Loud children at Mass. thoughts?

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Carmelite1983

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Do you hear “loud children” at Mass?
My wife and I can barely stand to attend our Sunday morning Mass (and instead go to Saturday vigil) because of all the children who are allowed to talk, cry, crawl around the floor, and even yell incessantly.
I can understand an occasional outburst here or there, we have young kids of our own, but we have a handful of parents in our parish who will not correct these behaviors, and will often let their kids be distracting for most of the service. Kids will yell, make sounds, play with loud toys, and even crawl under the pews, and the parents will just smile adoringly like it’s “so cute”, or outright ignore the behaviors.
I know that the main reason we’re there is to receive Him in the Holy Eucharist, but we also go to hear the Word of God and the Gospels. Hearing these readings are very important to us, and our priest gives excellent homilies which we also love to hear.
What’s even more disheartening is that our priest seems to encourage this behavior. One particular day, there was a young child, maybe 2-3 years old, who was babbling all throughout the readings and homily. The mother was doing absolutely nothing to quiet him down. At the end of Mass, our priests went out to where the family was sitting, gave the kid a “high five” and said something about how he loves seeing kids here and to “keep being loud”.
He literally told him to “keep being loud”…at Mass…
My wife was furious. She has a hard time listening with other noises around, and as a new Catholic, she wants very badly to hear the readings and homilies. Sometimes she NEEDS to hear them.
I’m not affected as much by the sound, but I’d hate to see my wife get discouraged from coming.

I addressed this issue with my priest the following day, and he said he feels bad when mothers get “the stink eye from parishioners” when their kids are loud. I reminded him that hearing The Word is very important to us and many others who are there.
He then tells me that the Eucharist is the important part of Mass, and we need to just “tune it out”.
I reminded him that many people, especially other mothers, will not be able to “tune out” the sound of a crying child.
We do have a “crying room”, but no one brings there kids there. It’s usually filled with adults trying to get away from the crying kids in the congregation…

Like I said, we have young children of our own. In public our own kids are off the wall, loud, rowdy, and quite a handful. But at Mass, we make very sure that they are sitting, standing, kneeling, praying, and being quiet throughout Mass. we’re not overly strict, we just respect the congregation and want to hear the readings.
 
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Carmelite1983 said:
In public our own kids are off the wall, loud, rowdy, and quite a handful. But at Mass, we make very sure that they are sitting, standing, kneeling, praying, and being quiet throughout Mass. we’re not overly strict, we just respect the congregation and want to hear the readings.
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There is a time for everything, I agree that in church children should be encouraged to control themselves as much as possible according to their age and capacity to understand.

We have a sacristy with an open glazed area which some young families use. We also sometimes have a crying child and we do ignore it but it does spoil my enjoyment of mass. I like it to be a quiet and reflective time from beginning to end.

I personally feel that a priest should encourage parents to teach their children the proper behaviour to exhibit in church. It seems to me to be about respect, respect for others, respect for God. If behaviour in the church is no different from behaviour in a fast food restaurant then it seems to diminish the honour we should be paying our Church and God.
 
This used to bother me a little.

But I’ve started to look at it this way:
  1. It’s better that the kids are there making noise, than not at all.
  2. We live in a society where liberals (esp those outside the Church - but even some inside the Church) are against, what seems like, all forms of punishment. Some of these ultra-liberal adults wouldn’t think twice about calling child protective services on a parent, or bad mouthing a parent who believes in discipline. So out of fear, I think many of the parents who ignore their child’s behavior are simply afraid to discipline their child in public.
  3. I’m sure that most parents are actually horrified and embarrassed, but don’t know what to do based on my number 2 above
  4. Finally, a few of the parents who let their kid do whatever, simply don’t mind that their child is being loud because they are true - no discipline parents. But I honestly believe that this is the minority at mass (or at least that’s what I tell myself)
I hope this helps a little.

NOTE: however, I must admit, I don’t understand why some parents which active little ones refuse to use the cry room. Perhaps, it’s just because of the name: “cry room.” Maybe we should rebrand them “child rooms.”

I know at my parish, we call the cry room the “Holy Child Room.” Lots of parents use it at my parish, and they even have a few toys in there too. 🤷‍♂️

God Bless
 
If you’ve found a solution in going to Mass on Saturday evenings, then just keep doing that.

I also get annoyed when parents just let their kids do whatever they want without any effort to stop them. I do use the crying room, but it’s seen by some parents as sort of a rec room and that really bothers me because I’m trying to teach my son how to behave.

That said, I’m also that mom who gets the “stink eye” from other parishioners and that is why we are in the crying room. My son has sensory processing disorder and loud noises are very agitating for him. He will start crying uncontrollably. I do my best but there are times when I’ve had to leave Mass because he was too upset and could not calm himself down. I don’t go around with a sign broadcasting his condition, so I am sure a lot of people think I am just a bad mother. You’d never know anything was wrong, just looking at him.

So- give people the benefit of the doubt. It may look to you like a parent isn’t addressing the situation, but you never really know what is going on with any particular kid. No one person is more important than the next, and while I do think parents should do what they can to keep their kids in line, it’s not always that simple. If your kids are well behaved, good for you. You’re lucky that you’re not dealing with some of the things other parents might be.
 
The not trying is the frustrating part. I don’t find it that hard to give a pass to kids or their parents normally, but when they don’t care it’s much harder.

It seems to obvious that it needs to be a two way street. I give you grace, you try your best to quite your kids. But some just don’t care and that’s how it is. Maybe find a different main mass time. In my hometown the Saturday vigil is mainly older people.
 
IDK…kids in church don’t really bother me…with that said:

With our 2 year old I usually end up walking around the gathering space and church basement the entire Mass so lately I just stay home with him while my wife takes our older two.
 
I have much less sympathy with school age kids, obviously barring disability. They wouldn’t be allowed to talk and fight while a teacher is talking for example.
 
I understand that there may be some difficulties that aren’t obvious to us.
However, I teach at the school attached to the church and know a lot of the kids and parents pretty well.
I feel if I’m able to get them to walk quietly in the halls, or listen to a lecture attentively, they should be able to sit through a 45 minute Mass…
Oh well…

I think you’re an incredible mother by the way. Bless you.
 
We’ve been over this on dozens of threads. I can understand when a baby under about 2 cries, but when older children scream, I’m not a fan. I try to offer it up and if necessary change seats. I also appreciate it when the parent has the good sense to take the screamer outside.

A church that encourages people to have kids can’t very well throw them out when they cry. I’d personally be happy if they would just stop doing gymnastics on the pews I am sitting or kneeling in.
 
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Sounds like you have found your solution. You should continue to attend the vigil mass.

I’m not bothered by noisy children. I probably was before I had kids, but now that I do, it doesn’t bother me. Children are a blessing in general and especially at mass because it shows that the community is growing and thriving.

I am the mom in the back of the church trying in vain to quiet her kids. One of my sons is autistic. He babbles pretty much constantly. It’s usually quiet. Sometimes it’s not. Sometimes the kneelers going down make a loud noise and it sets him off. Sometimes he just needs more sensory (name removed by moderator)ut. My other son really likes to sing, so sometimes he is loudly babbling pretend Gregorian Chant with the schola. :woman_shrugging:t4:

The cry room is not an option at my parish. The kids in there are running round playing like it’s a rec room. My children need to learn how to sit in mass. So, it’s an ongoing struggle in the back pew for us with dad occasionally taking the kids outside. Eventually they will learn, but not if I don’t take them to mass and teach them!

Thankfully my priests understand.
 
We have some howlers at our 1100 Sunday Masses, and I manage to ignore them. I like to look at the up-side, and here the up-side is that they don’t go home with me.

D
 
Suffer little children come unto me - a great hymn to listen to

 
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All kids can be loud, my issue is when it gets out of control and the parents to nothing to even try to stop it.
I love kids, but I don’t think they should be allowed to literally yell over what the priest is saying.
If you make any attempt to quiet your kid, then I have no problem at all!
 
phil19034 said:
NOTE: however, I must admit, I don’t understand why some parents which active little ones refuse to use the cry room. Perhaps, it’s just because of the name: “cry room.” Maybe we should rebrand them “child rooms.”

I know at my parish, we call the cry room the “Holy Child Room.” Lots of parents use it at my parish, and they even have a few toys in there too. 🤷‍♂️

God Bless
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At my church, the “cry room” is called the Children’s Prayer Room. A lot of families at my parish makes use of it.
 
ConfusedLucy said:
I have much less sympathy with school age kids, obviously barring disability
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Keep in mind that some disabilities may not be readily apparent.

Discipline during Mass may very well be one of the hardest things I have ever had to figure out as a parent. Sometimes I think the only thing that would satisfy some people would be if I beat my child right there in the pew. 🤷‍♀️

Also, though I’m sure it looks like “non discipline” to some people, planned ignoring is really, really, really useful for some kids (though not all, and not always.) The kid who has decided that he doesn’t want to be at Mass, and all he has to do to get out of it is scream, is going to keep screaming.
 
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I think when it comes to preschoolers and younger children, we all at the Church need to just bear it and offer our suffering caused by the noise to God. But once are children are school aged — unless they’re a special needs child — I think it’s incumbent that their parents properly train then how to behave at Mass.

Any child that’s old enough to receive Holy Communion (and isn’t a special needs child) should know how to behave properly at Mass and should do so and the parents need to discipline (usually after Mass) those that misbehaved during Mass.

But in regards to preschoolers, toddlers and younger, we the congregation should try to take it in stride knowing that most parents of these children (which can be a Herculean task in regards to young children) are doing their best in trying to keep them quiet during the Mass.
 
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