Not right now, no. It might be something I can think about for a later date though.
I know how you feel. Lately, I’ve been doing much of what you have. Reading probably all the same books. I remember when I left the CC when I was 15 part of it was do to bad catachesis and a lot of it had to do with how I “felt” about Jesus. In my attempt to discover the truth I returned to the CC out of obedience not out of feeling this time but because I discovered the truth about the eucharist and the apostolic deposit. I enjoy the CC now more than before but like you I’ve entered into an area where my emotions are quiet. Maybe its a good thing. I often say that emotions follow what the mind believes. I agree with the previous posters. Though knowledge is good get personal with Jesus. Pray from your heart. The prayers we say in Mass and the Rosary and the multitudes of others are forms of discipline to help us focus on Jesus. Yet they are but a device. What I believe Jesus wants is us to be like children and tell him our needs, desires, sometimes just to sing hymns to him. Sometimes to take a walk in the woods and feel the gentle breeze on our face and thing about the Holy Spirit The Ruak of the OT the breath of life. As you already know, when Jesus left he gave us the Spirit. Stop analysing (which I do all the time hard to stop) and accept the truths given to you. Don’t hide from God. Pray simple things to the Lord. For instance: Oh Lord! I know you’re real but I feel nothing. Why is that? Please help me to experience you. Because Lord, I want you more than anything.
