Lost and confused

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ymartinez1015

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Here is a scenario- Please no judgement. I would like wisdom and proper Catholic advice.

Wife sends a picture of herself in a bra from the belly button up to an old high school friend. He sends nude photos however she does not look at them. Her husband found out. He feels betrayed, rightly so. She is working on redeeming herself and her husband and her are working on salvaging their marriage. There was no hidden agenda on her end, she immensely loves her husband and does not desire or like the other man. She made a poor choice. On a side note, she has gone to confession already.
 
If the wife truly is repentant, that’s what is required of her. The husband will have to cooperate with the Holy Spirit in his forgiveness. It won’t be overnight.

It sounds like a really difficult situation with a really simply, yet difficult, answer.
 
ymartinez1015 said:
Wife sends a picture of herself in a bra from the belly button up to an old high school friend. He sends nude photos however she does not look at them. Her husband found out.

There was no hidden agenda
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These two things are in conflict. And I think the wife is kidding herself by framing it as “i just made a bad choice”.

Someone doesn’t just up and send a picture of themselves in a bra to an “old high school friend” without having SOME agenda-- whether it’s their own self esteems, kindling a romance, getting back at someone, lashing out in anger, depression, something going on mentally, with alcohol or other substances involved… or SOMETHING.

That is bizarre behavior for a grown woman and wife who “loves her husband” and “doesn’t like the other man”.

In addition to confession, my suggestion would be the woman talk to a counselor to try to be honest with herself as to why she would engage in that behavior. because frankly we are only getting a carefully groomed version of this story and it doesn’t add up. No need to be open and honest with strangers on the internet, but be honest with yourself and get help.
 
The only answer she was able to give me is, she felt attractive to him whereas her husband even though tells her she is beautiful, she does not/did not feel it. She is not justifying her actions, this is the only reason she could come up with.
 
ymartinez1015 said:
Here is a scenario- Please no judgement. I would like wisdom and proper Catholic advice.

Wife sends a picture of herself in a bra from the belly button up to an old high school friend. He sends nude photos however she does not look at them. Her husband found out. He feels betrayed, rightly so. She is working on redeeming herself and her husband and her are working on salvaging their marriage. There was no hidden agenda on her end, she immensely loves her husband and does not desire or like the other man. She made a poor choice. On a side note, she has gone to confession already.
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No judgement?
I’m not sure how one can address the wife’s failings then…
 
ymartinez1015 said:
The only answer she was able to give me is, she felt attractive to him whereas her husband even though tells her she is beautiful, she does not/did not feel it. She is not justifying her actions, this is the only reason she could come up with.
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If you are not the husband or the wife, then what is your involvement in this situation?

The wife needs to get counseling for herself as to why she would do this, and possibly counseling as a couple to try to save their marriage. She’s got something going on inside her head and it needs sorting out.
 
1ke said:
These two things are in conflict. And I think the wife is kidding herself by framing it as “i just made a bad choice”.

Someone doesn’t just up and send a picture of themselves in a bra to an “old high school friend” without having SOME agenda-- whether it’s their own self esteems, kindling a romance, getting back at someone, lashing out in anger, depression, something going on mentally, with alcohol or other substances involved… or SOMETHING.

That is bizarre behavior for a grown woman and wife who “loves her husband” and “doesn’t like the other man”.

In addition to confession, my suggestion would be the woman talk to a counselor to try to be honest with herself as to why she would engage in that behavior. because frankly we are only getting a carefully groomed version of this story and it doesn’t add up. No need to be open and honest with strangers on the internet, but be honest with yourself and get help.
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I agree!
 
Someone doesn’t just up and send a picture of themselves in a bra to an “old high school friend” without having SOME agenda-- whether it’s their own self esteems, kindling a romance, getting back at someone, lashing out in anger, depression, something going on mentally, with alcohol or other substances involved… or SOMETHING.
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I agree with 1ke. Something is going on in her life for her to do this. This is only a guess since I do not know this woman…I think she might have self esteem issues. If you look at all these men and women posting semi-nude “selfies” on social media for the world to see, they are looking for a positive reaction from their friends and strangers on the internet to boost their self esteem. However, no amount of praise from these people will ever be enough for them. They have deeper, underlying issues that need to be addressed in counseling to get to the root of the problem.
 
What advice is sought???

Here is the given:

What was done was done

The husband and wife are making it better…

What issue remains for advice to be needed?

I mean that I was expecting perhaps a “my husband can’t stop mentioning it”

Or " the wife still feels prone to talk to other men"

Or something…

The post here describes the already “perfect” outcome for this highly imperfect situation.

She apparantly made somekind of perfect contrition and her and the husband are getting along famously per this post…
 
It sounds like she may have some self esteem issues and should be in counseling to get to the cause of it. They both need marriage counseling or maybe a weekend Marriage Encounter would get them talking about the real problems in the marriage.
 
And the root of it all is self-esteem issues. She does not feel pretty enough for her husband.
 
Not sure why ANY guy would send a nude photo to ANYONE, at ANYTIME, even when a married woman sends him a fairly tame picture of herself in a bra, its not like she sent him a topless image of herself, Ive seen a few female friends post pictures of themselves in FB in their bras, not really sexual or revealing in anyway, same thing as taking picture if they were on a beach in a swimsuit.

I think if she was really trying to seduce or show him she is interested, she would have sent a much more graphic picture to him.
 
mikekle said:
Not sure why ANY guy would send a nude photo to ANYONE, at ANYTIME, even when a married woman sends him a fairly tame picture of herself in a bra, its not like she sent him a topless image of herself, Ive seen a few female friends post pictures of themselves in FB in their bras, not really sexual or revealing in anyway, same thing as taking picture if they were on a beach in a swimsuit.

I think if she was really trying to seduce or show him she is interested, she would have sent a much more graphic picture to him.
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You are kidding right!? She wasn’t explicit enough? It was all innocent and the other guy is a fashion designer for Victoria’s Secret?
 
Hoosier_Daddy said:
You are kidding right!? She wasn’t explicit enough? It was all innocent and the other guy is a fashion designer for Victoria’s Secret?
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Depends on the intent, if it was just a ‘selfie’ she took and she just happened to be in her bra versus a picture where her chest and belly takes up most of the picture, that is something else entirely. Hard to determine the intent of the picture just having a written description.

I will say though, men in general are pretty bad at ‘reading’ signals from women, many jump to the conclusion the women is sexually interested in them when the exact opposite is true.
 
mikekle said:
Depends on the intent, if it was just a ‘selfie’ she took and she just happened to be in her bra versus a picture where her chest and belly takes up most of the picture, that is something else entirely. Hard to determine the intent of the picture just having a written description.

I will say though, men in general are pretty bad at ‘reading’ signals from women, many jump to the conclusion the women is sexually interested in them when the exact opposite is true.
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I doubt there would be guilt enough for any form of internet post if it was done with no ill intents to a degree.

Also, given she went out of her way to talk to an old flame and send a certain type of photo… yeah.

Just talking to an old flame can be suspect and questionable…

Plus I believe the poster said something about seeking approval from said source to which the photo was sent… so that about sums it up as not “innocent” even if it was a sweat suit photo it would be given the intent not good.
 
mikekle said:
Depends on the intent, if it was just a ‘selfie’ she took and she just happened to be in her bra versus a picture where her chest and belly takes up most of the picture, that is something else entirely. Hard to determine the intent of the picture just having a written description.

I will say though, men in general are pretty bad at ‘reading’ signals from women, many jump to the conclusion the women is sexually interested in them when the exact opposite is true.
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Just happens to be in her bra!?

Ok. I don’t think we can have a productive conversation here.
 
I would wonder what correspondence was going on before the “selfie”…got to be more to the story.
 
Hoosier_Daddy said:
Just happens to be in her bra!?

Ok. I don’t think we can have a productive conversation here.
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I have a friend who used to be a store mgr for us, she is a really attractive, mid 20s girl, but her personality is nothing like you would expect if you saw her for the first time. Awhile back she updated her FB picture and it happened to show she only had her bra on, it was not emphasizing the bra or chest area, ( her face and neck took up most of the pic, but you could still see her chest), its just a selfie she took spur of the moment at home one day and liked how her hair and face looked, so she used it…I commented on her being in a bra and she thought nothing of it, I think she said she was changing into her work clothes at the time or something like that.

So, in her view, it was not sexual at all, but I could easily see how many guys could mis-read that if she sent it to them (but they would have been wrong).

Im not trying to stir up arguments, Im just saying, not everyone thinks the same, some people do some goofy things that can be easily misinterpreted by others.
 
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