Love does not brood over injuries!

[DBT]

Recently, when the mental attack was most severe due to a circumstance inflicted on me by a family member, I had a terrible time trying to obliterate it from my mind. I kept praying Jesus’s name, over and over. The jabbing, from what I came to believe was Satan, was incessant. St. Catherine of Siena came to mind. She asked Our Lord about the filthy movies in her mind that plagued her. He told her that He was right there in her heart helping her to dispel them. It was meritorious for her to fight against them, but it did not prevent the battle from taking place.

Hi Sirach -

I’m glad you found something in those talks that was helpful. Sometimes I hesitate to post them since they’re so personal and they may or may not be applicable to others.

But I can certainly relate to what you describe above!! Sometimes the thoughts and feelings crash over us like waves and there’s nothing we can do to stop it. Oftentimes these are passive trials so our response to them is “different” than when the trial is of our own making. I speak of this as “spiritual fog” in that second talk.

So, I am looking for a Spiritual Director in a city about 40 miles away which I feel more comfortable driving in, since I am familiar with it. Is it possible to obtain the lessons of the Carmelite Novitiate and Spirituality for Seculars, or is what I am doing sufficient? I feel the need for a good spiritual direction and formation of my heart, mind, will and soul.

Hi Judy -

Maybe it’s best to talk to your spiritual director and see what he has to say? There are many ways to grow in Carmelite spirituality … whether one becomes part of a community or not. I know there’s a Carmelite monastery at Marylake … maybe the friars there can help point you in the right direction? I’m not sure off-hand if there’s an actual OCDS community in AR. But my St. Louis community has a wonderful isolate member from Mountain Home. She is a professed member who lives the secular life on her own (under the guidance of a SD) … but also travels to see us a couple of times a year. Isolate membership is always a possibility if an actual community is not in close proximity … but it can be difficult to feel part of things when not participating in community on a regular basis. There’s a community in Memphis which might be the closest one to you. And several in northern LA but that’s probably a bit of a drive. And, of course, the Carmelite mecca in our province is TX … tons of communities there as well as monasteries of both nuns and friars. Here’s a link to Mount Carmel Center in Dallas:

mountcarmelcenter.org/

They do many workshops and seminars … some of which might even be able to be done remotely.

Hope this helps!

Dave

 

[Sirach2]

Hi Sirach -

I’m glad you found something in those talks that was helpful. Sometimes I hesitate to post them since they’re so personal and they may or may not be applicable to others.

But I can certainly relate to what you describe above!! Sometimes the thoughts and feelings crash over us like waves and there’s nothing we can do to stop it. Oftentimes these are passive trials so our response to them is “different” than when the trial is of our own making. I speak of this as “spiritual fog” in that second talk.

You are always #1 in understanding me, Dave. Maybe it’s a Carmel thing. I do so appreciate it! Never be hesitant to post your talks.

It seems St. John of the Cross is saying that the faculties of our soul (intellect, will, memory) are in a state of perpetual civil war until that day they are perfected.
And he clearly states memory is the prime instigator of all unpleasantness; the unruly beast that continually throws mud on the walls of our minds just hoping something will stick … to catch the a tention of our will and draw it away from what it should really love.
But even if it chooses to raise its hand to block the stones the memory is throwing at it, the will soon grows weak from the continual barrage. You see, the will is not as strong as it supposed, not does not have the ability of the Saints to multi-task.

I loved this part! It is what I am experiencing so often these days. I get so weary fighting, when nothing I do seems to stop the barrage. I was gad to read that it is a passive trial, since I certainly do not entertain these. But if it is purifying my imperfections, so be it, now that I understand it a little better.

Funny you mentioned the Fog in talk 2. Many years ago, I traveled through this experience that was so blinding that I sensed it had a spiritual meaning for me. The fog was so thick that I could hardly see the next street ahead of me, and certainly, nothing behind me, as I drove. I worried that I wouldn’t see a red light and crash through an intersection, but there was always just enough light to get me to the next street. I have clung to that wide-eyed vision, trusting that God would always give me light to travel through the fog that I believed was a prelude to what was certain to come in my future life. This was perhaps 45 years ago. I can’t really identify that it has occured, though.

I did receive a brief insight as I prayed about yesterday’s message. It happens at times that my “brooding” comes in sadness over the utter lack of gratitude for my generosity from this family member who responds with such hatred. The scripture that came to mind was, “Let not your right hand know what your left hand is doing.” Ah, yes … peace.

 

[InLight247]

Originally by Sirach2
Has anyone received insights into how to overcome this? Maybe I just need to pray about it and ask God to continue to open my mind to what He wants to teach me.

I realize some folks become abrasive and defensive when an injury is peceived. Others withdraw into solitude so that nobody will be able to hurt them again. Perhaps they even abandon a friendship and carry silent resentment whenever they see the person again. A pattern of rejection that causes one to feel injured may cause each person to react differently to cover and heal their wounds.

Sirach2, thank you for this good thread. From today’s morning Mass to my grocery shopping afterwards, and until now, this topic has been lingering in my mind. It made me reflect on my own experiences. I have to agree that when our heart is disturbed by injuries, our recollection with the Lord is inevitably interrupted.

I remember one day long time ago when I was praying in the little Chapel alone, the Holy Spirit inspired me to review with Him all the hurts in my life – one by one from my childhood till then. This idea popped up in my mind from nowhere. I knew I did not initiate it.

The Holy Spirit invited me to recall each hurting experience, put it into Jesus’ hands, and receive His healing. Then the Holy Spirit instructed me to let it go, just like putting something into a box, sealing the box, offering it up by putting it away on a high shelf. I knelt on the carpet right below the tabernacle, literally going through this process with every hurt and pain I could think of at each stage of my life. I felt refreshed and blessed at the end of this process. This was a very personal experience. I hope it is ok to share this grace of God.

As life goes on, new hurts come along. When a friend disappoints me, my heart is bruised. One of my friends has given me the “how could you” feeling again and again. I have never let her know how I feel. (Maybe I should, should I?). We remain friends. Afterwards I purposely gave her a very good surprise on one of her important occasions. She was thrilled, I felt good for being able to carry out a “little way”. I am not saying I have any virtue, no, not at all. I just keep a low expectation on this friend. After all, there are all kind of “friends”.

Originally by DBT
There are many ways to grow in Carmelite spirituality … whether one becomes part of a community or not.

Dave, your (name removed by moderator)ut is always valuable. I have saved your formation talks on my computer quite a while ago, and have read them several times. Your talk helps me understand St. John of the Cross better. Although I remain a free bird, I am always interested in Carmelite spirituality. Your formation talk is one of my ways to grow in the Carmelite spirituality without being a Carmelite. Thank you and God bless you for that.

 

[Sirach2]

I remember one day long time ago when I was praying in the little Chapel alone, the Holy Spirit inspired me to review with Him all the hurts in my life – one by one from my childhood till then. This idea popped up in my mind from nowhere. I knew I did not initiate it.

The Holy Spirit invited me to recall each hurting experience, put it into Jesus’ hands, and receive His healing. Then the Holy Spirit instructed me to let it go,** just like putting something into a box, sealing the box, offering it up by putting it away on a high shelf.** I knelt on the carpet right below the tabernacle, literally going through this process with every hurt and pain I could think of at each stage of my life. I felt refreshed and blessed at the end of this process. This was a very personal experience. I hope it is ok to share this grace of God.

What a lovely idea and healing! — has it helped to keep you from reverting back to those hurts? Yes, of course it’s good to share these experiences; they will help others.

 

[InLight247]

— has it helped to keep you from reverting back to those hurts?

It really did. They rest in peace.

The power of Jesus’ Real Presence made a real difference. Reviewing past negativities together with Jesus helped me face them without fear or anger. I had His holy wound to hide in if I need to. Our Jesus is a healing Jesus. Anyone with a prayerful heart can go through this healing process in front of the tabernacle. I see this process as the steps of “facing”, “acknowledging”, “handing over”, “receiving healing”, “offering up”, and “dust-laden”. (Hope this makes sense.)

 

[Sirach2]

Superb!

 

[clem456]

As I was preparing to pray the rosary at 3:30 today with EWTN, Fr. Clifford was ending his brief talk using the “love” verses St. Paul is so famous for. You and I have heard them perhaps hundreds of times, but the one the jumped out at me with an incredible grace for the moment was “Love does not brood over injuries.” I could see in a glance, as it were, the pattern in my past life that has been so much a hidden part of my personality. This must be what people who have come back from a death experience try to tell us. You see yourself in a clear light that reveals your entire history.

Has anyone received insights into how to overcome this? Maybe I just need to pray about it and ask God to continue to open my mind to what He wants to teach me.

I realize some folks become abrasive and defensive when an injury is peceived. Others withdraw into solitude so that nobody will be able to hurt them again. Perhaps they even abandon a friendship and carry silent resentment whenever they see the person again. A pattern of rejection that causes one to feel injured may cause each person to react differently to cover and heal their wounds.

Immediately following the rosary, Fr. Gallagher began his program on St. Ignatius’s “examen.” He mentioned, of all incidences, St. Therese’s extreme sensitivity that she overcame through a special grace that God gave her on Christmas Eve when she overheard a remark from her Papa that would have normally sent her into a bout of tears. It seemed like God was working overtime today to speak to me.

Anyone have a comment or thought?

Brooding over injury (actual and perceived) has been a major lifelong struggle of mine.
Brooding is one of those things that used to consume me. Once you allow it it can take on a life of it’s own.
It goes something like this for me:
When I am the center of my own universe, anything can be offensive, and all offenses need to be judged and punished by me. If I even feel offended the offense becomes a reality. And the offense is often brooded into something much larger than what it is, with assigned motivations that are not really there. My feelings become God and they need to be honored. Hence I brood til the issue is addressed to my satisfaction. Brooding over injury is self-absorption in action.

I began to overcome brooding very gradually. It helps to endure the negative consequences that brooding causes. It breeds unhappiness in marriage. Perhaps my greatest motivation to stop it was when I began to see my kids be overly sensitive and unforgiving and realized where they learned it from. I think development of virtue simply takes time. I began to realize my own desperate need for forgiveness and repentance.

Brooding for me has to be dealt with like any other temptation to act recklessly on my feelings. Just like lust. When confronted with the temptation to steam about offenses, I need to dismiss it immediately, cause once the brooding turns into elevated heart rate and lost sleep, anger and paranoia, forget about it. It’s hard to decelerate that anger. It’s much easier to just not even start than it is to come down from it.

 

[Sirach2]

I began to overcome brooding very gradually. It helps to endure the negative consequences that brooding causes. It breeds unhappiness in marriage.** Perhaps my greatest motivation to stop it was when I began to see my kids be overly sensitive and unforgiving and realized where they learned it from.** I think development of virtue simply takes time. I began to realize my own desperate need for forgiveness and repentance.

That is great revelation, Clem. How blessed you were to take the bull by the horns! Not all of us have such good insight, but wouldn’t it be great if we all DID?

Brooding for me has to be dealt with like any other temptation to act recklessly on my feelings. Just like lust. When confronted with the temptation to steam about offenses, I need to dismiss it immediately, cause once the brooding turns into elevated heart rate and lost sleep, anger and paranoia, forget about it. It’s hard to decelerate that anger. It’s much easier to just not even start than it is to come down from it.

God did not create us to suffer these effects of our passions. They can be a harm to our health, for sure. Whenever my family member instigates an attack, I find my B.P. well near 170, and I need to take medication and try to forget it. Not easy! It is good to hear from you, as always.

May God keep us in His holy peace as we begin the new year.

 

[simple_soul]

Dear Sirach, I don’t know why but I am inspire at this moment to share something with you, well maybe not just you but others too, that I am going through and have been going through regarding hurt and pain that I have been trying to work through for longer than I care to remember. I am just not quite sure how to put it all in words. I have tried taking this pain to Jesus and just giving it to Him and hiding in His wounds when it becomes more than I can bare. I beleive it is much like the way Inlight describes it in her post. As each hurt, actual or perceived, comes to the surface I take it to Him. I have found time in Adoration to help the most with being able to find strength and healing but for me it never completely goes away. I am not sure why. It used to really bother me. Esspecially over the last few years. I had thought I had forgiven and forgotten so much and managed through His Divine Compasion and Mercy to let Jesus take away my pain. But 11 years ago an event took place in my life that seemed to make all the pain and anguish come back. I could not understand at the time but looking back on it now I understand that it was what is called a trigger. It has been a kind of dolly coaster ride of trying to understand why I would find myself going through waves of extreme anger pain complete anguish and then just complete surrendering of myself into Jesus’ hands. It was not untill I came to CAF that I finally was able start to recognize what was causing these cycles. But even in the realization and even in still taking and surrendering everything to Jesus I have found that the pain never really went away. For me it has been more like Jesus gives me a rest and then the strength to continue trying to be joyfull and loving to others inspite of it. It has driven me nuts at times because I feel like I keep doing something wrong. Even this thread made me start telling myself see, the reason you are still in pain is because you don’t want to detach from it. I was l was praying just now about it after reading again these last few posts and I was reminded of something I have been doing lately. In going brought trying to sort out details of some things that happened to me when I was a child I came across a picture of myself when I was going through a family album. I had never really remembered the circumstances surrounding that picture and suddenly when I saw it this time I just felt this pain from these memories come flooding in and I had to take time to just stop everyhing I had been doing to try and heal from so much and just found myself holding that little girl. Hugging her close to my heart. I took her with me to Adoration and now she is with me all the time. It was like As I put myself into Jesus presence there it was like I just held her there and as I felt Jesus Loveing presence in my heart I took His love and just hugged that little girls as close to my heart in His presence as I could. I found myself lately just asking Our Blessed Mother Mary to please take her to take me closer to her Son because nothing I seem to do ever takes the pain completely away. Knowing this made your struggle so real and raw to me and at first I just did not know how to respond to it. But in letting Jesus quest lay hold me again this morning I remembered something I had been told recently. I was told that some of the trauma and pain I suffer from is a kind of trauma and pain that I have been told I will be having to deal with for a lifetime. The exact words used were that dealing with this kind of pain and trauma that I am trying to let Jesus heal for me is a life long process. It is something I will be dealing and struggleing with for the rest of my life. It has been an adjustment to try and get use to that understanding and if this is His will then I know I will try and do the best that I can to keep trying to be joyfull and loving and forgiving inspite of how many times I stumble and fall along the way. It is just one of the little ways I can still offer myself as a sacrifice to Him who has sustained me through so much. I know I could be wrong but maybe for some of use Jesus is not asking us to detach from the painful sufferings in this life but to embrace them and offer them back to Him so that He use them for what ever He needs to and He helps us and strengthens us as we try navigating throuh it all. I know I am just rambling here and I so hope and pray this is not just a way for me to cling to the pain and hurt but I do beleive that when I see it this way I am able to stand up and keep moing forward and find myself getting on with life better.

Continued to next post…

 

[simple_soul]

Just have to keep remembering to let Him hold me as I do and this seems to be what helps me keep this pain in check. It is like if I try to just ignore the pain or just try to give it back to Jesus it just causes more pain. In order for the pain to become “manageable” I have to embrace it as being a part of who I am and look to Jesus to help me embrace it and give me the grace and strength to still be cheerful, joyfull, forgiving and loving inspite of it. I guess maybe I accepted a while back that it was just my lot in life to have this pain and anguish and I had better find a way to accept it or it would eventually consume me. Not sure. Not even sure if I am just giving up or trying to make excuses to keep on feeling the pain and anguish because I just don’t want to detach from it. Who knows. All I do know right now is when I was younger Jesus seemed to ask me if I would be willing to suffer and I told Him yes. Now I am left wondering if this all has something to do with it. It seems like He saw ahead of me what the consequences I certain actions of others would have on me latter in my life and He was preparing me so that He could help me through it. Hopefully through His Love and Mercy I will.
This has turned into a way-to-long rambling post again.
Not sure if this was very helpful at all and I apologize if I am just rambling again.
Please just keep me in your prayers as I am sure you can see and relate to what is holding me back from detaching from the hurt and pain better than I can. Please pray that I can see some day because right now all I can do is cry in pain right now because if I am supposed to detach from this pain and suffering because to be attached to it means I am brooding over it I don’t see how yet. I had asked a Spiritual Advisore a year or two ago if this pain ever goes away or does it just stay with us for all Eternity. She tried to explain how we perceive pain differently after we die and that reminded me of what Our Blessed Mother Mary said to St. Bernadette. “I can not. or maybe it was do not, promise you happiness in this life. Only in the next life.” For some of us maybe this is what God needs of us. I am just so unsure sometimes esspecially after reading that if one has not detached from pain and anguish then one is brooding over it.

Please also know you are in my prayers too…and I am sorry if I have not understood clearly what you have been struggling with and this does not help in any way. Hopefully it can help some one in some capacity or another. If anything it has helped me with trying to put into words things I struggle so maybe at the very least it will also help me learn to express or explain myself better.

Hope and pray you have a wonderful and peaceful New Year knowing you are always in the palm of His hand!

 

[Sirach2]

Simple Soul:

Please pray that I can see some day, because right now all I can do is cry in pain right now, because if I am supposed to detach from this pain and suffering because to be attached to it means I am brooding over it, I don’t see how yet.

I can see that you have done your best to cope with your past traumas, but still suffer. Sorry to say, I don’t have any words of wisdom that will be helpful, especially when you have tried just about everything to cope. It could very well be true that you are a “victim soul” like St. Therese and others, and it may not be healed in this lifetime. :console:

The circumstance I shared in my OP is God’s way of guiding me, and it was quite unexpected. His timing is always so perfect, and I would never have dreamed that the inner flash I received at the moment I heard the priest’s words could reveal so much to my spirit. I will need to pray it through to see if any more insights come as to how to deal with my weakness in this regard. As Dave mentioned, it belongs to the realm of a passive purification of some sort.

I remember specifically a picture in my album when I was a little girl. Oh my, the expression on my face tells me this has probably gone on for a looooong time. I will attempt to upload it here, if I can figure out how, and share it later.

May your New Year be bright with God’s abundant blessings for you and your family.

 

[Sirach2]

Guess which one is me…

 

[clem456]

For me, avoiding these funks where I brood over injuries requires good decision making. Recognizing the factors that contribute to it are important for me.

Unproductive days off work, I don’t relax well, I need to plan the day or I wander
Drinking and eating. Alcohol intake and overeating exacerbate my tendency to brood. It weakens my ability to make Godly decisions.
Laying down for bed angry. I must read and pray first before the lights go out, or the anger may keep me awake, multiplies, and becomes something truly evil in the middle of the night.
Rejection, perceived or real. For instance, if my wife rejects me, I have a tendency to become preoccupied.

Prayer at these times is key for me. To stop, thank God for the situation I am in, think the best of the person I am steamed at, and not allow feelings to preoccupy my soul. I have a very difficult time trusting. I don’t trust that if I let go of my own ideas of justice, God will take care of it. But that’s the truth…God will take care of justice in his way, in his time, and justice is none of my business. I am to simply go on loving, sacrificing for others. When this plunge of trust is taken, things tend to fall into place, and love opens up a place of peace. In most cases.

 

[Sirach2]

For me, avoiding these funks where I brood over injuries requires good decision making. Recognizing the factors that contribute to it are important for me.

Clem, your posts are so beautiful that I would never dream you encounter these difficulties. Such a spirit as I read in your words is very pleasing to God, and it kinda reveals to me a holy sensitivity that you may not even recognize in yourself.

I don’t trust that if I let go of my own ideas of justice, God will take care of it. But that’s the truth…God will take care of justice in his way, in his time, and justice is none of my business.

Oh how many times I repeat this to myself! “Vengence/justice is mine, says the Lord.” I have waited for almost two years for justice in a lawsuit my own daughter brought against me. The Courts are extremely slow, and it tests my patience to wait and to trust that no matter what, God is in control.

 

[simple_soul]

I can see that you have done your best to cope with your past traumas, but still suffer. Sorry to say, I don’t have any words of wisdom that will be helpful, especially when you have tried just about everything to cope. It could very well be true that you are a “victim soul” like St. Therese and others, and it may not be healed in this lifetime. :console:

Well…if. I am a victim soul I have not been a very patient or willing one. I have done plenty of winning and lamenting about it over the years.

The circumstance I shared in my OP is God’s way of guiding me, and it was quite unexpected. His timing is always so perfect, and I would never have dreamed that the inner flash I received at the moment I heard the priest’s words could reveal so much to my spirit. I will need to pray it through to see if any more insights come as to how to deal with my weakness in this regard. As Dave mentioned, it belongs to the realm of a passive purification of some sort.

I believe I may have had a flash or realization at some point in my life, that lead me to ask the spiritual director I had at the time about it that the pain I was in would never go away and that I needed to detach from the longing of wanting it to go away and that I needed to continue understanding it and the cause of it. To recognize it for what it is and to learn coping skills for it. I know I have Jesus and His Mother Mary and many god holy souls who have kind of looked out for me over the course of my life and will also, hopefully soon, be able to see a psychologist soon to learn some coping skills to try and help me get a little more control of my memories that love to just pop up and that I keep suppressing to try and still function somewhat normally. Who knows, maybe this will help me detach from or maybe lesson or maybe better manage the pain and anguish.

May your New Year be bright with God’s abundant blessings for you and your family.

The same to you and yours!:console:

 

[Sirach2]

To recognize it for what it is and to learn coping skills for it. I know I have Jesus and His Mother Mary and many god holy souls who have kind of looked out for me over the course of my life and will also, hopefully soon, be able to see a psychologist soon to learn some coping skills to try and help me get a little more control of my memories that love to just pop up and that I keep suppressing to try and still function somewhat normally. Who knows, maybe this will help me detach from or maybe lesson or maybe better manage the pain and anguish.

The same to you and yours!:console:

Something Dave mentioned stuck with me, as I had suspected at times. Satan, knowing our weaknesses, can bombard our memories and clamor for us to pay attention to the ones he flashes on our mind … even incessantly. The only recourse I had in those times is to reflect that St. Catherine had to battle thoughts against impurity, and being a consecrated virgin, we KNOW these did not originate in herself. Perhaps a prayer to St. Michael, or some other remedy that grace inspires, will be helpful for you to try during these times.

I need to clarify that my normal mode is joy. So much so, that I noticed that many times when I was in public just going about my business, like shopping, and happened to meet someone in passing with my eye contact, they ALWAYS smile at me. That’s odd. But I looked in the mirror casually one day and saw that my face was peaceful and quietly smiling. So others responded back with a smile. It is said that our countenance reflects our interior, so I believe that whenever the brooding takes place, it is an attack from the evil one, especially when I can’t seem to control it.

I’ll pray that God sends you effective inspirations of armor to deal with your pain.

 

[simple_soul]

For me, avoiding these funks where I brood over injuries requires good decision making. Recognizing the factors that contribute to it are important for me.

Unproductive days off work, I don’t relax well, I need to plan the day or I wander
Drinking and eating. Alcohol intake and overeating exacerbate my tendency to brood. It weakens my ability to make Godly decisions.
Laying down for bed angry. I must read and pray first before the lights go out, or the anger may keep me awake, multiplies, and becomes something truly evil in the middle of the night.
Rejection, perceived or real. For instance, if my wife rejects me, I have a tendency to become preoccupied.

Prayer at these times is key for me. To stop, thank God for the situation I am in, think the best of the person I am steamed at, and not allow feelings to preoccupy my soul. I have a very difficult time trusting. I don’t trust that if I let go of my own ideas of justice, God will take care of it. But that’s the truth…God will take care of justice in his way, in his time, and justice is none of my business. I am to simply go on loving, sacrificing for others. When this plunge of trust is taken, things tend to fall into place, and love opens up a place of peace. In most cases.

I used to be this way very much but I came to a realization that I was just trying to push it all away. I do still try to be this way but what I have changed is to take the time to nurse any hurt feelings in front of Jesus. It is like I have to take time to heal from the pain before I can completely let go of it so that it will no longer haunt me and the only one Whom I have found to help me is letting Jesus do it for me. To let Him heal me and face them but I have to take them to Him. Not sure if that makes sense…but. I hope it does. It is like a few priest my husband and. I believe a brother has been trying to help me understand. I am no good to anyone if I am not taking the time for myself to take care of my self spiritually, physically and mentally. In some way I do this as you describe but also taking the time to let myself grieve and actually feel the pain from the offenses and then doing what I can but ultimately just letting Jesus heal me from them. If I don’t take these steps it is like I am always trying to suppress these feelings and trying to keep them from my heart mind and soul and because I am continually trying to suppress them then I never really take them to Jesus to let Him heal me.

 

[simple_soul]

Guess which one is me…

I am going to guess the one on the right?

I wish. I could send you a copy of this particular picture. It is not like either of these two girls. The look on my face is that I had been through hell and back because Jesus had reached in and pulled me from it and even though I know He saved me I was still so lost, scared and confused about it all and yet there is a calm and strength and love in that face. I just had no one to talk to or help me through it or understand it or what I had just been through but I kept going to Jesus in spite of it all and He has been the one to get me to where I am now. When I saw myself I just wanted to reach in and hold that little girl and explain to her and reassure her and comfort her in a time and place when no one was around to do that. So I took her to Jesus. I is hard to put in words.

If I can find a way to send it to you I will.

 

[Sirach2]

I am going to guess the one on the right?

Bingo

 

[simple_soul]

Bingo

sorry I edited this last post. See above. I would just add that I did develop this same serious and sullen look later in life. I have plenty of picture to show it. I remember my father on time showing others one of those pictures and they seemed to think it was a good thing to be so sullen and serious so it became a sort of mask for me to hide behind.