1
1inICXC
Guest
DH and I are a bit at a crossroad right now in what concerns our marriage and life as a family of 4.
BACKGROUND
We got married 3 years ago and we conceived right away. We were excited about having our first child and largely naive. We were both relatively young (early and mid twenties). We had our first child and for me, as the mother, the shock was indescribable. The sleepless nights, the burden of knowing that everything about this child is in my hands- at least for as long as I breastfed. No longer having a social life (as a young mother in North America you more or less automatically exit the social circles), it was me and baby, day in and night out for 24 months. Dh was around of course, but he worked full time so we got evenings and week-ends at most. Because of the distance and the commitments of other family members I can’t say we had much support though God bless the family for whatever they did do, I certainly can’t say I was by myself.
Anyhow, it was very draining for both of us. It was 12 months before I got a full night’s sleep and was able to start fully enjoying motherhood.
For many reasons we were unsure whether we should have a second or not, so we abstained for about 8 months, thinking that it might be God’s will for us to stop there, but then started using NFP mostly hoping that we don’t conceive. By 15-16 months PP I was feeling much better, our DD was walking, eating everything etc. and well, I finally felt like she no longer needed me 24/7. That’s when we became totally open to the idea of conceiving again, which we did, miscarried and then again, and then we conceived DS who is now 5 months old.
Having the second was in a lot of ways much easier, on one hand because he is a great sleeper, thank Heaven!, my husband works from home and for the past little while he cut down on his hours so he’s more available and my mother retired so she is around more.
Having said that, with our first, life was hard because we lacked discipline and she really brought it down hard upon us - and especially on me. With DS our huge challenge is order. We both struggle with this hugely and realistically it’s only as of yesterday that we’ve started an action plan to combat this. Another huge challenge is giving our 2.5yr old the attention she requires. We do not want to put her in a day care but between my breast-feeding around the clock and DH’s work, she was often times stuck playing by herself.
Where do we go next? I do not feel ready at all for a 3rd. DH just started a new company and we have no idea where that’s going, my mother might be moving away, I’m still breastfeeding and tired, I still don’t quite have the hang of this mothering multiple children. I know that while BFing you are very unlikely to get pregnant but at the same time every act MUST be open to life.
QUESTIONS
For you mothers, were you all ready and OPEN for new life as soon as you resumed your intimate relationship with your husbands?
Is it responsible to say, I’m open to the 3rd child in these circumstances?
I know I would be miserable if I had to stop BFing DS before 12 months, if I had to shove him aside to make room for a newborn in 9 months time when he’s still at such a critical age and if there would be even LESS time for DD. Also, I believe that every child deserves to be raised with LOVE and PATIENCE not irritability and less than available mother.
For those of you with numerous children close in age, how did you manage? What kind of help did you get? How did you organize yourselves to be able to tend to all of them while also keeping your wits about yourself?
What about the responsibility towards the husband and the marriage? I know we need the marital embrace for unitive purposes as well but which overrides which?
For those of you who were in inadequate circumstances for having another a child- be it due to health, finances, lack of support system etc. how long did you abstain for before being open to life again?
Overall, I would appreciate any advice on a loving and responsible marital and family life.
God bless and joy and peace in 2010!
BACKGROUND
We got married 3 years ago and we conceived right away. We were excited about having our first child and largely naive. We were both relatively young (early and mid twenties). We had our first child and for me, as the mother, the shock was indescribable. The sleepless nights, the burden of knowing that everything about this child is in my hands- at least for as long as I breastfed. No longer having a social life (as a young mother in North America you more or less automatically exit the social circles), it was me and baby, day in and night out for 24 months. Dh was around of course, but he worked full time so we got evenings and week-ends at most. Because of the distance and the commitments of other family members I can’t say we had much support though God bless the family for whatever they did do, I certainly can’t say I was by myself.
Anyhow, it was very draining for both of us. It was 12 months before I got a full night’s sleep and was able to start fully enjoying motherhood.
For many reasons we were unsure whether we should have a second or not, so we abstained for about 8 months, thinking that it might be God’s will for us to stop there, but then started using NFP mostly hoping that we don’t conceive. By 15-16 months PP I was feeling much better, our DD was walking, eating everything etc. and well, I finally felt like she no longer needed me 24/7. That’s when we became totally open to the idea of conceiving again, which we did, miscarried and then again, and then we conceived DS who is now 5 months old.
Having the second was in a lot of ways much easier, on one hand because he is a great sleeper, thank Heaven!, my husband works from home and for the past little while he cut down on his hours so he’s more available and my mother retired so she is around more.
Having said that, with our first, life was hard because we lacked discipline and she really brought it down hard upon us - and especially on me. With DS our huge challenge is order. We both struggle with this hugely and realistically it’s only as of yesterday that we’ve started an action plan to combat this. Another huge challenge is giving our 2.5yr old the attention she requires. We do not want to put her in a day care but between my breast-feeding around the clock and DH’s work, she was often times stuck playing by herself.
Where do we go next? I do not feel ready at all for a 3rd. DH just started a new company and we have no idea where that’s going, my mother might be moving away, I’m still breastfeeding and tired, I still don’t quite have the hang of this mothering multiple children. I know that while BFing you are very unlikely to get pregnant but at the same time every act MUST be open to life.
QUESTIONS
For you mothers, were you all ready and OPEN for new life as soon as you resumed your intimate relationship with your husbands?
Is it responsible to say, I’m open to the 3rd child in these circumstances?
I know I would be miserable if I had to stop BFing DS before 12 months, if I had to shove him aside to make room for a newborn in 9 months time when he’s still at such a critical age and if there would be even LESS time for DD. Also, I believe that every child deserves to be raised with LOVE and PATIENCE not irritability and less than available mother.
For those of you with numerous children close in age, how did you manage? What kind of help did you get? How did you organize yourselves to be able to tend to all of them while also keeping your wits about yourself?
What about the responsibility towards the husband and the marriage? I know we need the marital embrace for unitive purposes as well but which overrides which?
For those of you who were in inadequate circumstances for having another a child- be it due to health, finances, lack of support system etc. how long did you abstain for before being open to life again?
Overall, I would appreciate any advice on a loving and responsible marital and family life.
God bless and joy and peace in 2010!
Without having to plan or pray before our acts of intamacy, it became more liek “hook ups”. This is embarressing to say, but quickes were the norm, and as we fell away from our Church’s teachings…so did our sexual morals. 
