Losing my virginity

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Nerakprz

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Hello all, I come in dire need of some advice. I met this guy 4 months ago and we became real close really quickly. He was a strayed catholic but it is incredible how much he has changed and how much he is willing to grow. I’ve been praying to Mary for his conversion and for him to open his heart to her for acceptance. And lately he has, he always wants to pray the rosary now and it’s just so beautiful. But on that note, we fell into the greatest temptation of all, sex. I always told myself that I would never have sex before marriage and when we first started dating, we both agreed that we wouldn’t do it. Previously, I would let him sleep over at my house (I have my own place) to save him the ride back home late at night since he lived 30ish minutes away. But as we both see, that led us into that sin, and we thought we were strong enough to fight it off but obvsiouly not. Sadly, since we started going out, he’s gotten closer to God and I felt like I have strayed away. Mostly because of the sexual intimacy stuff that we do. Sadly he doesn’t see it as bad and majority of the times he respects my decision. However, eventually we both give in. Anywho, I basically lost my virginity to him this last week, and I feel terrible, disgusted, sinful. I’m looking into confessions as soon as possible. But I need some words of advice, I did fall for him, and I cherish and love him a lot. He still wants to pray and go to mass more often together, he’s willing to not stay overnight anymore. I want to stay with him but I also feel like I shouldn’t because of that. Please help.
 
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You’re not disgusting.
Go to confession.
It sounds like you have an action plan to avoid temptation.
I’ll remember you both in my :pray:t2::pray:t2::pray:t2:
 
If you belive he is a nice guy who u can spare the life until the end with him so there is not
reason to left him. Your words show you contrition so just go to confession and be more alert than before.
 
Nerakprz said:
Sadly he doesn’t see it as bad and majority of the times he respects my decision. However, eventually we both give in.
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That’s the crux right there. He doesn’t actually believe it’s wrong to engage in premarital intimacy.

He puts it on you to be the regulator, the guardian of chastity, when both parties should be equally invested in chastity and guarding their own and that of their beloved.
Nerakprz said:
I basically lost my virginity to him this last week, and I feel terrible, disgusted, sinful.
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Don’t make this a bigger deal than it actually is. It’s grave matter, but forgivable like every other sin.

Make changes that add accountability such as no staying over, no being alone in either person’s apartment, etc. Or even better, date someone equally committed to chastity.
Nerakprz said:
I’m looking into confessions as soon as possible.
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Good. That’s important.
Nerakprz said:
I want to stay with him but I also feel like I shouldn’t because of that.
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Look objectively at him and his suitability as a husband and father, a spiritual leader in the household.

Is he committed to the faith on his own, or is he just trying to please you?

Hard soil, rocky ground, thistles, or good soil. Which is he?
 
Same thing happened with me.

God loves you and is so excited for you to go back to confession and forgive you. Really that’s all there is too it. Stop beating yourself up so hard. We all have sinned. You’re not disgusting… you messed up. Now you’re picking yourself up and starting again.

You don’t have to break up with this guy. You care about eachother. Just keep avoiding those occasions of sin. I know it’s hard but you can do it
 
Oh we would love too! He’s the kind of guy I could trust to take my children to heaven and lead them in the right path. I know he would be a wonderful husband and an amazing father. But sadly there’s a lot of tension and hatred from my family that keeps me from making that next step. It’s something I am still praying about.
 
I think you’ve gotten good advice here, especially from @1ke
Nerakprz said:
But sadly there’s a lot of tension and hatred from my family that keeps me from making that next step. It’s something I am still praying about.
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If this tension concerns your boyfriend, I would take into consideration and clearly understand what your family is saying. Love is blind, and you may not be able to see what they see.
 
Here you say that you trust him to lead your children down the right path. But what path is he leading you on?
 
Nerakprz said:
Sadly he doesn’t see it as bad and majority of the times he respects my decision.
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Nerakprz said:
He’s the kind of guy I could trust to take my children to heaven and lead them in the right path. I know he would be a wonderful husband and an amazing father.
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Claiming to respect your sexual boundaries is OK for the time being. But disagreeing fundamentally about human sexuality is bad if you have any long-term plans. When you’re raising your children and instructing them on Church teaching, will he have your back on this issue?
Nerakprz said:
But sadly there’s a lot of tension and hatred from my family that keeps me from making that next step. It’s something I am still praying about.
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If you’re comfortable doing so, would you mind elaborating?
 
Unfortunately, he was taught differently in catechism where he grew up. He respects them now and that has been enough of a reason for him to try to understand why it is that way, and it has encouraged him to want to learn more.

And of course. My parents are very traditional, and they always saw me as a saint, once they Found out that I had a guy sleeping over at my place, they went bizarre and stopped talking to me for a while. All they saw was a guy sleeping over and us having sex, which is understandable, but they just haven’t given me a chance to introduce him to them. My mother doesn’t want to meet him and my father said he doesn’t care to meet him until after an year of dating. I’ve tried hosting cookouts with him and inviting my family but whenever they realize that he’s here, they decide not to come. I’ve tried talking to them but all they see in me is someone living in sin and disrespecting the church and them.
 
Nerakprz said:
Oh we would love too! He’s the kind of guy I could trust to take my children to heaven and lead them in the right path. I know he would be a wonderful husband and an amazing father.
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Whoa, whoa, whoa. You met him 4 months ago. Do not confuse sexual intimacy with love and lifelong commitment.

He only lives 30 minutes away. Not a big deal. Not a long drive for an adult. Stop letting him stay over, it obviously is a problem.

Go to confession and start over. Simple as that. And no more intimacy. Tell him, and stick to it.
 
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Nerakprz said:
My parents are very traditional, and they always saw me as a saint, once they Found out that I had a guy sleeping over at my place, they went bizarre and stopped talking to me for a while.
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OK - in my own experience, this can be worked through. But it does take awhile. My husband and I met and dated before I was Catholic and before he returned to the Church. Both sets of parents were pretty freaked about our beliefs and practices. Once we got married, and once it became clear that our marriage wasn’t going anywhere and included grand-children, they got over it.

I hate to sound crass, but I think your guy wants sex so badly that he’s willing to rationalize it in any way possible. I think you should both make an appointment with a priest. Meeting with one face-to-face will make it harder for him to live with any more self-justification.
 
When you think ahead, should you have children, why wouldn’t you want a father that goes to mass, that receives our Lord with reverence, that stands in line for confession? A man that the kids see holding a rosary in his hands?

That’s what a great father looks like. That’s what a Catholic husband looks like.

Once you start being intimate, it makes a strong bond. Many women have slept with a guy and then make all kinds of excuses for them, to friends and family who love them and are watching out for them. This is when you should be assessing each other as future life partners, and you’ve made it hard to think straight. You’ve also taken on the risk of getting pregnant, with a guy you’ve dated only 4 months. A year from now you could be holding a baby, and he could be gone. He should be strong for his own chastity, that he isn’t fathering children with women that are not his wife.
 
I see. And while I have no idea of the details of course I’ll tell you that I married against my family’s wishes (mother’s mainly), and things are good. Not perfect (what is?), but one must also follow their own heart and conscience on these matters. Do they know he spends the night?
 
They know now. But after what happened, I refuse to let him stay the night again
 
Nerakprz said:
… , and I feel terrible, disgusted, sinful.
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Be gentle and patient with yourself. Others have given you good perspectives and advice. I would only add that you should seek and pray for peace in your heart.

I imagine you are troubled by powerful feelings and memories, and if you are, it may take some time and love to restore the sense of goodness and rightness to your life.

The sacrament of Reconciliation is an excellent place to start. Then remember all the reassurances in the Bible of God’s love and mercy. Then remember and reaffirm your love for God. Tell Jesus in prayer that you love him.

You’ll be fine. Peace be with you.
 
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Great post with good advice.
Mine is dont let him stay over , or stay at his place, dont get into alone situations with him that could lead further, and stick with Mass. It is up to him to make this journey back to the Church with or without you, meaning if you are not there he should be going for himself, not to impress a date.
 
I would advise you not say that. Marrying only because of this could cause all manner of problems. It’s a serious commitment, not something you do as a result of sin.
 
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