Losing my faith : Prayers and advice would be nice

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Melodeonist

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I’ve always had ups and downs in my faith, but lately my faith has been faltering even more. I feel called to marriage, but even though I’ve prayed to God everyday that he send me someone I still never even got to go on a single date. I’ve been a member of catholic dating sites: nothing. I’ve asked 2 catholic ladies out and both said no. There are basically no other single catholic women in my age range with similar interests to me besides the ones who I asked out in my area.

Also, I don’t want to be a priest. I have no interest in doing priestly duties, and I strongly dislike academic work like reading, writing, and other stuff priests have to do regularly. I also don’t want to join a religious order. I want to start a family, and I want to be part of the world. I have a dream career, bartending, and I’m just steps away from getting a better bartending job. I know what I want to do.

I feel like god has abandoned me. I ask Him to help me grow in my faith and to help give me motivation, but nothing motivates me anymore and I just keep losing my faith. I feel completely numb to the faith and sin so I sin left and right and I don’t have any motivation to go to Mass so I usually get drunk and skip mass instead so I don’t feel as low down and lonely. Of course, I’ve never really enjoyed anything about the faith. Reading the bible is like a boring chore. Praying is like a boring chore. Going to Mass is like a boring chore. The faith is very boring to me, I wish it was more social.

Speaking of loneliness, this is the core of all my problems. I feel extremely lonely. I feel like all my friends just pretend to like me because they think there’s something wrong with me. All this is making me extremely bitter.

All I want is to hang out with my friends regularly, a devout catholic girlfriend, and a better job (this one’s the easy one). I’m in no way shy, and I’ve become extremely bold and steadfast recently from self improvement. Why do I feel like I’m worthless?
 
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I’m not good at giving advice I will pray for you though. Don’t feel worthless. You are loved by God. To God nobody is worthless.
 
It sounds like you’re called to marriage through and through.

I’m sorry you are going through a rough patch.

This might be God’s way of calling you closer to Mother Church. You desire a Catholic girlfriend but find everything about Mother Church a “chore”.

Perhaps when your heart softens, maybe via prayer, your life will start looking up
 
It is tough. Praying you will find spiritual and psychological support to overcome loneliness and your current struggles. May you find again soon Faith, Hope and Love.
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Melodeonist said:
I feel completely numb to the faith and sin so I sin left and right and I don’t have any motivation to go to Mass so I usually get drunk and skip mass instead so I don’t feel as low down and lonely. Of course, I’ve never really enjoyed anything about the faith. Reading the bible is like a boring chore. Praying is like a boring chore. Going to Mass is like a boring chore. The faith is very boring to me, I wish it was more social.
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I think before you’re ready to be in a relationship with a “Catholic lady”, you should work on this and see if you can become a more joyful Catholic. Women looking for a good Catholic husband don’t want a guy who thinks the faith is “boring” and like a “chore”, nor do they want a guy who skips Mass in favor of getting drunk.

How about breaking out of your routine and going to a different parish or a different type of Mass or some different prayer groups, anything?

Also, if your dream job is being a bartender, you need to be able to control your own drinking. You can’t work around alcohol all the time if you’re getting drunk on a regular basis in your personal life. I would suggest you quit drinking entirely for a while. Drinking is not the answer to boredom, it will just add problems on top of problems.

I think once you are happier with yourself you will be in a better position to make new friends and social contacts. Being a bartender is an extremely social job (I have bartender friends) and should help with the loneliness IF you can like I said control your own alcohol intake. Stop asking God to “send you someone” and ask him instead how you can better love and serve him today and for him to help you find ways to make new friends including lady friends. I must say that the bartenders I know don’t have any shortage of women trying to date them, in fact the main problem they have is getting away from the women chasing them once they have entered a steady relationship with one woman.

I will pray for you.
 
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I think you should speak to a counselor about your negative self-belief, to help you work through it. I can understand why, but you’re putting too much emphasis on a girlfriend. I get the feeling from your post that you think having a girlfriend will solve a lot of your problems. It won’t, believe me. Because you will worry and doubt her affection for you, just as you doubt your friends’. So you need to work on you. Talk to a counselor about what to do with how you feel.

Cut the drinking out. Make an effort to go to Mass. Talk to your Priest about your spiritual dryness. Nothing will get better if you stay drinking at home.

And be kind to yourself.
 
OP: I agree with the ladies here. They’re giving you good advice. Im speaking as one man to another: As for the desire for a devout Catholic girlfriend: You’re not going to attract such a girl into your life the way you’re acting right now. In fact: You’d repulse her. A good Catholic girl needs a man who mans up, takes good care of himself and is responsible and mature.

Only such a man will be able to take care of her and any children you have with her.

Get yourself squared away: Go to Confession, go to Mass and get praying regularly.
 
@Melodeonist Hi, Melodeonist! As far as low points go, we all have them; same with pity parties. That’s typical of the human experience, but don’t wallow in either. And stop the self-abusive habits! No, no, no!

I agree that God’s unlikely to send someone to you without effort on your part, so you must do your part and keep on trying. You do need to snap out of your blue and dismal funk, and that’s going to take some effort. Pray, yes, but try spending some solitary time in Adoration, not for just a few minutes, and not for just two or three times; go often enough to steep your soul in the love of Christ!

As for advice beyond prayerfulness and cleaning up your personal habits (booze and boredom), I suggest that you spend some time with a priest, consider counseling to increase your self-esteem, and seek analysis and feedback from a speech/drama teacher. That last one may surprise you, but speech teachers are trained to help people learn to sell themselves when they speak. Your friends are accustomed to your ways and may not tell you that you have annoying or inappropriate habits that don’t let you put your best foot forward.

You might find a high school teacher, a college professor, or even a college student (majoring in those subjects) who would be willing to tutor you. An adult education speech class is an option as an add-on to private tutoring, so that you’ll have practice time with other students to further your growth. (Might be gals there, too!) Once upon a time, such training was an important part of every student’s studies in order to receive a high school diploma. Don’t get me started on how that training’s gone down the educational drain! (Lol! Guess my college majors!)

Have you considered teaching adults music lessons? Maybe even through the adult education program? Just a thought…

Hang in there, Melodeonist! AND KEEP YOUR FAITH!! 😇
 
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Why must you meet a catholic lady or any other lady who has different beliefs ?
 
@aroosi What a beautiful rendition of Our Lady and Baby Jesus! It’s my first time seeing it. Thank you, @aroosi.
 
It is in a style called ’barroco andino’, mostly popular in Peru’, Bolivia etc.
 
@aroosi Thank you for that info. This is the first that I’ve seen in this style. After years of watching CAF, I can still say that hardly a day goes by when I don’t learn something new to me here. 😀
 
I echo the very good advice you’ve already received upthread. I would also recommend that you check out the book The Noonday Devil by Abbot Jean Charles Nault. A lot of what he talks about seems to answer what you’re going through.

You have to remember that faith isn’t a feeling, it’s an act of the will. God isn’t a vending machine, he’s a loving Father. We don’t just try and then give up because we don’t get what we want. We must pray consistently, even if not well, and not deviate from this. Continue to say your yes to God, in good times and bad, whether you receive rewards or not.

Imagine a married couple had the same attitude you did about God. “I feel like the love isn’t there anymore, I don’t get out of it what I used to, so I’m going to escape by drinking and turning away.” It’s not hard to imagine because it happens all the time. But in reality, love and faith are acts of the will. We must continue to say yes, even if we don’t feel like it. And we mustn’t seek to escape in worldly compensations when things don’t go well. “He who perseveres to the end will be saved.”

-Fr ACEGC
 
@Melodeonist

Hi, Fella! Just wondering where you are and how you are and wanting you to know that we care about your heart and hurts, as well as your soul.

These “dark nights of the soul” can sometimes hit us out of the blue, with no warning, or they can build and build until we feel we’ll explode. Either way, they make it difficult to plow on through with our daily routines.

Although talking with a priest should be your first move, perhaps it will help if you stay in touch, tell us what’s bothering you, and hear how some of us have gotten over a similar crisis.

You’ve been visiting CAF for quite a while, so you know that although we all have different personalities and different ways of expressing ourselves, we all care about each other. Please come back and let us know, as Eddie Arnold used to sing, “What’s goin’ on in your world?”
 
“I feel like god has abandoned me.”

Nope. He’s there. But can He say that about you?

“I feel completely numb to the faith and sin so I sin left and right and I don’t have any motivation to go to Mass”

Someone else here already suggested get thyself to confession. Seriously.

“Speaking of loneliness, this is the core of all my problems. I feel extremely lonely.”

We are never really all alone. The Lord is with us always. He promised,

Matthew 28:16-20

Now the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain to which Jesus had directed them. And when they saw him they worshiped him; but some doubted. And Jesus came and said to them, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, to the close of the age.”

“All I want is to hang out with my friends regularly, a devout catholic girlfriend, and a better job (this one’s the easy one)”

This is not our purpose in life. Here are some catechism questions and answers.
Q. What is man?
A. Man is a creature composed of body and soul, and made to the image and likeness of God.

Q. Why did God make you?
A. God made me to know Him, to love Him, and to serve Him in this world, and to be happy with Him for ever in heaven.

Q. What must we do to save our souls?
A. To save our souls, we must worship God by faith, hope, and charity; that is, we must believe in Him, hope in Him, and love Him with all our heart.

You must change your focus. Seek Him and you will find Him and everything else that is good will follow according to His will for you.

I wish you godspeed, brother. A good friend of mine recently found a good Catholic woman to marry. Both are 40. Neither had ever married before. They had given up but God put them together. Be faithful.
 
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Good to see you back!! I pray for you. Lonliness can be difficult, and do not fall into the trap of thinking a girlfriend will make you un-lonely. Good friendships, a core of other men with whom you have solid, real intimacy is vital.

Have you read Fr Phillipe’s “Searching For and Maintaining Peace”? It is powerful, it is inexpensive.

Know that feeling like an outsider is a very normal part of life. It is part of being a teenager, but, sometimes due to life circumstances, it is delayed until college. Every single human on earth has felt that way. Every person here has felt that way, and still feels that way sometimes.
Melodeonist said:
. I’ve asked 2 catholic ladies out and both said no. There are basically no other single catholic women in my age range with similar interests to me besides the ones who I asked out in my area.
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While it seems that way, there are more than 2 Catholic single women out there.

Are you joining in with your Diocese Campus Ministry activities? What about national events?


I would think your musical talent could be put to use at parish events, festivals, our parish has Octoberfest and I am sure we are not the only one!
 
Hello, I’m in a similar state as you are. I will say a Hail Mary for you today. It’s not easy to be a Catholic alone. I struggle with great loneliness too and what helps me is to offer it up to God for what it’s worth. Please say a prayer for me too as I have no Christian friends in life. 🙏
 
I’ll keep you in my prayers. Your accordion videos helped me when I was in a dark place.
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@TheBomb.Com

Regarding the beautiful icon…

Who is the artist and is there a back story on the method used? I don’t recall having seen it before. The depth perception is remarkable! Has this artist produced paintings other than icons?
 
It would be easier if you identify with the type of Catholic or Christian you are. Do some soul searching and decide if you are, for example, traditional Catholic. Like attracts like in the universe of relationships. Narrow it down. There are groups in different parishes that meet.
 
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