Losing Faith Please Help

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NECatholicMomma

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I’m so upset and losing my faith. My family is on the brink of losing everything. My husband has not been able to find a job long term. We have a big house we can’t pay for. He almost found a job until they checked his credit report today (the day before Christmas Eve), which has been ruined the last year of unemployment and withdrew his candidacy. This was a long job process and he was excited and more than qualified. It would have put us on a path to regain what we’ve lost. We have three kids and one on the way. My husband is stressed beyond belief. Our kids go to catholic school and we may even have to pull them out. I’m afraid we won’t be able to buy food. This keeps happening. As a Catholic school teacher I only make $30,000 a year. His past jobs were in the high range which are the bills we have. Im scared and it’s way past the point of us being ok and getting out of debt. I’ve begged for God’s help. I’ve trusted and put it in his hands. Now I’m losing faith. We need a miracle. I’m thankful for the health of my family and my new unexpected baby boy but I truly am frightened and wondering why I feel God isn’t hearing us when it’s a matter of survival at this point. Please help!
 
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Maybe God is asking you to let go of things first…to start from scratch? A big house can be sold and a smaller one rented, until your husband is back on his feet at a job. The kids may have to get their faith education just from what you guys can give them at home instead of at a Catholic School…and so forth.
I don’t mean to sound unsympathetic, but in struggles I have had in life, it was often the case that something great was waiting for me…but God wanted me to let go of things first. Don’t let the prospect of the loss of material things and comforts diminish your faith. Let your faith make the prospect of loss more bearable, and let it carry you through the hard times until you can see light again.
 
God always hears you prayers, but we often don’t hear his answers, or deep down we know what the answer is, but we just don’t like it. There’s been numerous times in my life where I’ve been exactly where you’re at, wondering why God won’t help me, but over time I’ve realized that the miracles aren’t just miraculously coming into a bunch of money, or everything just falling into place the way YOU want it to, it’s that you made it through it, you came out the other side and you’re a stronger person for it. One way or another things WILL work out. So what if you end up having to sell your house, filing bankruptcy, whatever it’s just money and stuff, you can’t take it with you.

I know for myself there’s been so many times where my prayers consist of “Ok God, here’s what I need you to do for me.” It’s when I’m finally desperate and have all but given up that my prayer changes to “What do I need to do, and give me the strength to do it.” That’s when things start to turn around, because trusting in God doesn’t mean you trust that He’ll do things the way you wanted him to, it means you trust He’ll take care of you NO MATTER WHAT.

Keep going, keep trusting and at some point I promise you’ll look back and be able see a turning point, you’ll be able to see where God’s hand was the whole time.
 
Count your blessings. You must have your health as you didn’t say anyone was ill. That is a HUGE blessing and gift from God.

A big house is not necessary. Jesus didn’t have one. Maybe God is trying to show you that it is not necessary and happiness is not found in “things.” One of the happiest families I’ve known lived in a very small basement apartment - father, mother, seven kids, and two other relatives. They considered themselves blessed beyond measure because of the love that existed among all their family members.

It’s nice to send your kids to Catholic schools, but not necessary. Be a model of faith for your children.

Perhaps your husband will have to take a lower-paying job, and you will have to downsize. If this occurs, see it as an opportunity to help one another in the family to grow in faith, love, and emotional support for all.
 
I don’t mind downsizing at all. We lived in a very small apartment for over a year when my husband got transferred to another state. The problem is not losing the house. It’s having a place to live. We can’t even afford a one bedroom apartment on my salary with four kids and our credit history. I make less than $2000 a month. That’s below the poverty level in NYS with no kids. The point about our house being large was to illustrate how I can’t afford to keep it but we really have no option. The school is important to us because my girls have moved so many times and have finally found a place they feel comfort and friendship. Of course, this can be replaced but it really hurts that with a husband doing everything he can and able to work that we will be homeless or unable to feed our family. There are no safe neighborhoods here with houses for rent below 2500 a month and apartments all check credit and jobs.
 
Have you sat down with your school principal and the pastor? If not, do that this next week. Be VERY upfront. I would be floored if they do not give you a scholarship for the kids to stay in school.

Let go of the big house. Can you move in with family or rent a small house? Get rid of the car payments and buy a car for cash. It will lower your car insurance payment as well. It will take time to rebuild your credit (insert a rant about how credit ratings should only be considered if you have a job where you could steal vast sums of money, but, I digress).

Your husband may never again have a high paying job, time to just take a job, any job, to bring in something. Let go of the “things” and the prestige.

We lost our home on a golf course, two boats, the fancy cars, all of our savings. Took “menial” jobs. We lived through it. You will too. God promises peace in the storm, He did not promise we would never have storms.
 
:pray:t2::pray:t2::pray:t2: for you.
Troubles seem to have a way of cascading.

I don’t have any concrete advice, but I was reading today in a spiritual book that when calamity strikes, we should ask “Lord, what would you have me do?”, like St Paul on the road to Damascus.

Hugs :hugs:
 
Do you have any retirement savings? If so, you may be able to withdraw some money due to hardship.

Otherwise, if your husband has been out of work for over a year it seems like there isn’t much of a choice than to find other housing. Right now is a very good time to sell a home. If you have any equity in your home, shouldn’t you be able to sell and use the money from the sale toward a place to live?

We can’t expect God to bail us out of the financial situations we find ourselves in without making some adjustments to our lives. If you live in a large house and have been spending money on private school, there is room to do something. You can also check to see what social services might be available if you are concerned about being able to feed the children.
 
It’s hard to know what to do, isn’t it.

You mentioned that you don’t feel safe with other housing options. Is it possible to make your home’s size work in your favor? Could you rent part of your garage to shelter someone’s sports car through the winter? Rent a room-and-private-bath suite to a SuperBowl tourist? (Or whatever the local attraction might be.) Convert a walk-out basement into a tenant’s flat? (You might find that someone in your church is also looking for clean, safe housing.)

I don’t know what your husband does for a living, so I won’t suggest that he prowl garage sales for bargains and try to resell for profit on e-bay or whatever. But there may be a specialized temp agency that is looking for people with his skill set. Some companies still do temp-to-own as well.

On the one hand, retirement money is somewhat shielded against bankruptcy. If you pull it out, it becomes eligible to be applied toward debts before the bankruptcy is approved. Moreover, there are no loans you can take to be old, so to speak.

And you’re clearly too young for a reverse mortgage.

But if you somehow could come up with a large chunk of money, you could buy a current annuity. It wouldn’t throw off a lot of money, but it might cover utilities & such. Passive income is a huge help, because it throws off money whether you worked that day or not.

I strongly recommend that you don’t touch your assets until you talk to your financial planner. Even the person who drew up your will probably knows a little, or could recommend you to someone who knows more.

About the only advice I can join without hesitation is that you talk to the pastor. Also, talk to your school. Maybe there are scholarships or deferrals based on low income?

When things were better, you probably donated to the food pantries, school finances, and other benevolences toward those going through a hard time. You have the right to inquire into those resources now.

Know also that many people are praying for you.
 
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Dear NECatholicMomma

I’m truly sorry to hear about your predicament. I can well imagine what a stressful time it must be for all concerned. I’m sort of in a similar situation, maybe not quite as dire. I work for myself from home. We have 5 kids and I’m the only breadwinner. The nature of my work is such that it is cyclical. Some months are really slow and I wonder what will I be doing the next day. Some months income is less than what we need.

However, it is been a time of great blessing. I’ve learned to depend on Jesus more than ever. I live by Matt. 6:33 - “Seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all else shall be added unto you.”

I’m an immigrant in the country where we now live. When we first arrived here 15 years ago, that Bible verse is what I stood on! I firmly believe God knows our every need and He will provide - in His time and in His way. There is no such thing as an unanswered prayer. If I look back I can truly say that He has always come through for us.

If I may, here are some suggestions for your situation:

a) Praise God for what He is going to do for your family. Yes, you may not see the light at the end of the tunnel but He is already there. All he asks is for faith! So start praising Him right now and always start your prayer with praise.

b) Learn to cultivate a grateful heart. A priest once said in his sermon - God lives in two places: in heaven and in a grateful heart. Whenever I see my children at table eating their food, I whisper to myself, “Thank you Lord, that my little daughter or son has something to eat today.” Sometimes it brings tears to my eyes cause it is a real struggle at times to make ends meet. When I arrive home from buying some groceries I say," Thank you Lord for this. Thank you for providing for us. Thank you Father."

c) Spend some time in front of the Blessed Sacrament. There you speak to Him about all your troubles and worries. And then you make sure you make time to listen. Allow Him to speak. Be quiet and in the silence of your heart allow Jesus to minister to you. So much the better if your husband could join you or go by himself as well.

I will pray for you. Do not loose faith! He never fails us - believe you me.

May the Lord bless you and keep you. May He shine His face upon you and be gracious to you. May He turn His face towards you and bring you peace. Numbers 6:24-26
 
OP, may I suggest something old-fashioned.

If your husband’s skill set isn’t appreciated where you live, would your family be willing that he get a job in another state?

The idea is that he might be so much in demand in another location that they won’t mind that he has been out of work. But this has to be a place where he is going because the demand is very high. It’s not a case of going someplace new and hoping maybe things will be better.

Set a specific time frame, such as one year. After he has been working for one year (living frugally and sending money home), he may be more able to get work back in your hometown since he would look more desirable in their eyes.

Alternately, he may find work in a place that you also fall in love with and can get the kind of work you love.

This has to be done with the free and loving consent of both of you. I mean, c’mon. He would be *not-home for a year.

If you are more enthusiastic than he, he might feel that he is appreciated more for his wallet than for the other intangible things he brings to the marriage and the family. And if he is more enthusiastic about it than you, you’ll worry whether he wants to return.

The reason I call it “old-fashioned” is that the pioneers did this, and the immigrants did this before them. A wage-earner would go ahead into the unknown, save up the money, and send for the family. They made it work. And they didn’t have e-mail, phones, or Skype to keep in touch. They also didn’t have planes, trains, and automobiles for a little private weekend.

But I repeat, this is something you both must be willing to do, equally. If it doesn’t feel right, don’t force it. With God’s help, you’ll find something else.
 
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NECatholicMomma I’ll remember you and your family in my prayers.

It’s natural that you feel drained and stressed, and forgotten.
Remember that Jesus experienced something of that, when in the midst of all the tortures of loss, pain, abandonment by most friends and betrayed by His own people,
He even felt abandond by the Father (Matthew 27:46,
but he followed that by His act of committal of His spirit into the Father’s care.
That’s no fun either,
but I believe you will follow His example in faith despite the stress and possible losses.
May your family’s Angels intercede for you all, and for suitable work for your husband.
Kind wishes, T
 
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Not to minimize your situation but hope to add perspective because I know it probably hurts and the stress it adds and the pain of feeling helpless but I think many would trade the health and togetherness you guys still have for their own situations.

Our family is doing well in the secondary things. Both have great jobs, built a house 4 years ago, have everything we could have pretty much dreamed for as kids, especially me as someone who grew up poor and in one of the most dangerous neighborhoods in America. Our house was foreclosed on and re-sold for $8,000 🙂

And with all of that, we are heading down the path of divorce and I’m recovering from a wife that led a separate life for 7 months until the other spouse found out and ended the affair for now. I would trade every possession I have for my wife to have a change of heart and not want to divorce but that’s how it’s going to be. It’s quite ironic that I grew up without much but had more love than I could ever imagine from two great parents. Now, with everything at our fingertips, my wife felt she didn’t get the love she deserved and the destruction of our current family dynamic will be over in a few months.

I pray that your situation gets better with perseverance and the ability to get a few breaks here and there. Even if you have to downsize now and scale back, I have a feeling that you will eventually get where you need to be. Good luck and remember, when it seems like you are heading down the wrong path, I think faith will show you, what’s in front of you is the greatest and most priceless possession of all. Not that you don’t appreciate it but times like these often make us stronger and more appreciative of the greatest things in our lives.
 
4ourMyKids, I think your post is valuable in putting into perspective some of the issues the OP and others are struggling with, though of course each person’s pain, fear, and loss is so deeply personal.

I’ll keep you and your family in my prayers too.
Please God, the gift of love and trust can somehow, through God’s mercy, be restored to your marriage.

May God give you strength in this heartbreaking time.
 
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