Lost in the Sauce -- NEED ADVICE PLZ!

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Purgatorio

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Hey All,

I am 26yrs old and have felt a calling to the Priesthood for around 7 years. I have researched Monastery after Monastery looking for a place that I would be a good fit. And I have also been looking into the diocesan Priesthood. Back in 2004 I set up an appt. to meet my diocese vocation director, and I got so excited about it that I came a day early, took the time off of work and then had to cancel since my boss wouldn’t let me go the next day. I took that as a sign that it wasn’t meant to be. Around 2 months ago I thought that I would give it a go again, so I set up another appt. and I got terrible Bronchitis and had to cancel a week before the appt. I felt bad b/c I missed it so we set it up again for two weeks later which was last tuesday. Wouldn’t you know it, tuesday come around and I got a message from my Priest who was quite upset b/c I haven’t shown up for our meeting! I had put the date on the calendar as today Dec. 18th and not Dec. 11th!! I emailed him a long letter explaining everything that went out and how sorry I was that I missed it. I just don’t know who I did, its like its not meant to be. He emailed me back last night and absolutely blasted me, I mean I felt like if he had a whip he would have thrashed me. Maybe I totally deserved it, but he told me not to call him or message him again for another year or so and just totally went off the chain on me.

A little background on me… I have a really hard time praying, everytime that I get deep in prayer the devil wakes me up all night long, trys to frighten me, and won’t leave me alone. I feel that he had a hand to play in this last episode or it was God telling me this wasn’t the place for me. Either way, I am very dissapointed, and I feel like I am totally lost in the sauce. If you have some good advice, I am open.

Pax et Lux
 
It sounds to me like your priest/vocation director has surmised you currently lack the appropriate determination or self discipline. But time and prayer can surely change that if God wants you in His priesthood.

As to your nightmares and difficulties praying… I have also had such difficulties from time to time. Generally speaking, when I have experienced such I have found that I am either A) in desperate need of Confession or B) being overly scrupulous and/or allowing the devil to play on my own fears to knock me down. Either way, I’d say get yourself an appointment for Confession and spritual direction time with your own priest. Let him know that you are suffering from these things. You will need to fight and win this battle before you can seminary I would expect.
 
Thanks Deb for the advice. I go to confession weekly and I do also have a spiritual director that I am working with on a monthly basis. I am in Opus Dei (Cooperators circle) and doing everything I can do bring myself closer to Christ. After much prayer today I have come to the conclussion that the diocesan Priesthood isn’t for me. I always felt an order was something that I wanted to be a part of, and I think I am going to pursue those options now.

Pax Christi
 
Purgatorio–
I had the recurring nightmares and difficulty praying as I prepared to come into the Church. The closer I drew to Christ and the more time I spent at the chapel with the Blessed Sacrament the worse it got, until at last I had finished what Satan feared most-- I went to Confession.

It wasn’t long before he found a new way to get at me, though-- all the things I had forgotten to mention. My priest helped me immensely in sorting it out, but it did not end until I had at last received my first Communion and Confirmation.

Basically, if you are drawing very near God and about to embark on a path that makes you a threat to his dominion, Satan will come after you. St. Pio suffered in this way a lot. I called on him and St. Michael often–and of course, Our Lady.

I hope you find your path… And may the Lord bring you peace.

Deb
 
Purgatorio–

You mentioned that you are a cooperator of the Work and receive spiritual direction. I knew a few boys in college who went on to diocesan seminary afterwards, due at least in part to the guidance and help they received from Opus Dei. **Please make sure you continue to be transparently sincere with your director, and listen closely to the advice you are given. **

He’s in a much better position than any of us to guide you.🙂

Merry Christmas, and God bless you.

Margaret
 
Purgatorio

Don’t get discouraged. Even St. Faustina was turned away from every convent she tried to enter until finally arriving where God was leading her, and even that convent almost turned her away. One thing I always have to remind myself is for things to occur in God’s time…not my time.

Just stay the course. Maybe your vocation is in a different area of the priesthood. I’m not sure where you’re located, but there’s Mount Angel Abbey up in St. Benedict, Oregon that is in a beautiful and quiet location.
 
Just continue to discern your call. It is not whether God is calling you to ministry, it’s whether he is calling you to ordained ministry. If it is to ordination God will keep pulling you towards it, if not the doors will continue to close. Either is ok. Just keep focused on what God has put in fornt of you today.

Congrats on the spiritual attacks. It does mean your work is a threat to the enemy. “Waking the dead” and “Wild at Heart” are evangelical booksby John Eldredge but speak at length about spiritual warfare. Ask several people, especially a few sisters or nuns to pray for protection for you (really).

Peace,

Steve
 
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