How can you tell if a mathematician is extroverted?I think we throw around the word “awkward” to much. I think it’s just is a word we us to describe the minority of a group in a social settings. All the things that others consider “awkward” of me were no longer a factor when I was in college surround with people people of the same mannerisms and world view as me. When a “normal” person end up with us for the day it was them who seemed awkward and socially inept to us!
I suspect Captain Awkward meant fiction, and that reading books with female protagonists and written from a female perspective would help understand women. And asking women you trust and respect already will prevent the books from being too silly…Okay, I’ll put some Eleonor Stump and St Teresa of Avila on my reading list. What size of stick should I buy to beat away the women with, 2x4?
A woman with whom I am firmly in the friend zone made a book recommendation to me, I wonder if I read it she will finally come around? I’ll put down the 2x4 when she comes a-knocking.
I suspect Captain Awkward is a woman, which would explain the advice of reading books as a realistic way of attracting women. You see, I find that women will offer advice to men that they (and their mothers) would like to find in the men they are going steady with, but that they don’t currently find in them. But of course this ignores what actually attracts women to the men they are with in the first place (being a bad boy rebel, being handsome, being socially successful, etc.)I suspect Captain Awkward meant fiction, and that reading books with female protagonists and written from a female perspective would help understand women. And asking women you trust and respect already will prevent the books from being too silly…
It’s meant as advice to help a man understand what it’s like to be a woman, how women see the world, what women think about, and what women are like with each other when there aren’t any men around.I suspect Captain Awkward is a woman, which would explain the advice of reading books as a realistic way of attracting women. You see, I find that women will offer advice to men that they (and their mothers) would like to find in the men they are going steady with, but that they don’t currently find in them. But of course this ignores what actually attracts women to the men they are with in the first place (being a bad boy rebel, being handsome, being socially successful, etc.)
There are lots of other books by women, that’s just an example. Back before my foot trouble got bad, I used to switch between going to the gym and listening to all of Jane Austen’s novels and all of LOTR (50 hours!!!). Austen is very funny and insightful. In a pinch, there are some good filmed versions of the books.See I was fearful that this advice would come down to having to read a Jane Austen Novel. Thanks but no thanks, I’d rather die alone if that’s what it takes.
Not that i don’t appreciate the posting Xantippe
Very very true. In my experience if a person has a personal rule against dating friends they also have a hard rule against setting friends up with friends.Good topic, but the linked advice isn’t very good.
Straight women don’t ask women out on dates, so they generally aren’t the best help for dating.
With rare exceptions, friendzone women are a bad choice too, particularly if they are close friends. There is an inherent disincentive for these women to find someone for you (I.e. they lose a friend). One of those Julia Roberts movies illustrates this dynamic well.
The only woman to help in this area is an honest sister.
Cousin? Young auntie? Sister-in-law?The only woman to help in this area is an honest sister.
This is a very strange view of women.But of course this ignores what actually attracts women to the men they are with in the first place (being a bad boy rebel, being handsome, being socially successful, etc.)
This is a very strange view of women.
Maybe some women like a bad boy rebel, but to generalise is wrong, and for most men these sorts of women are best avoided anyway IMO.
**That’s right.
What happens if you attract one of those bad boy-loving women and then you turn into a responsible, law-abiding 40-year-old accountant dad whose idea of walking on the wild side is having an extra slice of French toast at breakfast and going to the 5 PM Mass instead of the 9 AM one?
Disaster, that’s what.**
I don’t even think being handsome is a great concern for many women. Sure it helps, but it’s not the be all and end all - especially when it comes to long term relationships as opposed to merely dating. I’m not particularly handsome (I’m not hideous, I guess) and have a wonderful marriage, and moderate dating success before that.
**
There are so many homely husbands out there. And lots of them aren’t that well off, either.**
Being socially successful may help, but that’s pretty much the point of this thread.
Yep.
PS I’ve never read a Jane Austen book in my life. But the advice in general is good. If you don’t enjoy reading - and I don’t - perhaps look at music instead. Try to understand the differences in songs women write and record, vs songs men write and record.
I completely agree. I definitely was shy back in high school and probably a bit awkward too. I did not meet many women in college due to focusing on my studies, not really ever going to parties, and enrolling in a male dominated major that typically had 1-5 women in a 50 person.I think something that a lot of the shy and awkward miss is that social skills are skills–it’s possible to practice and improve them if one is willing to take time and effort.
I was a very awkward tween girl and prone to faux pas pretty much into my 30s, but I’ve worked really hard on it because it’s important. We have a mildly autistic daughter and I recognize a lot of her behaviors as stuff I did as a kid her age and we devote a lot of attention and money to developing her social abilities. I hope she’ll have a much faster learning curve than I did, but there’s every reason to hope that she will.
It is possible to improve social skills and to have a better life. And it’s not just to find a girlfriend or a boyfriend–learning how not to unnecessarily offend people you want to be friends with is a basic survival skill.
That’s a great start.I completely agree. I definitely was shy back in high school and probably a bit awkward too. I did not meet many women in college due to focusing on my studies, not really ever going to parties, and enrolling in a male dominated major that typically had 1-5 women in a 50 person.
It probably wasn’t until my late 20s that I really developed solid friendships with a lot of women and still maintain most of those into my 30s. However, nearly all of them are married or in relationships. I have a huge network of friends/acquaintances. I don’t think anyone would consider me awkward nowadays or even shy. Reserved, definitely yes. But I think there is a difference to some extent. I am a bit shy when it comes to dating (but not in other settings), but most people would not know that and just say they cannot figure out why I am single. I am without a doubt very desirable on paper. Never the less, dating just does not seem to go well and it really takes a lot of fun out of it. Especially when I actually do enjoy being single and am pretty content with my current life. Although, as other people have mentioned, over time if you remain single, you are cutout of a lot of the social activities revolving around other couples.
It is possible, but I really have no idea. I don’t think that is something I would be able to effectively determine either.That’s a great start.
I wonder if you accidentally give women the impression that you don’t like them or you accidentally give off disapproving vibes? That was Mr. Darcy’s problem. Could you get some help warming up your affect a little? (Without going too far, of course.)