Lost all trust and hope in God

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vesnianka

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How do I restore my faith and trust in God, when I feel completely and utterly betrayed by Him? I have gone through over a year of unbelievable trials. My prayers seem to go into a black hole and I see my situation moving in slow motion and I’m just about to slam face first into the cement. I’ve prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed for 10 months - novena, after novena, after novena, after novena - without any help to stop my downward spiral. There’s no way out of my situation without God’s intervention in my case. And - He’s - just kept silent.

And so, my heart died one day. I stopped. I just couldn’t pray any more. I have no more prayers I can offer. I’m dead inside. I feel God betrayed me. I can’t go on and I know if this continues, I will go straight to hell.

And I really don’t want to hear that God hasn’t abandoned me. Because, He has.
 
+JMJ+

You are still here, right? I mean you had been able to post in this thread. You are still alive. God is still there. If He had left you alone, well, you would be dead.

That is what I found about God. He always has gotten me through may things, events that ripped my heart, tore it apart, and spat on it. And yet I am still here. And even when I die God will still be there helping me get to His place.

God is always faithful. He will get you through your trials.

I am praying for you.
 
You are not alone, many saints have gone through the “dark night of the soul.” Some for decades. I can’t imagine how difficult it must be, but I can somewhat relate, having gone 6 months now with one particular prayer seemingly unanswered. I just think about how God must know what he is doing, in his complete wisdom. He sometimes lets people feel abandoned in order to accomplish something greater. I will pray for you too.

“Blessed is the man who endures trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life which God has promised to those who love him.” James 1:12
 
Hi laircy, I had “entered” the dark night at one point about 7 years ago for a brief time. What I’m going through now is different. I don’t think it’s a dark night. Intellectually, I realize that He’s not answering my prayer to “stretch” and grow my faith. But, I have just realized that I’ve fallen into a depression. I have fallen away. My heart and mind have both separated. In my heart, I have rejected God.

I can reason. I know things theologically, but I just died inside. My faith has been so stretched, that it snapped. I don’t have any faith anymore. This time, I’m headed for hell and I can’t stop it.

I can’t trust Him anymore. When He says, that if we ask for something, he wouldn’t give us even a stone. Rather than even getting a stone from Him, I have gotten nothing that I so desperately need. If I can’t turn to my Father for protection and guidance, then who can I trust? No one. I feel utterly betrayed.
 
Praying to the Holy Spirit to give you guidance, direction, strength, fortitude & wisdom in your time of need.
 
My dear, dear vesnianka,

I can sooooooooo relate.

The only thing that gets me through some nights, after hours of suffering deep, deep darkness within, is finally saying…

“Okay…I don’t get this…I don’t understand it…and I don’t like it…but thank you for this suffering…thank you for this (particular) pain…and thank you for that (particular) pain…and I unite them to your cross…and offer them up for the people causing me pain…and I offer them up for athiests, that they might feel the love you have for them today…and I offer it up for souls in danger of the fires of hell.”

It seems to confound Satan who’s plan is thwarted and I can see him stomping his feet and saying, “Nooooo…she turned it into a prayerrrr!!! I’m, I’m mellllllting…!!!” :mad:
hehe 😛

And the more I say thank you for this suffering, the more I accept His plan (even though I still don’t like it!) and the more peace I feel…at least for a little while…until the next time…and then I start all over again.

One more thing:
A wise priest told me that problems must be addressed from all three sides:

Spiritual Physical Psychological

So the method above, along with the rosary and adoration…etc. are the spiritual medicine

Physical exercise, sunshine and things that make me laugh or feel good (bath/chocolate)
are the physical medicine

Counselling, long chats with faithful friends (such as reaching out on this forum as you have) and even antidepressants if necessary are the psychological medicine.

Coming at it from only one side just isn’t enough.

You are dripping in jewels, vesnianka!
Your sufferings can save many, many souls!
Blessed are those who believe and do not see!

May the Lord Jesus give you the peace that passes all understanding, and may you be protected under the mantel of Our Lady Queen of Peace.
:console:
 
Your prayer regimen sounds very active and effortful. If you are experiencing Dark Night, or if your life is presenting the chance and you may be able to, then contemplative prayer might be more the way to go.

Novenas that have promises are superstitious and IMO constitute a form of idolatry, and if you pray them busily and dutifully, that in itself may indicate the problem… that you have associated “prayer” with “talking to God” and have not yet been exposed to the apophatic traditions of silence, self-reduction, and other spiritual exercise so many of us Catholics never even hear about. There are two reasons; it’s only recently becoming public, and some people are afraid of it because they sound to “eastern” or something.

You sound like you are trying to be ever more the Martha, working busily on behalf of God, and missing out on simply being with God without involving our human will and busy minds, hearts, and bodies having distractions.

The point is that we can never listen to God, or simply rest in God (a profound manifestation of the Sabbath which was made for man not vice versa) if we are busy and active. Like trying to talk to someone who is talking on the phone and ironing clothes asking for advice but unable to hear if it were forthcoming.

Note the CCC spends more space discussing “contemplative prayer” than it does “vocal” and “meditative” forms, and in 2708 even asserts our prayer “should” progress to it, even though it seems only a minority of Catholics even have heard of it. So “don’t feel bad” because I never heard of any of this stuff until my SD told me at age 42 – and for an active “cradle” Catholic to go that long without knowing is something I’m trying to change.

More information: CCC 2700-2724

Here’s a book about it that has imprimatur and is being used in introductory prayer classes as seminaries now. It also covers other forms of prayer, so you might find out some useful advice about your other ways you like to pray too. 👍

Armchair Mystic: Easing Into Contemplative Prayer Paperback – April 1, 2001
by Mark E. Thibodeaux S.J. (Author)
 
This is just a thought, but you mention feeling it all move in slow motion and that you are going to slam into the cement. Isn’t is possible though, that were it not for prayer and our Lord’s intervention, that you could have fallen fast and hard and gone splat? You haven’t yet. Perhaps that is His answer and His reminder that he is with you. Trust in Him always!
 
Maybe go back and read the Book of Job…or perhaps Tobit.
There you may find inspiration.
 
pianistclare said:
Maybe go back and read the Book of Job…or perhaps Tobit.
There you may find inspiration.
Click to expand...
A perfect book to read - look at what Job had to endure. Having worked as a nursing home administrator, I always realize that no matter what my problems may be (and I’ve got lots, including serious disabilities), there are always many people who are worse off than I.
Visit a nursing home - you’ll see what I mean!

Also, God is not a powerful person who micromanages each one of us. He’s busy ordering the universe that He created, not deciding on an individual basis whom he will “abandon.”

Stay strong and keep your faith! 🙂
 
praying for you. I have been where you are many times, but I keep the door ajar to my Creator. I haven’t closed it yet. praying for you to be touched by the Holy Spirit.
 
You may also be suffering from depression which is an awful experience. See your priest, but also go see your doctor. We are a union of spirit and flesh. Illnesses, such as depression, do affect our thinking and our spiritual well being.
 
Thank you all, for your advice and prayers.

I just got slammed again with a terrible realization this morning about something that, I was hoping, would be my saving grace. With everything I have been doing and working on to rectify my situation [God helps those who helps themselves] - I’ve hit brick walls at every. single. turn. NOTHING is working. My whole, entire life boils down to getting hired with an employer. EVERYTHING hinges on this.

If I don’t get a job NOW - er, YESTERDAY - I cannot sponsor my husband and bring him over here and be reunited [we have a 4 year old who he hasn’t seen since he was 2.5 years]. That’s a whole different story about my husband. He’s Ukrainian. He came over here in April 2014 and was sent back at the border for technical reasons [without letting us see him]. He was drafted in August 2014 to fight the Russian invasion. Lost contact of him at battle in Feb. 2015 - thought he died. FINALLY, they said he may be release this August, but I can’t reunite with him because I have no work and he could be re-drafted. So, I can’t move back to Ukraine [there’s a war and I can’t work there]. His income from the army is $250/month.

I have completely drained my bank account. This week, I will have less than $5,000 left. NO idea how to sustain myself and my son. Months and months and months of interviewing and not one single job offer. I tried everything - changing tactics, approaches, strategies. Nada.

I was working a business plan of a phenomenal business idea these past three weeks. The industry is exploding *. Just finished the break even analysis and realized that the break even point is in Year 3 [which is normal, but with $5,000 left in liquid savings now, I can’t live on nothing for 3 years]. I was hoping it would be sooner, so I can present income to sponsor my husband.

My husband, prior to being drafted was working with some American firms in digital marketing, so he knows English and is great in marketing. But we cannot connect to live together as a family. It’s been like this since November 2013 [the revolution in Kyiv, Ukraine] - i got stuck here in the US visiting and hadn’t returned.

My family has declined to help sponsor my husband [which, I can’t blame them]. The reason is because my mother is severely sick and bedridden with rheumatoid arthritis. They need to protect themselves legally to preserve family wealth to sustain my mother. She is also mentally ill with dementia and has loads of paranoia and fears about everything. She’s bitter, angry [which, is understandable] and extremely cantankerous.

That leads me to one of my greatest fears of having to move back in my parents house, soon - a very toxic household. I left the house, when I came back from living in Ukraine, because I was seeing some very bad changes in my son’s personality - due to my mother’s situation. I’m deathly afraid of moving back in.

Becoming dependent on my 80 year old father. How utterly ridiculous. A capable woman who can’t take care of herself and her son. I’m disgusted with myself.*
 
praying for you. don’t be so hard on yourself. show yourself mercy.
 
vesnianka said:
Thank you all, for your advice and prayers.

I just got slammed again with a terrible realization this morning about something that, I was hoping, would be my saving grace. With everything I have been doing and working on to rectify my situation [God helps those who helps themselves] - I’ve hit brick walls at every. single. turn. NOTHING is working. My whole, entire life boils down to getting hired with an employer. EVERYTHING hinges on this.
Click to expand...
God helps those to help themselves. Maybe you don’t realize your real saving grace. How do you know nothing is working, because it is not according to your plans? Does your whole life depend on getting hired?
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vesnianka:
If I don’t get a job NOW - er, YESTERDAY - I cannot sponsor my husband and bring him over here and be reunited [we have a 4 year old who he hasn’t seen since he was 2.5 years]. That’s a whole different story about my husband. He’s Ukrainian. He came over here in April 2014 and was sent back at the border for technical reasons [without letting us see him]. He was drafted in August 2014 to fight the Russian invasion. Lost contact of him at battle in Feb. 2015 - thought he died. FINALLY, they said he may be release this August, but I can’t reunite with him because I have no work and he could be re-drafted. So, I can’t move back to Ukraine [there’s a war and I can’t work there]. His income from the army is $250/month.

I have completely drained my bank account. This week, I will have less than $5,000 left. NO idea how to sustain myself and my son. Months and months and months of interviewing and not one single job offer. I tried everything - changing tactics, approaches, strategies. Nada.
Click to expand...
This requires complete trust in God, would it be possible that God wants to give you more by encountering these apparent failures?
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vesnianka:
I was working a business plan of a phenomenal business idea these past three weeks. The industry is exploding *. Just finished the break even analysis and realized that the break even point is in Year 3 [which is normal, but with $5,000 left in liquid savings now, I can’t live on nothing for 3 years]. I was hoping it would be sooner, so I can present income to sponsor my husband.

My husband, prior to being drafted was working with some American firms in digital marketing, so he knows English and is great in marketing. But we cannot connect to live together as a family. It’s been like this since November 2013 [the revolution in Kyiv, Ukraine] - i got stuck here in the US visiting and hadn’t returned.*

All according to the Providence of God, is there a real message in all of this?
40.png
vesnianka:
My family has declined to help sponsor my husband [which, I can’t blame them]. The reason is because my mother is severely sick and bedridden with rheumatoid arthritis. They need to protect themselves legally to preserve family wealth to sustain my mother. She is also mentally ill with dementia and has loads of paranoia and fears about everything. She’s bitter, angry [which, is understandable] and extremely cantankerous.

That leads me to one of my greatest fears of having to move back in my parents house, soon - a very toxic household. I left the house, when I came back from living in Ukraine, because I was seeing some very bad changes in my son’s personality - due to my mother’s situation. I’m deathly afraid of moving back in.

Becoming dependent on my 80 year old father. How utterly ridiculous. A capable woman who can’t take care of herself and her son. I’m disgusted with myself.
Click to expand...
It appears to me God wants to give your more than what you are asking for. When we are in real need we go to God and ask Him to answer our needs. What if by prayer we find our selves at His feet only to discover Him as our complete need. He know that once we accept Him as our complete need and end, we will have complete security that no living situation will be able to take from us. This requires complete surrender to Him, and it’s very hard to let go , as long as we know that we can control the situation we have security, and this is a great deception. Which one of us can grow one strand of hair by willing it? The whole purpose of life and everything in it including family, those we love is to lead us to union with God and we can not make any of those things our God, He come first, and last. When we have Him, what do we lack, and if we don’t have Him what do we have? I know the situation very well with many failures, and many prayers, and sufferings. As long as I could control the situations I felt secure, but when I couldn’t I suffered great anxiety. I was reduced to helplessness only to experience God’s great love for me by humbling me, I was very capable, but He did not give me the opportunity, in His providence, to use my God given capabilities until I learned that supreme lesson, He is my greatest need, then things fell into place. We must learn to kiss the hand the disciplines us out of love. Your prayers are being answered, but not in the way you expect, but in His way, lucky you! When you can do no more, whats left except to lean on Him and experience His care and love.
Click to expand...
 
vesnianka said:
How do I restore my faith and trust in God, when I feel completely and utterly betrayed by Him? I have gone through over a year of unbelievable trials. My prayers seem to go into a black hole and I see my situation moving in slow motion and I’m just about to slam face first into the cement. I’ve prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed for 10 months - novena, after novena, after novena, after novena - without any help to stop my downward spiral. There’s no way out of my situation without God’s intervention in my case. And - He’s - just kept silent.

And so, my heart died one day. I stopped. I just couldn’t pray any more. I have no more prayers I can offer. I’m dead inside. I feel God betrayed me. I can’t go on and I know if this continues, I will go straight to hell.

And I really don’t want to hear that God hasn’t abandoned me. Because, He has.
Click to expand...
I’m not a god, but if it means anything, I care that you feel that way. I don’t know you or what your problems are, but after reading your words I do care about you and your problems as much as someone over the Internet is able to. I wish I could help.
 
Currently I am going through a hardship with an employer that hasn’t paid me for 4 months of work. He promised to pay for 2 months at the end of September, which came and went with still no pay.

I often go through hardships with God. Sometimes I feel like I am his toy that he loves to play with. Sometimes I feel like God enjoys the game of hide and seek, so we can go looking for him and sometimes it feel like he won and quit the game which seems to be where you are at. But the question is what is it about the death of the God you are seeking drove you to come to Catholic answers?

God is still writing a story with your life. The final chapter is still to be written. The better things turn out the more you will have to share with others.

Why did Jesus wait for Lazarus to die and enter the grave for four days before answering the prayers for his healing??? Because he waited for the situation to be beyond hopeless. The only way sometimes that God can get any credit nowadays is for things to get so bad that everyone says No to God and only then can he begin to answer.

I would encourage you to go tell God off. Tell him you don’t believe in him any more. Tell him you are done, over and out, tell him the truth about your disappointments. Tell him you can’t pray another prayer, all hope is lost and you don’t exist God. I don’t believe you anymore, I am done with you.

Then go on and see what happens, but just keep your eyes open, just keep your eyes open and keep telling God he doesn’t matter to you anymore and wait and see how he can answer the dead man who is in the grave for 4 days and his body “stinketh”.
 
It is difficult to give someone else advise in the situation you are in.
I guess I can only tell you what I would do, but not what you should do.

I would not send my child back to the old country with all the problems you describe. A young person can’t live in that atmosphere. I would not even consider this to be a choice.

I would try to take on any job I could find, even if with little pay, just to keep something coming in. And when a person has a job they are in the mainstream of rumors, of finding out from others work opportunities that would not be known otherwise. So I would keep working at something until I found something better.

I would also keep a cheerful attitude toward Jesus and thank him always that things aren’t worse. I would never complain to him but only love him and give him my entire self…contrary to my feelings. My attitude is what is important, for he looks at my heart…to stick by him when the going gets tough. I would demand nothing but only ask him thru his mercy and love.

Here is an inspired prayer from psalm 68:
Do not turn your face from your servant: I am suffering, so hurry to answer me.
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I know how you feel. I’ll say a prayer for you. Who know if there’s anyone listening.

If the darkness is all there is- find hope in the darkness, the vast eternal nothingness from which we came, and to which we will return. Let this mortal day or pain arise and fall like a transitory wave- yet that to which we return, holds surcease of woe, where every tear will be wiped away, the Lethean waters of oblivion will kindly forgive and annul all things.

The God of Love, our Saviour- the antithesis of this world. No hope is better than false hope. And all the hope the human heart can conceive are false. Therefore the hopeless of Him who said “My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?” is closer to the Truth than anything anyone can say to you.

Be brave. Nothing lasts forever.
 
I understand where you are coming from … I have questioned God in my lifetime … but what I have learned … and am still learning … (it takes time … and I’m 55 … so for some of us it takes a lot of time) … I have learned that God is there … throughout the hard times … throughout all the difficulties … He is right there by your side … and He is the one that will give you the strength to persevere through any difficulty that life throws your way … so, although I know it is hard … very hard … in difficult moments to cling to Jesus … try it … don’t give up … cling to our Lord … and tell Him that no matter what, you’re going to depend on Him to get you through this difficult time.

God Bless, and you are in my prayers.
 
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