Lost person- no Love

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lost_person

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As I face another Holy Season I write this in hope that it will ease my pain.Three years ago I confessed my Sins and asked the Lord for help. i knew then, as now that the lord owed me nothing and that there was no reward for doing right. I have suffered through this time and watched as things have only grown worse. My Wife lives her life in secret and gives me no Love or respect. I have cried and begged the Lord for help and mercy but there has been none. I accept this. I have honored my Vows, God’s Commandments, and continued to do my best as a Husband.
I have now reached a point where I expect that I may never have another happy day in this Life. There was only one thing that I needed in my Life and that was a Wife who would Love me and be a companion to me. I just wanted a Christian Wife who I could share my Life with. Now I know that I was probably only dreaming so I expect no happiness. I cry out to Our Lord for the strength to continue on and accept the pain and hurt that is my future. I beg Our Lord to help my Wife (she has pretty much turned away from her Family also and may have mental issues). I Pray that the Lord will watch over her and help her. If it means continuing to care for her and accept her abuse I will do that if it is the Lord’s Plan. I have no one to hold me or confide in or have any physical contact with. But if that is Our Lord’s Plan then I know that I must accept it. I just Pray for stength to accept my Wife’s rejection. Lord please help me. I have no where else to turn.
 
Lord help this person to find joy in life, and to experience your love in his life.
Help him to find time and energy for pursuits that ring him quiet satisfaction.
Please help him to discover the way to realizing in practical experience, “where there is no love, put love, and there will be love.” [St John of the Cross]
Help him to develop this potential in his own life, as we are responsible for our own attitudes and happiness, and if he finds that strength, his wife may rediscover him.
Lord please let it be so.
Thank You for his faithfulness and generosity.
 
While we need love from those around us we sometimes place undue burden on those around us to be loving. Obvously, this time is very difficult for you. She, too, may be in a place of depression.

Seek councelling to find a way to love yourself and find ways to feel loved (plutonically) outside of your marriage. Unless your wife is severly psycologically damaged this may rekindle her love for you. If she is damaged, it will enable you to feel strong enough to bear it. This is, assuming, there is no abuse.

Sometimes, I think alot of martial problems are becuase both parties are depressed and reling on the other for their happiness.
 
I am very sorry for all you have suffered these past few years; be sure none of it is wasted, and in your love of God, will have and still has value when united to Jesus’ sufferings. So, well done, you are working with His grace and all will be well in the end.

Now for my advice: I suggest that you stop talking immediately! Meaning, your wife knows how you ‘feel’ about her, how ‘lost’ you would be without her, how much you value the sacrament of marriage. Yes, she knows all this, but it is not having any real effect on her. I’m sure she does love you, or else she would not still be there through this difficult time the last few years. Can’t have been easy for her either, even though she has abused, she underneath that, probably feels hurt and misunderstood.Her perception is her reality.

Next suggestion: Start ‘doing’ and ‘acting’ immediately’. (no talking…) Buy or pick a lovely bunch of flowers, put them on her dresser or the kitchen, anywhere. Do a chore for her that you know she does not like having to do (let her notice,…) wash her car…etc. In other words, do things for her without drawing her attention to them. If she remarks or thanks you, give a short simple answer…“I was happy to do something for you/to help you”.

Make a point of being neat and well groomed. Start a project to keep busy. (something as ordinary as cutting interesting articles/pictures out of newspapers/magazines. I keep a pile of old catholic newspapers. When I feel very miserable or stressed, it is very satisfying and a good mental distraction to browse through and cut out the odd article, throw it in a box or packet, to file away at a later date)…It at least makes me ‘look’ busy and productive…also gives a sense of purpose. Similarly, tidy an old desk, polish furniture… you get the idea. (by the way, smile as well;)

Next and last: Write your wife a short note, saying sorry. In words something like these… “I’m sorry for not asking you how you really were in the days gone past. From now on I promise to be a listener and not a talker. Trust me when I say I care to listen to what you say and how you feel. I want to understand you. I would like to make you happy. Please forgive me for anything and everything. Our faith is about new beginnings. I am going to give my best to you at all times. Thank you.”

Look, it’s worth a try. I know I don’t know enough to be 100% convinced this will help work it out, and I hope you don’t take exception to my advice. But what I do know for sure, is that sometimes we can become so wrapped up in our own misery, and the causes of it, that we forget that the other person has feelings too. That they also have to face the day, alone, maybe angry, frustrated, etc. Feeling perhaps guilty that they are causing misery to their partner.

It appears a complex situation, so cut through all the spaghetti and start afresh!!!
p.s. praying for you…
 
Lord, please help lost person. Please put him in contact with a good, holy priest for the help and support he needs. This priest could give him spiritual direction and help him to grow strong in faith. May he receive great strength and healing in the sacraments and receive the sacraments frequently. Please help him to know that he needs to sacraments to remain in a state of grace. Please heal his marriage and help him and his wife to live centered on you. Thank you, Lord, for hearing my prayer.
 
Eternal God, in whom mercy is endless and the treasury of compassion - inexhaustible, look kindly upon us and increase your mercy in us, that in difficult moments we might not despair nor become despondent, but with great confidence submit ourselves to your holy will, which is love and mercy itself, Amen. :crossrc:

(optional closing prayer from the chaplet of Divine Mercy)
 
Hail Mary,
Full of Grace,
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit
of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
pray for us sinners now,
and at the hour of our death.
Amen.
 
Hail Mary full of grace
The Lord is with thee
Blessed art thou amongst women
And blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus
Holy Mary Mother of God
Pray for us sinners
Now and at the hour of our death
Amen
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Hail Mary full of grace
The Lord is with thee
Blessed art thou amongst women
And blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus
Holy Mary Mother of God
Pray for us sinners
Now and at the hour of our death
Amen
 
Praying for your intentions….

Lord Jesus, You have said, “Learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart.” With confidence in Your loving heart which offers rest to weary souls, we come to You in this time of special need. In Your unfailing love, read the prayer that is written on our hearts, and grant the grace that we ask of You, in accordance with Your holy will. In Your name we pray. Amen.

Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection, implored thy help, and sought thy intercession, was left unaided. Inspired with this confidence, I fly unto thee, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother, to thee I come, before thee I stand sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate! Despise not my petitions, but, in thy mercy, hear and answer me. Amen.
 
MEMORARE OF OUR LADY
Remember O Most Gracious Virgin Mary
That never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection
Implored thy help, or sought thy intercession was left unaided
Inspired by this confidence, I fly to thee
O Virgin of Virgins, my mother
To thee do I come, before thee I stand sinful and sorrowful
O Mother of the Word Incarnate
Despise not my petitions
But in thy mercy hear and answer me. Amen.
 
Praying for you and your family.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen.
Sacred Heart of Jesus, I place all my trust in Thee.
 
Our God please flood love and compassion into this man’s life, so that regardless of what happens around him, he feels loved and at peace.
 
Hail Mary full of grace
The Lord is with thee
Blessed art thou amongst women
And blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus
Holy Mary Mother of God
Pray for us sinners
Now and at the hour of our death
Amen
 
Lord help this lonely husband to grow in inner love and peace.
Help him to find time and energy for pursuits that ring him quiet satisfaction.
Help him convey by his attitudes that he knows he is a valuable son of the Father.
Please grant his wife the grace to respond.
Mother Mary please pray for this marriage that instead of being torment, it becomes life-giving.
 
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