Lost Interest in Intimacy

[erma1]

My wife has lost all interest in intimacy. Infact, it is now a chore for her, and there is zero % romance. I have tried everything and nothing seems to work. She is a very devout Catholic, but I guess does not understand E5. We do NFP, but mostly abstinence (on her part). I am VERY frustrated and unhappy. Maybe one of you wives out there can offer some advice.

 

[puzzleannie]

I never heard of E5 but am sadly aware of a lot of physical problems that can lead to this situation. we are not allowed to give or solicit medical advice on these forums so other than the obvious suggestion that a complete physical is warranted, I can’t help much.

 

[alessandro]

I’m in no position to give any advice. But perhaps these resources will help?

For Your Marriage

e5 (Ephesians 5) Men

dads.org: Help for Hurting Marriages

 

[KCtheMommy]

I am sorry you are going through this.

I am very sorry.

I am NOT giving medical advice, and usually PuzzleAnnie is dead-on with great advice so she might just be “suggesting” something here (not that I am putting words in her mouth) and it might be prudent to suggest your wife seek medical help for the issue.

I hear you say you are trying everything and in that vein, including a great husband of my own, who bless his good heart FEELS he is doing everything he can, he’s really not doing much but hoping, wishing, praying and suggesting when all I want is some conversation (I married a very quiet man) and a good date night.

In his world he is doing a lot – in mine, uhm not so much. I know it’s hard for my quiet guy so I give him slack. He’s not very lovey-dovey, cuddly, or heck even romantic. BUT none the less I find him very sexy on most days - and if he were on me all the time I would be annoyed - so I am different than a lot of ladies. Some days I just need more than what he usually is. I am not comparing you, I am just saying it’s POSSIBLE that if you amp it up above your normal romantic ventures she’ll amp-up too!

For instance, get in the mind-set that you are starting a wonderful love affair. You want to SEDUCE that lady anyway you can. Try stuff you never have before. Flowers at odd moments or even odd flowers – like daisies one day, orchids another. Send her little love notes via email or slip them in her purse. Not “I love you because you are a great mother” but “I love the scent of your hair.” or “I love when you wear those red shoes…” Reind her of the sexy lady she once was, and not the “wife” she has become accustomed to – nothing against you, but us women can get in a mindset and them our men are just, well you know, placed back on the burner as we just complacently live our lives. That’s what stinks about us – and men too – we think everything is perfect, so “why put more into it than we have to? Why ROCK the nice little boat?” WHY? Because it’s a heck of a lot more fun on the rapids, even more so with our trusty boats we are used to! No danger, just excitement.

So while you MAY think you are doing everything you can, try approaching your wife like a great classic movie lover-man like Cary Grant and act it UP! I bet you’ll get some “feed-back!” Better yet – seduce and then abstain. There is nothing sexier to a woman than something she has to work for!

Oh and if you enroll you both into something like ballroom dancing one night a week, or even martial arts, wine tasting, cooking classes, ANYTHING to do together and enjoy…she’ll be more “ready to rumble” than you imagined.

 

[Sina]

I am sure your wife feels very frustrated too. Trust me, I bet she wishes she could feel intimacy and be all over you. I know one at last has to try but it is an overall frustrating feeling. I don’t really have any advice unfortunately, but I feel your pain.

 

[kage_ar]

Matthew Kelly’s “The Seven Levels of Intimacy” is my first suggestion.

 

[Em_in_FL]

I would suggest having your wife talk to her physician.
This can be a sign of an underlying medical issue.

My prayers are with you.

 

[nobeerinheaven]

I’d also recommend talking to a physician, and asking to get a hormonal profile completed. Otherwise, there are likely to be underlying relationship problems that are causing her to have some built up anxiety or resentment toward you, preventing her desire for intimacy.

 

[danimay]

Your wife isn’t breastfeeding is she? When I’m nursing a little one, sex just seems like such a bad idea! Honestly. I mean I REALLY don’t want to do it. I just always hope my husband falls to sleep before I come to bed. It’s a real problem and it hurts his feelings. Once the baby starts to nurse less, I slowly return to my usual self and in the mean time, he tries to be understanding for me and I “suffer through it” every now and then for him. He tries to remember that it is a hormonal thing that I can’t help, and I try to remember that he needs intimacy to feel loved.

 

[Seatuck]

You know intimacy is not the same thing as sexuality. It would probably help you to seek out Retrouvaille and go on a weekend or at least start reading some of thier reading list.

Praying for you . We have the reverse issue here. Dh doesn’t want a sexual relationship with me. He does practice intimacy .