Losing my faith, need prayers

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The_New_Sage

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Right now I feel angry and frustrated with God, there’s something I definitely want very badly, but I’ve told God that if He has something better in mind, then to send that my way. In return, I get silence and mixed signals. I’m almost an atheist now because I’m getting seriously sick and tired of believers telling me I’m doing something wrong (praying wrong, believing wrong, wanting the wrong thing - which is weird because the only thing I want is whatever’s best for me, etc.) and telling me to “be patient”, because sometimes God likes to twiddle His divine thumbs while making someone wait 30-40-50 years for happiness, if they ever do get it, just because He’s God and His divine will can make you suffer. Everyone’s like, “Well of course God answers prayers! Except when he doesn’t. If He doesn’t, you must be doing something wrong. Or it isn’t God’s will.” And God’s will is this mysterious, vague thing and you can find it by reading the Bible, except when you can’t. And when that happens you don’t have a clue what He wants, you just have to sit there and wait for something or nothing to happen. You can’t know. He won’t tell you, even if you ask. I’ve tried. Sometimes I get a sorta-hint that says “Yes”, other times I get a kinda-hint that says “No”, but a straight answer? Never. And “God can work miracles! But He usually doesn’t so don’t think He’ll work one for you.”

I don’t think I can do this anymore. I’ve prayed to exhaustion and I feel trapped in a situation I don’t want to be in and can’t economically or emotionally live with. A few days ago I went grocery shopping and needed a quarter to get a cart, but couldn’t find one. Searched all over the car and in my purse. Finally I just said, “God, can you please give me a quarter?” Looked around everywhere to see if someone dropped one or would offer me one. NO DICE! I got so mad, just thinking, “Dammit, God, you can’t even spare a freaking QUARTER for me?!”

But then later I needed to find some pills I’d lost and very much needed, I prayed to God and St. Anthony that they’d show up, and while I was digging through a pile of junk looking for them, I got a sudden thought: “Look underneath the bathroom sink.” Sure enough, there they were. But I could very vaguely remember putting them there so it could’ve just been my mind.

Last night I had a dream and one of the elements in it was that if I got want I wanted, I’d be afraid of getting hurt again, but it was a totally normal dream in that none of it made sense and it was all really goofy, like most dreams are. So I didn’t know what to make of it. Then today I got another hint that I’ll get what I want and it’ll make me happy. So I’m at my wits’ end. Maybe I’m so desperate for an answer I’m reading too much into perfectly ordinary things.

I’m too emotionally and spiritually wrecked to do this anymore. I want to keep going but I don’t know if it’s worth it. Sometimes I feel like if there’s a God, he’s cruel and into laughing at people in their despair.
 
I am so sorry that you are so frustrated and seem to think God doesn’t care for you enough to encourage someone to give you a quarter and other concerns.

Given you feel the way you do in an extreme manner do you have a minister you could speak with about this issue?

I’m sure you will receive some good answers here but something of this magnitude I think would be best served by speaking with a Pastor.

God Bless,

Mary.
 
God is our Father. He loves us. He knows our needs. Oftentimes it must seem like we are toddlers throwing a tantrum wanting what we think is best for us, or what we think will make us happy. Loving God when things are hard is important. The point of prayer is NOT to change God’s mind or will but to more closely bring our will into alignment with God’s.

When we think if only I had more money, a better job, a bigger house, better health it would make me happy, we are on the wrong path. Instead it is better to examine our life and look at all the blessings we have been given.

Have you eaten today? Have you been able to access clean water to bathe? Have you had a refreshing drink? Have you had a chat with a friend? Have you worn clean clothes or comfortable shoes? These are all great blessings. Many people do not have these things. It’s incredible but true.

Thank God for all the many blessings in your life. Praise Him for being the wonderful Father that He is. Surrender to His will.

We pray that His will be done on earth as it is in heaven. We must try to mean it in our lives.

Just some thoughts.

Peace to you.
 
Praying
Our Father
Hail Mary x10
Glory Be
My Lord Jesus
Amen

May your patience hold out!
 
I’m kind of torn when it comes to blessings.

I’ve eaten very little today. What I did eat, I ate out out of a cooking pot with a giant spoon - it was cereal, and it and the implements were all I had. Also had a couple leftover breadsticks and slices of bread with no jam or butter or anything of the sort. And I ate alone. My roommate, whom I am in love with due to our past relationship, left without saying goodbye to go to work this morning. Not because he is cold but because our romantic relationship ended due to some mental problems of his and he is trying to emotionally distance himself from me while he’s depressed. Still, it hurt.

Clothes - I wore my badly-patched jeans that I need to buy new patches for to put over the old patches. 90% of my clothes, I buy used. Sometimes they fit, sometimes they don’t.

Car - I got into my car today to find out that it sprung a leak overnight during a storm. The floor was soaked.

Family - my parents make over $200,000 a year and they refuse to help me with money.

Money - I am completely broke. I literally don’t even have a dollar in my checking or savings accounts. I can think of several upcoming expenses: rent, $275 in doctor’s fees, gas, food. I couldn’t work for two weeks due to a health problem so my next paycheck might be able to pay for one doctor’s appointment, but that’s it.

Job - I have called the people who are handling my leave three times in regards to paperwork they were supposed to send me. It has never arrived. I had them email it to me and send it to my house. Nothing. I’m going to call again but I’m not sure what good it will do. Without the paperwork, I lose my job.

Relationships: as I said, I’m in love with my roommate who is my former boyfriend. He has appointments set up for a psychiatrist and a therapist due to his mental problems, for the first time in his life and at my assistance and insistence. I’m not sure how they’re going to go, though. I’ve begged and pleaded with God for some resolution in this situation - to either let me get back together with him, give me someone else or let me be happy alone. No resolution in sight. I guess I’ll see how the appointments go. That’s all I can do for now, but I still feel confused and alone in the meantime. Both my roommate and I honestly expected to marry until his mental problems overcame him. My heart is still broken.

Living situation: when I’m at my apartment, I sleep on an air mattress on a carpet that smells like dog pee. There is no central air, so its stiflingly hot all the time. When I’m with my parents, I sleep in a bedroom on a bed, but it’s 30-45 minutes away from work and wherever I need to go. I can’t afford that gas and buses don’t go that far out - my parents live in the country.

Friends - I have good friends, but they’re busy and can’t always be there for me, for which I hold no rancor against them. They are also very few.

Drinks - I’m thirsty constantly. Nothing sates it. I think I may have a medical problem but I can’t afford to see yet another doctor.

Advice I’m given from friends and family - this seems odd to put here but I’ve just noticed that it’s never good advice. Some people assume they know EVERYTHING about my situation and they don’t. Others tell me what I’m thinking or feeling - like they know better than I do. My parents are consistently negative people so their advice is usually, “Give up whatever your hopes or plans are and let us order you around”.

Church - my church is failing. It’s tiny, about eight people, and we meet in my priest’s home. We’ve been trying to grow for years with no luck. Also the church is too poor to help out its parishioners.
 
Praying to the Holy Spirit to give you guidance, direction, strength, fortitude & wisdom in your time of need.
 
The_New_Sage said:
Right now I feel angry and frustrated with God, there’s something I definitely want very badly, but I’ve told God that if He has something better in mind, then to send that my way. In return, I get silence and mixed signals. I’m almost an atheist now because I’m getting seriously sick and tired of believers telling me I’m doing something wrong (praying wrong, believing wrong, wanting the wrong thing - which is weird because the only thing I want is whatever’s best for me, etc.) and telling me to “be patient”, because sometimes God likes to twiddle His divine thumbs while making someone wait 30-40-50 years for happiness, if they ever do get it, just because He’s God and His divine will can make you suffer. Everyone’s like, “Well of course God answers prayers! Except when he doesn’t. If He doesn’t, you must be doing something wrong. Or it isn’t God’s will.” And God’s will is this mysterious, vague thing and you can find it by reading the Bible, except when you can’t. And when that happens you don’t have a clue what He wants, you just have to sit there and wait for something or nothing to happen. You can’t know. He won’t tell you, even if you ask. I’ve tried. Sometimes I get a sorta-hint that says “Yes”, other times I get a kinda-hint that says “No”, but a straight answer? Never. And “God can work miracles! But He usually doesn’t so don’t think He’ll work one for you.”

I don’t think I can do this anymore. I’ve prayed to exhaustion and I feel trapped in a situation I don’t want to be in and can’t economically or emotionally live with. A few days ago I went grocery shopping and needed a quarter to get a cart, but couldn’t find one. Searched all over the car and in my purse. Finally I just said, “God, can you please give me a quarter?” Looked around everywhere to see if someone dropped one or would offer me one. NO DICE! I got so mad, just thinking, “Dammit, God, you can’t even spare a freaking QUARTER for me?!”

But then later I needed to find some pills I’d lost and very much needed, I prayed to God and St. Anthony that they’d show up, and while I was digging through a pile of junk looking for them, I got a sudden thought: “Look underneath the bathroom sink.” Sure enough, there they were. But I could very vaguely remember putting them there so it could’ve just been my mind.

Last night I had a dream and one of the elements in it was that if I got want I wanted, I’d be afraid of getting hurt again, but it was a totally normal dream in that none of it made sense and it was all really goofy, like most dreams are. So I didn’t know what to make of it. Then today I got another hint that I’ll get what I want and it’ll make me happy. So I’m at my wits’ end. Maybe I’m so desperate for an answer I’m reading too much into perfectly ordinary things.

I’m too emotionally and spiritually wrecked to do this anymore. I want to keep going but I don’t know if it’s worth it. Sometimes I feel like if there’s a God, he’s cruel and into laughing at people in their despair.
Click to expand...
God doesn’t toy with us. Your answer will not be a “thing” that happens or “request” that is answered to your satisfaction. Yes, I will pray for you…definitely. But you need to see a priest as soon as possible. Tell him exactly what you have said here, and heed his counsel. Life without the Lord in it is far worse than being temporarily disappointed or curious as to the future.

You also may want to post this in a different sub-forum as well. There are many wise people who will offer their own stories of hope. Today is Corpus Christi. The Feast of true love. Seek the ONE who gave His life for you.

peace
 
I just realized this is the prayer intention thread where we are encourage to offer prayers and not advice. My bad.

Maybe you could repost this in Family Life or some other forum where people will give you their thoughts.

Praying for you for an improvement in your situation and faith that sustains you through times of despair

Mary.
 
Join the ranks. God is not our personal baby sitter or Nanny, let alone 1st Nat. Bank. You had a pot to eat from, a spoon and some cereal to consume. You know that there are multitudes the world over who have far less; not pot nor pan, spoon or cereal, shelter and sleep on dirt floors.You might consider praying for what God wants rather than what you want…and pray for those who have no hope at all.

I really don’t know your status in life or where it is going, but you can’t blame God if your situation is no better than a lot of other deserving people. I can’t give you advice other than to pray for others rather than self all the time. I will pray for you and I do wish you well. Peace.
 
New Sage

Thanks for being so forthright. It cannot be easy when you feel yourself to be experiencing hardship and suffering. It is clear that things are far from perfect in your life At The Minute. This is important. Right now they are not great. But Hope is a great virtue to cultivate. Things can get better and do. But God tests our perseverance. Do we stay with Him even when things look bleak? Or do we leave Him?

Life is often a glass is half full or half empty scenario. Your church is small and poor. Is that a bad thing? Think of Bethlehem. The cave. Small, poor. But Holy. You have 8 members. That’s good. Do you have regular Mass? Adoration? If not set up regular adoration. The Lord will bless your work if you do.

Decide to stay with the Lord no matter what life is like at the moment and persevere. Keep praying the rosary.

God bless you.
 
Hail Mary,
Full of grace,
The Lord is with Thee.
Blessed art Thou amongst women,
and blessed is the fruit of Thy womb,
Jesus.
Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
Pray for us sinners,
Now and at the hour of death,
Amen
🙏
 
Praying for you! I won’t try to give you my two cents worth of why God sometimes doesn’t seem to answer us (I’m pretty sure others have already told you anyhow) but just know that all of us on this forum are rooting for you to overcome this crisis in this uncertain time of your life. I pray you find peace and happiness soon!
 
Prayer for Faith

Lord, I believe:
I wish to believe in Thee.
Lord, let my faith be full and unreserved,
and let it penetrate my thought,
my way of judging Divine things and human things.
Lord, let my faith be joyful
and give peace and gladness to my spirit,
and dispose it for prayer with God
and conversation with men,
so that the inner bliss of its fortunate possession
may shine forth in sacred and secular conversation.
Lord, let my faith be humble and not presume
to be based on the experience of my thought and of my feeling;
but let it surrender to the testimony of the Holy Spirit,
and not have any better guarantee than in docility to Tradition
and to the authority of the magisterium of the Holy Church.
Amen.

– Pope Paul VI

:signofcross:
 
Our Father, Who art in heaven,
Hallowed be Thy Name.
Thy Kingdom come.
Thy Will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.

Amen.
 
Our Father, Who art in heaven
Hallowed be Thy Name;
Thy kingdom come,
Thy will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread,
and forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us;
and lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.
Amen.

Hail Mary, full of grace.
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou amongst women,
and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God,
pray for us sinners,
now and at the hour of our death.
Amen.

Glory be to the Father,
and to the Son,
and to the Holy Spirit:
As it was in the beginning,
is now,
and ever shall be,
world without end.
Amen.
 
Hail Mary, full of grace. The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou amongst women,
and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God,
pray for us sinners,
now and at the hour of our death. Amen.
 
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