Lost and confussed

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Christigarza95

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It has been 72 days since I left my husband because he told me that he was unhappy and miserable with me. I had been trying to change us and make us better, I even asked him to go to counseling or talk to a priest with me, but he said that it would be a waste of time to do that. On April 1, I decided that I was going to seperate from him, maybe I thought he would stop me and say he was going to try, but he just left the house as I packed up my sons stuff and mine. Since then my husband has been so mean in cussing at me and telling me things that I had never heard him tell me. It hurts me so much because he went from telling me he loved me to saying that he was miserable with me. Recently I went to go see him because I miss him so much, I miss my bestfriend, he told me that it was the best thing we both could have done because he is happy and not miserable anymore. It broke me so much.
I have been praying everyday and have been getting help from all over. I go to church every Sunday now, when before I wouldn’t, but I still feel like I am not doing enough. I go to confession and I feel the same, I hate this feeling. I don’t want God to think that I doubt him, but I dont know what to do anymore, I love my Lord so much but I feel it might not be enough love. I pain right now not knowing what to do. I hav been crying everyday since I left my husband/my bestfriend and I don’t know how it will ever get better. I was married by the church, so I don’t know what I did was right or not, I feel I should have stayed and just try to live with it and eventually it would get better, but I feel I was a couard and left him. Now I don’t know if it is to late. He has so much anger in him and says he wants to know nothing about us, only his son. I know its me being selfish but I feel that a family consist of My husband, my son and I. We went through so much together. I want us back but, with God in our lives this time. I neglected the Lord so much and I see it now, that is why I am williing to change and do what I can to be a better Catholic, and a better wife to my husband and a better mother to my precious son. Please help me dear Lord!!!
 
Christigarza95 said:
It has been 72 days since I left my husband because he told me that he was unhappy and miserable with me. I had been trying to change us and make us better, I even asked him to go to counseling or talk to a priest with me, but he said that it would be a waste of time to do that. On April 1, I decided that I was going to seperate from him, maybe I thought he would stop me and say he was going to try, but he just left the house as I packed up my sons stuff and mine. Since then my husband has been so mean in cussing at me and telling me things that I had never heard him tell me. It hurts me so much because he went from telling me he loved me to saying that he was miserable with me. Recently I went to go see him because I miss him so much, I miss my bestfriend, he told me that it was the best thing we both could have done because he is happy and not miserable anymore. It broke me so much.
I have been praying everyday and have been getting help from all over. I go to church every Sunday now, when before I wouldn’t, but I still feel like I am not doing enough. I go to confession and I feel the same, I hate this feeling. I don’t want God to think that I doubt him, but I dont know what to do anymore, I love my Lord so much but I feel it might not be enough love. I pain right now not knowing what to do. I hav been crying everyday since I left my husband/my bestfriend and I don’t know how it will ever get better. I was married by the church, so I don’t know what I did was right or not, I feel I should have stayed and just try to live with it and eventually it would get better, but I feel I was a couard and left him. Now I don’t know if it is to late. He has so much anger in him and says he wants to know nothing about us, only his son. I know its me being selfish but I feel that a family consist of My husband, my son and I. We went through so much together. I want us back but, with God in our lives this time. I neglected the Lord so much and I see it now, that is why I am williing to change and do what I can to be a better Catholic, and a better wife to my husband and a better mother to my precious son. Please help me dear Lord!!!
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Of course you’re lost and confused. Your entire world was set on its ear 72 days ago. You’re in shock. This is completely normal. It’s hell to go through, but it’s normal. The end of a marriage is up there with death as one of the most stress things people face lifetimes. :sad_yes:

Some suggestions:
  • Continue to attend Mass regularly, every Sunday at a minimum, but more often if you can. Draw strength from the Eucharist whenever possible.
  • Don’t neglect your prayer life, even when - especially when - things are at their bleakest.
  • Seek professional counseling for yourself as well as you children. If you’re uninsured, your parish office or your diocese should be able to point you towards therapists who can see you on a sliding scale based on your income.
  • Retain the best family law attorney you can afford.
  • Do not neglect your friendships. Friends can be a great source of emotional strength during times like this.
Things will not get better over night. In fact, things may very well get harder than they are right now. But if you are able to build a decent social, emotional, and religious support system for yourself, you will survive this.

Luna
 
Wow…I am SO SORRY to hear about your marriage ending!! While I am not personally called to marriage, I know many people who are and I’ve often been on the listening end for anyone who needs to talk about their relationships. I know how vital it is for us all to receive human love, especially the love of a spouse since it is a reflection of the Holy Trinity…

While it may seem at this point you did something wrong in leaving him, let me stress YOU DID AWESOME!!! :bowdown: You did your best to save what love was there by bringing God back into your marriage, suggesting counseling, etc. But when one spouse is not receptive and unhappy, it becomes unbearable for both spouses. Yes, I think you CAN still love your husband in a special way, especially because you share a son together and you have many happy memories of the past. But the Church can annull marriages that had something missing from the beginning so the Sacrament was not valid.

You sound like a very compassionate, loving woman. That compassion comes from God. The more you give yourself DAILY to God’s Divine Will, the more you will become a reflection of Him…and the more love you will have for others. I suggest, if you can, making a daily examen of conscience that includes your BEST actions of the day (my spiritual director recommended thinking of 3 sins and 3 virtuous acts) and write them down in a journal. That way you can look back later and see how God’s hand was involved in EVERY moment of this dark time…He will never leave you and He knows what you’re going through. Everytime your heart is pierced because of this burdon, look to Our Blessed Mother’s sorrowful heart and beg her take your suffering to Her Son as an act of love. You might look back years from now and realize this trial led you closer to Jesus!

Lord, I ask in confidence that You will look upon Your daughter with the utmost tenderness today. Woo her heart and show her how much she truly means to You…fill her deepest soul as only You can. We thank You for her son, so that his love may give her strength as well…

I will offer my Holy Hour for you today! God Bless.
 
Time is part of healing, and maybe time away from him is what you both need right now. In the mean time, pray and work hard on transforming yourself and to put this events in the hands of God. But pain is sometimes God’s loudspeaker, and the fact that you started going back to mass on Sundays is already a good fruit of this experience. Going to Sunday mass is an obligation for Catholics and it is a serious sin to miss mass on Sundays, because *the only way we can do God’s will and carry our heavy crosses in life is if we have His sanctifying grace, *which we receive through the sacraments.

God’s will for us in life is very simple: that we become as holy and reach the holiness He set out for each one of us. We are called to use our time and talents on earth to become saints within our state in life, with the time and with the place we are given, and the circumstances we find ourselves in.

God does not want us to be lost or confused. Since He is the Way and the Truth, sometimes it take events such as these to purify and deepen our relationship with God. Realize that one person has many roles to live; for example, a woman can be a daughter, a mother, a wife, a friend, a Catholic, a citizen, an employee, etc. and she is called to live out those rolls as best as she can—to be a good mother, a good daughter, a good wife, a good friend, a good Catholic, etc. And being a good Catholic wife means helping her husband reach heaven. The only way we can grow in holiness is with the help of God’s sanctifying grace.

The sacraments are there to transform us. For example, the sacrament of reconciliation (Confession) gives us the power to overcome things we could never do on our own. The sacrament of Holy Eucharist is the food *which gives our soul the vitality and strength to grow in holiness, and to become the person God wants us to become. * The sacraments are like direct pipelines from heaven which give us sanctifying grace in overflowing measures. So now that you are going back to church on Sundays, deepen your relationship with God, and put your problems in His hands.

One must understand that there is the person we think we are, and the person others think we are. But then there is the person we really are, and that is the person God sees, and the person God wants to transform. We are called to be like soft clay in God’s hands, so he can mold and shape us as He desires; but often times we have to be sculpted with a sharp chisel because our hearts can become hard and indifferent toward our true purpose in life, which is to live for God and become perfect instruments of His grace in this dark world.

I would suggest you cultivate a serene and deep prayer life through reading the Scriptures, studying the lives of the saints—especially those who have had similar crosses in life as yours— and develop a regular prayer life. Prayer is simply a dialogue with God, and God has the perfect plan for you that will lead you to Himself, who is the source of beauty, happiness, goodness, truth and love itself. God is infinitely merciful, but we must detach ourselves from things, even from people in order to put God first. One thing you may want to do is to take your mind off your problem from time to time so it does not become an obsession that tears you apart. Feed your mind and move forward and take action after seeking God in prayer.

Here is an interesting video you may find helpful to put things in perspective. This man went through a tremendous purifying experience which changed his life:

VIDEO
 
Andre1000 said:
Oh no.
I am so terrified of marriage!!😦
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Just as the priesthood, marriage is a vocation and the means God set up to populate heaven. God’s first command to Man was to be fruitful and multiply, as husbands and wives help bring new eternal beings into existence. But spouses must help each other get to heaven. When one loses sight of the eternal goal, marriage becomes a means for mere temporal self-fulfillment. But God gives us the grace to fulfill our vocation, if we trust in Him. Remember, Catholics are *Soldiers of Christ, *members of the Church Militant. This is our time. Once we’re dead, our opportunity is concluded.
 
Garbriel,

Thank you so much for your words of encouragement, I really appreciate it. I believe that I will have my family back, I believe that God is helping me become stronger in my Catholics beliefs so I can strengthen my marriage. My husband and I believed in God, but we never really practiced our belief in the Catholic church. We let a lot just pass by us. When Sunday would come along I would not get up to go to church, instead I would stay asleep or go out with my husband and son. I know now that it was the worse thing I could have done because, God is who makes this world, without him we would not exist and we would not breath. I owe God a lot of lost time, and I am I trying to prove that I will make it up till the day I see him in Heaven. I pray and read the bible everyday. I know that God does not want a marriage to break up. He says it himself when we get married we become one, this is the faith I have, that eventually my husband will realize that my son and I are his family and he wants us back. I would appreicate all the prayers from everyone as well, because I refuse to say my marriage is over. If for some reason it is Gods will for it to be like that, I am learning to accept and cope with what I am going through right now, but I love the Lord and I know he loves me as well as everyone and everything in this world. I believe that he is getting me ready to be a stronger Catholic and have a stronger Marriage.

Thank you all for your words… It really does help. I have been so lost and I have been crying still for the last 73 days, but I know that I have hurt God a lot and have disrespected him in ways that only someone who lost hope and love for him have disrespected him. But, the Lord is Great and he is by me and I do see a change in my feeling and the difference in what I believe in.

Thank you for sharing the video,

Christina Garza
 
Just remember that you are a pilgrim on earth, with your final destination being God. And your sole purpose in life is to become a saint and help those around you reach heaven. The way one becomes a saint is to answer God’s call within your state in life wherever you are. When one gets on that path life becomes an adventure and a battle for conquering our weaknesses which we can conquer with God’s sanctifying grace. When we make a sincere and profound examination of conscience, we then begin to understand who we truly are, and how sinful we really are. Once we know who we are we can pray to God to help us uproot our bad habits, our bad traits, and our vices. From gluttony to gossip, from laziness to wasting time, from shunning the teachings of the Church to living in a state of sin; all these things Christ will uproot from our heart if we truly give ourselves over to Jesus Christ, making Him the Lord of our thoughts, of our day, of our life.
http://img189.imageshack.us/img189/6779/confessionm.jpg

The first step is to do a truthful and life-changing examination of conscience, to uncover all the pollution and contamination which we have allowed to enter our soul, which leads to sadness. Much like easting something that is bad for us, poison makes us sick. Sin does the same to the soul. We must get it out of us. The way we do this is by an examination of conscience, and a real profound repentance and a confession of these sins to a priest. In Confession we are given sanctifying grace which will help transform us from our old ways, so we are no longer slaves to them.

http://img842.imageshack.us/img842/6797/rosaryheavenly.jpg

Here is a link to a good EXAMINATION OF CONSCIENCE.
 
Gabriel_Serafin said:
Just as the priesthood, marriage is a vocation and the means God set up to populate heaven. God’s first command to Man was to be fruitful and multiply, as husbands and wives help bring new eternal beings into existence. But spouses must help each other get to heaven. When one loses sight of the eternal goal, marriage becomes a means for mere temporal self-fulfillment. But God gives us the grace to fulfill our vocation, if we trust in Him. Remember, Catholics are *Soldiers of Christ, *members of the Church Militant. This is our time. Once we’re dead, our opportunity is concluded.
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Yes that is true.
Situations like that are so awful, for me was unrequited love almost too much to handle. I pray for Christigarza95. Since a few weeks I start to hope that marriage is not my vocation.
 
Andre1000 said:
Yes that is true.
Situations like that are so awful, for me was unrequited love almost too much to handle. I pray for Christigarza95. Since a few weeks I start to hope that marriage is not my vocation.
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That’s why it is important to discern one’s vocation, and if you believe you are called to marriage then it behooves you to find a spouse who loves God more than he/she loves you, and someone that will make a good parent and bring your children up in the faith. But one should not be afraid of following one’s vocation in life. In fact, Jesus warns against those who are cowardly and scared to act in the example of the parable of the talents: (also see Revelation 21:8)

*“Then he who had received the one talent came and said, ‘Lord, I knew you to be a hard man, reaping where you have not sown, and gathering where you have not scattered seed. And I was afraid, and went and hid your talent in the ground. Look, there you have what is yours.’

“But his lord answered and said to him, ‘You wicked and lazy servant, you knew that I reap where I have not sown, and gather where I have not scattered seed. So you ought to have deposited my money with the bankers, and at my coming I would have received back my own with interest. Therefore take the talent from him, and give it to him who has ten talents."Matt. 25:24-28*

So be not afraid. Discern your vocation and go forth
 
Today is one of my down days, as much as I want to talk to my family or even my friends, I feel like I have bothered them enough. A lot of the time all I want to do is sleep, I get up and pray, and read the bible and then all I want to do is sleep. I dont really understand what is wrong with me. I am feeling closer to the Lord, but I still feel empty, and I want to feel full of life with the Lord for my son. I believe that my son and I will be a family with my husband through the Lord but, I cant let this evil win. I need help please pray for me, I need the evil spirits away from me and I need to concentrate more on the Lord and getting myself better. I dont like this feeling that all I want to do is sleep…
 
Gabriel_Serafin said:
That’s why it is important to discern one’s vocation, and if you believe you are called to marriage then it behooves you to find a spouse who loves God more than he/she loves you, and someone that will make a good parent and bring your children up in the faith. But one should not be afraid of following one’s vocation in life. In fact, Jesus warns against those who are cowardly and scared to act in the example of the parable of the talents: (also see Revelation 21:8)

*“Then he who had received the one talent came and said, ‘Lord, I knew you to be a hard man, reaping where you have not sown, and gathering where you have not scattered seed. And I was afraid, and went and hid your talent in the ground. Look, there you have what is yours.’

“But his lord answered and said to him, ‘You wicked and lazy servant, you knew that I reap where I have not sown, and gather where I have not scattered seed. So you ought to have deposited my money with the bankers, and at my coming I would have received back my own with interest. Therefore take the talent from him, and give it to him who has ten talents."Matt. 25:24-28*

So be not afraid. Discern your vocation and go forth
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You are right.
This vocation thing is very new for me, because no one told me before. I just started to think about this topic and so I am very unsure for now.:confused:
 
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