Losing my faith?

  • Thread starter Thread starter AnneTeresa
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
A

AnneTeresa

Guest
Hi all,

I’m not sure where to post this, or even if I should. I am a revert of about 5 years. Lately I don’t feel anything when I go to mass. I rarely pray anymore or do spiritual reading and when I do I feel so distracted-it feels like I’m just repeating the same things over and over. Mass and adoration have become meaningless. I am questioning all kinds of Catholic things–confession, the ten commandments, mortal sin, other things. These are all things I studied intensely before coming back to the church. It now just seems unnecessary to me, if God loves us anyway. And some of it just feels “wrong”.

I also feel torn between the two different ways of being catholic–the very conservative and the more typical (like my parish). How do we know how to live as a catholic? Does it really matter at all what church we belong to? What does Jesus really want of us living in the 21st century? I am just feeling lost. I have gone from feeling like there are very few people at my parish who have a deep spirituality and struggling with that – to wondering if they are right and I’ve just been too religious. I still try to pray but NOTHING is there. Just nothing.

I don’t know if I explained this very well or not. There is more to say but too hard to explain it. Any feedback from people who have experience something like this would be appreciated. Even prayers would be appreciated.
 
Similar to other friendships (but far beyond them) - we need to continue to renew our personal encounter with Christ. Even in the midst of the desert or of trials. And remember we are following him - yes we follow the commandments -but such is most importantly because of him. Because of the Holy Trinity who is Love - Who loves us.

“I invite all Christians, everywhere, at this very moment, to a renewed personal encounter with Jesus Christ, or at least an openness to letting him encounter them; I ask all of you to do this unfailingly each day.”

~ Pope Francis (The Joy of the Gospel)

“Being Christian is not the result of an ethical choice or a lofty idea, but the encounter with an event, a person, which gives life a new horizon and a decisive direction.”

~ Pope Benedict XVI Deus Caritas Est

Daily praying - daily relationship - even when we do not feel like it - putting our Faith in him. In trust and knowing his love.

Our Faith often can grow in the very midst of such temptations - we need though to hold fast - “credo!” - “I believe” -St. Therese wrote - during her temptations against faith.

In Jesus of Nazareth - and thus in is Church - and his Sacraments- and the Sacred Scriptures etc - is true life.
*
Even if* one goes through all sorts of difficult times, times of dryness, sickness, trials, temptations, agonies, struggles etc etc.

In a human way - a Marriage may go through similar.

Hold fast in the midst of the struggle - knowing God is faithful to us.

(and repentance where needed or amendments or various needed changes…seeking counsel from others…ones Priest etc etc)

Holding fast to Jesus.
 
Some quotes from Fr. Jacques Philippe:

However we do mental prayer, we can be sure of encountering difficulties. Some have already been mentioned: dryness, distaste, a sense of our own worthlessness, the feeling the effort to pray is useless.

The first thing to say about such difficulties is that they should not come as a surprise or cause us to worry or be upset. Not only are they inevitable, they are actually good for us. They purify our love for God and strengthen our faith.
  • Time for God, p.96
[Spiritual trials] are beneficial, because they lead us to locate our identity where it truly belongs. The experience can be highly painful when someone who loves God goes through a phase without an atom of fervor and even with a profound distaste for spiritual things. People do not lose their love for God, for their whole being remains completely oriented toward God; but they lose the feeling of love. The benefit of this trial that it deprives us of any possibility of relying on the good we can do. God’s mercy is all.
  • Interior Freedom, p.126
frjacquesphilippe.com/
 
I feel your pain. I went through the exact same thing almost a year ago… Ended up leaving the Church and completely loosing my faith but little by little I’ve been regaining my faith, or trust, in God. Although it looks different now. I’ve had no choice but to embrace uncertainty and doubt and I’ve basically completely rejected the institutional model of the church. I know that’s heterodox, but I’m just telling you what happened to me. As for God, it seems sometimes he hides from us and sometimes he makes himself so very obvious. I don’t know why he does it but it’s been my experience that he does. After the first spiritually exciting years of my conversion to Catholicism I experienced years of dryness despite going through all the motions of Catholicism. I left in November but this past month he’s been more “in my face” telling me that what matters is Love and that he is there and that I have to give up my quest for doctrinal certainty.

I’ve focused on Micah 6:8 the NIV translation… 8 “He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.”

Keep it simple.

Good luck!
 
AnneTeresa said:
I don’t know if I explained this very well or not. There is more to say but too hard to explain it. Any feedback from people who have experience something like this would be appreciated. Even prayers would be appreciated.
Click to expand...
I know exactly what you mean. I was talking to my husband this morning about it. I feel stuck, I told him. There are no opportunities in my small parish to grow, this will be my second dry summer. This morning on Catholic radio, Relevant Radio (podcasts are online or through their free app) on the Inner Life show which hosts spiritual directors, had someone on with a similar problem. I think the priest/spiritual director was spot on with his solution, prayer. Also that some of us were meant to dwell in the spiritual desert. His talk answered a few of my big questions. Prayer is talking to Jesus, praying to the saints (John the Baptist was exiled to the desert in his youth before his ministry began, he ate locusts and wild honey), read about the saints-biographies, autobiographies, learn about them, their suffering, their prayer life, etc. Someone here at CAF suggested St.Faustina’s diary. You will find a kindred spirit in her writings.
 
You are in good company. I understand Mother Teresa also felt that way. I think everyone goes through dry periods. It’s like the Exodus, where they complained and felt like God had left them, eventhough He was right there, supplying all their needs. Just make the commitment that no matter how I “feel”, I will be true to the promisI have made. I have made this commitment to God and His Church. Just like any marriage, you may have long periods of dryness. But as it says in the Psalms, “Joy comes in the morning.”
 
Why not check out some of the offerings of the Catholic blogosphere?

Little Catholic Bubble has all sorts of writers living Catholic life in all sorts of ways.

littlecatholicbubble.blogspot.com/

In the end, even if we’re going through the motions, it’s for Him, not us.
 
AnneTeresa said:
Hi all,

I’m not sure where to post this, or even if I should. I am a revert of about 5 years. Lately I don’t feel anything when I go to mass. I rarely pray anymore or do spiritual reading and when I do I feel so distracted-it feels like I’m just repeating the same things over and over. Mass and adoration have become meaningless. I am questioning all kinds of Catholic things–confession, the ten commandments, mortal sin, other things. These are all things I studied intensely before coming back to the church. It now just seems unnecessary to me, if God loves us anyway. And some of it just feels “wrong”.

I also feel torn between the two different ways of being catholic–the very conservative and the more typical (like my parish). How do we know how to live as a catholic? Does it really matter at all what church we belong to? What does Jesus really want of us living in the 21st century? I am just feeling lost. I have gone from feeling like there are very few people at my parish who have a deep spirituality and struggling with that – to wondering if they are right and I’ve just been too religious. I still try to pray but NOTHING is there. Just nothing.

I don’t know if I explained this very well or not. There is more to say but too hard to explain it. Any feedback from people who have experience something like this would be appreciated. Even prayers would be appreciated.
Click to expand...
Things you need to ask yourself. Do I love God? Do I love God only when he is giving me consolations (feelings of His presence). Will I remain steadfast when in His wisdom he allows me to feel spiritually dry of His presence. He may be trying to teach you to walk by will and not feelings in order to have a deeper relationship with Him. Do not get hung up on feelings. Take this from one who has been their and the struggle with feeling nearly destroyed by relationship with Him. In the struggle for a number of years, I finally learned how to love Him and walk with Him by will, not feelings. I am glad He taught me this, hated it during the struggle, because it does not matter now whether I feel his presence or not, I love Him and follow Him. I no longer have to depend on which direction the feelings blow to be in a loving relationship with Him. Just my experience.
 
casey_cates said:
You are in good company. I understand Mother Teresa also felt that way.
Click to expand...
Well, the OP probably isn’t experiencing these things because they’re extremely, extremely advanced spiritually.

Not praying and finding it difficult to pray are not quite the same thing as the dark night of the soul. Those things are just the results of having bad habits, and of not developing the good habit of prayer.

… it could also be a sign of having ignored graces to pray in the past.

But it’s certainly not comparable to advanced spiritual states of purification.

OP, I notice you use the word “feel” a lot. The spiritual life is not about our emotions, and this is precisely why we shouldn’t follow our emotions in our spiritual lives.

Our emotions have to be subservient to our reason. When the opposite is true, then our emotions pull our reason all over the map, and of course we get confused: our emotions change and even contradict themselves from day to day.

You know when sometimes people says that prayer is a feminine thing? Well, this is exactly why they’re wrong. Prayer is hard work, and it requires the grace of fortitude. Staying constant in prayer is the work of forming a habit.

When we have distractions, it’s because we’re so ridiculously attached to our emotions, which, again, are pulling us all over the place. “I want to eat, I want to sleep, what’s on TV, did I finish my work, did I make that list…”

The only way to get UNattached, is to mortify our emotions, to put them in line under our reason.

Moreover, we owe God prayer in simple justice. When we refuse to give God His rightful due, then of course we’re risking creating all sorts of problems in our spiritual life. Making prayer into something that’s just supposed to be about consolations, is to make prayer about us, and what we want. We need to have a more supernatural view of prayer, one that sees prayer from the perspective of God, and not from the perspective of, once again, our attachment to emotions.
 
Anne Teresa,
Dear friend in Christ. Blessed Mother Teresa herself spent many years of her life with these types of feelings. However, she accepted it as a cross and persevered. When I have my moments (as I’m sure all of us do from time to time), I visit the more “conservative” Catholic churches in my area where there is a more solemn expression of worship. I also find that a pep talk from orthodox, on-fire for Christ speakers (like the Terry and Jesse show on Immaculate Heart Radio) helps me much. Don’t despair. You have to remember that we are in a spiritual war from cradle to grave and Satan wants nothing else than to turn us away from God. I think the devil’s best tactic is to infuse doubt within our souls. I just listened to a recent broadcast of the Terry and Jesse show where Jesse Romero discussed the details of the exorcism of Anneliese Michel (aka “Emily Rose”). That gave me a quick refresher of how we are without a doubt in a spiritual war and need to remain in a state of grace at all times! God bless you…and persevere!
 
I struggle with not feeling things in prayer as well, but some advice from a good friend really helped me. He told me, faith doesn’t depend on feelings, in fact faith without feelings is more meritorious and beautiful because you’re choosing Christ without the consolation of feelings. Love is a choice, more than anything else. We can choose to love, whether it be God, family, friend, whoever, no matter how we feel.
 
AnneTeresa said:
Hi all,

I’m not sure where to post this, or even if I should. I am a revert of about 5 years. Lately I don’t feel anything when I go to mass. I rarely pray anymore or do spiritual reading and when I do I feel so distracted-it feels like I’m just repeating the same things over and over. Mass and adoration have become meaningless. I am questioning all kinds of Catholic things–confession, the ten commandments, mortal sin, other things. These are all things I studied intensely before coming back to the church. It now just seems unnecessary to me, if God loves us anyway. And some of it just feels “wrong”.

I also feel torn between the two different ways of being catholic–the very conservative and the more typical (like my parish). How do we know how to live as a catholic? Does it really matter at all what church we belong to? What does Jesus really want of us living in the 21st century? I am just feeling lost. I have gone from feeling like there are very few people at my parish who have a deep spirituality and struggling with that – to wondering if they are right and I’ve just been too religious. I still try to pray but NOTHING is there. Just nothing.

I don’t know if I explained this very well or not. There is more to say but too hard to explain it. Any feedback from people who have experience something like this would be appreciated. Even prayers would be appreciated.
Click to expand...
Anne Teresa, you said, " I rarely pray anymore or do spiritual reading …"

Both are important to give flavor to our faith. This means that you have given up.

Get some fresh books which may have more appeal to you. And read them thoughtfully and more deeply, rather then trying to finish them or just reading as much as you can. Quality reading is more important and is more meditative and pondering. Try to see some thought, just one, that strikes you and then ask the Holy Spirit to guide you from there in your thoughts about the idea. It is totally unimportant how much you read, only one line may be sufficient to cause you to see something. It is more important to enkindle your love than knowledge.

And you must pray. Without prayer you will most definitely be open to sin. Prayer is effective no matter how you feel, and God is always pleased with your praying. Just saying one decade of the sorrowful mysteries in the morning and evening is a start. Just try and think about the love Jesus shows to you in the mystery. How much he thought you were worth. And he did know you when he was suffering, for he is God. He loved you that much. The suffering of Jesus is something that brings a person back to reality of God’s intimate realationship with us. It is moving. And we can’t do much better than to appreciate his love… love begets love. It will start the fire in your spiritual furnace again.

May God be kind to you and give you peace.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top