Losing my faith

[Eklecktika]

I am really struggling to maintain my faith. I see no evidence that God hears prayers,or that they do a bit of good. After all, if we are supposed to bend to His will, then if I’m praying for something that’s contrary to that, the answer is No. If it’s aligned with his will, then it would have happened anyway.

Why bother?

My father died of cancer in 2006 after a year of brutal treatment and suffering. During that same year, whilst praying and fasting and offering up everything I could possibly conceive, I became pregnant and my husband was abusive BECAUSE I was pregnant. It was ‘my fault’.

I prayed for his conversion. I prayed for Dad’s health. Both failed. I prayed for my marriage. It blew up and ended in divorce. I prayed for my son. He has a chronic illness, and failure to thrive, and I’m on my own. No help there.

I’ve prayed for a husband. Novena after novena, and what do I get? I get two dates with a really great guy-someone who would be a fantastic person to know-and he disapears. No phone call, no explanation, just-poof.

Not once, Not even twice.

Seven times. Carson, Conrad, Cody, Nick, Michael, Ty, and Chad. I am nothing but positive. I am happy. I am confident, able to carry on a conversation on a range of topics, interested in other people, active, in shape, and have been told I’m attractive enough times to be pretty sure that I’m not homely. I flirt, but not overly so, I’m modest, but not prudish. I’m certainly not easy, and never have been. I stay up to date on the goings on around the world-current events, and politics. I have tried Match, eharmony, catholicmatch, and the ‘friends’ thing. I can fake it with the best of them, and you’d never know how much it hurts to be rejected time after time after time. I’m a good person. I do what I can to help people I know, and people I don’t. I hold the door for older people, I’m respectful, I pray for priests and the pope. I have my areas where I fail-everyone does. I have even managed to bring my boss back to the church-when I started here he was a vehement anti-catholic.

But I see people who don’t even go to church-EVER-and they’re happily dating/engaged/married with kids, and I can’t even get a boyfriend. I’m not desperate, I’m quite happy single. I own a house. A nice house. I have a great job that I love, and I’m close to my family.

I can see something not working over the course of a couple years. I’m pushing five years of prayers falling on deaf ears, and I have only so much persistence.

Honestly. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I’ve been to confession, and communion, prayed the rosary on a daily basis. No change. I’m about ready to say chuck it, and give up. I know that isn’t the right thing to do intellectually, but deep down, I have this distinct feeling that at the end of the day, it doesn’t make a bit of difference.

Sorry I’m venting/ranting/whining, but I’m tired of trying, and trying, and getting no where. Priests are no help.

Thanks for listening. Any ideas?

 

[raaucoin]

first off, you are in my prayers. You’ve been dealt a HECK of a hand.
Secondly- DONT GIVE UP ON A GOD WHO REFUSES TO GIVE UP ON YOU.
Next, Remember Because He wants us to love Him freely, we are all given free will. He doesn’t act against that; sadly even if husbands act like jerks.

It almost sounds “cliche” but it is so true: God hears every prayer. He doesnt always answer how or when we think He should. I can only offer my experience that never has it come out wrong when He answers me when and how He chooses.

Finally, How Blessed we are that our God Jesus is a God who cries with us. Let Him join His tears with yours and I believe you’ll find some peace.

 

[JohnMPhilomena]

Wow, you sound like you’ve had a really tough time. I will pray for you too.

One of the problems is we want our prayers answered in our time. God doesn’t work that way. My wife prayed for my conversion for 25 years. Each of our children prayed for my conversion and offered their 1st Holy Communions for me. Well last year, their prayers were finally answered and I gave my “yes” to God, and when I did that, He poured his graces on me.

Please don’t take your “yes” away from God. He does things in His time, not ours. Sometimes we have to amend our prayers because they don’t quite line up with His will. Place your faith and trust in His Mercy. REALLY believe that it will all work out.

Carry Christ’s cross and your burden will be light. If your burden is too heavy, then examine where that is coming from (probably not from God). It is the evil one whispering in your ear that God doesn’t answer your prayers, that you should give up on God. Once you place all our trust in God, peace will be yours.

Peace be with you,
John Marie Philomena

 

[Bookcat]

In all difficulties …in all darkness’s …in all suffering…and even in ordinary life with its mix of joys and sorrows…

Do not give up your Faith…for anything…

Yes it may be that we do not see “the anwsers we want” to our prayers …but this does not mean you have not been given many good things…prayer is not “magic” …it is a loving conversation between us and God…

Also much is left for us to exercise our free will …and much is bad for us that we ask or not the best…and much is the bad use of the free will of others…

Jesus of Nazareth really is our hope!

We must hold fast to him…within his Church…in the sacraments…

He is the Great hope!

vatican.va/holy_father/benedict_xvi/messages/urbi/documents/hf_ben-xvi_mes_20070408_urbi-easter_en.html

vatican.va/holy_father/benedict_xvi/messages/urbi/documents/hf_ben-xvi_mes_20070408_urbi-easter_en.html

Mary Star of Hope pray for us!

“Lord I believe…increase my faith! and my Hope!”

vatican.va/holy_father/benedict_xvi/messages/urbi/documents/hf_ben-xvi_mes_20080323_urbi-easter_en.html

 

[ravloony]

Ok. Imagine for a moment that you give up now. All the same reasons for being unhappy would still be there. But you would have added your own guilt for throwing in the towel. How would that be better?

It seems to you that God is asking you a great deal. Give it to Him! Your reward will be all the greater! Life is so short, and eternity is so long! It’s a good deal, a very good deal!

Also when you say “but deep down, I have this distinct feeling that at the end of the day, it doesn’t make a bit of difference.” Don’t trust that type of feeling. It’s a temptation. And it’s completely fallacious. Trust me, I’ve been there more than once…

Keep saying your prayers, keep offering up the things that trouble you. For example I try to use the suffering people cause me “against” them, ie for their conversion. It tickles my sense of humour, and it works.

Hang in there, it’s going to be ok, don’t doubt that!

You are in my prayers.

 

[NoAvailableName]

Eklecktika,

Remember how Jesus taught us to pray. We are to pray for the Holy Spirit. (Luke 11:13) We are to seek the kingdom of God first (Matthew 6:33) In the Lord’s Prayer, we are to ask that God’s will be done, and that we not be led into sin. And remember how Solomon prayed to God in 1 Kings 3:

9 Give your servant therefore an understanding mind to govern your people, that I may discern between good and evil, for who is able to govern this your great people?"
10 It pleased the Lord that Solomon had asked this. 11 And God said to him, "Because you have asked this, and have not asked for yourself long life or riches or the life of your enemies, but have asked for yourself understanding to discern what is right, 12 behold, I now do according to your word. Behold, I give you a wise and discerning mind, so that none like you has been before you and none like you shall arise after you.

These promises are a lot more about spirituality and less about fulfilling the desires of the flesh. Your father was made of flesh and blood, which is temporal. No where does your religion promise that God must heal him if you pray. We all die eventually, and none of us can complain back to God that he owed us more time on this earth than he gave us, since we never deserved any time in the first place.

Neither does God promise you the perfect husband.

So perhaps you are lucky that God didn’t answer your prayers. You have been given the opportunity instead to realign your priorities with God’s. For true happiness will come from the spirit and not the desires of the flesh. And then after you have more properly aligned your thought’s with God’s, perhaps then you will be able to view any future husband in the proper light – as a gift from God, not as something owed to you and delayed in its arrival. And you will know that your husband is still inferior to God. And when your thoughts are thus properly aligned, perhaps you will have more success in your future marriage?

It is hard for even devout Christians to accept, but it is true. God owes us nothing – not even life or a good spouse. And we are primarily to seek after doing God’s will. But if you can accept these things, I dare say that any of your future relationships will be much more fulfilling than for most of those who put their trust and happiness in their spouse or children or health rather than God.

Hear the words of Jesus, even when he was about to die:

Luke 22:42 “Saying, Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done.”

He did not say, "God, grant me a long life and a beautiful wife – you owe me and if you don’t do as I say then I will ignore you! "

I do not want to sound harsh, I know what I am asking of you is very difficult. But if you can accomplish it, you will be better off than even the vast majority of Christians. It is very hard to accept that our spiritual life is even more important that our close personal relationships, but it is true.

So stop praying for all your desires for awhile, and instead pray for wisdom. Pray that you may use your talents to serve God. Pray that you may grow in knowledge and understanding of God. Pray that you will be a good example to others in the faith. Pray that Christ will be the head of any future relationships and endeavors. Pray for the strength to deal with any trial in life. Thank God for everything that he has given you. Admit that he owes you nothing. Thank him for the opportunity to do his will, for doing his will is far more glorious than any husband you could ever have.

 

[JohnMPhilomena]

From a Letter of Saint Raymond of Penyafort (1175-1275)

May the God of love and peace set your hearts at rest.
The preacher of God’s truth has told us that all who want to live righteously in Christ will suffer persecution. If he spoke the truth and did not lie, the only exception to this general statement is, I think, the person who either neglects, or does not know how, to live temperately, justly and righteously in this world.
May you never be numbered among those whose house is peaceful, quiet and free from care; those on who the Lord’s chastisement does not descend; those who live out their days in prosperity, and in the twinkling of an eye will go down to hell.
Your purity of life, your devotion, deserve and call for a reward; because you are acceptable and pleasing to God your purity of life must be made purer still, by frequent buffetings, until you attain perfect sincerity of heart. If from time to time you feel the sword falling on you with double or treble force, this also should be seen as sheer joy and the mark of love.
The two-edged sword consists in conflict without, fears within. It falls with double or treble force within, when the cunning spirit troubles the depths of your heart with guile and enticements. You have learned enough already about these kinds of warfare, or you would not have been able to enjoy peace and interior tranquility in all its beauty.
The sword falls with double and treble force externally when, without cause being given, there breaks out from within the Church persecution in spiritual matters, where wounds are more serious, especially when inflicted by friends.
This is that inevitable and blessed cross of Christ which Andrew, that manly saint, received with joyful heart: the cross in which alone we must make our boast, as Paul, God’s chosen instrument, has told us.
Look then on Jesus, the author and preserver of faith: in complete sinlessness he suffered, and at the hands of those who were his own, and was numbered among the wicked. As you drink the cup of the Lord Jesus (how glorious it is!), give thanks to the Lord, the giver of all blessings.
May the God of love and peace set your hearts at rest and speed you on your journey; may he meanwhile shelter you from disturbance by others in the hidden recesses of his love, until he brings you at last into that place of complete plentitude where you will repose forever in the vision of peace, in the security of trust and in the restful enjoyment of his riches.

 

[Bookcat]

1. It is not science that redeems man: man is redeemed by love. This applies even in terms of this present world. When someone has the experience of a great love in his life, this is a moment of “redemption” which gives a new meaning to his life. But soon he will also realize that the love bestowed upon him cannot by itself resolve the question of his life. It is a love that remains fragile. It can be destroyed by death. The human being needs unconditional love. He needs the certainty which makes him say: “neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Rom 8:38- 39). If this absolute love exists, with its absolute certainty, then—only then—is man “redeemed”, whatever should happen to him in his particular circumstances. This is what it means to say: Jesus Christ has “redeemed” us. Through him we have become certain of God, a God who is not a remote “first cause” of the world, because his only-begotten Son has become man and of him everyone can say: “I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me” (Gal 2:20).
2. In this sense it is true that anyone who does not know God, even though he may entertain all kinds of hopes, is ultimately without hope, without the great hope that sustains the whole of life (cf. Eph 2:12). Man’s great, true hope which holds firm in spite of all disappointments can only be God—God who has loved us and who continues to love us “to the end,” until all “is accomplished” (cf. Jn 13:1 and 19:30). Whoever is moved by love begins to perceive what “life” really is. He begins to perceive the meaning of the word of hope that we encountered in the Baptismal Rite: from faith I await “eternal life”—the true life which, whole and unthreatened, in all its fullness, is simply life. Jesus, who said that he had come so that we might have life and have it in its fullness, in abundance (cf. Jn 10:10), has also explained to us what “life” means: “this is eternal life, that they know you the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent” (Jn 17:3). Life in its true sense is not something we have exclusively in or from ourselves: it is a relationship. And life in its totality is a relationship with him who is the source of life. If we are in relation with him who does not die, who is Life itself and Love itself, then we are in life. Then we “live”.

~ Pope Benedict XVI -Spe Salvi

We live in a fallen world…due to mans sin…and added to by his continued sin…

But this is a pilgrimage here…not our final home…

Jesus entered into this suffering…and suffered…with us and for us…he entered humanity’s pain…and even death…he is the Good Shepherd who gives us life in this world and hope! He is our Hope! He is the Good Shepherd who came looking for us his sheep…

“Truly Christ puts the lost sheep upon his shoulders and carries it home. Clinging to his Body we have life, and in communion with his Body we reach the very heart of God. Only thus is death conquered, we are set free and our life is hope.” -Pope Benedict XVI (E. Vigil 2007)

This world will know suffering depending on various events…persons misuse of free will etc…(and Jesus can be with us if we let him…through it all) …as well as many joys…then for those who are “in Christ” an are a new creation…there will come the New Heavens and New Earth at the Resurrection!

(which is for a very long time…called forever)

But we begin to live now! Cling to Christ…follow him…keep his teachings…the teachings of the Church…he is our hope…our Great hope!

But we need to renew our perspective…“walk by faith”…knowing that he loves us…

Jesus the good shepherd leads us…

"He leads us through the often murky sea of history, where we are frequently in danger of sinking amid all the confusion and perils…

Let us grasp his hand firmly! Whatever may happen, whatever may befall us, let us not lose hold of his hand! Let us walk along the path that leads to life." -Pope Benedict XVI (E. Vigil 2008)

 

[Ecoclimber]

I am really struggling to maintain my faith. I see no evidence that God hears prayers,or that they do a bit of good…Why bother?
Any ideas?

Wow! It’s really tough with what you are going through over the last few years but it is not unique, many times we think we are the only ones going through this devastation whereas in truth many of God’s saints are suffering throughout the world in similar situations or even worst even to the point of dying for Christ. I’ve been through similar experiences and felt your emotions over these issues. How crushing they can be. But I learned from these experiences that God wants to teach us lessons. These trials that all believers will face will strengthen us to persevere by the grace of God for He is faithful. There is process that we all must go through when we are grieving in order to receive our healing. We need to go through stages of grief, denial, anger, loss, self pity etc before we resign ourselves to the fact that God is in control and we must place our hope in Him. Isaiah 43:19-19 So when we pray, we do not try to manipulate God to do something in our time. God will do it in His time when he feels you are ready. In the mean time, we are to cast our burdens and fears upon the Lord for His burden is light and His Yoke is easy.
We also should not look at other people and say why don’t they have any problems. This attitude is more out of envy and pride for our own situation and every good act we do must be done out of pure motive to love God not to get Him to do something for us. It’s hard to get ourselves off the throne and really make Jesus, the Lord of our Life and that is where the rubber meets the road in our Christan life. We will all face mountain top and valley experiences. He said that we must die to ourselves pick up our cross and come follow Him. Life is sooo short and fleeting that it is not worth impaling your soul on something that is only temporal.

You do have a lot going for you! You have been blessed with a close family, a great job that you love, a great house! These are great blessing that God has blessed you with. Since the devil can use these to get you off track and especially preys upon your emotions and by quoting scripture…didn’t God say in His word…blah,blah etc., I would start praising Jesus for God inhabits the praises of His people. I would thank and praise God for what you do have and not focus on what you don’t have…that’s the trap of the enemy especially when you said your faith is faltering.

I ran across this Saint who was a desert Fathers. He speaks truth through the Holy Spirit.
The soul cannot know peace unless she prays for her enemies. The soul that has learned of God’s grace to pray, feels love and compassion for every created thing, and in particular for mankind, for whom the Lord suffered on the Cross, and His soul was heavy for every one of us. The Lord taught me to love my enemies. Without the grace of God we cannot love our enemies. Only the Holy Spirit teaches love, and then even devils arouse our pity because they have fallen from good, and lost humility in God.
I beseech you, put this to the test. When a man affronts you or brings dishonor on your head, or takes what is yours, or persecutes the Church, pray to the Lord, saying: “O Lord, we are all Thy creatures. Have pity on Thy servants and turn their hearts to repentance,” and you will be aware of grace in your soul. To begin with, constrain your heart to love enemies, and the Lord, seeing your good will, will help you in all things, and experience itself will show you the way. But the man who thinks with malice of his enemies has not God’s love within him, and does not know God.
If you will pray for your enemies, peace will come to you; but when you can love your enemies – know that a great measure of the grace of God dwells in you, though I do not say perfect grace as yet, but sufficient for salvation. Whereas if you revile your enemies, it means there is an evil spirit living in you and bringing evil thoughts into your heart, for, in the words of the Lord, out of the heart proceed evil thoughts – or good thoughts.
The good man thinks to himself in this wise: Every one who has strayed from the truth brings destruction on himself and is therefore to be pitied. But of course the man who has not learned the love of the Holy Spirit will not pray for his enemies. The man who has learned love from the Holy Spirit sorrows all his life over those who are not saved, and sheds abundant tears for the people, and the grace of God gives him strength to love his enemies.
Understand me. It is so simple. People who do not know God, or who go against Him, are to be pitied; the heart sorrows for them and the eye weeps. Both paradise and torment are clearly visible to us: We know this through the Holy Spirit. And did not the Lord Himself say, “The kingdom of God is within you”? Thus eternal life has its beginning here in this life; and it is here that we sow the seeds of eternal torment. Where there is pride there cannot be grace, and if we lose grace we also lose both love of God and assurance in prayer. The soul is then tormented by evil thoughts and does not understand that she must humble herself and love her enemies, for there is no other way to please God.

What shall I render unto Thee, O Lord,
for that Thou hast poured such great mercy on my soul?
Grant, I beg Thee, that I may see my iniquities,
and ever weep before Thee,
for Thou art filled with love for humble souls,
and dost give them the grace of the Holy Spirit.
O merciful God, forgive me.
Thou seest how my soul is drawn to Thee, her Creator.
Thou hast wounded my soul with Thy love,
and she thirsts for Thee, and wearies without end,
and day and night, insatiable, reaches toward Thee,
and has no wish to look upon this world, though I do love it,
but above all I love Thee, my Creator,
and my soul longs after Thee.

 

[Micholos]

If you are happy being single, don’t be so worried about finding someone. When I was looking for a person to be with, I was never happy, because everytime I was rejected it never really made sense to me either.

The most important person in my life is Christ, in him is the perfect design, and as my aux bishop said, “You can never find a better lover.”

Love Christ sister, he has loved you since before you were concieved. Love the one who loves you, if you find someone, (and you may) good, but if not you can have more time to deepen your relationship with the one who counts most, the one who loves you most.

This doesn’t mean you won’t feel a longing for companionship, just accept what is, and pray that God’s will is done.

When I chose death to myself I was released from alot of tension.

Your prayers do count, but the Our Father is how we should pray.

(He knows our needs, even before we ask him.)

Accept whatever befalls you, in crushing misfortune be patient; For in fire gold is tested. Sirach 2, 4

I hope this helps a little.

 

[Bookcat]

PS: If God had answered “yes” to my prayers regarding so many relationships in the past…including being engaged more than once before my wife…I would not be married to my wife…

Some answers are “no” in the sense that something better can be…etc and even in the effects of terrible things that may happen to us in life…such as those done by other people’s free will…the Good Shepherd is still with us if we let him…he is our life, our hope!

(…I assume by the way that you have already obtained an annulment for your marriage, that it was found to be invalid…so that can be a good …for that opens the door to dating and finding a very good Catholic guy…which may take time…so be patient…)

 

[LilyM]

I’m sorry you’ve been through such an awful time. I can well comprehend that it would be a trial for you, and that your faith might waver as a result.

Think of it this way, though - if your prayers don’t matter, then they certainly can’t do any harm, can they?

You note people around you who have no faith and yet are engaged/married. Are you suggesting that they are that way BECAUSE they don’t pray? If not, then why are you mentioning the fact?

Think again, by the way - it’s a distinct possibility that their partners are as horrible as your ex was - or at least that they are far-from-happy. You simply don’t know unless you live 24/7 with that couple. Or at least, as Christ says, that they may be ‘having their reward’ in this world but not in the next.

Finally - join your sufferings with those of Christ in Gethsemane. He too prayed to be relieved from suffering, if possible, prayers which weren’t answered. Rest assured that He knows what you are going through better than anyone.

Rest assured that, exactly like His sufferings, yours are happening for a reason and can be turned to good. Pray to Him to show you how to do so. Perhaps start a support group in your area for parents whose children are ill like yours? It can help simply for you and them to realise you’re not alone, share your experiences (perhaps the things you’ve found helpful?)

 

[Angels_Watchin]

Can’t imagine carrying that cross myself - because we CAN’T!!

Remember the “footprints in the sand” - He’s carrying you.

I know it’s easier said than done - but…
pray KNOWING that He’s carrying you - Pray expecting nothing but hoping for everything. And ALL of your prayer benefits somebody - maybe somebody who needs it even more than you do.
God be with you in this time of dryness. Don’t give up.

You are now in MY prayers.

blessings.