Love but no known end

[pilgrimjake]

I am not sure about what i should do. I am in love with a girl but I have made an oath to God that I would live my entire life a virgin. I believe I am called to the celibate life, but I don’t know what to do about this girl. Should I advance my friendship to more than that or should I keep it at friendship to keep from hurting either of us. We are the best of friends but we feel a mutual wanting of something more. I am going to enter the religious life so I dont know what to do. Advice?

 

[Xantippe]

Talk to a priest to work through this. I think, based on a friend’s experience, that he will probably discourage you from making rash personal vows. (My friend was dispensed from a vow he had made–I forget what it was, but it might well have been something similar.) I think it is a bit much to say, “I am going to enter the religious life,” unless you know that a community is willing to take you.

A lot depends on how old you are.

 

[1ke]

Advice: Stop making vows and oaths.

Advice: Talk to your vocations director and spiritual director. If you have an authentic calling to the priesthood or religious life, you will not also feel called to marriage (unless perhaps your vocation is to the permanent diaconate). These are things that need discernment, not rash vows and oaths.

You should seek spiritual counsel. If you truly have a vocation to the priesthood or as a religious in community, you should not lead this girl on to believe there can be more.

How old are you?

 

[pilgrimjake]

My vows were not rash, in fact, they were well thought out. I made them because it was necessary and I stand by them, in fact, I prefer to keep them. I intend on becoming a priest. I AM called to it, but I don’t know what to do about the girl. I don’t want to and will not marry, and I love her very much, she’s my best friend, so I don’t want to hurt her. I’d like to know if it would be right to date or whatever you call it but knowing it would never go further. Or should we just stay best friends, nothing more?

 

[Evania]

My vows were not rash, in fact, they were well thought out. I made them because it was necessary and I stand by them, in fact, I prefer to keep them. I intend on becoming a priest. I AM called to it, but I don’t know what to do about the girl. I don’t want to and will not marry, and I love her very much, she’s my best friend, so I don’t want to hurt her. I’d like to know if it would be right to date or whatever you call it but knowing it would never go further. Or should we just stay best friends, nothing more?

What would be the point of dating if you know for certain that you wish to be a priest?

 

[Father_of_10]

Dating should be viewed as a preparation towards marriage. So if your intent is a religious life that calls for a vow of celibacy, dating does not go hand in hand with preparing for celibacy.

For her sake, you should be candid about your intents. It would be unjust to string her along for sometime and disappear into a seminary/priory/abbey. If your intent is the religious life, the kindest thing you could do for her is to charitably let her know and break things off. Waiting to do this upon entering the seminary or an order will only add more upheaval in your life during the transition from the life of a lay person.

There is nothing wrong with having a cup of coffee, or dinner with a friend, but if entering religious life having her as a constant companion could create some unintended public scandal by its appearance. One of your duties as a priest would be to prevent this. I have close friends that are priests, and they try to avoid these situations for this reason. Having coffee at a coffee shop during the afternoon looks entirely different than a candle light dinner in the evening one on one. Your thoughts might be, “I don’t care what someone else thinks”, but in reality you would be the public face of the church.

Act prudently.

 

[Xantippe]

pilgrimjake said:

“My vows were not rash, in fact, they were well thought out. I made them because it was necessary and I stand by them, in fact, I prefer to keep them.”

Have you consulted either a priest or a vocations director or a spiritual director yet about your vows?

I note you haven’t mentioned your age yet.

 

[underacloud]

I am not sure about what i should do. I am in love with a girl but I have made an oath to God that I would live my entire life a virgin. I believe I am called to the celibate life, but I don’t know what to do about this girl. Should I advance my friendship to more than that or should I keep it at friendship to keep from hurting either of us. We are the best of friends but we feel a mutual wanting of something more. I am going to enter the religious life so I dont know what to do. Advice?

My vows were not rash, in fact, they were well thought out. I made them because it was necessary and I stand by them…

pilgrimjake, I’m sorry, but these things don’t add up. You can’t be “in love” with a girl but completely confident in your vows.

Like others have said, you need to seek spiritual direction in this.

But the bottom line is that if you know you will not marry this girl, then you must not date her and must not lead her to believe there is anything between you more than friendship. That would be very unfair of you. Frankly, knowing that she wants “something more”, you would do her a favour by backing off even on the friendship side of things.

 

[1ke]

My vows were not rash, in fact, they were well thought out. I made them because it was necessary and I stand by them, in fact, I prefer to keep them. I intend on becoming a priest. I AM called to it,

Well, ok then, you should not need our advice if that is the case. You do not say if you have talked to your spiritual director about this. Seems a more logical person to talk to if you are in vocation discernment than strangers.

but I don’t know what to do about the girl.

Well such statements cast doubt on your declarations of a serious vocation to the priesthood.

I don’t want to and will not marry, and I love her very much, she’s my best friend, so I don’t want to hurt her. I’d like to know if it would be right to date or whatever you call it but knowing it would never go further. Or should we just stay best friends, nothing more?

No, it would not be alrighht to “date” a girl when you know you want to be a priest.

You really need spiritual direction, this is a very immature statement. Sorry if you don’t like that assessment, but it is hard to take someone seriously who declares their vow of virginity and vocation to the priesthood in one breath, and declares their love for a girl and desire to date her in the next.

Again, how old are you??? This sounds like high school stuff.

If you are a serious man in serious vocation discernment, cut out the nonsense.

 

[pilgrimjake]

you know what, this whole post was a mistake, sorry to take up everyone’s time. I resolved the issue by the way so please don’t make any more replies and please unsubscribe to this post.