Lost Person-No Hope

[lost_person]

For better than a year I have suffered through the loss of Love from my Spouse. I have accepted the fact that the Lord may never help save our Marriage, but, I continue to have Faith, but the pain seems to get worse each day. I cannot eat or sleep and my health and mental state are beginning to suffer. Why Lord? Why can I not have a good Marriage and a Loving Wife? Each day I Pray for nothing more than for my Wife to put her arms around me and say that she loves me.I know that the only good thing that I have done is to continue caring for my wife and expecting nothing in return.
Lord, if your plan for me is to suffer alone for my remaining time could I please have some peace so that I can accept my place in your plan? I will continue to care for my Wife because I know that without her I will never have any happiness. I know that this may sound stupid to most but you know the special circumstances surrounding this Marriage. So I wish only to do and care for the Wife that you brought me. But if I can have no Love in return could you help me to maintain myself so that I can at least function properly? I see you in my Wife Lord and know that she needs my help.If my suffering will help her then I will accept it gladly. If this is your will then I have to accept that also. I know that only you have control over this so I continue to come to you begging for help, mercy, and guidance.Please show me the way to do your will.

 

[Trishie]

I understand sometime of your pain.
In the early years of marriage I’d eventually in desperation say, “Please hug me.” “What for” he honestly would reply. Many years later, all I have to do is walk up to him and put my arms around him and he does in return.

However, it does concern me that you see your wife as your only happiness.
It says to me that you don’t appreciate yourself, that you have low self esteem, which by the way, can cause others to value us little! If you don’t value yourself, if you don’t realize that happiness has to be something within yourself, you’re just offering the other person a vacuum. You automatically convey to them in all sort of little ways that you’re not worth their love.

Not taking proper care of yourself, eg in eating healthily, will only undermine you and relationship more, as you’re not respecting the gift of yourself.

Jeus very carefully used His words, “Love others as you love yourself.” But you’re not loving yurself. This is the command withing the command, to rightly love yourself.

I pray that your marriage will become health, no longer unequal.

And I pray for you, that will will find happiness within yourself, in order to be able to share happiness.

**I will pray for your wife that she will grow in unselfish wholehearted love and loving effort in your marriage.

God bless you dear soul**

 

[Trishie]

‘Love others…as yourself’

Jesus when You command us to love others as ourselves, You require something more challenging than simply to “love others.” The embedded touchstone in that command is “love your self.” Help us therefore not to be uncharitable to ourselves.

Many people lack proper self-esteem, making it difficult for them to genuinely value others. However, Scripture exhorts, “value yourself at your proper worth. Who can justify a man who runs himself down, or respect a man who despises himself.” [Ecclesiasticus 10:28-29] If we do fail to love ourselves correctly, we cannot accept God’s love. Let us never imagine ourselves hidden from Your mercy: ‘“Can anyone hide in a dark corner without my seeing him?’ asks the Lord.” [Jeremiah 23-24]

The concept of rightly loving oneself in order to love others as God’s precious children may be confused with the selfishness that ruins unselfish self-love. It requires us to reject negative self-talk and responses. “If a man is mean to himself, to whom will he be good?” [Ecclesiasticus 14:3].

Growth in Christian self-love is facilitated by “filling your mind with everything that is true, everything that is noble, and everything that is pure and good” [Philippians 4:8] and serving “in works of love.” It is allowing the Spirit to direct your life and then “you will be in no danger of yielding to self-indulgence. What the Spirit brings is…love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, trustfulness, gentleness and self-control.” [Galatians 5:13, 16, 26, 22-23]

Jesus, help us to fittingly love ourselves. You do not wish us to disparage ourselves but to see ourselves as loved, forgiven children of God. A poor self-image may compare to our perception of ‘clouds’. To observers, clouds appear to be impressive, substantial and tangible. However, within themselves the clouds seem damp, insubstantial and misty.

Jesus, let us not belittle ourselves in comparison to others because of our personal uncertainties and inadequacies. Let us live in sincere acceptance of self, that unique gift of Your creative love. help us to see ourselves as loved children of God. Jesus, help me to know that You really love me so that I can love You and love others truly.

 

[Trishie]

Confidence in God’s merciful love

Our God, You command that I forgive and rightly cherish myself. Like many people in human history, I often find it difficult to sincerely and consistently love the ‘self’ that I find mirrored in my consciousness. I know that You can bring me to appreciate the miracle and privilege of my existence!

How can I refuse to love what God loves! You treasure me, as You love and treasure each unique, human person that You create. Yet I need much grace to love this betrayer of my true being and purpose, myself! I betray Your loving creation of me by failing to be fully ‘the person I am created to be’ , and by failing in gratitude for the gift of myself.

You love each person so much that it led to the incarnation of Your divine Son, and to His redemption of humankind. Jesus is Your response to my betrayal of my destiny and me. Yet frequently I am unconvinced or indifferent before these astounding gifts of divine love for me and for every person!

Please give me grace to value each person as Your beloved and eternal gift. Inspire me with faith and gratitude for the gift of myself, for the lives of dear ones and of all people. Grant that these human gifts are shaped by Your love to become everlasting gifts to You, and through You, eternal gifts to each other person.

Through Jesus, You taught us that cheerful, loving mutual service of others leads to fulfilment of Your creative will. Therefore, give me grace to faithfully say ‘yes’ to Your loving purpose by active respect and charity to others and me. Delight Yourself in me by forming me into the unselfish, joyful, helpful and prayerful person You dreamed me to be for You and others’ souls for time and eternity.

Loving God I implore you to heal this suffering man’s heart, mind and soul,
and heal his wife of her unlove,
and please bring warm, gentle happiness into their lives

 

[JohnJFarren]

JMJ / MMM 27 May 2010 100527
Greeting lost person –
For a short bit I thought I was reading about myself. I feel very greatly the terrible pains you feel. It is now 2 ½ years for me. I won’t go through my whole story because right now YOU are the one to be helped and encouraged.

For 2 ½ years every single morning during prayer time God tells me, “John, We want you to keep on loving XXX as your wife .. as We keep on Loving you. Our Love is Stronger than death. Trust Our Love.” I do this and accept with it very great pain. On three separate occasions I have begged God to take my life. The third time God told me in my heart/mind, “John, don’t ask for that any more. It is not what We want for you.” And so I have not asked again.

As I MUST do, so you must do. God must be Loved above all things and with all our being. God is NOT #1 -- God isn’t even in that ball park. To love God so is what we sincerely AIM at. We have not yet attained that perfect Love yet .. or we wouldn’t be here.

At the same time we are to love our wives as our wives, very specially. AND to be attached to them ONLY as good husbands. And this purity of attachment is very difficult to attain and keep. The simple matter is -- I believe I can say this for both you and me -- we are more attached than what is perfect. And so .. here lies the root of our suffering.

We have been rejected, abandoned, have had snatched from us a love that was freely given us and that filled us with joy -- and is now refused us. Sometimes how much we resemble Jesus!

I have no secret to take away your pain .. or my own. Sometimes I blindly hold tightly onto God’s Infinite Love for me in Jesus Christ.

Some days the pain is less. Some days it is extreme. I try not to remember the GOOD things that are now gone .. because the good things hurt most of all.

I certainly will add you, “lost person,” to my list of special people who suffer much or who are in great need. Please pray for me.          John (JohnJFarren)

 

[Irishmom2]

Lost person,

I looked back over some of your old posts. I am so sorry that things are not going better for you despite all your prayers and all the love you so obviously still feel for your wife.

Have you gone for counseling at all? I know that you would find some benefit in some one on one counseling. Perhaps you can find some Catholic based counseling through your parish. If not, there are other places that will offer you help that will still be in line with what you believe. It may take a couple of tries to find the right setting, but it is certainly worth it.

Counseling may help you to be able to communicate better, or to find more peace with things as they are right now. (Not that you can’t continue to pray for a better outcome, but just to feel better until then.) It may be that God will answer your prayers, but wants you to grow into a better person first by exploring all the possible obstacles in your marriage. If you think that communication is a big problem, then work on that.

Sometimes, God wants us to pray, but He also wants us to help ourselves find our way. In other words, He will show us the way, but we are the ones that have to do the walking.

Please know that you are in my prayers. May God bless you and guide you.

 

[monicatholic]

I believe I can say this for both you and me – we are more attached than what is perfect. And so … here lies the root of our suffering.

We have been rejected, abandoned, have had snatched from us a love that was freely given us and that filled us with joy – and is now refused us. Sometimes how much we resemble Jesus!

this is precisely what is in my heart, though I wouldn’t have been able to express it so keenly as did John.

I have only one thing to add, as the mother of an adult child who has caused her similar pains of despondancy and deepest griefs: learn from the saints disinterested prayer. that is, prayer for the perfect will of God to happen, whether or not it seems to benefit you in this life.,

for my part, that means i pray: Lord, please give my son healing and conversion, whether or not i ever am allowed to enjoy it. moreover God, if that not be your will, please give him eternal life with you. save his soul. whether or not i ever know it in this life.

lost soul, this is the hardest, most painful prayer i’ve ever prayed. once i learned to pray it, i learned joy.

 

[JohnJFarren]

JMJ / MMM 28 May 2010 100528
Hello monicatholic –

You wrote, “i pray: Lord, please give my son healing and conversion, whether or not i ever am allowed to enjoy it. moreover God, if that not be your will, please give him eternal life with you. save his soul. whether or not i ever know it in this life.”

You are as right as right can be. God grant both lostperson and me to accept and even embrace the prayer GOD, YOUR ETERNAL WILL … BEFORE EVER WE WERE BORN … TO BE FULFILLED.

Thank you, monicatholic … and Bless you John