Lost all passion

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Lance834

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If this thread is in the wrong place please feel free to move it.
That said, my problem is that I am just tired in life and more specifically frustrated with my social life. I am in professional degree program and about to wrap it up, but as I look at my life it is not what I want it to be.
Truth of the fact is that I want to be married, but I also realize that takes time. I’ve moved around a lot in the past years, and I really haven’t had a place that I felt I would stay in long enough to call home (even in the same state). I’ve tried all types of socializing, and I’ve tried to go to church, but it just doesn’t feel fulfilling. Most of my life I knew my next step, and I still do for the most part, but I now lack the passion to keep moving forward.
The reason that I can discern for this is that I want a partner on my journey. I can make friends and everything in new places, but lately I’ve lost the passion to keep cultivating even those. I just don’t feel it is worth my energy any longer. I know most people would say it is depression, but it really isn’t as I am not sad really or even lack ambition. Being lonely does factor into it, but that isn’t always the case either. It feels like a much larger version of taking a trip and having that feeling you left the stove on. (If that makes any sense)
My question is more what steps should I take? I feel finding a marriage partner is the right move, but with my current funk holding me back it would be akin to running a marathon with a boulder on my back. Like I said I tried to go to church but most of the local churches do not seem to offer much of a social network for me (atleast what I can tell by going to mass). Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated 🙂
 
You could try joining memberships like catholic singles or ave Maria singles
 
Hey I’m going through a lot of the same thing. I’m in a undegrad program, 33 and with 63 more credits to go. The only thing that keeps me moving at this point is my untter pure hatred of all most every boss I’ve ever worked for; and the low quality of life in which my trade skills will produce. Knowing I will never have anything with out an education.
Code: 
Here is one of the things I do to keep me motivated. I just wanted to pass this video on to you. I thought maybe you will like it. Its motivational, I listen to it every day.
Cheers! and God bless.
[youtube.com/watch?v=gyongVwBw2E](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gyongVwBw2E)
 
Lance834 said:
I know most people would say it is depression, but it really isn’t as I am not sad really or even lack ambition. Being lonely does factor into it, but that isn’t always the case either. It feels like a much larger version of taking a trip and having that feeling you left the stove on. (If that makes any sense)
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Just because you are not sad doesn’t mean that you wouldn’t have depression. Depression covers a multitude of symptoms, being “sad” is just one of them. Depression is really just the idea of being down. This can be sad, or feeling worthless, loss of passion. There are people with depression who say they are happy, but they just lack the motivation, or the passion to do things, even things they once loved.

For your lack of passion in church, that might be due to lack of understanding, or distractions by your overwhelming want for a partner. I might suggest going to a Catholic retreat to work on building your faith and compassion for Christ. Often times, this is the key thing that people are missing. By getting closer to Christ, he can help us become content with being single, as he was. Also, Christ can help us learn that by getting closer to him we can get closer to others by showing them the same love the Christ has for us.

The want for companionship is very common. Socialization can happen in all sorts of places, at school, at work, anywhere that there is interaction between people. Sometimes it just takes a leap in conversation to take it from being purely professional to being more open and social. I would suggest finding a nice fun location to hang out with people, make some friends. Maybe take up dancing. I myself go swing dancing every so often on a Thursday night. It is at the dance studio that I met my now fiance. It is about putting yourself out into the world, maybe even trying something new. I will tell you, do not go into a social situation seeking only a future partner. Go into it looking for good friends. People are often turned off by those who are only socializing to get a date, especially women.

I would recommend getting to know people before going on a date. That way you get a chance to make some nice friends along the way. And so you get to know if you actually like someone rather than just wanting to think you do because you find them attractive. Don’t jump into things.

In regards to your church. Getting more involved in your church is also a good way to get to meet new people, make new friends, and help out your church at the same time (eg. helping out with church festivals).

And of course, there is always the online dating scene. It is a little more unconventional, but for some people it helps them open up easier. There are even Christian dating sites. But put your faith first in your relationship. God should always be first in our lives. I would suggest you work on building your faith back up and regain a fire for Christ before seeking a relationship. Because relationships can be hard at times, and during those times, Christ is always there.
 
Welcome to Catholic Answers.

Lance you are possibly somewhat worn out after expending yourself in your professional degree program, and need to refresh yourself.

Lance going to Mass isn’t about social networking, it is about the duty of thanksgiving and worship that you offer to God, in obedience to the First Commandment.

The ‘socializing’. or rather, being part of the community is secondary to that.You may have some perspectives to sort out, as for instance, if you stay away from Mass because it isn’t ‘fulfilling’ then you will be very disappointed in marriage, because its responsibilities and the responsibilities of relationship aren’t always fulfilling. Sometimes they require more giving than receiving, and we need to be able to be present when relationship and marriage asks a lot of us as well as those times that it gives much.

Your comment
It feels like a much larger version of taking a trip and having that feeling you left the stove on. (If that makes any sense)

does make sense. It indicates that you are living with more than usual underlying anxiety, as does your confusing lack of motivation. Both are manifestations of a (hidden) paralyzing anxiety that could continue or worsen if not properly addressed for your own sake and happiness. You have some sort of anxiety issue that I recognize as something others have suffered and for which they have required help, even though as a professional, you may not think it is necessary. And as the previous poster said, you don’t have to regard yourself as ‘sad’ to be suffering from depression or a kind of stress breakdown where you have almost no motivation and some of what you describe. I’'ve lived with that in my husband. We did the research, and he did need help. He left it too long to address the issues so has never recovered. Please don’t do that. 🙂

Anyway, whatever you think of my comments, I do hope that you can find your way to happiness and peace in soul and mind.

Prayers,

Trishie
 
Lance834 said:
If this thread is in the wrong place please feel free to move it.
That said, my problem is that I am just tired in life and more specifically frustrated with my social life. I am in professional degree program and about to wrap it up, but as I look at my life it is not what I want it to be.
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All I can say is that you sure sound like a lot of other all-but-a-degree-and-no-significant-other graduate students I’ve known.
Lance834 said:
Truth of the fact is that I want to be married, but I also realize that takes time. I’ve moved around a lot in the past years, and I really haven’t had a place that I felt I would stay in long enough to call home (even in the same state). I’ve tried all types of socializing, and I’ve tried to go to church, but it just doesn’t feel fulfilling. Most of my life I knew my next step, and I still do for the most part, but I now lack the passion to keep moving forward.
The reason that I can discern for this is that I want a partner on my journey. I can make friends and everything in new places, but lately I’ve lost the passion to keep cultivating even those. I just don’t feel it is worth my energy any longer. I know most people would say it is depression, but it really isn’t as I am not sad really or even lack ambition. Being lonely does factor into it, but that isn’t always the case either. It feels like a much larger version of taking a trip and having that feeling you left the stove on. (If that makes any sense)
My question is more what steps should I take? I feel finding a marriage partner is the right move, but with my current funk holding me back it would be akin to running a marathon with a boulder on my back. Like I said I tried to go to church but most of the local churches do not seem to offer much of a social network for me (atleast what I can tell by going to mass). Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated 🙂
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Let’s see what we have:
Item: Discouraged at the realization that having a social life takes time. Hmmm.
Item: Have no geographical area that seems attractive to you as a home. Hmmm.
Item: Church and spending time with the acquaintances you do have is not fulfilling. Hmmm.
Item: Nothing seems motivating: no place, no people, no goals, no plan of attack. Hmmm.
Item: Lack of strong emotions, including sadness
Item: No significant other and no close friends, but no passion driving you to get any.
Item: Vague sense that you have neglected to do something vital, a neglect that could cause serious damage without your being directly aware of the damage happening
Item: The idea of dating or courtship sounds like a Herculean effort
Item: This situation bothers you; that is, you aren’t content living a solitary life, but rather the work involved with having something else seems that it would take so much time and effort that even a social life seems like an item that won’t fit the to-do list.

Possible causes:
  1. You are physically and mentally worn out
  2. You have allowed your professional work to take over your life, to the extent that you no longer have a sense of how much of your time and life force belongs to your work
  3. You are, in fact, depressed
  4. You have been fishing too long in a pond with bad weather and no fish.
 
Sometimes we all experience what you are right now and you are right that having a marriage partner would make a difference as you would have someone to share life’s journey with. I belong to a group that you will find at www.PrayMoreNovenas.com. Yesterday the young man who runs the site,as well as others, married his Annie at the end of a novena to Mary we had prayed for marriage and families. John-Paul tells the story of his Annie praying novenas to St. Anne for help in meeting a spouse. I share this with you as encouragement to pray, let God lead you on the path to find the right person to share your life with. Be patient, it will be worth the wait if God is in charge. God bless you.
 
First thanks all for the replies. I am glad that this is pretty common. I can admit I have let my professional life take over which has pushed me into this corner. As for church, I want to be part of the community, but mass is usually how I get a first impression of that particular parishes community, so as in the present situation it is older people. The retreat is a good suggestion, and I will definitely look into, but I just don’t want to end up in a situation where I am with a group where I am in the margins (particularly age-wise). So any tips on how to get a better read on a particular parish’s community would be greatly helpful.
As for seeking treatment, it hasn’t got that bad yet. I know I am flirting with it, and appreciate the suggestions and concerns about seeking treatment, but I’ve been closing monitoring myself in this regard and I’m not there yet.
Thanks again for all the tips and helpful words. Once again, any tips on finding the right church to get involved with would be great, as I don’t mind making time to volunteer or attend retreats.
 
I think it depends on where you live. I live in a college town so the large majority of people at the Mass i go to are younger than me.
 
Warandpeace said:
I think it depends on where you live. I live in a college town so the large majority of people at the Mass i go to are younger than me.
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Yeah, I am in a similar situation. There seems to be either the college campus which is predominately younger or the main one in town which is all older well settled people. Atleast as far as I can tell. One I would feel, honestly, like a creeper and the other I would feel like I am with my parents and couldn’t be myself.
 
Lance834 said:
Yeah, I am in a similar situation. There seems to be either the college campus which is predominately younger or the main one in town which is all older well settled people. Atleast as far as I can tell. One I would feel, honestly, like a creeper and the other I would feel like I am with my parents and couldn’t be myself.
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I just sing really loud and don’t care but I definitely do wonder where everyone else is.
 
Warandpeace said:
I just sing really loud and don’t care but I definitely do wonder where everyone else is.
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Oh yeah, for mass I don’t care. As for getting involved is the more social aspects I just feel meh about that. Hard to get juiced when I know no one and the prospects for finding those like me are slim.
 
Lance834 said:
Oh yeah, for mass I don’t care. As for getting involved is the more social aspects I just feel meh about that. Hard to get juiced when I know no one and the prospects for finding those like me are slim.
Click to expand...
Well, you could just pray at home and join a local baseball team or something. Physical activity usually gets one …ummm…juiced?
 
Most Catholic churches are not very social places, unless you get involved in ministry. Catholics don’t go to church to socialize. But I do recommend that you find a parish near you and begin attending on a regular basis.
It sounds like mild depression to me. Are you getting enough exercise? Lack of exercise can sometimes lead to depression.
True fact: having a spouse doesn’t guarantee joie de vivre. I would recommend you work on cultivating friendships, and consider finding a spouse when you have regained your enthusiasm for life. If you search for a spouse in your present state of mind, you may well find another depressed person. Two halves don’t make a whole in this case. It can just result in a REALLY depressing situation, and more responsibilities on top of it.
 
Retreats and volunteering. Good medicine to exercise those love muscles. How wise to notice the imbalance, the being choked with the cares of the world. But your true misery, everyone’s, might be in that kind of mechanistic ambition that is resisting God’s leading. May we all find that subtle and not-so-subtle flow of delight and energy that is God’s path. Might take getting a passport.

We can feel stymied because we are, however gently, leaning away from God’s calling. I hope I can get to the Sacred Heart center in Denver for a nice retreat; and get down to the women’s clinic to help out, as both seem central to the kind of tune-up you suggest for yourself, one we may all need. And of course there’s the novena website…“Pray and work.” --St. Benedict
 
I’m in the same boat. I just don’t feel like I have anything to hope / look forward to. I can’t realisticly look forward to having a family, having good friends, having a good job or a job I like, owning my home, etc. Every time things look like they might be starting to turn around, something happens that resets everything and I feel worse than before, it’s almost like I can hear God saying, “Fooled you!” ala Dark Helmet in Spaceballs 🙂
 
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