Lost that Loving Feeling? things you wish your spouse would do

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La Chiara:
I could be wrong but wasn’t Dr. Phil married before–that is, divorced and remarried?

If so, I hope that the rest of us don’t have to get it wrong and get divorced before we get it right (as he did).
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He’d be the first to agree. He and his first wife married very young and had not the slightest idea what marriage involved.

My brother didn’t marry until he was in his thirties. He had seen so many of his friends marry and then divorce soon after that he decided to skip the first crash-and-burn marriage and go right to the grown-up one that would last. He’s now happily married and so far they have met every crashing wave well.

Or, as I like to say: Choose whom you marry very carefully. You may be able to divorce your spouse, but annulment or not, an ex is forever.
 
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kage_ar:
I can give you what I hear from other husbands/wives – and something that sagged for awhile in our marriage – talking means more than talking about jobs/kids/house and even feelings. Remember conversation – remember long discussions, even debates? Politics, religion, movies, books, sports, style – don’t just talk – have real discussions, heck – debate something J Exercise the ole’ mind with the spouse. You will be surprised how engaging he/she has remained or become.
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This is GREAT advice. When all the things you used to love to do and talk about go by the wayside, your friendship suffers. Making the effort to be best friends together goes a long, long way.
 
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kage_ar:
I can give you what I hear from other husbands/wives – and something that sagged for awhile in our marriage – talking means more than talking about jobs/kids/house and even feelings. Remember conversation – remember long discussions, even debates? Politics, religion, movies, books, sports, style – don’t just talk – have real discussions, heck – debate something J Exercise the ole’ mind with the spouse. You will be surprised how engaging he/she has remained or become.
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My husband I try to consciously schedule time for such talks. We found that by watching TV only 2x a week in the evenings, we suddenly had plenty of time. We schedule “tea time”…usually in the bedroom after dinner, with candles and music and mint tea, and just spend some hours getting to know each other better, talking, laughing, tickling/pillow fights, etc. A great way to unwind, and make sure that your relationship continues to be fed.
 
My husband has become even better with age. Unlike previous generations, he is very family-oriented. He is not put off by small children, and communicates with them wonderfully. I am truly blessed.
 
**How about a “remember us” jar? In this jar you each put your wishes for daily time spent together and on alternating evenings or weeks, if time is scarce, one slip is picked. No arguments it is what you do together. It can be something that is only 5 minutes on up. Some suggestions are:

Play cards
Back rubs
Scrabble
Foot rubs
Shower together;)

You think about it. Don’t put in pay bills, wash dishes, etc., these are for the to do jar LOL. The time spent thinking of what to put in each jar can be very informative as to how your relationship is going.
**
 
Women want and need attention! Compliment her and see her face light up.

My husband is a workaholic. He leaves the house before 6:30am and comes home between 7:30 or 8:30 everynight. It’s VERY hard! Especially to explain to 5 yo why daddy isn’t home. He doesn’t work these hours just so I can stay at home…we own our own business and it is VERY demanding.

When it comes to “doing more”…I believe “doing more” not nessarily means helping out around the house, it means “do more” in being an emotional support. We women get “fuel” from our family loving us and appreciating us.

Just say “thank you” and “I love you”.
 
It could be that most women are better at interpersonal relationships than men. Men might not complain as much as women because their needs are being met.

Every person is different and should be treated so. A good book to read is The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Basically there are five different ways of expressing love to another person. What may be your love language may not be your spouse’s. Most people “speak” their own love language to their spouse regardless what their spouse’s language is. And they feel like they’re doing everything for their spouse, what more do they want?! Unless you fill the needs of your spouse in the way that matters to them, not you, there will always be an unbalance. Many people can’t even express what they want because they don’t know what they want, they only know they are unhappy. The five languages are:
  1. Words of affirmation
  2. Quality time
  3. Receiving gifts
  4. Acts of service
  5. Physical touch
People are complex and some will have two or three combined that “work” for them. A woman “stuck at home all day with the kids” and whining about it may need quality time. Another woman who is home with the kids all day may not need quality time so she doesn’t feel the need to “whine”.
 
My husband is extremely helpful around the house and in general. He always volunteers to give me a hand, and he is a wonderful provider and father. My only complaint is that he doesn’t accept me for who I am. He somehow thinks I will turn into a neat freak after 10 years of marriage. I am a very involved mom, volunteer at kids’ schools, work part-time teaching, Cub Scout den mother, entertain frequently, but he still nags me constantly about laundry, and clutter. I have improved exponentially since my single days, but instead of looking at the glass as half full, he must harp on my faults without fail almost every day.

All of this criticism makes me very sad and causes me to want to find fault with him. I wish he would accept me for who I am.
 
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buffalo:
I wish my wife was more respectful.

Love and Respect

** The Power of Respect Talk **
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Buy her a copy of Dr. Laura’s book, “The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands.”
She says that men are simple creatures. They need just 3 things that will make them very happy. (And in turn will treat their wives like queens).
  1. Respect
  2. Good Food
  3. Good Lovin’ 😃
I have found that to be 100% true.
 
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LovedOne:
Buy her a copy of Dr. Laura’s book, “The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands.”
She says that men are simple creatures. They need just 3 things that will make them very happy. (And in turn will treat their wives like queens).
  1. Respect
  2. Good Food
  3. Good Lovin’ 😃
I have found that to be 100% true.
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I heard those three before and I find them true also. I really don’t need much. Many modern wives don’t see the what men need. They are totally treating them like independents.
 
I don’t ask for much in my relationship, and I’m very happy and very satisfied with they way we live right now. There is only one thing though. I’m a full time student and I also work full time and when I come home, I’m usually the one who does the housework. I sometimes would like it if DH would realize how busy I am and help around the house without being asked. Other than that…and it isn’t that big anyway…we have a great relationship.
 
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