Lost my virginity

[thesmiter1]

When i get married i’ll never masturbate, cheat, or watch porn…those things are something that won’t even cross my mind

Then you will have defeated Lust and would be a good priest or married man. You see, either way we go we must work to defeat vice. We do so through prayer and God’s grace. I am merely saying that discerning priesthood or religious life is always a good thing. It requires one to examine themselves thoroughly in prayer and realize their identity in Christ. I have never heard of someone becoming more lost in discernment, ever.

 

[Agatha813]

I say don’t go back with her. If you lost your virginity to her and she can’t even say that she loves you back, then you have a huge problem. When she had sex with you it was based on lust, not love. Lust will NEVER equal love. Don’t go chasing around after a person just because they took your virginity and especially DON’T continue to have sex if you already know it’s wrong!

You and her are not walking the same path and if you really want to recuperate your relationship with God, you’ll stop seeing her. There are plenty of other women out there that live single dedicated lives that can share with you their love for God, and they will lead you on a good path in life.

I speak from experience. Trust me when I say it’s better to go now before you find yourself in an extremely depressing situation.

Remember, true love waits. I have learned the hard way that it’s very true, but I couldn’t be happier. When you pick the next girl, please make sure she is as dedicated to God as you are, and if she’s not don’t even think about it. Please please please save yourself and back away. She is not worth it, especially if she’s someone you thought to be greater to put above God.

 

[thesmiter1]

I say don’t go back with her. If you lost your virginity to her and she can’t even say that she loves you back, then you have a huge problem. When she had sex with you it was based on lust, not love. Lust will NEVER equal love. Don’t go chasing around after a person just because they took your virginity and especially DON’T continue to have sex if you already know it’s wrong!

You and her are not walking the same path and if you really want to recuperate your relationship with God, you’ll stop seeing her. There are plenty of other women out there that live single dedicated lives that can share with you their love for God, and they will lead you on a good path in life.

I speak from experience. Trust me when I say it’s better to go now before you find yourself in an extremely depressing situation.

Remember, true love waits. I have learned the hard way that it’s very true, but I couldn’t be happier. When you pick the next girl, please make sure she is as dedicated to God as you are, and if she’s not don’t even think about it. Please please please save yourself and back away. She is not worth it, especially if she’s someone you thought to be greater to put above God.

Good post.

 

[thunderfrog]

Thanks Marie, it means a lot to know that someone out there actually sees me for who i really am. I hope and pray that one day i find the woman who will love and adore me

The Catholic girls I know always have this attitude of feeling sorry towards guys that wait. I wouldn’t worry man.

 

[YoungCatholic21]

Do you really think this approach helps anyone? From my experience, no one listens to the fire and brimstone approach. They might hear it, but it isn’t going to change their actions. The most it will do is cause anxiety.

May be, but if I heard this from someone else years ago when I shamed myself and lost my virginity, I may not have continued down the road of debauchery. God’s justice is important, and those souls in Hell suffer the consequences.

I fear God. The fire and brimstone style reaches those who fear God. It is healthy to fear God, for those who don’t usually return to sin a lot, and as St. Paul says, “Know you not that the unjust shall not possess the kingdom of God? Do not err: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor the effeminate, nor liers with mankind, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor railers, nor extortioners, shall possess the kingdom of God.”(1 Corinthians 6: 9-10)

It is better that man fears God’s justice if he cannot love God’s mercy, than not fear His justice and sin continually.

 

[clem456]

We do not “lose” our virginity. It is not lost without our knowlege, under the couch like a cell phone. It is freely given away. Likewise sin does not simply happen to us. We are tempted, we ususally think about it, weigh the consequences, and make a choice to sin. Sin has to be chosen by the individual.

So many posts here seem to blame the sin on this woman. While she can be a source of temptation, you need to think about the virtue of purity, which is -the practice of- purity. Escaping this womans clutches is not going to solve your virtue problem. If she was able to convince you to sin, there are many other powerful forces that will also. I know, I was where you are years ago. I wanted the virtue, but did not want to practice it. Saying you want it and practicing it are two different things.

What I hear you saying is that you want this relationship to be special, because you value your virginity, and gave it to her, so she must be special also. Is that line of thinking more about you and recapturing your own holiness? Or about you and her as a couple in a spousal relationship? It seems that you already know, it is about you and the fact that you did not want your virginity to be given up in vain. But it was, and that is not a basis for a spousal relationship. But the fact that you gave yourself to this woman does not mark her as a potential future spouse. I would just ask you to think realistically. Virginity is not just a physical state. It is also a spiritual state. That spiritual state is really what makes chastity special. It seems you did not have that here.

Virtue requires work, not feelings. Acting on your feelings gets you what you already have, and worse. Broken relationships, confusion, anger, bitterness, isolation (irony of ironies), STD’s, porn, abortion. What I am saying is, ending it with this woman is a step, but it is just the beginning.

 

[clem456]

May be, but if I heard this from someone else years ago when I shamed myself and lost my virginity, I may not have continued down the road of debauchery. God’s justice is important, and those souls in Hell suffer the consequences.

I fear God. The fire and brimstone style reaches those who fear God. It is healthy to fear God, for those who don’t usually return to sin a lot, and as St. Paul says, “Know you not that the unjust shall not possess the kingdom of God? Do not err: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor the effeminate, nor liers with mankind, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor railers, nor extortioners, shall possess the kingdom of God.”(1 Corinthians 6: 9-10)

It is better that man fears God’s justice if he cannot love God’s mercy, than not fear His justice and sin continually.

God wants us to respect Him, hold him in awe and wonder and adoration, but not to cower in fear. Fear is the most basic and weakest motivation to holiness. It is easily shaken by other fears. Christ takes fear and death to the cross with him, and Christ DOES rise from the dead, he lives and reigns now and forever. We do not live under the curse any more.

God and us is a relationship. Think of your own father and you. Certainly you feared your father on a very superficial level when you were a child. Now when you are grown, does you father want you to live in fear of him? I hope not. Hopefully we have relationships with our fathers, not necessarily as equals, but a realtionship in which each wants to hear the joys and struggles of the other. Fathers want to help and give their love. They want to see and hear from us (prayer).

God’s love and mercy is the only power that matters. The martyrs were not motivated to give the ultimate sacrifice by fear of damnation, but by hope in the joy of heaven.

 

[jimmy]

God wants us to respect Him, hold him in awe and wonder and adoration, but not to cower in fear. Fear is the most basic and weakest motivation to holiness. It is easily shaken by other fears. Christ takes fear and death to the cross with him, and Christ DOES rise from the dead, he lives and reigns now and forever. We do not live under the curse any more.

God and us is a relationship. Think of your own father and you. Certainly you feared your father on a very superficial level when you were a child. Now when you are grown, does you father want you to live in fear of him? I hope not. Hopefully we have relationships with our fathers, not necessarily as equals, but a realtionship in which each wants to hear the joys and struggles of the other. Fathers want to help and give their love. They want to see and hear from us (prayer).

God’s love and mercy is the only power that matters. The martyrs were not motivated to give the ultimate sacrifice by fear of damnation, but by hope in the joy of heaven.

Good post. Fear is not the way. All it does is create cowards.

 

[Cristiano]

I am going to be very blunt but she is just using you for a limited amount of time. She has some serious daddy issues and that is why she had multiple partners. I know that because you describe her mother as being promiscuous and so that implies that a real fatherly figure is not in the picture. She is no marriage material until she solves her problems and if she will be fortunate enough to solve them you will be part of the past and nothing more. Do yourself a favor, act like a man, show some respect to the both of you and interrupt this destructive relationship.

 

[Jack8912]

Little update: I talked with her and laid it out to her, basically she said at first she doesn’t understand why we can’t because that’s what 2 people do when they are in love. I kept my ground and made it clear that if she can’t wait till marriage it’s ok to move on. She said that I was to important to her and that she would have to learn to control herself around me and that she would choose to be with me over sex so I’m going to give it a shot and see what happens. Thank you for the advice and support everyone.

 

[Inego_de_Loyola]

Good post. Fear is not the way. All it does is create cowards.

Love is the goal, fear is frequently the introduction. While we ought to aspire to full contrition, by the grace of the sacraments attrition is sufficient to enter purgatory. Fire and brimstone does save souls. Fear of the Lord is the beginning of all wisdom.

 

[clem456]

Love is the goal, fear is frequently the introduction. While we ought to aspire to full contrition, by the grace of the sacraments attrition is sufficient to enter purgatory. Fire and brimstone does save souls. Fear of the Lord is the beginning of all wisdom.

Jesus Christ saves souls, not fear.
The “fear” of the Lord you reference is not what you think it is.

 

[Inego_de_Loyola]

Jesus Christ saves souls, not fear.
The “fear” of the Lord you reference is not what you think it is.

Jesus seemed fond of fire and brimstone, or perhaps I should say wailing and the gnashing of teeth.

 

[clem456]

Geez here we go again. Many threads on this topic. If you really want to compare, research references to heaven compared to hell throughout the Gospels. It’s like 10 or 12 to one in favor of heaven. Fear is not the Christian message, by definition:

Gospel, “The Good News”.

And the definition of “fear” in fear of the Lord is not our secular, modern defintion of fear. the biblical sense is of awe, respect, adoration, reverence, recognition of the truth of who God is.

 

[wendy_w]

Geez here we go again. Many threads on this topic. If you really want to compare, research references to heaven compared to hell throughout the Gospels. It’s like 10 or 12 to one in favor of heaven. Fear is not the Christian message, by definition:

Gospel, “The Good News”.

And the definition of “fear” in fear of the Lord is not our secular, modern defintion of fear. the biblical sense is of awe, respect, adoration, reverence, recognition of the truth of who God is.

 

[Inego_de_Loyola]

Geez here we go again. Many threads on this topic. If you really want to compare, research references to heaven compared to hell throughout the Gospels. It’s like 10 or 12 to one in favor of heaven. Fear is not the Christian message, by definition:

Gospel, “The Good News”.

And the definition of “fear” in fear of the Lord is not our secular, modern defintion of fear. the biblical sense is of awe, respect, adoration, reverence, recognition of the truth of who God is.

Please don’t misunderstand. I’m a Catholic not a Quaker and am not saying we should all be shivering in fear, but at the same time if fear is what keeps one from sin then it is a blessing. Yes we must love God and it is a great flaw if we do not, but at the same time fear can be a vital tool to bring us out of sin towards him. It is telling that Christ did make frequent mention of hell, regardless of the ratio to other things he mentioned.

 

[LightBound]

First of all, I’d just like to state that men don’t “loose their virginity.” Men just “do it for the first time,” kind of thing. Unlike women, who actually have a biological way of demonstrating that they are in fact virgins or aren’t, men do not. So, men simply “do it for the first time.” Though, it is very understandable as to why you’d say that you “lost your virginity,” being male. That phrase has been started to be applied to men, too, in the recent generation, which I find silly. But, as Jim Rogers says, it’s better to embrace change and use it to your advantage, than fight it.

Anyway, you need to make it clear to your girlfriend that you’re in it for a romantically platonic relationship of chastity only, in my opinion. You need to tell her that what you both did made you feel horribly spiritually, and it totally severed your connection with God…etc. She has to understand that if she wants to continue dating you, to the point of marriage and beyond, you will have to live in romantic relationship of platonic chastity with her; and, she will have to comply with such, too. Let her know that it’s part of of your faith, being a Catholic. Hopefully, she will understand and at least succumb to it in the long run, so your relationship with her can continue; because it seems that you’re very content with the strong relationship you have already developed with her. And, if it turns out that she doesn’t want to honor the way you want to live in the relationship, then it will have to end.

And, remember that if you love God and are Catholic, you WILL be willing to give up everything for Him.

And, I’ll add you to the people on my Rosary tonight, and for days to come. I’ll pray that your relationship with her turns out for the better, as you want it too, Jack.

The presence or absence of a hymen does not prove one is or is not a virgin. A virgin is someone who has not had sexual intercourse- be they male or female. In the case of the female, her hymen may not be intact (from not having one at birth or from having it torn during strenuous activity). A woman may have had intercourse several times and still have a hymen- she may just have stretchy tissue. Sure, you cannot tell on a male, but a good deal of the time, there is no physical proof of virginity with a female, either. Sadly enough, there are people in some cultures who still don’t get that and have stoned to death, set afire, or beheaded a young lady whose only crime was not having been born with a hymen or having it torn during a non-sexual activity. I don’t want anyone to go back to that mindset, simply based on semantics or a limited definition of a word.

 

[jimmy]

Love is the goal, fear is frequently the introduction. While we ought to aspire to full contrition, by the grace of the sacraments attrition is sufficient to enter purgatory. Fire and brimstone does save souls. Fear of the Lord is the beginning of all wisdom.

So all that matters is some arbitary law. Just as long as you don’t violate the law, it doesn’t matter what your character is. Just as long as you don’t have sex with a woman, it doesn’t matter that you are a coward and avoid it out of fear. It doesn’t matter that the only reason you follow the law is due to cowardice. Behold, the minimalist theology.

You have forgotten that the only reason why we are given moral laws is for our own good. It is for our own happiness. It isn’t some arbitrary law that God says ‘you must obey because I say so.’ You might as well become a muslim with that philosophy, because it isn’t Christian.

Fear of the Lord isn’t fire and brimstone, it is respect.

 

[Inego_de_Loyola]

So all that matters is some arbitary law. Just as long as you don’t violate the law, it doesn’t matter what your character is. Just as long as you don’t have sex with a woman, it doesn’t matter that you are a coward and avoid it out of fear.

As I said, it is enough to get you into purgatory where that major flaw is then healed.

It doesn’t matter that the only reason you follow the law is due to cowardice. Behold, the minimalist theology.

You have forgotten that the only reason why we are given moral laws is for our own good. It is for our own happiness. It isn’t some arbitrary law that God says ‘you must obey because I say so.’ You might as well become a muslim with that philosophy, because it isn’t Christian.

Fear of the Lord isn’t fire and brimstone, it is respect.

Almost all of the above is uncalled for mudslinging.

Are you denying that attrition along with the sacrament of confession is sufficient to remit the eternal punishment for sin? Have you even read my last few posts in this thread?

 

[jimmy]

As I said, it is enough to get you into purgatory where that major flaw is then healed.

Almost all of the above is uncalled for mudslinging.

Are you denying that attrition along with the sacrament of confession is sufficient to remit the eternal punishment for sin? Have you even read my last few posts in this thread?

It isn’t mudslinging, it is called rhetoric. You have a problem with me saying ‘behold, the minimalist theology’? That is exactly what you are preaching, with legalism tied in with it. It’s all about the bare minimum. Virtue and character are irrelevant.

I deny your legalistic minimalism. You have made everything irrelevant except some arbitrary law. The law has become absolute, and virtue has become meaningless.

Yes, I have read your posts. They don’t change anything about what was said.