Losing Faith

[holyrood]

My parents consider themselves good Catholics.

They are also an alcoholic/co-dependent pair, and likely both narcissists. There have been incidents of physical violence against me, even when I was in my 20s. I believe my father is a pervert, and as I’ve pieced together memories and events and things people have said since I moved home, I believe I told what happened when I was very young and got branded a liar. My mother, in her 70s, is still telling people at church that I make things up.

They have taught my siblings that all problems in our family our my fault–it’s the stereotypical alcoholic family dysfunction and scapegoating.

Despite considering themselves good Catholics, they have snarky comments about my choice to actually *live *what the Catholic faith teaches, while my siblings with tattoos and piercings who spent their 20s throwing kegger parties and haven’t attended church in years are considered the good ones.

They are now steadily working on my kids, with the help of my ex-husband–also a Catholic from a ‘good Catholic’ family. I am looking at spending Easter alone, and every holiday is becoming a major stress beause of these family issues.

I am beginning to lose the ability to see a reason to maintain a life within the Catholic church when this is what I see from ‘good Catholics.’ And yes, I do know truly good Catholics. But the sad fact is, I’ve seen more genuine goodness and received far more kindness these past ten years from ‘tax collectors and prostitutes,’ so to speak.

At this point, I don’t really plan on going to Easter Mass.

 

[Winter_Warlock_1]

Holy,

I am sorry you are going through this. As you know these “good Catholics” are not even Catholic. Do not let them control you or your faith. You need to be strong for your children, let them know what others say do tell them is not always right. That if they have questions or are confused as to what someone tells them they should ask you. You can show them by example the way a Catholic and a good one behaves / lives / and respects others.

You may not have the ability to shield your children from your ex – for visitation rights, but from your abusive family you can. To honor parents does not mean that you have to accept their abuse. You and your children do not need to be exposed to that. You cannot control what your family does or stop them from acting out at you with anger and maybe jealousy for being independent and faithful.

If there is another Church in your area you can start going to that one – with your children. If not you can still attend the same one, but maybe change to a different time mass. If not then you can still go just do not sit near anyone that is toxic to you. Again do not let them destroy your faith; or your children’s, as it is not the Church who is against you but a few people. Talk to a Priest and try to get his view. Live your life as a faithful Catholic and know in your heart that you are loved by friends and more so by God.

I pray that God grants you and your children peace and strength to live a life of Faith. You control your life, do not let others try to do so.

Winter

 

[MaryHelp777]

Divine Mercy Chaplet Novena starts today.Good Friday (1 Divine Mercy Chaplet each day for 9 days until.the Sunday after Easter Sunday, Jesus promised anyone who makes.this novena,
And on Divine Mercy Sunday receives communion, confession, and does an act of Mercy, will be forgiven every sin of theirs and receive a clean slate fro. every punishment on earth they had earned from their sins/ and have their Purgatory completely erased. And that he would.grant all posDivine Mercy Chaplet Novena starts today.Good Friday (1 Divine Mercy Chaplet each day for 9 days until.the Sunday after Easter Sunday, Jesus promised anyone who makes.this novena,
And on Divine Mercy Sunday receives communion, confession, and does an act of Mercy, will be forgiven every sin and every punishment on earth/ and have their Purgatory they had earned up to that point completely erased. And that he would.grant all possible graces to those Souls.

Blessed Pope John Paul II was the bishop in Krakow who put the imprimatur on St Faustina’s Diary, and then later as Pope canonised St Faustina as the Saint for the new millennium, and instituted The Divine Mercy Feast Day as a universal church feast day, and also authorised that a plenary indulgence be granted to those who make.the novena, but also include prayer for.the Popes intentions and public veneration of the Divine Mercy image is possible.

 

[St_Francis]

I have used images of Christ so many times since my children were born, starting with the Infant Jesus in a stable when I wanted something for the children. When troubles hit, I consider the suffering of Christ which we are commemorating now… do I feel persecuted? Christ, too, was persecuted, worse than I am! so it is easy to unite my sufferings to His when I think of His sufferings for me.

It is really hard, because the world has such a hold on us. St. Monica was married to an abusive alcoholic, and St Rita’s family forced her to marry an alcolic when she was practically just a child! Their children also turned away from the Church.

Pray to them asking for their prayers and help, and I will pray for you.

 

[Little_Sheep]

Holy,

I am so sorry for the pain you are feeling. How awful that the behavior of some of your family members is causing you to lose faith? The fruit of genuine Christianity lifts others closer towards God.

I too hail from an alcoholic family system and so I understand the stress that places on children.

I have no easy answers for you, but I want you to know that I will hold you and your children in my prayers on this Holy night.

Peace be with you, my sister in Christ.

Fondly,
Little Sheep

 

[Xantippe]

How about going to a different parish than usual?

My parents consider themselves good Catholics.

They are also an alcoholic/co-dependent pair, and likely both narcissists. There have been incidents of physical violence against me, even when I was in my 20s. I believe my father is a pervert, and as I’ve pieced together memories and events and things people have said since I moved home, I believe I told what happened when I was very young and got branded a liar. My mother, in her 70s, is still telling people at church that I make things up.

They have taught my siblings that all problems in our family our my fault–it’s the stereotypical alcoholic family dysfunction and scapegoating.

Despite considering themselves good Catholics, they have snarky comments about my choice to actually *live *what the Catholic faith teaches, while my siblings with tattoos and piercings who spent their 20s throwing kegger parties and haven’t attended church in years are considered the good ones.

They are now steadily working on my kids, with the help of my ex-husband–also a Catholic from a ‘good Catholic’ family. I am looking at spending Easter alone, and every holiday is becoming a major stress beause of these family issues.

I am beginning to lose the ability to see a reason to maintain a life within the Catholic church when this is what I see from ‘good Catholics.’ And yes, I do know truly good Catholics. But the sad fact is, I’ve seen more genuine goodness and received far more kindness these past ten years from ‘tax collectors and prostitutes,’ so to speak.

At this point, I don’t really plan on going to Easter Mass.

 

[Lily_Bernans]

I am beginning to lose the ability to see a reason to maintain a life within the Catholic church when this is what I see from ‘good Catholics.’ And yes, I do know truly good Catholics. But the sad fact is, I’ve seen more genuine goodness and received far more kindness these past ten years from ‘tax collectors and prostitutes,’ so to speak.

Me, too.

I hope life improves for you.

 

[faithsmind]

My parents consider themselves good Catholics.

They are also an alcoholic/co-dependent pair, and likely both narcissists. There have been incidents of physical violence against me, even when I was in my 20s. My mother, in her 70s, is still telling people at church that I make things up.
.

At this point, I don’t really plan on going to Easter Mass.

What?! Not going to Easter mass?:bighanky::console: Noooooo!

I agree with the above poster. True Christians are the people who are real, who make mistakes and can admit it and say they’re sorry. I personally have had it with the pharisees, too. And it sounds like that’s what you’re dealing with, here in your family. It’s all about appearances. Go back to the bible and remember! Remember who Jesus is, again. He’s what you’re truly wanting when I read your post. “… Because it was never between you and them anyway.” -Mother Theresa (Google the rest of what she says in this quote. It’s life-changing.)

Hugs, my friend. Hang in there and don’t give up. You are greatly loved.

 

[holyrood]

Thank you to all who posted and are praying. I confess I don’t have much faith in prayer anymore, but I’m still grateful.

Thank you, MaryHelp for the reminder about the Divine Mercy starting today. I have tried every year to remember to start it on Good Friday and always forget. Moreover, I have said literally thousands of Divine Mercy chaplets for one of those ‘prostitutes and tax collectors’ mentioned above and so it’s a prayer very close to my heart.

I think it is no coincidence that you posted this at exactly 3:00 p.m. on Good Friday. Jesus died at this hour, He too was abandoned and alone. Totally alone and forsaken.

Thank you, Monicad, for that amazing observation. My emotions right now still say, "Yes but…Jesus suffered for a few hours. I’ve been dealing with this family for approaching 5 decades. I’ve felt so alone for decades, and I’ve realized in hindsight, that part of my ‘problem’ getting along with family members is my mother having poisoned them for years. I know this because I hear from other people the things she’s saying about me, and because I finally realized I do great with *anyone *who doesn’t know my mother or XH.

But my rational brain appreciates what you say–that this is way beyond coincidence. To the minute. I have often felt God has quite a sense of humor, and I can see His gentle smile in this.

Sometime in the night, I believe my emotions will catch up with the profundity of that ‘coincidence’ even if it takes this entire holy weekend and not just the night.

How about going to a different parish than usual?

This is exactly what I have decided. I have stayed in this parish for years because I felt guilty–I had already taken away my kids’ extended family and father and stable home life, and they were happy and well-established in this church, where my parents also go. I wanted to leave them something. But I think in retrospect, I should have made the cut then with the parish, too, at the time. I do believe this is the next thing I need to do, to have a place where I don’t need to worry what in the world people have already decided about me. I know some of them think she’s just nuts, but others are swayed, and I never know who’s who.

He’s what you’re truly wanting when I read your post. “… Because it was never between you and them anyway.” -Mother Theresa (Google the rest of what she says in this quote. It’s life-changing.)

Hugs, my friend. Hang in there and don’t give up. You are greatly loved.

Thank you, FaithsMind. I find particular consolation in you showing up here tonight. I will go downstairs and look at a painting of a castle hanging over my piano and ponder God’s goodness and timing. I did look that up and it’s a poem I’ve seen many times, but it’s a good time to read it again.

I make a promise here I will go to Easter Mass at the other church near my home.

 

[Little_Sheep]

Me, too.

I hope life improves for you.

Hugs, LB. (((((LB)))))

 

[MonteCristo]

I hope this all goes well for you. Remember, no matter what, you will always have your children with you!

God bless you and I hope you have a wonderful Easter.

 

[holyrood]

I hope this all goes well for you. Remember, no matter what, you will always have your children with you!

MonteCristo, thank you, but this is *exactly *what I fear–that they will completely separate my children from me. My older children are already buying into the family story. My father has literally been *arrested *and spent the night in jail for beating my mother, he has physically assaulted me when I was in my 20s, he has threatened to come to my work and cause trouble for me there, he has left dozens of voicemails calling me vulgar names, he has made it impossible for me to make business calls because he won’t stop calling to harass me, he has sent me letters telling me what a horrible parent I am and how he’s a better parent to my kids than I am–and one of my son’s responses to hearing these things was STILL a patronizing, “I’m sure you *think *those things happened…”

I have heard directly from other people that my mother is telling people I have a ‘big imagination.’ My older kids are buying into it.

I could have taken just about anything but them tearing my kids from me, and this is exactly what they’re doing, convincing my kids, too, that I’m somehow the one causing all the problems in this family.

 

[tawny]

Praying to the Holy Spirit to give you & your family guidance, direction, strength, fortitude & wisdom in your time of need.

 

[petra22]

My parents consider themselves good Catholics.

They are also an alcoholic/co-dependent pair, and likely both narcissists. There have been incidents of physical violence against me, even when I was in my 20s. I believe my father is a pervert, and as I’ve pieced together memories and events and things people have said since I moved home, I believe I told what happened when I was very young and got branded a liar. My mother, in her 70s, is still telling people at church that I make things up.

They have taught my siblings that all problems in our family our my fault–it’s the stereotypical alcoholic family dysfunction and scapegoating.

Despite considering themselves good Catholics, they have snarky comments about my choice to actually *live *what the Catholic faith teaches, while my siblings with tattoos and piercings who spent their 20s throwing kegger parties and haven’t attended church in years are considered the good ones.

They are now steadily working on my kids, with the help of my ex-husband–also a Catholic from a ‘good Catholic’ family. I am looking at spending Easter alone, and every holiday is becoming a major stress beause of these family issues.

I am beginning to lose the ability to see a reason to maintain a life within the Catholic church when this is what I see from ‘good Catholics.’ And yes, I do know truly good Catholics. But the sad fact is, I’ve seen more genuine goodness and received far more kindness these past ten years from ‘tax collectors and prostitutes,’ so to speak.

At this point, I don’t really plan on going to Easter Mass.

I’m sorry they are like that. But don’t give up on Jesus. Go to church for your own well being and pray for them. They need it, so do we all. Happiest of Easters to YOU!

 

[holyrood]

Perhaps it is time to separate, as best as you can, from your family.

I have separated from my family, almost 100%. I have had nothing to do with them in several years. I have not spoken to my parents in about 7 years. (And they walk by me in church and won’t acknowledge me.)

This is one of the tensions between me and my children. My kids think I’m being cruel to poor grandma and grandma. They refuse to face that grandma and grandpa have done an AWFUL lot to bring it to this point, or that I offered repeated olive branches (inviting them to kids’ graduation parties, for instance) at which point they walked into my home, ate my food and drank my wine so to speak, and didn’t so much as say hello to me.

 

[faithsmind]

I’m sorry they are like that. But don’t give up on Jesus. Go to church for your own well being and pray for them. They need it, so do we all. Happiest of Easters to YOU!

:clapping: Well said Petra.

I’m so glad to hear you’ll be going to mass. You’re in my prayers.