Love and Respect in Marriage

[rinnie]

Nana3 if i am correct you said you are also disabled. is there a way you could get a priest to come to the house to give you the sacrament. Sometimes if you get a priest, and your husband gets used to him, he could learn to trust him, maybe that could be your foot in the door. I know with the shortage of them that alot of the parish do it now, but maybe just maybe, you could get the priest. Just a thought. And at first just take the communion, and perhaps your husband can see this in another light.

 

[rayne89]

You and i disagree on this 100%. I do see how the bible was quoted. What this woman did is what alot of people do, they use the scripture as a weapon, instead of the loving word of God, What the cousin did was mean, she knew the abuse this women is taking and she used the word of God to condone it. Gods word is to help us not hurt us. Just because the scripture was correct, doesnt mean the woman meant it this way. And clearly that shows. What the women did was go to the bible pick out a verse and use it to make this women think she deserves this abuse.Thats what i see. and the best part is this same women is herself going through a divorce. But see Nana3 could sure pick out some verses for this woman, starting with divorce and then the splinter in the eye. But Nana wont do that she is too good of a woman. She would never use the word of God as a weapon or a means to fight. Like the cousin. again Nana3 i see what you are asking and she was wrong.

You misunderstand me. The interpretation of the Bible verse is correct. Nana said she felt her SIL’s interpretation was not correct. That is what I meant as not seeing anything wrong with how the Bible was quoted. Her SIL’s understanding of the quote was correct, the way she used it against Nana is certainly questionable.

 

[rinnie]

You misunderstand me. The interpretation of the Bible verse is correct. Nana said she felt her SIL’s interpretation was not correct. That is what I meant as not seeing anything wrong with how the Bible was quoted. Her SIL’s understanding of the quote was correct, the way she used it against Nana is certainly questionable.

Yea see thats what im saying i dont believe that the SIL’s interpretation was correct. According to her SIL she saw the scripture as Nana to take whatever hes giving her because the bible tells you. That is why i believe nana was questioning it. At least thats the way im seeing it. Interpretation and what a scripture says is 2 different things. I see her SIL using it to hurt nana thats what im saying.

 

[Nordar]

Yea see thats what im saying i dont believe that the SIL’s interpretation was correct. According to her SIL she saw the scripture as Nana to take whatever hes giving her because the bible tells you. That is why i believe nana was questioning it. At least thats the way im seeing it. Interpretation and what a scripture says is 2 different things. I see her SIL using it to hurt nana thats what im saying.

Agreed!

Nana’s OP was quite simply asking if her SIL’s interpretation was correct, I am at a lose as to understand why some post are so very judgemental! towards her.

It is very clear that her MIL is very much aware of how her son is, so when she asked Nana the question of how things are going, Nana’s answer was perfectly fine. How was she in anyway disrepecting her husband? For someone going through the emotional turmoil that she is I think her answer was very kind to her husband. The SIL’s e mail just sounds like some irrational rant, (with her own marital issues involved) I would just ignore it!

 

[nana3]

Thanks for the responses and thank those who support me and not judged me.

I need to clarify some things. First, I agree with what someone posted in that if I can’t turn to family, than who can I and my marriage is not normal or healthy. I will admit I am in a dysfunctional marriage. We have been to one priest who was also a psychologist. He saw that my husband had issues that he needed to work on before we could really work on the marriage. We get along expect when his anger gets the best of him and than he over reacts. It runs in his family, a lot!! He knows he came from a dysfunctional marriage and doesn’t want that for us, but he feels that he has gotten the help and now I should. But again, when I see the counselors and tell them how I can’t communicate, they see the tears and the frustration and all of them tell me divorce him. I don’t want a divorce. He is much better on medications when he takes them. I will be the first to admit the first five years of our marriage was living hell. He got on antidepressants and other psychiatric meds and it is much better. Now he is stubborn, very stubborn. For example, he will take Tylenol with codeine and it makes him drowsy and than he wants to get into a car. I mentioned to him that he should not drive and he got angry saying that I will never be satisfied with him. Do you see what I mean? I was talking about driving and he was thinking of everything else. When he says this statement, it is in reference to his driving. I have always hated his driving for he was very aggressive, but he had the quick moves before and now with Parkinson’s he doesn’t. His own mother told me she would not get into a car with him driving. His aunt and uncle won’t either and yet their daughter, my dh’s cousin, was the one who told me in this email she sent to keep quiet in the car if he is driving. I didn’t put that part into what she said for the way she quoted Scripture bothered me. I think she was telling me that no matter what he does to me, I should respect him for he is the man and the head of the house. I will ignore her email.

As far as not going to see my pastor… the reason dh doesn’t want me to is because he wants to be a deacon some day, which I don’t see in his future, but he does. So I agreed not to see him, but he would be the best one for he knows us the best. I have mentioned some of this in confession to one missionary priest on a Parish mission, and he immediately said, “You go to see a counselor and if that person tells you to get a divorce, than get a divorce.” He even made me promise him. I did talk to my pastor about this confession in a confession to him and he disagreed on the divorce statement. He said the priest does not know us well and was moved by my tears and sorrow. I was crying at the time and told him that I felt like my dh was draining me and at the time he was. I am much better now than at that time, but I am very unhappy in this marriage.

One of the things that upset me about my husband is that he overmedicates himself on medications that are suppose to be “as needed” and the ones that are really important to take, he doesn’t. I use to be a nurse and tell him that “as needed” doesn’t mean you take them daily, but he does and he becomes addicted to them fast. He will take a Xanax and Tylenol #3 ( codeine) together and this knocks him out. He is so medicated and than he takes his usual night time meds which include some that will cause drowsiness and this knocks him out more. He is so medicated that he doesn’t know that he needs to go to the restroom and has accidents. I am so sick of that. This is one area that he can listen and just refuses and says he is not over medicated. He once got out of bed so fast that he ended up on the floor for he got up to fast with all the meds he takes. He fell on his knee and tore his meniscus. I mentioned this to his psychologist last month when I went in at his request. The counselor told him that he is taking way to much meds. I told him that it was the VA who was giving him all this, don’t they see how often he puts in for the refills and all that. He said he would mention it to my dh’s psychiatrist. The psychiatrist did nothing about it. I mentioned how my husband would take Tylenol #3 and than drink alcohol, two beers and a lot of rum. He worried about that. My dh and I got into so many fights about that one, but I took control and refused to have an angry alcoholic as a husband. I took the beer and gave it away and took the rum and dumped it down the drain and put my foot down and told him that if he brings alcohol in the house, he mights as well pack his stuff and get out. He has not bought any yet even though he said I am a control freak and trying to treat him like a kid. I told him that he is going to kill himself with the mixture and I refuse to allow my dd to find him dead some morning. I also saw that he was increasing his alcohol and I didn’t want to deal with yet another problem in our marriage. He is still mad at me for the alcohol thing, but he is the type to get addicted so fast and when I start to see a pattern and a new habit, I had to stop it.

Thanks for all the prayers for those who offered. May God bless you all.

 

[kage_ar]

dear, you really need prayers and action.

About the deaconate thing, your husband has not really looked into it, has he. When one applies to a deaconate program, the program will interview BOTH spouses. Wives even have to attend classes.

 

[FCEGM]

nana, as difficult as it must have been, you were able to stand up to him regarding his drinking. I hope you will likewise overcome your reluctance to upset him regarding his driving. His drinking might only kill him, but his driving could very easily kill others.

With my deepest prayers in Christ,
Frances

 

[nana3]

Someone asked about my disability. I live in chronic pain all the time and am on a pain patch. I have what they call a “failed back syndrome” after three failed surgeries to the back, the last being a spinal fusion at two levels. I have fibromyalgia and Irritable Bowel Syndrome, TMJ disorder and neck and shoulder pain due to 7 car accidents. By the way, non of those where my fault and only two were dh’s fault. One of those accidents was before he was diagnosed with Parkinson’s and his movements were slow and I thought it was because he took a Xanax, but he said he had not and promised. After that accident, I told him to go get checked out for something is wrong, he use to fall a lot too. That was when he was diagnosed with Parkinson’s. Even though two doctors didn’t think he has that and told him to get a second opinion, but he has not done so yet. That was when he was hospitalized for clots in his lungs two years ago. He is on Coumadin now which they can’t get at a therapeutic level for he doesn’t take it like he should either. I told the doctor that and he spoke to him sternly and told him that it was important for him to take it at the same time every day. He still forgets.

He fell last night again twice. He had just taken a Tylenol #3 for his chronic feet pain and tried to get up from the chair and slipped. He fell down on the floor and landed on his little finger and broke it. I was in the shower when my dd comes running in to say that daddy fell and was hurt. My heart dropped. I asked if he could move and she said he was trying to get up. I knew than he had to be okay. Than the same night, he was looking for a DVD and fell down again. I saw it and he just said, “Today is not my day.” When his mother heard, she told me she worries about him all the time for he is obese, has asthma and smokes and is on Coumadin and doesn’t take care of himself. He joined Weight Watchers last month and has gained 7 pounds. I told him to stop paying them if he was not serious for he is paying a fee to gain weight. He loves to eat at night, a lot of junk food. That is the worse of his addictions. He doesn’t even try. He goes to the grocery stores all the time and comes back with lots of ice cream and other junk food. I told him not to bring anything that my dd and I like. The soda is one thing if he could omit, he would lose a lot of weight for he once did it and lost 45 pounds in two weeks. He has since regained it and more. He loves his sodas. I even mentioned that he should give it up for lent but he won’t.

 

[kage_ar]

nana, as difficult as it must have been, you were able to stand up to him regarding his drinking. I hope you will likewise overcome your reluctance to upset him regarding his driving. His drinking might only kill him, but his driving could very easily kill others.

With my deepest prayers in Christ,
Frances

In your state, can his doctor notify the Drivers License dept and have him retested for medical reasons?

 

[nana3]

dear, you really need prayers and action.

About the deaconate thing, your husband has not really looked into it, has he. When one applies to a deaconate program, the program will interview BOTH spouses. Wives even have to attend classes.

He has and tells me that he will never become one for he knows that I will speak badly of him. I still remember when he yelled that at me. He hasn’t looked into it since than, but desires it. I think he knows that his Parkinson’s is getting worse an unless he is healed by a miracle, it is out of his reach.

 

[Nordar]

Nana,
He is emotionally blackmailing you by asking you not to go to your Pastor.
You must know that a Deaconship is totally out of the question, and that giving you that reason not to go to your pastor is quite frankly BS! You need to go and speak with him and ignore your husband! You are in my prayers,

 

[nana3]

nana, as difficult as it must have been, you were able to stand up to him regarding his drinking. I hope you will likewise overcome your reluctance to upset him regarding his driving. His drinking might only kill him, but his driving could very easily kill others.

With my deepest prayers in Christ,
Frances

I mentioned this the night we argued over his driving and he told me about what his family said and that is when I wrote an email of apology. He really and honestly doesn’t see it that way. He doesn’t think his driving has been affected. If he would not drive like he use to, for example waiting for the last moment to brake, he could drive safely, but he doesn’t listen. One time I did see that his driving was very bad and asked him to stop the car and allow me to drive. He refused. We fought and my dd started to cry telling her dad to stop and telling me to be quiet. He stopped and still would not give me the keys to drive. I got out of the car and opened the back door and took my dd out and we started to walk. He knew our lives were in danger for this was a toll highway. He was so so angry, but he threw the keys at me and than we heard his angry yelling all the way home. It was terrible but we got home safely.

 

[rinnie]

nana he is a drug addict. it may be legal but he is an addict. You have your hands full my dear. And when a person is on drugs drinking anything they are not in their right mind. And until he gets help you are stuck. You have enough to worry about then his family on your case. Nana can you get to some kind of a group who can help you. like alanon. something like that its for the spouse of any addictions. not just alcohol. im sure i spelled the group wrong but its always in the paper. its for the familys of addicts.

 

[rinnie]

oh nana i have fibro too. and the dr told be ten years ago i have tmj it just didnt hit me yet. Try to get out and move nana even if its for a little walk. I think fibro is like arthritis really i have that too but not the bad one. Bad thing about fibro it travels all over but at least we can function. But nana this stress is making your fibro ten times worse. when my brother was dying mine was much worse. now that i have come to grips with it my fibro is much better. the weather plays hell with mine. THis cold wet damp weather is killing me. but a few more weeks hopefully then ill fill better hope you do too. think positive nana, try to find something to laugh about, try to make light of things the best you can. thats my big copeing strat. laugh alot and pray alot. I always go to St Jude hes my hero (for the hopeless you know). Im a big candle freak I have St Jude, Jesus and of course The BLessed Mother praying a lot for me Im gonna light a few for you this whole week nana. I promise it will help. Later ill tell you storys about my kids. it will make you laugh. do you have kids nana? Hang in there Nana you are strong you have to be to go thru what you have.

 

[nana3]

oh nana i have fibro too. and the dr told be ten years ago i have tmj it just didnt hit me yet. Try to get out and move nana even if its for a little walk. I think fibro is like arthritis really i have that too but not the bad one. Bad thing about fibro it travels all over but at least we can function. But nana this stress is making your fibro ten times worse. when my brother was dying mine was much worse. now that i have come to grips with it my fibro is much better. the weather plays hell with mine. THis cold wet damp weather is killing me. but a few more weeks hopefully then ill fill better hope you do too. think positive nana, try to find something to laugh about, try to make light of things the best you can. thats my big copeing strat. laugh alot and pray alot. I always go to St Jude hes my hero (for the hopeless you know). Im a big candle freak I have St Jude, Jesus and of course The BLessed Mother praying a lot for me Im gonna light a few for you this whole week nana. I promise it will help. Later ill tell you storys about my kids. it will make you laugh. do you have kids nana? Hang in there Nana you are strong you have to be to go thru what you have.

Thanks. Yes, I do go for daily walks with my dd and dog, but I really need to be swimming for that is the only thing that doesn’t really aggrevate my back, but don’t belong to any gyms. I did for years, but never went and so I stopped paying for the memberships. I know I did feel physically better and mentally when I did swim. We are hoping we can put a pool in the backyard, but it is expensive.

Yes, I have one daughter and she is 8 yrs old. How old are your? I wish I could have more, but for the reasons I mention in this thread and due to my bad back, I don’t feel I could handle anymore. As it is, my daughter calls my back pain “stupid” when it interferes in something I want to do with her, like bike riding. It was hard during the younger years and I had lot of support in carrying her from my husband, but now with his Parkinson’s and obvious balance problems, I don’t think he would be able to carry the baby without possibly dropping him or her.

By the way, I know it is being able to talk here on the forum and all of your prayers, but I feel stronger and not so depressed. Thanks so much everyone.

I did get another communication from the cousin and I might have to email her and thank her for her words and tell her I will ponder them as someone suggested on her. My MIL does not know she emailed me. She emailed the letter she wrote to me and her parents, but not to my MIL. I think my MIL and her sister would have words if she knew so for now, I won’t tell her. My MIL loves me so much and thinks the world of me and says I am a good influence on her son, but realizes I suffer from depression too. She also is dealing with the guilt of knowing she had so part to do with how her son is with me and all of her sons. They all have many addictions and an anger problem. My BIL’s are both alcoholics and have many girlfriends. One has been married twice and is now getting a divorce after only a year of marriage. He is not allow to see his kid without supervision. I know what that means. He has a problem that the judge felt the child could be in danger. My other BIL lost his kid to my MIL who adopted her and sees her once a month at our house.

Oh yes, I pray to Our Lady in many Rosaries and also I do like St. Jude and St. Monica. My favorite saints are St. Therese and St. Anthony. My husband has more of a devotion to St. Jude. We have statues of Our Lady, St. Anne, St. Joseph, St. Jude, St. Benedict, St. Therese, St. Anthony, and St. Michael the Archangel. My husband likes to buy a lot of statues and many other religious objects. He has so many chaplets it is too much for he doesn’t pay any of them. He is also addicted to buying things that we don’t need or use. Sometimes, I find them unused about two weeks and without his knowledge return them and he has yet to notice this. Been doing it for years though.

 

[rinnie]

Oh Nana3 you are priceless. My son is 21 he of course knows everything and what he doesnt know my daughter 24 does. I of course dont know anything i am the devil. But who do they run to when they are in trouble you guessed it. All in all they are good kids there were a few times i thought those heads were going to do a full turn if you know what i mean. I know what you mean about your daughter. But isnt she precious. I had my kids young and thank God or i would have of had a stroke by now. All kids think about is themselves. But its normal. Sometimes i wish i could have 8 back again. when mine were 8 they acted like they were 21&24. Now they act like they are eight. Tommorow is a bad day for me Nana my Dad is going in for bypass surgery. Its going to be tough for him maybe shoot a prayer his way for me tonight. He goes in at 5 in the morning. But hes in Florida im in Pa. He just found out and its more trouble ,to put them out of thier way to come to get me at the airport then to pray right now. So i will be praying all night and for you also nana3. So you hang in there kiddo will talk to ya soon God BLess.

 

[Gloria1]

great thread! thanks very much for sharing!

 

[nana3]

Oh Nana3 you are priceless. My son is 21 he of course knows everything and what he doesnt know my daughter 24 does. I of course dont know anything i am the devil. But who do they run to when they are in trouble you guessed it. All in all they are good kids there were a few times i thought those heads were going to do a full turn if you know what i mean. I know what you mean about your daughter. But isnt she precious. I had my kids young and thank God or i would have of had a stroke by now. All kids think about is themselves. But its normal. Sometimes i wish i could have 8 back again. when mine were 8 they acted like they were 21&24. Now they act like they are eight. Tommorow is a bad day for me Nana my Dad is going in for bypass surgery. Its going to be tough for him maybe shoot a prayer his way for me tonight. He goes in at 5 in the morning. But hes in Florida im in Pa. He just found out and its more trouble ,to put them out of thier way to come to get me at the airport then to pray right now. So i will be praying all night and for you also nana3. So you hang in there kiddo will talk to ya soon God BLess.

I didn’t check this thread last night and so I am checking it now for the first time today. I hope things went well for your dad. Let me know. I will pray for him tonight in my rosary and for you too and all of your intentions.

By the way, it use to be that when someone answered a thread I had posted or posted on, I would get an email. I don’t anymore. Do you and anyone know what I need to do to get them coming to my email so that I would know when somone wrote something new?

 

[Nordar]

Nana are you using AOL?
because that was happening to me, what they were doing was sending any e mail from CAF to spam mail.

 

[rinnie]

I didn’t check this thread last night and so I am checking it now for the first time today. I hope things went well for your dad. Let me know. I will pray for him tonight in my rosary and for you too and all of your intentions.

By the way, it use to be that when someone answered a thread I had posted or posted on, I would get an email. I don’t anymore. Do you and anyone know what I need to do to get them coming to my email so that I would know when somone wrote something new?

Thankx nana its not good. he went in for a double bypass and came out with 4 bypasses and 2 valve replacements. so as a nurse you know thats rough. the surgery went fantastic then couple hours later something went wrong they opened him up again. hes critical now but God is with him. He keeps trying to pull the tube out. he is so strong nana he is the Dad that dreams are made of. Thanks for your prayers keep them comming.