Lost and confused Catholic

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RunnerDoug1987

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I know lately I have made several post. I felt my life was missing something and came back to the Church. Saying daily prayers and making the effort to attend Church more then once a week has filled the void. However, I feel weak with my faith and alone forgetting God is still there. I feel this challenge comes from my mother. Just being questioned of my motives for attending Church and being to involved. Issues arise of judging what I eat and wear. Feels I am not with fashion and khakis are outdated. Says I look fat. However, turns 180 helps me out when needed. Added on to it dissapointed not pursing profession my college degree was tailored to. Upset about current relationship with older woman. Ask why I do this to her. Asking questions why am I not in a relationship or married. Added on to that I work full time at the hospital. Was considering moving but have bills to pay off. I do support my mom around the house with chores, money for groceries, and fixing the house up. I just don’t know what to do. I feel so lost and confused. Added on to that I am not sure where I want my life to go. Appreciate the feedback.
 
You don’t say how old you are, but from your post, I’m assuming you are a capable adult.

If it was me, I would start saving up and move out ASAP, because that sounds like a toxic environment and I would have a very hard time moving forward until I was out of there and on my own. But, as I said, that’s me; I don’t know if that’s the best solution for you. And you may have to set some “ground rules” even if you do move out. I’m not saying you have to be confrontational, just firm.

You’re going to have to communicate clearly (in words, demeanor, and especially attitude) that you are an adult, and she needs to stop with the criticism and unsolicited advice, but also, you’re probably going to have to get a thicker skin so that her hurtful comments don’t get to you as much (because even if she’s willing to try and stop, it will probably take time to break that habit).

Even if you’re living there, it might be good to cut the apron strings. If you can pay for yourself, or take turns paying, then do it, even if she normally always pays (even things like movie rentals, internet service, dinner out, etc.). Don’t accept her financial help if you do not absolutely need it. If you can do it on your own, even (or especially?) if it’s hard, it will increase your confidence in yourself and help her to see that you are an adult–and not her “project.” If you must accept her help, then ask if the money is a* gift or a loan *so that you’re both clear. And if a “gift” of money comes with strings attached, such as, “I think I can criticize your life because I helped you out,” then before you accept it, *seriously consider *whether her help is worth the price (and that really applies to anyone).

Remember, too, that honoring your mother does not mean you have to sit there and listen quietly while she berates you. A child must sit and listen to his parents. You are an adult, and you can interrupt and ask her to stop. If she doesn’t, then you can choose to leave the room, or even the house, if you want to. 😉

Will pray for you.
 
We do split the bills every other week. I take care of my car, insurance, and give about $200 every other week to my mom. She’s not a bad person it’s the fact can be overbearing and not realize I can take care of myself. I have part to blame and it is toxic. However, times it is good. Looking for insight on moving out. Right now car lease is ending taking care of that. Figure save money up for the end of the summer to move out. Looking for advice on how to approach my mom on this issue? Also how to deal with the uncertainty and change?
 
Mom problem:
I also think you need to move out. She treats you like a child and you are stuck in that role. Money doesn’t matter so much: it is the dynamic of the relationship and bad habits. I had the same problem with my dad. He helped me financially when I needed it and decided that he owned me. Constant criticism, co-dependency, etc. I thought I was going to go nuts. Anyway, I advise you to stop worrying about her expectations in terms of your career and personal life. It could well be the case that whatever you do she will not be happy. Some people are just like that. Detaching from that is crucial. And it happens step by step. Financial independence and healthy emotional boundaries are what you need to work on right now.

Church stuff:
Take it easy. You have just come back. (Congrats!! 👍) May I suggest you go to Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament? That is a wonderful devotion. Pray the Rosary, read something, or just sit in silence while you are there (or do all three - a great way to fill an hour). I remember it took me a long time to feel God’s presence. Sometimes it felt like I was talking to myself. I think it is a question of habit - that prayer becomes something natural to us. Again, give it some time. I find that sticking to a certain devotion helps. I have gotten in the habit of praying the Divine mercy chaplet every day. It is a wonderful, easy and short chaplet and I very much recommend it.

God bless and I hope this has helped a bit.
 
Contra_Mundum said:
Mom problem:
I also think you need to move out. She treats you like a child and you are stuck in that role. Money doesn’t matter so much: it is the dynamic of the relationship and bad habits. I had the same problem with my dad. He helped me financially when I needed it and decided that he owned me. Constant criticism, co-dependency, etc. I thought I was going to go nuts. Anyway, I advise you to stop worrying about her expectations in terms of your career and personal life. It could well be the case that whatever you do she will not be happy. Some people are just like that. Detaching from that is crucial. And it happens step by step. Financial independence and healthy emotional boundaries are what you need to work on right now.

Church stuff:
Take it easy. You have just come back. (Congrats!! 👍) May I suggest you go to Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament? That is a wonderful devotion. Pray the Rosary, read something, or just sit in silence while you are there (or do all three - a great way to fill an hour). I remember it took me a long time to feel God’s presence. Sometimes it felt like I was talking to myself. I think it is a question of habit - that prayer becomes something natural to us. Again, give it some time. I find that sticking to a certain devotion helps. I have gotten in the habit of praying the Divine mercy chaplet every day. It is a wonderful, easy and short chaplet and I very much recommend it.

God bless and I hope this has helped a bit.
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I started going back to mass day of Ash Wednesday… went to four Churches really enjoy the one in now. Pray the Rosary off and on. I also have a book of prayers I enjoy reading. Also luke to pray on my own my own peayers to God and yhe Trinity. Really enjoy reading the daily readi gs and interpret the meaning. Next step is volunteering in Church activity, Confirmation, and Cofession.
 
Monicad said:
Please be assured of my prayers. I wish to help you in a practical way with feedback and advice, but unfortunately your questions are perhaps too numerous to be handled here. I am not trying to discourage you from posting, but I don’t want you to lose hope that you may not be getting all you are seeking here.

You are seeking advice on your relationship with your mother, with how to handle finances, with what to do with your spiritual life and where your life is headed. These are important but very complex questions.

My suggestion to you is this, slow down, you only have to live today for now. You do not have to live your life all at once. Make a few goals for now, to attend Mass regularly and to save enough to move out in say, 6 months? You are worried about your future and your faith life and you say you are lost and confused. Jesus knows where you are RIGHT NOW. Just take 10 minutes today and sit with him right now. Your age, your job, your living situation, the clothes that you wear all of this he has known would be in your life for all eternity. Just sit with your life and try not to race around in your mind and just be with Jesus, see if that helps.
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Appreciate it does help. I get ahead of myself. When tired and dealing with issues in life loose sight of Jesus and God. Need time to just breath enjoy snall things and remember hope in God.
 
Rather then post another question. I feel that my faith is being ripped away from me and I feel weak ro God. The control my mom has on me and to defend myself from her criticism. I have been honest with Faith in God. However, at times I am deceitful and knowingly of this. Only to avoid my mom’s comments. I feel terrible inside and I ask God why my life is like this. I suffer so much inside.
 
MOVE OUT NOW!!! And make sure she doesn’t get a key to your new house/apartment. Don’t give her you phone number either, and have it be unlisted so she can’t look it up. Then give it only to a trusted few who won’t pass it on to her. The quicker you get this done, the quicker you will get to feeling better.
 
I feel I am running away from my problems. By leaving my mom and possibly hurting our relationship. I am hurting mine with God and that it is not God’s will. It is so difficult to explain to my mom whst is going on. I do make the effort am I not trying hard enough. So much self doubt. Upset at self for not wanting to be around my family and I wanting to feel happy again.
 
You are being manipulated, and are depressed. You wouldn’t be running away from your problems, you’d be setting things right. If you remain where you are, under the burden you are carrying, I’m afaid of what you might do. Either hurt yourself (God forbid, even suicide) or someone else. :frighten:

Get out and get help. Counseling even. It won’t wreck your relationship with God. And it might even help your relationship with your mom if handled correctly. Perhaps even tell her that for awhile the only contact with her that you will allow would be in family counseling. And she can’t spend the time telling you what to do or putting you down in any way. Then, if she doesn’t go by this, walk away knowing that you tried your best. It’s all on her now. To have a healthy relationship there has to be common respect, among other things. It sounds like she doesn’t respect you. And she’s hurting you when she should be loving you. This isn’t loving. :mad:

Please, get help and get out before someone really does get hurt. You’re doing no one favors by sticking around. My prayers are with you. :crossrc:
 
Parents can be over bearing, but it is their way of showing that they care. If your mother is questioning why you attend church, it is because she isn’t Christian or are there other areas that perhaps require addressing? I agree that you will need to move out but now isn’t the time. I think the two of you need to spend some time talking things out. If the topics are really big, maybe you should consider some family counselling. If you leave now, it could become difficult to reconcile your differences later on. To help her understand your point of view, you can invite her to church and a church event that is happening. If she sees the Christian side, maybe she won’t see it as a threat.

Come to her with peace and love. Mothers can be tough but with time and love, they often come around a bit.
 
SecretGarden said:
Parents can be over bearing, but it is their way of showing that they care. If your mother is questioning why you attend church, it is because she isn’t Christian or are there other areas that perhaps require addressing? I agree that you will need to move out but now isn’t the time. I think the two of you need to spend some time talking things out. If the topics are really big, maybe you should consider some family counselling. If you leave now, it could become difficult to reconcile your differences later on. To help her understand your point of view, you can invite her to church and a church event that is happening. If she sees the Christian side, maybe she won’t see it as a threat.

Come to her with peace and love. Mothers can be tough but with time and love, they often come around a bit.
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It sounds to me that the relationship has gone far past this level. Sometimes love from a distance is what works best. I know that with my dad’s animosity and controlling matters, there would have never been a time that I would had gone to live with him and my mom. He died in 2001, and we never made up. It would have been worst if I had been near him. In proximity, I mean. I could go into particulars, but won’t. Main thing being, it sounds like the OP is struggling with depression made worse by his mom’s actions and attitudes. Pulling away may be what’s needed.
 
I really appreciate the support from the Catholic family. I feel that moving out may be the best option. You are correct about the concern of mom possibly alienating self from me. However, I have open up about the issues to my mom. Feels little change but some. I believe if I move out will help me, not financially, but my health. Also feel it can assist with the relationship between my mom and I.

When we were four my parents divorced so have been with my mom since. She has struggled but made the best life for me. I know the way our relationship is now it is time to go and hope for the best.

Rest assure I have no intent of self harm. I do question God’s reasoning why I am alive. I pray it offers peace. I aso pray for strength and intercession of God to assist in family issues. I pray for my mom, Amen. Again thank you for the support.
 
A son that attends church, works, pays his own bills and even gives money to mom… And mom is critical. ?:confused:

Sounds like my mother in law. Years ago. Know what, she was afraid of losing her son. :rolleyes: she didn’t realize her actions made her lose her son, not her sons actions.

Anyway, time to get your own life. It’s going to get lots worse before it gets better. Prayers for you!!!
 
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