Hey, Rex. You’d not be correct in thinking that nobody would be able to measure up to her; whether anybody will, that is something for you to see. However, a lot depends on the effort you put in it, whether you allow yourself to perceive other women and react to them “in real time”, as opposed to missing out on them due to mourning the loss of that one, and later mourning the loss of them as another wasted opportunity. A sharp sense of reacting to opportunity is good to have, and sometimes it’s like Caesar said, “I’ll either find a way or make a way,” (aut viam inveniam aut faciam).
You rather clearly see flaws in that woman. I remember you saying, “like many women, she wants to have it both ways.” Not only can you perceive something negative but also the fact that it’s not different from many others. There might be more such things. Every woman is different. Each of them has unique strong “selling propositions”, while also each has her own downsides, in many cases a more serious flaw or two. The ideal one probably doesn’t exist, the great ones are hard to come by but it’s possible, and the once-in-a-lifetime thing doesn’t have strong backing.
That is, sure, some things are “once in a life-time” but in being “once in a life-time” they aren’t unique among others. I’ve met quite a couple of remarkable women in my life, some with a strong impact on me. Each of them obviously had something unique in her personality and other circumstances, and there was also something unique in our relationship or friendship, but the same is true about every other one. How many people does one know who are descended from a Catholic bishop in the middle ages? How many Roman Catholic Greeks? How many Polish-Chaldeans or Sicilian Italian-Arabs, how many lawyers turned jazz singers, how many Child Education graduates with a driving licence for military trucks (not to mention the weaponry)? (For the record, none of the foregoing is made up.)
Everybody is unique and has a distinct personal story that makes him different from other people, some are quite remarkable. If you go out and reach out to people, you can meet them. Throughout my life-time I’ve met women that have seemed like answers to my prayers or at least a matching response to my dreams, longings (“longings” more in connection with certain deep-rooted interests), guess what. None of them apparently was the “right one” (not that there is only one “right one”), something always went awry or… simply dissipated. I have distinct memories of some of them, which did not prevent me from meeting others later and developing similar memories of them in turn. Sometimes I didn’t know the loss of whom exactly was (then) currently stinging me more. Well, what I know is I’m still alive and all the richer. Same in your case, although you may be affected by a lack of reference material, artificially reinforcing your impression of that particular woman’s uniqueness. And once again: she is unique for sure, but she’s not unique in being unique (or even remarkable). And like you noticed: she’s not ideal, she has her flaws, some of them potentially large, and some quite unnerving.
Plus, on the more prosaic side, remember that the grass is always greener on the other side (whether for you or for her), that the time smoothens up the memories of puppy loves, removes the unpleasant sensations and only leaves the pleasant ones when we recall those people, and that unlike her husband you don’t have to live with her every day. Unlike with her husband, she has not (recently) lived with you day by day either. The chemicals in your brain are playing tricks on you. Don’t let them. And I know this sounds easy to say when, day by day, your life feels sad, your mood is low and so on. But the causes are various, sometimes it’s lack of sun exposure, insufficient heating, immune problems perhaps, stress from work, and sometimes you just need to talk to a professional to resolve some issues (which in no way constitutes being a pansy; the marines keep shrinks, you know, or at least loan them from the navy, so much more can a normal guy go to a counsellor).
God bless.