Lost my virginity

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I’m 20 years old and about 5 months ago i started dating this girl and we grew very close very fast, to fast for me. I was a virgin leading up to her and she did not know this until one night when she was talking about sex with me and i told her i was…long story short i was convinced to lose my virginity with her and that was that. We are not dating at the current time but still talk everyday and she says we are “together” I come to you all for help and guidance because i am not sure how to handle this situation. I’ve gone to reconciliation and have not had sex with her in a few weeks but thats easy to say now because i’m away in college and she is back home. I’m worried i will fall into temptation again when we see each other. On one hand i know sex outside of marriage is very wrong and a big sin. I had such a close relationship with God before all this and i know he is still with me but we have definitely drifted. On the other hand I don’t just want to throw away this relationship with her because i have already lost my virginity to her and that is something very special to me and it means a lot, i am VERY attached to her and she is not the same way with me at all. I tell her i love her and she can’t say it in return…she just says she’s falling for me and she will say it in time and i shouldn’t worry. Bottom line what is the best thing to do? i always had plans to marry and have sexual relations with 1 woman my whole life. I know i messed those up but if i can stay with this girl then there is no telling what the future holds. Is it better for me to move on and forget her? or work things out with her even if that means having sex with her. I’ve brought this up before and she just says well we’ve already done it so she doesn’t see the big deal as to why we can’t keep on doing it? All insight is greatly appreciated. Sorry for the long rant i’m just in a tough place right now

God bless
 
The bottom line is she led you to sever your relationship with God completely - For this is what Mortal sin does. I hope you went to confession in order to gain your relationship with God again - and she is trying to continue to do so. You have two very opposite beliefs and this will pose many problems in a long-term relationship, especially since it is so dangerous for your soul. I think factoring these things in you should not continue to see her. I would recommend getting a spiritual director in order to help you. Parish Priests are the most common spiritual directors and they are typically reliable. He will have meetings with you and help you with your spiritual growth and discernment.
 
I did go to confession a couple times and always regressed. I went again today and i just really want to be steadfast and get my life and faith back on track with God’s will. I am very unhappy and depressed though because i just want the love and companionship of another woman. I have the best times with her even though yes she has led me to sin. I have no problem getting over her as long as i meet a good Catholic woman who sees eye to eye with me. I just want to be happy and i need to have faith and trust in God and know that true happiness lies within him and not another girl.

Thank you for the reply
 
My opinion?😦
Do not go back with this girl, as she is a near occasion to sin . Let her know in no uncertain terms the relationship is ended and why. She may try to dissuade you but if you keep your heart and mind on why you are leaving her you should be able to hold to the decision. If she can’t dissuade you she may try to convince you to delay, asking for one last date or some such nonsense. This is one of the devils favorite tricks; don’t fall for it.🙂 Welcome back to the life of Christ brother. Remember that it is rare to find a Saint that never sinned after baptism, but it is far more common to find saints who refused to stay down.:getholy:
 
Jack, sweetie, I have to say, this girl does not sound good for you. I almost felt like crying when I read your post. You seem like such a good guy and trust me they are sooooo hard to find. It sounds to me like you’ve been deceived by a worldly girl. If she leads you to sin, she is no good for you. If I were you, I would end your relationship with her immediately before you get allured into sinning even more.

And yes, even though you’ve lost your virginity, it is still a sin to keep on having premarital sex.

I can tell you have a good heart and really do want to do what is right. Stay close to God and away from the girl. You’ll find the right girl for you in time, someone who loves and respects you ( and there are a lot of girls out there around our age that are looking for good guys). You need to find someone you deserve.

Don’t get too caught up on this “only having sex with one girl thing” because, yes you lost your virginity and that was a mistake, but it would also be a mistake to stay with this girl just because you slept with her.

My heart goes out to you.

May God Bless you.
 
Thanks Marie, it means a lot to know that someone out there actually sees me for who i really am. I hope and pray that one day i find the woman who will love and adore me
 
Jack8912 said:
Thanks Marie, it means a lot to know that someone out there actually sees me for who i really am. I hope and pray that one day i find the woman who will love and adore me
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Don’t take this as a put down, but have you considered other vocations?
lxoa.wordpress.com/2010/09/01/a-catechism-on-vocations/
Christ offers the religious life to everyone and has a particular vocation for everyone who forgoes the general vocation to the evangelical councils of Poverty, Chastity and Obedience.🙂

Edit: the link is not for the movie but for the article underneath it.
 
Jack8912 said:
Thanks Marie, it means a lot to know that someone out there actually sees me for who i really am. I hope and pray that one day i find the woman who will love and adore me
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You’re welcome sweetie!

Have faith Jack, and keep on praying. I’ve been praying for the same thing as you (accept for me it’s a man 🙂 ) and let me tell you, God can answer prayers in the most unexpected and amazing ways. He really is listening.

Never give up 👍
 
First of all, I’d just like to state that men don’t “loose their virginity.” Men just “do it for the first time,” kind of thing. Unlike women, who actually have a biological way of demonstrating that they are in fact virgins or aren’t, men do not. So, men simply “do it for the first time.” Though, it is very understandable as to why you’d say that you “lost your virginity,” being male. That phrase has been started to be applied to men, too, in the recent generation, which I find silly. But, as Jim Rogers says, it’s better to embrace change and use it to your advantage, than fight it.

Anyway, you need to make it clear to your girlfriend that you’re in it for a romantically platonic relationship of chastity only, in my opinion. You need to tell her that what you both did made you feel horribly spiritually, and it totally severed your connection with God…etc. She has to understand that if she wants to continue dating you, to the point of marriage and beyond, you will have to live in romantic relationship of platonic chastity with her; and, she will have to comply with such, too. Let her know that it’s part of of your faith, being a Catholic. Hopefully, she will understand and at least succumb to it in the long run, so your relationship with her can continue; because it seems that you’re very content with the strong relationship you have already developed with her. And, if it turns out that she doesn’t want to honor the way you want to live in the relationship, then it will have to end.

And, remember that if you love God and are Catholic, you WILL be willing to give up everything for Him.

And, I’ll add you to the people on my Rosary tonight, and for days to come. I’ll pray that your relationship with her turns out for the better, as you want it too, Jack.
 
gxensen said:
First of all, I’d just like to state that men don’t “loose their virginity.” Men just “do it for the first time,” kind of thing. Unlike women, who actually have a biological way of demonstrating that they are in fact virgins or aren’t, men do not. So, men simply “do it for the first time.” Though, it is very understandable as to why you’d say that you “lost your virginity,” being male. That phrase has been started to be applied to men, too, in the recent generation, which I find silly. But, as Jim Rogers says, it’s better to embrace change and use it to your advantage, than fight it.

Anyway, you need to make it clear to your girlfriend that you’re in it for a romantically platonic relationship of chastity only, in my opinion. You need to tell her that what you both did made you feel horribly spiritually, and it totally severed your connection with God…etc. She has to understand that if she wants to continue dating you, to the point of marriage and beyond, you will have to live in romantic relationship of platonic chastity with her; and, she will have to comply with such, too. Let her know that it’s part of of your faith, being a Catholic. Hopefully, she will understand and at least succumb to it in the long run, so your relationship with her can continue; because it seems that you’re very content with the strong relationship you have already developed with her. And, if it turns out that she doesn’t want to honor the way you want to live in the relationship, then it will have to end.

And, remember that if you love God and are Catholic, you WILL be willing to give up everything for Him.
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Great advice thank you, i need to make some decisions for sure
 
Inego_de_Loyola said:
Don’t take this as a put down, but have you considered other vocations?
lxoa.wordpress.com/2010/09/01/a-catechism-on-vocations/
Christ offers the religious life to everyone and has a particular vocation for everyone who forgoes the general vocation to the evangelical councils of Poverty, Chastity and Obedience.🙂

Edit: the link is not for the movie but for the article underneath it.
Click to expand...
Just curious, perhaps you’re right, but I’m just wondering, why would someone who’s struggling with living chastely be called to a vocation other than marriage? Maybe the fact that he has such a desire to have sex means that he should marry? Wouldn’t this cause complications down the road regarding celibacy?

“It’s better to marry than to burn…”
 
Jack to be honest I would not want to be with this girl no matter how much it feels hard to leave her.

I never had a girlfriend, but I did have a hard time with masturbation,. This is not the same scenario, but what I’M trying to say is that it made me see Just how much worldly pleasure takes us away from God. I think this is why I Have never had a girl friend. A lot of girls that I know are very world, and I want to find one that helps me get closer to God and not further away from him. Second I am afraid that by having one, I will fall again and do something I shouldn’t.

I will pray for you that you may do the best decision.
 
Jack,

I have a 20 yr old son, so here is my advice. It is very hard to let go of the feelings you have for this girl, but this is not real love. It’s not even close. You will have this wonderful feeling again. So don’t feel the need to hang on to here. But it is your responsibility to pick the right time. How do you know when the time is right? when you are ready to devote your life to a wife and family. And when you can provide for your wife and family.

Every time you have relations with a woman you will always have the chance of becoming a father. So ask yourself, what kind of father do you want to be? If you are not married the woman has all the say in how you will have a relationship with your child. She will also have all the say in whether or not your child lives. If you want to parent your own children then don’t have sex till after marriage.

Date to get to know what kinds of girls you will like to be with, go out in groups more often then one on one. Any girl who gives her body so easily to you has little confidence in her own value. This will become quite emotionally draining in a long term relationship as she will need constant reassurance.

Most of all, give yourself a chance to grow and mature. Pray, attend Mass, and remind yourself that God will give you all the strength you need to overcome temptation. Just ask Him and trust Him.
 
Jack8912 said:
…i need to make some decisions for sure
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No, no, no!

Have a very serious talk with her, and make it clear to her the way that you need (or want) to live out the relationship. I don’t think you should jump to conclusions about either ending or continuing or ending the relationship, now; but, until you’ve talked to her about it, and you’ve let her some time to think as well.

In all, she will either have to accept your faithful life as a Christian, or she wont. If she does not want to honor your Christian values, when applied to the relationship, then it will have to end.

As I typed before, you must be ready to give up anything, for God.

Also, I dare you to ask for this bloke to pray for you.
 
gxensen said:
No, no, no!

Have a very serious talk with her, and make it clear to her the way that you need (or want) to live out the relationship. I don’t think you should jump to conclusions about either ending or continuing or ending the relationship, now; but, until you’ve talked to her about it, and you’ve let her some time to think as well.

In all, she will either have to accept your faithful life as a Christian, or she wont. If she does not want to honor your Christian values, when applied to the relationship, then it will have to end.

As I typed before, you must be ready to give up anything, for God.

Also, I dare you to ask for this bloke to pray for you.
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I would end it…just saying. I wouldn’t want to risk the temptation.

If she were to change on her own and say she wants to live chastely as well, that’s a different story. But you can’t change someone if they don’t want to change. It’ll just lead to problems down the road.
 
Marie1234 said:
If she were to change on her own and say she wants to live chastely as well, that’s a different story.
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Exactly. That is why I believe that he needs to have a very seriously in depth talk with her, on this subject. Then, maybe, she will comply to continue the relationship the right way.
Marie1234 said:
I would end it…just saying. I wouldn’t want to risk the temptation…But you can’t change someone if they don’t want to change. It’ll just lead to problems down the road.
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And, I agree there, too, if it turns out that she doesn’t want honor his Christian values in the relationship, and live with him in a romantically platonic and chaste relationship, during courtship; then, it will have to end.
 
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