is still getting feed,etc.

Anyhow, I am sure you guys are gonna say all that is awful but not God’s fault but don’t you think he could at least intervene in some way?

I think my cousin is going through alot of unnecessary pain right now at such a young age.

Robby, I understand what you mean about child services. It is sad how they say they are there to protect children and yet don’t. I have had personal experience with them and child abuse and still they did nothing to the kid’s dad. These were my niece and nephew. I know the feeling of helplessness you feel and that nothing you do could help the situation. Like you, my sister, the mother of the kids, also was upset with God for doing nothing. As someone else already said, we have free will. I think you or your parents should make another call to child services and let them know of how the child feels about wanting to end his life by cutting himself. He is in physical danger. He needs love and support. It is to bad he could not live with you until his mom can get her act together. I know with us, we had to get the politician involved so that child service look into the matter more. They found child abuse and neglect, but said that since my sister had the kids most of the time, they were okay. They forgot about the 6 weeks in the summer and the kids were abused then. They are emotionally scared for life. Alcoholism and controlling behavior also was a factor in our situation. It is frustrating, but we as a family prayed and things are better for now and we hope they stay that way. We went through many years of not being able to do anything to help the kids but pray. Even the kids lost hope that anyone would come to their rescue. That is sad! I will pray for your cousin and I hope you play a huge roll in his life. Please try child services again. I think you can even call the police when she is so drunk that she can’t care for her son. The problem with this is the police will say that he is old enough to feed himself and care for himself in an emergency. I called the police once to see if a 8 year old could be left alone at home for that is what my ex brother-in-law did and they told me that as long as they can feed themselves and call 911 it was fine. Maybe, your cousin will have to be the one to call 911 when his mom is out of control. If he feels his life in danger, he should call 911. The police than will call child services and they will act on it.

Try not to lose faith in God. He loves your cousin and in His time will make his life better. He himself to pray for Jesus for help and trust that he will get it and persevere. It may take some time or be instant, but he needs to pray for himself for mother’s recovery and for himself. He is loved by Jesus and He will never abandon him, even if he feels that way. Jesus may use you to help your cousin. Ask him what he wants you to do and pray about it.

 

[Robby]

Child Welfare knows about the cutting, it wasn’t a suicide attempt on either occasion but bad enough and all they did was offer therapy for my cousin and he accepted but his mother wouldn’t allow him to go to therapy any more after like a month or so.

As for the police, they kindly reminded me that alcohol consumption is legal for people at least 21 and lots of people have times when they have one too many

Well, my cousin’s mother has had more than one too many on more than one occasion.

My mother thinks her sister will just snap out of being an alcoholic one day, I told her that is not how alcoholism works but she is so naive!

I did offer to have him stay with me but his mother would not go for it,saying he is her son,etc.

I don’t think it is any wonder at all why situations like NixzMary Brown happen,all you have to do is look at the actions/inactions of the child welfare system!

 

[Norseman82]

Child Welfare knows about the cutting, it wasn’t a suicide attempt on either occasion but bad enough and all they did was offer therapy for my cousin and he accepted but his mother wouldn’t allow him to go to therapy any more after like a month or so.

This sounds like neglect on his mother’s part. Perhaps there is a way of petitioning the court that the mother is unfit? You will need to document all occurrences of her drunkenness, though.

 

[TheDoctor]

…Anyhow, I am sure you guys are gonna say all that is awful but not God’s fault but don’t you think he could at least intervene in some way?

Robby - I have no experience in this so cannot add to the wisdom already given you, however, the answer to your question above is “yes”. God did intervene in some way - he sent you into your cousin’s life. Just being there to talk or hang out or just show him that there is sanity in life helps your cousin to bear this cross. Never doubt the good one person can do or think that God does not see or care.

I will keep both of you in my prayers.

 

[Kevin85]

I have browsed these forums for quite a while now, but this is the first time I have made a post… I was compelled to do so as this particular subject hits very close to home.

I would first like to start by saying I totally understand your feelings Robby. I am 22 (going on 23) now, but I, too, was in the same situation as your cousin. I was 12 years old when my mother started drinking… she, much like your aunt, was also in denial. Paired with a father who enabled her and my own severe asthma and allergies it made life almost unbearable. I can tell you without a doubt I felt the same way: “How could God do this to me?” However, looking back, I realize that it was nearly impossible at that point to see His influence in my life… the teacher who saw that I was struggling with a family issue that I felt I could tell no one, the friend who let me escape, and the councilor who saved my life.

There are situations in life that are so terrible that you cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel. Faith is a roller coaster ride; you have ups and downs, and although it might mean very little now… you always have a friend along for the ride that will not leave your side.

That being said I would like to offer some advice from someone who has been there… you say you hang out with him from time to time, try to do so as much as possible. If anything he needs someone he knows he can confide in. Depending on his mother, see if it is possible for him to join any extracurricular activities; see if you can’t get him out of the house (see if you can bring him to a movie or something). Just try to be there for him.

I hope it is a comfort to you to know that there are people who have been there, and have lived through it. It is a horrible situation for your cousin to be in… and I pray his parents will come to their senses regarding the counseling (as mine eventually did). I agree with what Norseman82 said, Alateen was very helpful to me, perhaps in the future it will be an option for him. Be persistent, and most important of all: do not give up. However hopeless a situation might seem, there is always help somewhere.
I will be praying for you and your cousin,
Kevin

 

[GraceDK]

Well, was invited to my younger cousin’s party tonight for his 12th birthday and his cousin, my aunt, was already drunk!!!

His mother is without a doubt an alcoholic but she thinks she is just a regular run of the mill drinker.

I mean do any of you know anybody who isn’t an alcoholic that starts to drink at around 11:30AM? And almost always at home? And at her young son’s party for his 12th birthday!!!

Needless to say, the poor kid’s birthday party was ruined before it even started.

This kid has had a rough life already with his mother’s alcoholism playing a huge,huge part in it.

His father is not involved at all,so no help there.

My mother,my cousin’s mother’s sister, and the rest of our family are either enablers or just don’t give a ****.

His school will only give him pamplets about alcoholism to bring home to his mother.

Child Welfare doesn’t seem interested as he is still getting feed,etc.

Anyhow, I am sure you guys are gonna say all that is awful but not God’s fault but don’t you think he could at least intervene in some way?

I think my cousin is going through alot of unnecessary pain right now at such a young age.

If your cousins pain makes you consider turning your back on Christ then why havent you already? what about Holocaust… what about that young person at school that died… What about molested children… what about all the horrible things that happen to everyone else? No… dont think I am giving you a hard time.

Could God intervene? I dont think you will find anyone here who would say that He could not. The question is rather: do you trust Him? Do YOU trust Him that He is in control and that He has a plan even when we are on the back side of the broidery?

What do you do to alleviate your counsin? are you his neighbour who shows him stability and support at this difficult time? do you pray for him and his near family? do you do what you can or do you shy away from confrontation… Are you too embarrassed to show that you care and that you love your cousin?

Let me tell you something. One strong piece of evidence for God’s existence is this, that you are in pain … you wriggle in the circumstnce… As soon as suffering comes its intimately accompanied by the sense of Good that is missing. Ever think about that? You EXPECT love, peace, self-sacrifice, loving parents and all that… why? Is not the expectation for good things a cross for the mind if we live in a godless universe where all is created by chance?
Your indignation shows that love does indeed exist and that love is stronger…it should rule along with responsibility.
Neglect and maltreatment is the lack of good… it only comes in where there is good… and it destroys there.
But before we even utter a word we have basic trust and confidence in the good… … its evil that comes in as a stranger… not the other way around so that good is felt as an intruder in a wicked world.

… Therefore… what we believe about God is not that He cannot intervene, that He cannot heal, that He does not love…or that He cannot do whatever He pleases.
We do believe that this world is fallen and we have to be God’s arms and legs… Also we believe God can turn bad things into good things… But we cannot see it. In the midst we see only fear and trembling… that is why Christ says: “persevere… have confidence… fear not.” Did you think those words were superfluous?

Two things the devil hates:
-When we love and help whenever we are called to do so…
-when we give thanks to God in the midst of suffering and
we praise Him because He knows what is going on when we dont have a clue.

Give up carrying this burden alone brother… let Jesus help you. If you are unable then just say “help me Jesus”.
He knows you. You are His.

 

[duskyjewel]

Perhaps you should volunteer to take him to the Alateen meetings. And if he is cutting, but his mom will not allow him therapy, that IS neglect! Are you able to support him if you were to get custody? (If his mother has a job, you might be able to get child support garnished from her wages. And maybe from his useless sperm donor, too, if you can find him.) I know you are very young, but it could be a blessing to this child to have someone fight for him.

 

[puzzleannie]

very sorry for what OP is going through, as a survivor of an alcoholic family I can relate. however I would note that the story does not match the thread title. God is not letting you down, important people in your life who have a duty to you and your family are letting you down. Pray for them, pray for strength and faith for yourself, and join Al-Anon or Al-a-teen, support groups for those trying to cope with alcoholic family memers. saved my life, hope it does the same for you.

 

[monicatholic]

Anyhow, I am sure you guys are gonna say all that is awful but not God’s fault but don’t you think he could at least intervene in some way?

God IS intervening. Through you.

Mother Theresa said, “God puts people in our lives so we can do something for them.”

Do something for him. Instead of succumbing to Satan’s temptation to lose faith (he is afraid of your prayers) PRAY for the kid. all the time. offer everything up.

and then take the advice of the good people here;

1. 
   *]alateen.
   *]watch for signs of neglect and report them.
   *]if you’re old enough, prepare to foster him.
   *]spend lots of time with him.
   *]pray WITH him (even if it feels weird.)
   etc., etc.