Love: Decision or Emotion?

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Veritas248

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First I would like to apologize if something like this has been brought up already. If it has, I can’t find the thread. Anyway I hate lust. It is just appaling to me. As a result of both my hatred for lust and uncontrollable desire to know the truth, I have searched the depths of Catholic Theology in search of answers. Love is an interesting topic for me. I find that if I can know the truth about Love, then I can reccognize lust more efficiently. After three and a half years, I think I finally have a definitive answer on what love truly is. With that said, what are some of your views on this subject? Why do you think this? Do you have any tradition to back these thoughts up? I want to see if any other Catholic may have reached the same conclusion as me. I also want to know what other Catholics think of my conclusion. If I am to pass on my knowledge to my religion students, I need to know if it is true. I have prayed on this issue and feel that this is the best course of action. Hopefully, this will give me the closure I need so I can move on in my faith enrichment. I’ll post my conclusion after I see some votes.
 
I’m obviously not going to get the answers here. Forget this thread exists. I’m no longer going to check this thread. I’ll get my answers elsewhere.
 
I’m interested to hear personal opinions on this subject, not just poll results, but here is my conclusion based on research:

I first turned to the bible and found this, one of my favorite quotes:
" Love is patient, Love is kind. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoings, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things." 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

One line in particular took my attention: Love does not insist on its own way.
In the CCC, I found these: “to Love is to will the good of another”
and “In themselves, passions are neither good nor evil.”

In the Catholic handbook for youth, I found this statement “Much more than a feeling, although feelings of love are wonderful, Love is an attitude. Sometimes you have to go beyond feelings and will yourself to love others.”

This is the clincher. When I read this, I knew my opinions were on the right track. Its from Vatican Council II Volume 2: More Post Concilliar Documents: "“In the light of these facts the characteristics of married love are clearly indicated, and it is of the highest importance to evaluate them exactly.
This love above all is fully *human *, a compound of sense and spirit. It is not then, merely a question of natural instinct or emotional drive. It is also, and above all, an act of the free will.”

There is much more that I learned, but these were the most conclusive. My conclusion is this:
Love is not an emotion. It is a decision, rooted in the free will, that expresses itself throgh feelings. Furthermore, it can’t be an emotion, because they are morally neutral, and come often without our consent. Since love is patient and kind. it is morally good. It also doesn’t insist on its own way, so it never comes without our consent. This makes the terms “falling in love” and “in love” false, since love is a free act, not a state to be in nor can you fall into a free act.

Thoughts, comments?
 
One of the many things they talk about in Marriage Encounter is just that…Love is a decision. There are many times when I don’t FEEL particularly loving toward others, and yet, I make the decision to continue to do what is best for them. If my children are driving me up a wall…do I simply walk away? No, I choose to continue to provide for their needs, despite the fact that emotionally, I’m soooooo ready to run away from home.

It’s the same with your spouse…when my husband comes home late from work four days of five, I can become resentful and decide he can get his own darned dinner, or I can choose to be a loving wife and accept that there are some things that he does that I’m just not going to like.

It works for everyone (though I suppose you love your neighbor differently than your kids) you choose how you treat them, not necessarily based on any feelings you might have toward them, but on the fact that we are called to love one another.
 
I’m not trying to completely understand love. I just want to be able to truly tell love from lust. I thought that finding out generally what love is, then it would be easier to pick out lust, because it is a perversion of love.

I agree. Jesus’s sacrifice is and always will be the greatest act of love.
 
Veritas248 said:
I thought that finding out generally what love is, then it would be easier to pick out lust, because it is a perversion of love.
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How about finding out what lust is? this will lead to understand more about love…as one said above - love is a huge topic. 🙂
 
Simple. Lust is a perversion of love. It is easier to find perversions than to untwist them. Love is complicated. I also wanted to understand **it **a bit more. Besides, I did pray. I was told love was the thing to look at.
 
Veritas248 said:
I’m not trying to completely understand love. I just want to be able to truly tell love from lust.
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Good question.

I think if you are looking for your own gratification, it’s lust. If you want what’s best for the other person, it’s love.

I believe love is a decision not a feeling. When the feeling goes away, there has to be something left.
 
Love is both a decision and an emotion. That emotion is desire, not lust. Desire is good if it is properly formed. If improperly formed, it can become lust.

The decision is whether to act sexually on that desire. The decision to act on that desire is proper in the martital context and improper outside of it.
 
Stylteralmaldo said:
Love is both a decision and an emotion. That emotion is desire, not lust. Desire is good if it is properly formed. If improperly formed, it can become lust.

The decision is whether to act sexually on that desire. The decision to act on that desire is proper in the martital context and improper outside of it.
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As you said, the **emotion **is desire. Desire and love are two different things. Desire is morally neutral so it qualifies as an emotion. Love is patient and kind. These qualify it as morally good. Based on the CCC’s statement about the morally neutral stance of passions(emotions), love can’t be an emotion.
 
KCT said:
I think if you are looking for your own gratification, it’s lust. If you want what’s best for the other person, it’s love.
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Good answer, but they’re not mutually exclusive. I want to support my boyfriend in everything he does. I want to do what’s best for him even if it inconveniences myself - but I also want some gratification for myself. If I got nothing back, I would decide to abandon the relationship before it got to marriage.

In my opinion, you start with the emotional feelings. We are designed this way to bring us together and to give us the opportunity to learn to be selfless. After a certain period of time, the emotion dies down and is properly supplemented with a conscious decision to continue the selflessness.
 
Just_wondering said:
Good answer, but they’re not mutually exclusive. I want to support my boyfriend in everything he does. I want to do what’s best for him even if it inconveniences myself - but I also want some gratification for myself. If I got nothing back, I would decide to abandon the relationship before it got to marriage.

In my opinion, you start with the emotional feelings. We are designed this way to bring us together and to give us the opportunity to learn to be selfless. After a certain period of time, the emotion dies down and is properly supplemented with a conscious decision to continue the selflessness.
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^ The situation you are describing is exactly what the pope discusses in his work “Deus Caritas Est” (God is Love). In it he discusses two forms or kinds of love: Eros and Agape. Agape is sacrifical or decending love aka giving, and Eros is romantic or ascending love aka getting. He says that the two are inseperable because in order to give, you have to get. This is only for humans however. As we know, God can give infinitley without getting.

Agape is true, pure love. It is the very picture of true love.
However humans need Eros to practice Agape.
We just don’t have enough patience.
As for those “emotional feelings”, based on research and prayer they are a way love expresses itself. They are love, but they aren’t pure. They are there so that humans can discover true love.
So yeah I agree with you. 100%
 
Love is primarily an act of the will that ordinarily brings with it emotional “baggage” (so to speak).

The emotional response to love is complex, depending upon many factors, including the relationship of the lover and the beloved.
 
Veritas248 said:
As you said, the **emotion **is desire. Desire and love are two different things. Desire is morally neutral so it qualifies as an emotion. Love is patient and kind. These qualify it as morally good. Based on the CCC’s statement about the morally neutral stance of passions(emotions), love can’t be an emotion.
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A decision and love are also two different things.

I can decide to do things for many reasons and I would be hard pressed to think of those decisions as robotic reactions with no emotion involved in the process.

Certainly, love is a decision we make for the good of another. But I can’t discount the role emotion has in that process. The two concepts (decision and emotion) are inseparable when it comes to love.

When I think of what Jesus did for us on the cross, Jesus decided to die for my sins out of love, but I am also certain that the emotional pull that he felt - particularly at Gethsemene - was a huge part of His decision process.

I can’t discount the role of emotion in love. I need to stand by my dual-answer of love and emotion as being a part of love. A decison to love without emotion is not love. Feeling emotion as love without deciding to act on it isn’t love either.
 
Veritas248 said:
Love is complicated. I also wanted to understand **it **a bit more. Besides, I did pray. I was told love was the thing to look at.
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Sometimes, you need to be loved in order to understand love. Also, love is not just a thing to look at but an expression, an act.
 
Stylteralmaldo said:
A decision and love are also two different things.

I can decide to do things for many reasons and I would be hard pressed to think of those decisions as robotic reactions with no emotion involved in the process.

Certainly, love is a decision we make for the good of another. But I can’t discount the role emotion has in that process. The two concepts (decision and emotion) are inseparable when it comes to love.

When I think of what Jesus did for us on the cross, Jesus decided to die for my sins out of love, but I am also certain that the emotional pull that he felt - particularly at Gethsemene - was a huge part of His decision process.

I can’t discount the role of emotion in love. I need to stand by my dual-answer of love and emotion as being a part of love. A decison to love without emotion is not love. Feeling emotion as love without deciding to act on it isn’t love either.
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Did you not read my post about Eros and Agape?
About Jesus, I’m sure his emotions did influence him. He went through with his sacrifice regardless of his emotions - He did not allow his emotions to overcome his Father’s will.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 describes the perfect picture of true love. Hoverver due to our fallen state, we cannot practice this in full.
I’m also not talking about love subjectively. As people are different, they react and practice love differently, making it impossible to come up with a definition. I am talking objectively.

Free will is required to love. Since emotions do not require the will, I don’t see love being a true emotion.
 
water said:
Sometimes, you need to be loved in order to understand love. Also, love is not just a thing to look at but an expression, an act.
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Ah, but it was not enough. All of my family think love is an emotion. I felt uncomfortable of thinking the greatest of the virtues was a mere emotion, so I wanted the truth.
I have been putting my new understanding of love into practice, and I feel that it has made me more secure in love.
Everyone that I love I love freely and because I choose to.
 
Love is not an emotion, or a feeling, nor a decision. Love is a way of being. God IS Love. IS is a form of the verb “to be.” It is a state. Yes it may involve decisions, or feelings, or emotions, but it is more an ontological state in conformity to God. When we Love, we are simply being what God intends us to be…imago Dei, and that image IS LOVE.
 
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