Losing it at Church

[RosalieM]

Last night I went to our Lenten soup-after-Mass function and we also saw an educational film. Then usually, Stations of the Cross follow, then benediction. This is when I started to lose it. I opted out of Stations of the Cross (which is okay, we don’t have to do all the activities). I came home and thought the priest at the table was bothered because I have bruises under my eyes from surgery. He left the table and didn’t eat his bread. Today at Mass, it was like everyone was getting on my nerves (how’s that for “love one another”?).
I had to leave my sunglasses on because even with makeup, the bruises are light blue instead of black. One time I took them off and the envelope collectors looked at me like I was a victim. Tomorrow is choir and I’ve already had one comment about wearing sunglasses in the choir. The director said it was fine with him. I feel like opting out of choir tomorrow and cutting down on my Mass attendance but it’s like that’s the “enemy” working on my mind. I could almost see little demons in the pillar designs in the church this evening. Losing it. Suggestions, please.

 

[LilyM]

Sadly, in this day and age, if a woman is seen wearing sunglasses to hide a black eye or two, the first thought for many IS that the woman has been beaten up. I’m sure the thoughts these people had towards you were nothing but charitable - I certainly wouldn’t feel anything other than love and empathy for a possible victim of violence. Hey, it may have inspired a few extra prayers for you, which ain’t a bad thing.

On the other hand it could be a different problem - if your bruises WEREN’T all that noticeable, people might in fact not have noticed them, and thought you were being silly and wearing sunglasses indoors for no reason.

I know if I’ve got a noticeable bruise, cut, pimple or anything of the kind, on my face, I tend to feel less than attractive to start with. And that sour mood tends to translate to how I see others, and I tend to get a bit more impatient with them (and tend more to think the worst of them).

So it’s not that unusual! Just pray for yourself and everyone in your church, and go - Jesus will be glad to see you there.

 

[ready]

Go see a good priest about the situation. He’ll be able to help you. Sometimes other people can draw the wrong conclusions based on bruises and people wearing glasses indoors. I hate when people form false judgements, but that’s what many people do. Let it be their problem, not yours. Maybe the priest walked away for some reason unknown to you. And if he was upset about the bruises maybe he felt bad. About the things you were seeing in the pillar designs, that could be the devil working or it could be something transient and psychological. But talking about everything with a good priest seems to be your best bet. Try to be at peace by taking your frustration to the Lord and cutting back on being around people until the bruises heal, if it helps you while you are in this situation with the bruises. But go to Mass tomorrow - even if you have to go to another church, as it is an obligation. I wish things turn out well!

 

[RosalieM]

Thanks for the thoughtful responses. They really help.
Oh, I did fulfill my obligatory weekly Mass attendance with this evening’s vigil mass.
What I meant is that I go to Mass often during the week and perhaps should cut back on that and I’m not sure I’ll be bold enough to be in front of the congregation tomorrow in choir looking like cool jazz with the glasses or a victim without them.

 

[Highwayhound]

Thanks for the thoughtful responses. They really help.
Oh, I did fulfill my obligatory weekly Mass attendance with this evening’s vigil mass.
What I meant is that I go to Mass often during the week and perhaps should cut back on that and I’m not sure I’ll be bold enough to be in front of the congregation tomorrow in choir looking like cool jazz with the glasses or a victim without them.

What is your reason for attending mass?

 

[ready]

Thanks for the thoughtful responses. They really help.
Oh, I did fulfill my obligatory weekly Mass attendance with this evening’s vigil mass.
What I meant is that I go to Mass often during the week and perhaps should cut back on that and I’m not sure I’ll be bold enough to be in front of the congregation tomorrow in choir looking like cool jazz with the glasses or a victim without them.

You’re welcome! And I understand your situation. Just do your best and let God do the rest. Peace!

 

[RosalieM]

What is your reason for attending mass?

My reason for attending Mass is to attend Mass and receive the Eucharist as often as I can. This would be in addition to the obligatory weekly Mass and to my choir duties.

p.s. to all: A happy ending: I found an old Max Factor pancake (thick and theatrical) makeup stick that covers the bruises effectively so they can’t be seen from a distance. As for what I saw in the pillar designs, it’s like looking at clouds and seeing different images in the forms. Some of those designs actually could be interpreted as scary Chinese monster masks. I’m sure it was my frame of mind, or lack thereof at the time. Thanks again!

 

[ready]

My reason for attending Mass is to attend Mass and receive the Eucharist as often as I can. This would be in addition to the obligatory weekly Mass and to my choir duties.

p.s. to all: A happy ending: I found an old Max Factor pancake (thick and theatrical) makeup stick that covers the bruises effectively so they can’t be seen from a distance. As for what I saw in the pillar designs, it’s like looking at clouds and seeing different images in the forms. Some of those designs actually could be interpreted as scary Chinese monster masks. I’m sure it was my frame of mind, or lack thereof at the time. Thanks again!

Glad things worked out! I too think those images were just the result of your frame of mind at the time. I’m glad you see this and have not panicked too much about them.

 

[Chiltepin]

I wasn’t there, so you know how he reacted better than any of us. It is possible that he has problems with bruises and blood. I’m pretty weird about blood, I get kind of wriggly and uncomfortable. If someone has a big old black eye I don’t always assume they are a victim of abuse but I might have trouble looking them in the eye (Like when my Aunt Lillian was the victim of a can of green beans falling from a high shelf). I doubt this is the case, but its possible.

I’m glad you found make-up that makes you feel more comfortable. I would not suggest cutting back on Mass attendance even though your Sunday obligation will still be met. Options besides your very sensible makeup solution.

1. Offer up the social discomfort you are suffering
2. Make a shirt that says “I had eye surgery!”
3. Wear an eye patch. Sure you would only cover one eye, but people tend to assume that eye patches are for medical reasons (Unless you are my poor sister and you get an eye infection the week of “talk like a pirate day.”)

 

[chromatica]

RosalieM, i have gone to Mass with a bruise under my eye. from falling down.

who cares what people think. maybe i can think bad things about them too. so there.

we have bodies that get bumped and bruised, cut and broken. people think that there is something wrong with this. it is, you know, NORMAL.

maybe the Priest didn’t like the soup. or the bread. maybe he is fasting. once a person close to me said, you know, not everything is about you. i think everything is. usually the bad things. the good things are about other people!

God bless. go to Mass. look people in the eye and don’t fear the bruise. it will go away before we are singing alleluia at Easter.

 

[RosalieM]

Thanks again. I participated in choir this morning as if things were back to normal because I knew they couldn’t see the bruises. Yes, it’s not about me and I have to remember that. I don’t think I can offer up the social embarrassment because the bruises seem to make other people uncomfortable. In fact I was being sized up by others in the choir to check the status of my bruises. I like the t-shirt suggestion; but I’m staying with the thick pancake makeup cover-up.
Stop in and visit my parish some time, and I’ll show you where to see the hidden Chinese monster masks in the pillars. (kidding)

Pax et Bonum