Losing my Mind.

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Christine_Lee

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When I first joined this forum I was dealing with feelings towards another woman. I had even confessed my feelings to her a year and a half ago. For the past 6 months I’ve been doing alright as I decided to follow God’s perfect love. She is in a relationship with her boyfriend of 5 years so that made it easier to resist. But she is having relationship problems now and it’s very likely that they will break up. I’m not scared that she might persue me since she knows my weakness for her. And I’m a very spontanious person, always doing things before thinking. I’m afraid I’ll do something I’ll regret. I want to not want her anymore.
 
You’re not losing your mind, my friend. You are on the right track. But for your own safety–that is, to keep you from finding yourself in a compromising position–I strongly recommend that you stay away from her. I know it’s tough, but it’s the best thing you can do for yourself.

I had a good friend who I was attracted to…he knew about it, but apart from playful flirting, we never pursued it. We both had other relationships, and I eventually got married, but those feelings for him never really went away. Because he and I are both inclined to get carried away with the moment, there was always the potential for something to happen between us. So, rather than put myself and my marriage at risk, I had to cut him out of my life completely. It was hard, because we were good friends, but the promise I made to God and my husband had to take priority.

Now, you’re not married, but you are still called to be chaste, and you know that this is a dangerous situation for you. Do yourself a favor and RUN from temptation.
 
Christine_Lee said:
When I first joined this forum I was dealing with feelings towards another woman. I had even confessed my feelings to her a year and a half ago. For the past 6 months I’ve been doing alright as I decided to follow God’s perfect love. She is in a relationship with her boyfriend of 5 years so that made it easier to resist. But she is having relationship problems now and it’s very likely that they will break up. I’m not scared that she might persue me since she knows my weakness for her. And I’m a very spontanious person, always doing things before thinking. I’m afraid I’ll do something I’ll regret. I want to not want her anymore.
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My friend you need to just offer that aspect of your ego up to God. If you know the relationship is not right for whatever reasons, then you need to accept the illusion the ego is placing before you. Pray the Rosary and spend time at adoration, participate in the sacraments-this is what I try to do. Re-focus on your goals, where do you want to be 1 year from now, 5 years from now. Here is Kipling, " If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster and treat those two impostors just the same.” Perhaps there are two disasters here-the one that is and the one that could be. Now I say disaster for the ego that is-you are pained by the fact that this relationship can not go anywhere but you know it is for the best-that is the disaster right now for the ego but that is an imposter-you are better than the situation.
 
kristie_m said:
You’re not losing your mind, my friend. You are on the right track. But for your own safety–that is, to keep you from finding yourself in a compromising position–I strongly recommend that you stay away from her. I know it’s tough, but it’s the best thing you can do for yourself.

I had a good friend who I was attracted to…he knew about it, but apart from playful flirting, we never pursued it. We both had other relationships, and I eventually got married, but those feelings for him never really went away. Because he and I are both inclined to get carried away with the moment, there was always the potential for something to happen between us. So, rather than put myself and my marriage at risk, I had to cut him out of my life completely. It was hard, because we were good friends, but the promise I made to God and my husband had to take priority.

Now, you’re not married, but you are still called to be chaste, and you know that this is a dangerous situation for you. Do yourself a favor and RUN from temptation.
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She is one of my best friends, we both go to the same college and work on campus. Her mother is my supervisor. It is impossible for me to avoid her at this moment in time. Right now I just want to help her with this tough break-up she’d going through. But I fear that my good intentions of being there as a friend will end up doing more damage to myself.
 
Worthy5 said:
Here is Kipling, " If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster and treat those two impostors just the same.” Perhaps there are two disasters here-the one that is and the one that could be. Now I say disaster for the ego that is-you are pained by the fact that this relationship can not go anywhere but you know it is for the best-that is the disaster right now for the ego but that is an imposter-you are better than the situation.
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I’m very sorry, but my brain cannot wrap around what all of that said. :confused:
 
Christine_Lee said:
I’m very sorry, but my brain cannot wrap around what all of that said. :confused:
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I am sorry my friend I did not mean to do that. Stepping back, who knows you may one day end up with this person but it seems now is not the time and perhaps never. But right now your feelings (your ego) are causing confusion and pain for you. All you can do is know that it is an illusion and detach from it-thus go to the sacraments and keep praying the rosary. You do not want to rely on your emotions at this time. This person is no doubt in the same state, if not worse, given their situation. You have to trust that your relationship with Christ is what is most important and that a time will come soon when this all will pass and a new day will be at hand-what that day will look like who knows but you should know that it will exist, time will pass. Good Luck
 
Worthy5 said:
I am sorry my friend I did not mean to do that. Stepping back, who knows you may one day end up with this person but it seems now is not the time and perhaps never.
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“This person” is a girl, and I am a girl! To be in a relationship I’m tempted to be in will cause me eternal damnation!
 
Christine_Lee said:
She is one of my best friends, we both go to the same college and work on campus. Her mother is my supervisor. It is impossible for me to avoid her at this moment in time. Right now I just want to help her with this tough break-up she’d going through. But I fear that my good intentions of being there as a friend will end up doing more damage to myself.
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I can’t stress to you enough how important it is to distance yourself…if you can’t do it physically, then emotionally. Especially as she is going through this breakup…I understand that you want to be her friend…but to put yourself in close proximity, especially while she is vulnerable, is a recipe for disaster.
 
God was thinking of you when He made this prayer for Margaret Mary:

Jesus, I hope for all things from Thy Goodness and I fear all things from my own weakness.
 
Christine_Lee said:
“This person” is a girl, and I am a girl! To be in a relationship I’m tempted to be in will cause me eternal damnation!
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Heh, heh… I was wondering just when people were going to get clued in to that fact. It was right there in the first line of the original post. I’m surprised no one else got that.

Christine, my response to you is likely not going to make me very popular here, and you can take it or leave it, as you prefer:

I say “Go where love goes”, because love for yourself and others is the most important thing in the universe. “Eternal damnation” be damned – you have no way of knowing if that is actually true, or not. That is what others say, based on what others believe, and at the end of the day, it’s just a belief.

If this damnation is a concern, then I think you have to take the time to carefully watch your feelings and where they go. Trust me: Feelings, thoughts, and emotions are like clouds – they come along, stay for a bit, and then move on. Your attractions and temptations are temporary, as** all** things are temporary.

I assume since you’re counting down to confirmation that you’re still very young. If everyone had a share of the nickels for each time a young person had a case of unrequited love, we could end world poverty in an instant.

But you are old enough to love! Since there is so little love in the world, wouldn’t it be a shame if everyone who loved followed the dogma of others and believed they should deny it? What kind of world would that be? (Hint: This one.)

Like I said, take or leave the advice, as you wish. It’s your decision to make. Just make sure that you think things through, and give yourself the time to get over the temporary nature of such feelings. If this doesn’t work out for you, there will be others to love.

One
 
One said:
Heh, heh… I was wondering just when people were going to get clued in to that fact. It was right there in the first line of the original post. I’m surprised no one else got that.

One
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Actually, you were not the only one to see that…why do you think I offered the advice I did?

Yes, love is a wonderful thing and should be encouraged…so is chastity. Christine…you are in my prayers, my friend. I know that this is a huge struggle, and I’m praying you are able to lean on Jesus, and know that He wants you to be pure and whole.
 
I thank everyone for helping me so far. And I’m sorry if I’ve sounded rude at any point. I’ve had an epiphany a while ago. To be with her in a romantic relatipnship not only dangers my salvation, but hers as well. Maybe if I keep that thought in mind it will help me to fight my temptations. She should not suffer for my selfishness.
 
Christine_Lee said:
When I first joined this forum I was dealing with feelings towards another woman. I had even confessed my feelings to her a year and a half ago. For the past 6 months I’ve been doing alright as I decided to follow God’s perfect love. She is in a relationship with her boyfriend of 5 years so that made it easier to resist. But she is having relationship problems now and it’s very likely that they will break up. I’m not scared that she might persue me since she knows my weakness for her. And I’m a very spontanious person, always doing things before thinking. I’m afraid I’ll do something I’ll regret. I want to not want her anymore.
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  1. How old are you?
  2. How did she respond when you told her?
  3. Are you gay or just attracted to this woman? If you feel this is all to personal, please feel free to p.m. me.
 
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