lost faith

[rosiereal]

since the loss of my son almost two yrs ago I find that I cannot bring myself to be on speaking terms with God. I was always a good Catholic, attended Catholic school and even a Catholic college.
After my son passed I found that all I have is anger for God. People told me that it happened for a reason and was part of Gods plan…that God called his angel home early and you klnow what it only made me more angry with him!
How do I remove this from my heart? How can I learn to forgive so that I can look to the heaven again without shaking my fist?

 

[lynx]

First, I am very sorry for your loss. I can only imagine the pain the loss of a child brings. With respect to your question, it might be helpful to talk with your priest and express your grief. They should be your spiritual leader in these matters. Other than that, try praying for guidance.

 

[cargau]

since the loss of my son almost two yrs ago I find that I cannot bring myself to be on speaking terms with God. I was always a good Catholic, attended Catholic school and even a Catholic college.
After my son passed I found that all I have is anger for God. People told me that it happened for a reason and was part of Gods plan…that God called his angel home early and you klnow what it only made me more angry with him!
How do I remove this from my heart? How can I learn to forgive so that I can look to the heaven again without shaking my fist?

Hi Rosie,

First, I am so sorry for your loss. I will keep you and your son in my prayers.

It is OK to be angry with God. He can take it. The hurt you no doubt feel needs resolution. God did not will your son’s death, He permitted it. Always remember that God loved and continues to love your son more than you or anyone else ever could.

Know that both you and God want what is best for your son. But, your son needs your prayers. The truth is, in spite of the well wishers talking about God calling your angel, we don’t know for sure where he is. For your son’s sake, try to pray for God’s mercy on his soul. If he is in heaven, great. If he is not, then you may be the only one offering these prayers on your son’s behalf.

Persevere and ask God to send the Spirit to guide you and give you His peace.

 

[thistle]

since the loss of my son almost two yrs ago I find that I cannot bring myself to be on speaking terms with God. I was always a good Catholic, attended Catholic school and even a Catholic college.
After my son passed I found that all I have is anger for God. People told me that it happened for a reason and was part of Gods plan…that God called his angel home early and you klnow what it only made me more angry with him!
How do I remove this from my heart? How can I learn to forgive so that I can look to the heaven again without shaking my fist?

I recommend an excellent book called Arise From Darkness by Father Benedict Groeschel.

 

[adv1sor]

Tell Him Rosiereal.

Find a private place where you won’t be interrupted. Go to God in prayer and tell Him exactly how His actions have made you feel.

Cry out to Him. Yell at Him. Let Him know how hurt you are. Don’t stop until you have it all out.

Then cry for awhile. I’ll cry with you.

Then pray to Him again and ask for His forgiveness, having faith that your son really is in paradise right now and that you will see him again when God calls you.

Finally, if you’re not already doing so, go to Confession, then to Mass and take Communion.

Then, as you leave the Church look to heaven, you will be looking at the face of you son, and His Son, both smiling down you.

I’ll pray for you.

 

[crazzeto]

since the loss of my son almost two yrs ago I find that I cannot bring myself to be on speaking terms with God. I was always a good Catholic, attended Catholic school and even a Catholic college.
After my son passed I found that all I have is anger for God. People told me that it happened for a reason and was part of Gods plan…that God called his angel home early and you klnow what it only made me more angry with him!
How do I remove this from my heart? How can I learn to forgive so that I can look to the heaven again without shaking my fist?

I’m very sorry to hear about your loss, it must be very painful not understanding how losing your son might fit into Gods plans, or how it might happen. You will certainly be in my prayers.

You say you were always a good Catholic, that’s terrific! I think you can utilize what you know about the faith to help pull you through this, with God who wants to give you his grace to heal this pain. Most specifically I would direct you towards the Virgin Mary who knows very well the pain you are going through right now. After all, she saw her only son die upon a tree, so it seems to me like the two of you have a lot in common and probably have a lot to discuss.

Do you pray the Rosary much? I know it’s probably a stupid question, but one worth asking. If you don’t, then I would certainly suggest you start, perhaps with the Sorrowful mysteries. You might petition the Blessed Virgin for Grace and understanding on each decade, perhaps for a specific question or emotion you have.

Just in case I’ll go ahead and upload a PDF I made up for my 6th graders on the Rosary. It’s got the basics on how to pray it, integrates the basic prayers (inc Fatima) and offers suggested scriptures.

For the crusifixsion one good alternative is Pslam 21/22 (Greek/Hebrew), I’ll post it below from the Douay bible.

Psalm 21 Doay:
drbo.org/cgi-bin/d?b=drb&bk=21&ch=21&l=2&f=s#x

Deus Deus meus. Christ’s passion: and the conversion of the Gentiles.

1 Unto the end, for the morning protection, a psalm for David. 2 O God my God, look upon me: why hast thou forsaken me? Far from my salvation are the words of my sins. 3 O my God, I shall cry by day, and thou wilt not hear: and by night, and it shall not be reputed as folly in me. 4 But thou dwellest in the holy place, the praise of Israel. 5 In thee have our fathers hoped: they have hoped, and thou hast delivered them.

2 “The words of my sins”… That is, the sins of the world, which I have taken upon myself, cry out against me, and are the cause of all my sufferings.

6 They cried to thee, and they were saved: they trusted in thee, and were not confounded. 7 But I am a worm, and no man: the reproach of men, and the outcast of the people. 8 All they that saw me have laughed me to scorn: they have spoken with the lips, and wagged the head. 9 He hoped in the Lord, let him deliver him: let him save him, seeing he delighteth in him. 10 For thou art he that hast drawn me out of the womb: my hope from the breasts of my mother.

11 I was cast upon thee from the womb. From my mother’s womb thou art my God, 12 Depart not from me. For tribulation is very near: for there is none to help me. 13 Many calves have surrounded me: fat bulls have besieged me. 14 They have opened their mouths against me, as a lion ravening and roaring. 15 I am poured out like water; and all my bones are scattered. My heart is become like wax melting in the midst of my bowels.

16 My strength is dried up like a potsherd, and my tongue hath cleaved to my jaws: and thou hast brought me down into the dust of death. 17 For many dogs have encompassed me: the council of the malignant hath besieged me. They have dug my hands and feet. 18 They have numbered all my bones. And they have looked and stared upon me. 19 They parted my garments amongst them; and upon my vesture they cast lots. 20 But thou, O Lord, remove not thy help to a distance from me; look towards my defence.

21 Deliver, O God, my soul from the sword: my only one from the hand of the dog. 22 Save me from the lion’s mouth; and my lowness from the horns of the unicorns. 23 I will declare thy name to my brethren: in the midst of the church will I praise thee. 24 Ye that fear the Lord, praise him: all ye the seed of Jacob, glorify him. 25 Let all the seed of Israel fear him: because he hath not slighted nor despised the supplication of the poor man. Neither hath he turned away his face from me: and when I cried to him he heard me.

26 With thee is my praise in a great church: I will pay my vows in the sight of them that fear him. 27 The poor shall eat and shall be filled: and they shall praise the Lord that seek him: their hearts shall live for ever and ever. 28 All the ends of the earth shall remember, and shall be converted to the Lord: And all the kindreds of the Gentiles shall adore in his sight. 29 For the kingdom is the Lord’s; and he shall have dominion over the nations. 30 All the fat ones of the earth have eaten and have adored: all they that go down to the earth shall fall before him.

31 And to him my soul shall live: and my seed shall serve him. 32 There shall be declared to the Lord a generation to come: and the heavens shall shew forth his justice to a people that shall be born, which the Lord hath made.

 

[RedWings]

Rosiereal, I am so deeply sorry for your loss. As a father of four, I can not imagine the heartache.

Both of my parents have now passed away. They both endured some extreme hardships and suffering prior to their deaths, so when the time came, I could be relieved that their earthly suffering was over. This helped me through the grieving process.

It also taught me a valuable lesson. I’m confident my mother and father are in Heaven. This comforts me to know not only do they no longer suffer, but I now have yet another reason to not fear death for myself. I will see them again, and then for all eternity.

So while we may be on this earth for 60, 80, 100 years, it is nothing more than a blink of an eye compared to the infinite happiness we all hope to attain for all eternity. I remind myself, this short stay here on earth is only temporary, but eternity with my loved ones and Savior is for ever.

Remember too, that anger is part of the grieving process. Your feelings are natural, normal and hopefully short-lived. Keep your faith and remember God will never abandon you.

 

[Scoobyshme]

since the loss of my son almost two yrs ago I find that I cannot bring myself to be on speaking terms with God. I was always a good Catholic, attended Catholic school and even a Catholic college.
After my son passed I found that all I have is anger for God. People told me that it happened for a reason and was part of Gods plan…that God called his angel home early and you klnow what it only made me more angry with him!
How do I remove this from my heart? How can I learn to forgive so that I can look to the heaven again without shaking my fist?

Rosie,

God has not abandoned you. He has been with you the whole while during your suffering regarding the loss of your son.

I’ve reared five children and am now raising a grandson. Although I love them all with my entire heart and would be crushed if anything happened to any of them, I realize that they really do belong to God. He only lent them to me to help rear them here on earth. In the end, we all end up in eternity. No one promised any of us a long life.

Sometimes, God loves a person SO much, He cannot wait one more minute for them to be with Him in Paradise. So, He calls them to Him. Our job is to try to stay prepared for a holy death so that we can go meet them when our time comes, which really will come a lot faster than our subconscious minds lead us to believe.

In reality, though, God has known for all eternity when, where, and how your son would die. It’s part of His Divine plan for all creation. He knows the very same thing about each of us.

The only constructive thing you can do for your son now is pray for him, in case he is in Purgatory. There are SO many souls that have no one to pray for them, including living family members left on earth! We seem, as a “modern” Church to have forgotten about the reality of Purgatory. One of the seers at one of Mary’s apparitions said that “most souls” go to Purgatory. Many go to hell. And very few go straight to heaven.

God bless! I’ll keep you and your son in my prayers!

 

[Bookcat]

The loss of a child at any age can wound the heart of a mother.

Sometimes well meaning people will try to help…reaching for words trying to console …but which can confuse things more than console in a particular situation…for we can take the wrong impressions from these words.

Pray…give yourself to Jesus the Good Shepherd who knows you and loves you. He too wept at death. Though he is the resurrection and life. Jesus is our hope…in him is real life. It is in him that you will find life now and the full life to come. It is in him we can can know real life with our loved ones.

Whatever took your child’s life too soon…whether it was a sickness or an accident…it remains a terrible loss. One that in this life will not entirely be removed. Nor would you want in a way such a wound to leave you entirely. For your son has died. You will want in some sense the scar to remain…

but not remain fresh and bleeding…

Such a wound should not be borne alone…and not without God. Come to Jesus with your wound…with your loss…he knows our hearts…he knows our life…he knows loss…

Jesus heals us in confession …in prayer…in the Church…he is the Good Shepherd and he loves you. Come to him…let him love you. Let him touch the wound. He knows about the loss of family…of friends. He wept at death.

It is in him we find life …true life.

Seek out a good priest…or two…and talk with them…

Know that Jesus loves you …do not remain far away…but come close…let the Good Shepherd near…He loves you.

Jesus wept at death.

Jesus though is the resurrection and true life. Both now …and in it fullness in new heavens and the new earth where all tears will be wiped away.

 

[Bookcat]

Mary, Star of Hope

1. With a hymn composed in the eighth or ninth century, thus for over a thousand years, the Church has greeted Mary, the Mother of God, as “Star of the Sea”: Ave maris stella. Human life is a journey. Towards what destination? How do we find the way? Life is like a voyage on the sea of history, often dark and stormy, a voyage in which we watch for the stars that indicate the route. The true stars of our life are the people who have lived good lives. They are lights of hope. Certainly, Jesus Christ is the true light, the sun that has risen above all the shadows of history. But to reach him we also need lights close by—people who shine with his light and so guide us along our way. Who more than Mary could be a star of hope for us? With her “yes” she opened the door of our world to God himself; she became the living Ark of the Covenant, in whom God took flesh, became one of us, and pitched his tent among us (cf. Jn 1:14).
2. So we cry to her: Holy Mary, you belonged to the humble and great souls of Israel who, like Simeon, were “looking for the consolation of Israel” (Lk 2:25) and hoping, like Anna, “for the redemption of Jerusalem” (Lk 2:38). Your life was thoroughly imbued with the sacred scriptures of Israel which spoke of hope, of the promise made to Abraham and his descendants (cf. Lk 1:55). In this way we can appreciate the holy fear that overcame you when the angel of the Lord appeared to you and told you that you would give birth to the One who was the hope of Israel, the One awaited by the world. Through you, through your “yes”, the hope of the ages became reality, entering this world and its history. You bowed low before the greatness of this task and gave your consent: “Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word” (Lk 1:38). When you hastened with holy joy across the mountains of Judea to see your cousin Elizabeth, you became the image of the Church to come, which carries the hope of the world in her womb across the mountains of history. But alongside the joy which, with your Magnificat, you proclaimed in word and song for all the centuries to hear, you also knew the dark sayings of the prophets about the suffering of the servant of God in this world. Shining over his birth in the stable at Bethlehem, there were angels in splendour who brought the good news to the shepherds, but at the same time the lowliness of God in this world was all too palpable. The old man Simeon spoke to you of the sword which would pierce your soul (cf. Lk 2:35), of the sign of contradiction that your Son would be in this world. Then, when Jesus began his public ministry, you had to step aside, so that a new family could grow, the family which it was his mission to establish and which would be made up of those who heard his word and kept it (cf. Lk 11:27f). Notwithstanding the great joy that marked the beginning of Jesus’s ministry, in the synagogue of Nazareth you must already have experienced the truth of the saying about the “sign of contradiction” (cf. Lk 4:28ff). In this way you saw the growing power of hostility and rejection which built up around Jesus until the hour of the Cross, when you had to look upon the Saviour of the world, the heir of David, the Son of God dying like a failure, exposed to mockery, between criminals. Then you received the word of Jesus: “Woman, behold, your Son!” (Jn 19:26). From the Cross you received a new mission. From the Cross you became a mother in a new way: the mother of all those who believe in your Son Jesus and wish to follow him. The sword of sorrow pierced your heart. Did hope die? Did the world remain definitively without light, and life without purpose? At that moment, deep down, you probably listened again to the word spoken by the angel in answer to your fear at the time of the Annunciation: “Do not be afraid, Mary!” (Lk 1:30). How many times had the Lord, your Son, said the same thing to his disciples: do not be afraid! In your heart, you heard this word again during the night of Golgotha. Before the hour of his betrayal he had said to his disciples: “Be of good cheer, I have overcome the world” (Jn 16:33). “Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid” (Jn 14:27). “Do not be afraid, Mary!” In that hour at Nazareth the angel had also said to you: “Of his kingdom there will be no end” (Lk 1:33). Could it have ended before it began? No, at the foot of the Cross, on the strength of Jesus’s own word, you became the mother of believers. In this faith, which even in the darkness of Holy Saturday bore the certitude of hope, you made your way towards Easter morning. The joy of the Resurrection touched your heart and united you in a new way to the disciples, destined to become the family of Jesus through faith. In this way you were in the midst of the community of believers, who in the days following the Ascension prayed with one voice for the gift of the Holy Spirit (cf. Acts 1:14) and then received that gift on the day of Pentecost. The “Kingdom” of Jesus was not as might have been imagined. It began in that hour, and of this “Kingdom” there will be no end. Thus you remain in the midst of the disciples as their Mother, as the Mother of hope. Holy Mary, Mother of God, our Mother, teach us to believe, to hope, to love with you. Show us the way to his Kingdom! Star of the Sea, shine upon us and guide us on our way!

–Pope Benedict XVI from his Encyclical on Hope