Losing my virginity

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Then perhaps it’s even less advisable that this couple be wed.
 
Go to Confession.

And avoid situations such as sleeping under the same roof, being alone with him, intimate physical contact. This is whatvOur Lord meant when He said it is better to lose an eye than to sin…
 
Be gentle with yourself. We all make choices. Talk to your priest!
 
Marriage is too important to just base it on who you first have sex with. You can have sex with a lot of people. You can live your entire life in marriage with a relative few.
 
Um, no. Just no. Nope, negatory, uh-uh.

It’s fine to marry that person IF they are the right person for you and the two of you simply messed up, got carried away, sinned, made a mistake etc. This does happen from time to time.

But most of the time, those of us who live a worldly life before marriage are not exactly picking a winner on the first race.
 
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Nerakprz said:
My parents are very traditional, and they always saw me as a saint, once they Found out that I had a guy sleeping over at my place, they went bizarre and stopped talking to me for a while.
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Do you live in the US? Or, are you an immigrant or children of immigrants? The reason I ask is that sometimes these beliefs are driven by culture.
 
Its hard when you live alone to resist temptation because theres no roommate to help back you up. Its super hard.

Maybe take a week in prayer after your confession to clear your mind and see what God wants. Ask God: do I pursue marriage or not with this person?

Also take good note: is your prospective partner sorry for his sin or fake sorry for it? The truth will come out over time. If hes fake sorry and is pretending to be sorry, thats a serious sign NOT to marry this person. Because he will just walk all over you and continue to break your boundaries in life. Is he really sorry in his heart and begging Gods mercy? Sin blinds us to the truth and makes us unable to make wise choices. Try to take some reflection time alone in a state of grace and you will see what to do.
 
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Nerakprz said:
They know now. But after what happened, I refuse to let him stay the night again
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So take this post. Add you refuse to stay with him also, you refuse to have sex before marriage. Then in six months look back. If any of those things have been compromised or if he pressures you to do anything at all then he is NOT a man who can lead your children to heaven. Not when he is going down a different path with you. 6 months of virtue. Then you can know if he is worth pursuing.
 
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St. Louis and Zélie Martin married after 3 months, so… I wouldn’t say it is necessarily a bad idea.
 
But having first time sex, outside marriage, is not of itself a good reason to marry that person is it?
 
tuffsmurf said:
St. Louis and Zélie Martin married after 3 months, so… I wouldn’t say it is necessarily a bad idea.
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Sts. Louis and Zelie Martin did not have premarital sex, and in fact were not planning to have sex at all.
They were planning a Josephite marriage where they would live as brother and sister.
They only had sex within their marriage because their priest counseled them that they should.
St. Louis and Zelie Martin are hardly comparable to some couple who are having premarital sleepovers and premarital sex.
And there is no way St. Louis would have ever told St. Zelie that he didn’t think premarital sex was bad.
So let’s just leave those saints out of the discussion.
 
Go to confession asap and get back into a state of grace with God. Do not wait!

I had one foot in hell for many years regarding premarital sex and all that. Now I live a chaste life. It is all a big lie from the father of lies, Satan. Every act, everything we see, etc. is all stored in our memory and Satan will draw those things up to tempt us til we die. I have a heavy cross to carry from my past but also a tremendous love for Christ and He has given me sufficient grace to persevere. It is not worth it at all. I do not think I got away with anything after living a sexually immoral life for many years and now I’m forgiven and all is good. Yes, I am forgiven but I regret it tremendously. I will pay back every sin, here on earth and maybe even in purgatory. It is not worth it going down that road. Our Lady of Fatima said most souls go to hell for sins of the flesh.
 
c4csp said:
Yes, I am forgiven but I regret it tremendously. I will pay back every sin, here on earth and maybe even in purgatory. It is not worth it going down that road.
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–This is a great post on a lot of levels. As I get older I can attest that you never regret not having sex with someone - but I’m sure many people regret who they did sleep with.

I also second the belief that you shouldn’t look to marry the first person you have sex with (assuming you had sex prior to marriage). In fact, I think a common mistake is to think/assume who you had sex with is the person you should pursue for marriage just because you had sex with them. Having sex with unmarried person X is IMHO actually not nearly as life-destroying as saying “oh well, I had sex with person X so I better spend my life with person X.”
 
I was just answering the claim that you shouldn’t marry someone you’ve only known for four months. I don’t have anything to say about whether the OP should get married or not.
 
I wasn’t talking about the OP, but to someone who said that you ”couldn’t” marry someone you have known for four months because you wouldn’t ordain a man to the priesthood in that timeframe.
 
It might be good to talk to your Priest about this, and get some sound advice. This topic is one of their specialties. You need to talk to someone who knows your age and situation.
Sex belongs within the sanctity of marriage for a number of practical reasons which protect the woman and the family unit. But being intimate is only a small part of the entire marriage relationship ( though important ).
You shouldn’t feel that this situation is so serious that you ’ must ’ get married.
The young man shouldn’t expect to enjoy continued sex with you, without first going through marriage counseling with the Priest, and setting a marriage date. If he just wants to fiddle, like many men expect , he’s not a good life partner candidate.
You are not obligated to repeat intimacy. Be wary that it’s often more bonding for the women, when no commitment is involved, because we are wired to form a nest for a family.
Your Priest will set it right. God Bless You.
 
Same thing goes for kissing. You never regret not having kissed somebody, but you do regret having kissed them. Hence the other post addressing this.
 
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