lost a friend

[iluvmybabies]

well i guess i knew it was coming and can’t say i didn’t know…i just lost a good friend, my df’s sister…i was asking her for advice over a couple of problems i was having and it included some things about df her brother, and i forwarded the messages to him, not hiding anything at all of what i said and what she said because we are open and always talk about things not only that but it had a lot of good advice and things in there that i felt he needed to hear including the fact that she was being supportive to him…she got upset and told me off and said that she now saw my true colors and that she knew how i was and why i was trying to separate their family and how she understood why future mil doesnt like me and that i now lost a friend and that i betrayed her and that she cant believe she ever met me and that she was grateful i was just his gf and not his wife and that she cant stand me…etc etc etc…as i tried to explain to her the situation and the reasons why i forwarded she told me she couldn’t believe i would start bad things to separate her and her brother… i am deciding i dont belong in this family and i am tired of fighting everyone for my heart…i am leaving him and not dealing with this any more…

i dont want someone else in this family hating me…now she will tell their father i am an instigator and that i shouldnt be welcomed in the fam etc and i cant live like this…oh well i guess that’s life and thats what i get…thanks to everyone for your advice and prayers

 

[shannyk]

i am deciding i dont belong in this family and i am tired of fighting everyone for my heart…i am leaving him and not dealing with this any more…

iluv I’ve read some of your other threads and I think this sounds like maybe this is a good idea…an awful lot of drama going on.

Just and FYI though, forwarding messages like that is never a good idea. You may have sunk yourself on that one. your df’s sister intended those messages for you not him, so it was not cool IMHO that you forwarded them to him like that. You said it was stuff he ‘needed to hear’, but his sister did not intended for him to hear it from her. If she felt he needed to hear it it’s up to her to decide that and tell him herself, not you.

Do you think asking advice about your df from his sister is the best idea? I don’t. :twocents: It crosses a line KWIM? There is too much meddling and odd family involvement going on here…

I hope you can find some peace with this relationship, whatever that may be. :hug1:

 

[iluvmybabies]

iluv I’ve read some of your other threads and I think this sounds like maybe this is a good idea…an awful lot of drama going on.

Just and FYI though, forwarding messages like that is never a good idea. You may have sunk yourself on that one. your df’s sister intended those messages for you not him, so it was not cool IMHO that you forwarded them to him like that. You said it was stuff he ‘needed to hear’, but his sister did not intended for him to hear it from her. If she felt he needed to hear it it’s up to her to decide that and tell him herself, not you.

Do you think asking advice about your df from his sister is the best idea? I don’t. :twocents: It crosses a line KWIM? There is too much meddling and odd family involvement going on here…

I hope you can find some peace with this relationship, whatever that may be. :hug1:

thanks yeah you are right i messed up by assuming it would be ok to share his sister’s support and with him in that way…definitely…and i did apologize but yeah too much for me…i am looking for a homeless shelter right now because i need to disappear while i can get enough money to go back to my family in february…thanks…

 

[shannyk]

thanks yeah you are right i messed up by assuming it would be ok to share his sister’s support and with him in that way…definitely…and i did apologize but yeah too much for me…i am looking for a homeless shelter right now because i need to disappear while i can get enough money to go back to my family in february…thanks…

iluv gosh…that sounds rough you have my prayers :hug1:

I’m sure I read this in another one of your posts but are you living with his family? Why do you have to move to a homeless shelter?

 

[iluvmybabies]

iluv gosh…that sounds rough you have my prayers :hug1:

I’m sure I read this in another one of your posts but are you living with his family? Why do you have to move to a homeless shelter?

no i have my own place…well see he wont let me go especially since its about his family he loves me and doesnt care but its too much for me to handle right now…and i cant live like this…i mean his sister knows a lot of secrets about me and if she would have felt the need to tell his parents about them that would have hurt me but i wouldnt have stopped being her friend on the contrary it would have been a wakeup call to get up and explain myself to his parents and i would have understood would i have trusted her still maybe not the same for a while but i wouldnt hate her and insult her the way she did to me…thats not right…fine i screwed up forwarding the email that he will never read because the one that clears out his emails is me…not him…the only reason he has one was when we had a long distance relationship phone and email was the only way we communicated…but like i said its too much to handle right now and i am tired…and if dont disappear he will follow me and knows where i live and he will not rest…i told him we needed space for a while…so the wedding is off but if i tell him i dont want to see him any more because of my family he will tell me something like who cares about them i love you etc and even though its true who cares i just dont want to live with this guilt of his sister telling him i tried to separate them and that she hates me…sorry i cant live like that even though it wasnt my intention to do so…yeah perhaps you are right i shouldnt have ever trusted her in telling her secrets and things about us but as she said it was my fault for befriending her, i thought if i could at least get along with one sister why not her…but hey its cool i just need to move on…my bff has moved on i dont see why i cant even though my family adores him… oh well…guess that’s what happens to you when you open your mouth and trust someone…

she thought it would change things between them for the worst as if i ever want to keep him from his family?! its his mother that keeps him from them not me and then his sister tells me now she knows why his mother hates me!!!

 

[blue_skies_1]

I’m sorry you’re having a difficult time, but it doesn’t sound to me like going to a homeless shelter is the best thing, I mean they are for people who are genuinely homeless and/or in danger and that isn’t your situation.

I haven’t read much about your relationship in other threads but I do hope you sort things out one way or another… this must be difficult :hug1:

It’s not for me to tell you whether you’re wrong or right but it seems from your messages that maybe your tendency is to make a big drama about things. Try your best to stay calm & maybe just get some space from your fiance to think things through with more clarity before any big decisions. And do be careful with families etc - I know from experience that you have to handle things with as much tact and discretion as you can . Try & have better boundaries in the future to avoid things like this… and say sorry again to the sister after a little while has elapsed and she’s calmer too - I’m sure that you can make peace even if you don’t return to the level of closeness you had before (and maybe that’s a good thing). I’m no expert & I don’t mean to soud high-handed here Good luck!

 

[cthulhubryan]

no i have my own place…well see he wont let me go especially since its about his family he loves me and doesnt care but its too much for me to handle right now…and i cant live like this…but like i said its too much to handle right now and i am tired…and if dont disappear he will follow me and knows where i live and he will not rest…i told him we needed space for a while…so the wedding is off but if i tell him i dont want to see him any more because of my family he will tell me something like who cares about them i love you etc and even though its true who cares i just dont want to live with this guilt of his sister telling him i tried to separate them and that she hates me…

May I very prayerfully offer one suggestion since you are the mother of three of God’s greatest blessings? Do not go to a homeless shelter, while the people running them are doing their best, bad things can happen. Also, you run the risk of something happening with your kids. Instead, explain to him that you need time and do it on today or tomorrow morning at the latest. If he will not leave you alone, get an Emergency Protective Order. The EPO will get the law on your side and will help you to get the time you need to get things sorted out in your head.

You are in my prayers,

Bryan (My wife and I are foster parents and are active in the social services arena here so please be careful with the children, too many bad things can happen)

 

[iluvmybabies]

May I very prayerfully offer one suggestion since you are the mother of three of God’s greatest blessings? Do not go to a homeless shelter, while the people running them are doing their best, bad things can happen. Also, you run the risk of something happening with your kids. Instead, explain to him that you need time and do it on today or tomorrow morning at the latest. If he will not leave you alone, get an Emergency Protective Order. The EPO will get the law on your side and will help you to get the time you need to get things sorted out in your head.

You are in my prayers,

Bryan (My wife and I are foster parents and are active in the social services arena here so please be careful with the children, too many bad things can happen)

I dont want to get the cops involved he doesnt deserve that… and i understand about the shelter…and my children are not introuble or in danger…so I don’t undersdtand what social services would need to get involved???

 

[cthulhubryan]

I dont want to get the cops involved he doesnt deserve that… and i understand about the shelter…and my children are not introuble or in danger…so I don’t undersdtand what social services would need to get involved???

A single mother in a homeless shelter with three kids is a major warning sign. Social Services will be notified if you go there. What happens after that depends mainly upon what state you are in.

Look at it from the SS point of view, if you are homeless how can you take care of the kids?

 

[iluvmybabies]

Yes I understand the feeling of everything, I mean of course if she would have ever told someone one of my secrets well of course I would be hurt but I would hear her out you know? AND try to understand why she did, maybe I would not have kept a good close relationship with her after words but I woudl not deny her my love and friendship…I love my df and he is a great man, would we be able to make it through Christmasses without family involvement maybe, I mean I haven’t seen my family in 3 years and it hurts but I understand…I will talk with him and explain the honest truth that I didn’t mean to hurt either one of them, even though he will laugh at me because he knows me and knows I would never want to hurt him nor his sister but I guess this was a really big hurt I caused.

It was an honest mistake and something I forwarded with all my emails in it as well, everything I wrote so it wasn’t as if I was trying to hide or start anything…It was just for him to realize how we both felt and that he needed to listen that there were 2 of us wishing the same thing and advising on the situations…but obviously it was wrong…I should have just asked her to call him but she never does…I mean she even forgot his bday several weeks ago and called him late…but like I said I felt I had to do what I did…

If my db and I decide to speak with a priest and the priest advises to take a break I will take it and my db will have nothing else to do but deal with it, if the priest decides that no matter what the problems will not go away and that running away won’t make them better nor help me find a man with a family that will love me then I will stay with him…because obviously it does make sense…

Yes I panic a lot and yes I do take things to the extreme but the pain is so hard to deal with being told I want him and his family separated when that was never my intention nor ever my wish?! And telling me that they now know why fmil doesnt like me really hurts a lot!!!

 

[iluvmybabies]

A single mother in a homeless shelter with three kids is a major warning sign. Social Services will be notified if you go there. What happens after that depends mainly upon what state you are in.

Look at it from the SS point of view, if you are homeless how can you take care of the kids?

OK I understand didn’t know that could happen…I think I will just go to speak with a counselor or a priest…I set up the appt for tomorrow after work and I will listen and see what will be best from a person that will see all perspectives not just one…Thanks for your advice!!!

 

[cthulhubryan]

OK I understand didn’t know that could happen…I think I will just go to speak with a counselor or a priest…I set up the appt for tomorrow after work and I will listen and see what will be best from a person that will see all perspectives not just one…Thanks for your advice!!!

No problem. Yes, talking with the priest is always the best option.