Love does not brood over injuries!

[InLight247]

We live in a wounded world. Human beings are supposed to love one another. Instead, we hurt each other. Even we don’t do damage on purpose, our incompetency may cause others pain.

Some of our wounds are cut much deeper than others. These wounds are not easy to heal but not impossible.

I think of the woman named Immaculee from Rwanda, en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Immacul%C3%A9e_Ilibagiza. How could she forgive the genocide and live a joyful life? But she did it, by God’s grace. I think she is a saint.

I think of the Protestant evangelist Joyce Myer en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joyce_Meyer. I watch her whenever I happen to catch her on TV. She publicly talked about her father’s sexual abuse to her. Yet she has overcome the pain by God’s grace.

I mention the above for the purpose of encouragement. Please do not feel bad if you have not been able to overcome your past pain yet. Everything has a time. With God, all is possible. May God bless you!

 

[Sirach2]

As I continue to pray for more insight into this grace that God bestowed on me, I caught myself brooding over something today. It occurred to me that when this happens, it is usually a response to one of the items that I find in the Litany of Humility that triggers my sensitivity. I think I’ll pray for an increase in this virtue and see what develops.

From the desire of being esteemed, R/deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being loved, R/
From the desire of being extolled, R/
From the desire of being honored, R/
From the desire of being praised, R/
From the desire of being preferred to others, R/
From the desire of being consulted, R/
From the desire of being approved, R/

From the fear of being humiliated, R/
From the fear of being despised, R/
From the fear of suffering rebukes, R/
From the fear of being calumniated, R/
From the fear of being forgotten, R/
From the fear of being wronged, R/
From the fear of being suspected, R/

That others may be loved more than I, R/Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be esteemed more than I, R/
That, in the opinion of the world, others may increase and I may decrease, R/
That others may be chosen and I set aside, R/
That others may be praised and I unnoticed, R/
That others may be preferred to me in everything, R/
That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should, R/
AMEN

 

[clem456]

I used to be this way very much but I came to a realization that I was just trying to push it all away. I do still try to be this way but what I have changed is to take the time to nurse any hurt feelings in front of Jesus. It is like I have to take time to heal from the pain before I can completely let go of it so that it will no longer haunt me and the only one Whom I have found to help me is letting Jesus do it for me. To let Him heal me and face them but I have to take them to Him. Not sure if that makes sense…but. I hope it does. It is like a few priest my husband and. I believe a brother has been trying to help me understand. I am no good to anyone if I am not taking the time for myself to take care of my self spiritually, physically and mentally. In some way I do this as you describe but also taking the time to let myself grieve and actually feel the pain from the offenses and then doing what I can but ultimately just letting Jesus heal me from them. If I don’t take these steps it is like I am always trying to suppress these feelings and trying to keep them from my heart mind and soul and because I am continually trying to suppress them then I never really take them to Jesus to let Him heal me.

Yes there are times when it cannot be pushed away. The irritation is too strong and we will suffer with feelings of anger and resentment, or with feelings of regret. The suffering can’t always be avoided.

I try to accept the injury and the anger etc for what it is,.,.,but not to honor it with my actions. If I choose to take the next step of dwelling on the anger, desiring it, relishing it, thinking the worst of someone, then it takes on a life (death) of it’s own.

These times of wounded-ness can be fruitful times for growth in virtue for me. As you say above, we can let Jesus heal us through suffering. Suffering is an incubator for sanctity. It took me a long time to trust in this… it’s counterintuitive. Our culture tells us the opposite…to avoid suffering at all costs, solve problems at all costs, take justice into our own hands, not tolerate injustice from anyone, be impatient, grasping, demanding, possessive.

I don’t like to tolerate imperfections in others. If I look at Jesus…he is perfect, but he is wounded on the cross. Like you say, if we take these wounds to Jesus and unite our sufferings to his, love enters the picture. Sometimes when the temptation to lash out comes, all you can do is hang there with him and endure. This is why adoration hour is so valuable for me, there is time to just be with Christ and let him sort it all out. I love the image of the cross as the tree of life. Through faithful participation in those wounds comes all good things. Joy and peace comes out of this very slowly.

 

[Casilda]

It is like I have to take time to heal from the pain before I can completely let go of it so that it will no longer haunt me and the only one Whom I have found to help me is letting Jesus do it for me. To let Him heal me and face them but I have to take them to Him. Not sure if that makes sense…but. I hope it does.

Was writing a response but it went poof into cyber oblivion. I have gained some insight and wisdom in regards to my own problems of forgiving the unrepentant people who seem to orbit me. At times I think I have given them to God when it all comes crashing down on me. Maybe it is best that those of us that seem so afflicted secede from public life and just be with God for our sakes and for the sake of the whole world in contemplative prayer.

 

[Sirach2]

Hi Dave, I have a question for you.

In Dark Night of the Soul, Book II, Ch.2, St. John tells us that these spiritual imperfections are found in “proficients.” The stains of the old man still linger in the spirit, although this may not be apparent or perceptible to the person.

Do these proficients need to cooperate in some way with God’s grace to rid the spirit of these, or are they completely dependent on the passive purification that God performs within them? I’m wondering why God showed this to me. Might it have been to lift the veil to show me what has been taking place passively in these trials? Or is is to ask my cooperation, as far as I’m able, to work with grace to eliminate this weakness? Or borth?

Of course, I’m still praying it through, yet it was somewhat a surprise today to learn that some triggers which occasion this brooding could be found in the Litany of Humility. It is a blessing to come to fuller self-knowledge.

 

[simple_soul]

Yes there are times when it cannot be pushed away. The irritation is too strong and we will suffer with feelings of anger and resentment, or with feelings of regret. The suffering can’t always be avoided.

I try to accept the injury and the anger etc for what it is,.,.,but not to honor it with my actions. If I choose to take the next step of dwelling on the anger, desiring it, relishing it, thinking the worst of someone, then it takes on a life (death) of it’s own.

These times of wounded-ness can be fruitful times for growth in virtue for me. As you say above, we can let Jesus heal us through suffering. Suffering is an incubator for sanctity. It took me a long time to trust in this… it’s counterintuitive. Our culture tells us the opposite…to avoid suffering at all costs, solve problems at all costs, take justice into our own hands, not tolerate injustice from anyone, be impatient, grasping, demanding, possessive.

I don’t like to tolerate imperfections in others. If I look at Jesus…he is perfect, but he is wounded on the cross. Like you say, if we take these wounds to Jesus and unite our sufferings to his, love enters the picture. Sometimes when the temptation to lash out comes, all you can do is hang there with him and endure. This is why adoration hour is so valuable for me, there is time to just be with Christ and let him sort it all out. I love the image of the cross as the tree of life. Through faithful participation in those wounds comes all good things. Joy and peace comes out of this very slowly.

Thank you Chlem for explaining this further. I was writting out a big long response to you and thinking it through I am seeing more clearly what and how I need to sort through this mess I am finding myself in these days and I can see there are no easy or quick fixes or resolutions right now. Will just have to bunker down for the long hall I guess and just keep letting it go and your post is kind of like a framiliar road map and has helped me to stay focused on it as I go through dealing with “stuff.”

Have a wonderful, blessed, joyful and peaceful 2014!

 

[DBT]

Hi Dave, I have a question for you.

In Dark Night of the Soul, Book II, Ch.2, St. John tells us that these spiritual imperfections are found in “proficients.” The stains of the old man still linger in the spirit, although this may not be apparent or perceptible to the person.

Do these proficients need to cooperate in some way with God’s grace to rid the spirit of these, or are they completely dependent on the passive purification that God performs within them? I’m wondering why God showed this to me. Might it have been to lift the veil to show me what has been taking place passively in these trials? Or is is to ask my cooperation, as far as I’m able, to work with grace to eliminate this weakness? Or both?

Hi Sirach -
I think it’s “both” … and here’s why:

I’ve been spending some time with that book I mentioned by Fr. Foley called Ascent Reflections. It has really helped me understand that St. John’s concept of the dark night is much more expansive than I would have ever thought … especially for the “proficients” you mention where the active and passive aspects are everyday realites in our spiritual lives. Here’s a quick snippet from Father to illustrate:
Ascent Reflections:

Just as sense and spirit are two interrelated parts of our soul, so passivity and activity are two inseparable dimensions of our purification and transformation. John uses the word passive in two ways. First, it refers to our relationship to God’s grace which is always receptive or passive. We are the recipients of God’s continuous presence that guides, enlightens, strengthens and consoles us. The active dimension of purification is our response to God’s presence. In short, we must act upon the grace that is given. Second, John uses the word passive to refer to a specific form of purification. The Spanish verb padecer, translated as passive, means to endure, to undergo, or to suffer.

Father then goes on to describe the various passive sufferings that are part of the night. First, is the “biggie” we all associate with St. John … the feeling of separation or abandonment by God when He in fact is more present than ever. Second are the type of sufferings I never really considered before as key components of the night … and precisely the things mentioned throughout this thread. Here Father mentions the feeling of being overwhelmed by our inability, at times, to cooperate with grace as we know we should.

He then goes on with a couple of “real life” examples of this interrelation of the passive and active, the role of temptation in all this and the “little way” sufferings we endure through imperfect practice of virtue :
Ascent Reflections:

In the midst of a conversation with a coworker, you are tempted to respond with a cruel or catty remark. The remark is on the tip of your tongue when a feeling deep inside you says, “Don’t!” This “feeling” is God instructing you in love, without you doing anything or understanding how it happens. It just seems to happen. This is an experience of God inviting you to fast from evil. The choice to bridle your tongue is your active response.

And …
Ascent Reflections:

As you greet a coworker, you sense from his demeanor that something is bothering him. Instinctively, you feel that God is prompting you to ask him “is everything okay? You seem troubled.” However, you hesitate to ask because you do not want to become involved in a time consuming conversation. We all know the inner struggle at such moments as we experience the conflict between God’s invitation to love and our resistance. This conflict is at the heart of what John means by the dark night. As God’s presence comes into our lives and invites us to let go all that is contrary to God’s will for us, we resist. We know that our ultimate happiness depends upon surrendering to God’s will; nevertheless, we resist and tenaciously cling to our own.

When we are “beginners” I think we are truly oblivious to the type of dark night examples Father shows. We truly stumble through life and fail to see God knocking on the door of our souls in these ways many times each and every day. We lack self-knowledge.

The “proficient,” however, has been give the grace to “see” and intuition plays such a large role in our response to people and situations … the very type of things I tried to lay out in those talks posted earlier.

Hope something here helps!
Dave

 

[DBT]

… one more thought as the “short” answer to your question

We cooperate to the best of our abilities … this is the essence of the active night … the “place” we spend most of our spiritual lives.

Sometimes, though, the waves just sweep over us and we have no ability to resist the temptation of our inherent imperfections or cooperate with grace in any way. At such times all we can do is surrender to it and let God do what he intends to do.

That’s my take on how to respond to the “little” sufferings … and “big” sufferings that come our way.

Sometimes with St. John, we think the dark night is only about the “big” sufferings.

Dave

 

[DBT]

… and how do we suffer in the purification of our memory? For example, when we fail to at least try to dismiss thoughts to anger, resentment, brooding, worry etc at their first movements? Well the thoughts, if indulged, can grow to a “mood” that acts like a cloud over everything we do. And it makes us forgetful of God. That’s how we can tell if our imperfection in memory is tending toward the “inordinate” … where all the problems start.

As St. John of the Cross shows, our suffering then takes several forms. First, we become wearied … tired in both body and spirit. Left unchecked, it can lead to boredom with spiritual things and paralyze our ability to act upon grace. We are restless and try to fill up that restlessness with things less than God … in this case our “thoughts” which we wrongly think are more nourishing than God’s presence itself.

Second, we are tormented as the thoughts begin to consume us and cloud everything we do. They sweep over us like waves… at least for the duration of the trial. We crave the satisfaction we seek in our indulging … but it just can’t satisfy. And we can be left feeling brutalized by it all.

Third, our judgment becomes darkened. We don’t understand what’s consuming us or why our indulging doesn’t satisfy. Feelings of guilt may ensue … which we then try to rationalize. We become spiritually blind to both problem and solution.

Fourth, we are defiled as the inordinate desire creates a lasting imprint on our soul. Left unchecked, it can grow into a regular habit … and when it becomes habitual our union with God is diminished.

All of this creates a general sense of “discontentment” in our souls … a principal effect of the Dark Night. We are removed from the present moment, consumed by our inner thoughts in the example of purification in the memory, and no longer able to find “happiness” … the root meaning of which is “to happen.” So happiness is our ability to find joy in what is “happening” in the here and now. That, in a nutshell, is what’s lost.

Keep in mind we are talking about imperfection here … not sin. And with imperfection it is good to keep in mind the words of scripture … that “the just man falls 7 times a day.” So we don’t want to be scrupulous and think all is lost with each passing “bad” thought or feeling. So too we don’t want to excuse ourselves to the point our indulging these “bad” thoughts become habitual. Balance is key.

So how does one pull himself out of this kind of rut? I wish there were an easy answer. The only thing I can suggest is to continually “change the channel of the movie running in our mind” when we first notice we are losing the sense of God’s presence and “self” is taking over. Easier said than done of course!

The everyman’s Dark Night.

Dave

 

[Sirach2]

Dave, as usual, you were very helpful, and that is why I asked you. I need to get that book you mentioned.

Thinking over your words, I can’t believe that after St. Therese received the grace at Christmas to overcome her sensitivity, she no longer had any pangs of sensitive thoughts. Her writings reveal that they did bother her in different ways. As you mentioned with regard to doing “both,” it is pretty clear that she cooperated with grace after she became aware of her imperfection, so that she might ultimately overcome her weakness. I see wisdom in your words.

I have had a couple reverts to brooding, but ever since God made this known to me, I recognize it instantly, and do just what you said, telling myself that this is not good, and I change the channel to the best of my ability.

I can’t thank Our good Lord enough for this precious insight! And you, my friend, for your spiritual direction. God bless!

 

[DBT]

Glad it helped!

One last point for those who might be following along and confused about some of the language. One reason Dark Night discussions can be so difficult is because the experience varies so much by individual. And so much of what is often discussed around here is really just a pseudo-night where we ascribe the pain of our own sinful actions as the purifying hand of God or other natural explanations like depression are involved. Not every suffering is a Dark Night.

Stepping back a bit, St. John shows the Dark Night is ultimately a crisis against Faith, Hope or Love. And our spiritual faculties are where this is all experienced … the intellect (Faith), memory (Hope) and will (Love).

It seems to me that so much of spiritual writing focuses on crises of Faith … St. Therese of Liseaux and Mother Teresa as principal examples … that we fail to see that there are other ways night is experienced. There are also, I believe, “big” nights and “little” nights depending on the capacity of the individual. So the severity and duration can be quite different for the “lesser saints” among us.

This whole thread is related to night as a crisis in Hope. Perhaps not talked about as much as other types of night … but a night nonetheless.

Dave

 

[Sirach2]

Thanks for that important clarification, Dave.

To take my insight a step further, I just realized with a sharp pain of remembrance as I read a certain thread, what sometimes triggers my brooding. Certain posters here on CAF!

I remembered a scripture God gave me when I prayed a few weeks ago about leaving permanently. “Blessed is the man who sits not in the company of the insolent.”

Insolence triggers sadness to realize that other Catholics are deeply abrasive to their fellow Catholics, and are most insistent upon their own version of truth as trumping all others, even the Church Herself. It is demoralizing, and perhaps an occasion of brooding that I need to sever once and for all. On a forum this large, it is inevitable to find chutzpahs whose only purpose is to … [best left unsaid.]

 

[Maristella]

I’m enjoying the posts in this thread and have a lot to reflect on from Dave’s posts.

I have begun to learn to separate my feelings from forgiveness. I have no control over the hurt that someone else causes. Feeling hurt does not mean I can’t or haven’t forgiven the offender. But those hurt feelings can quickly go from a memory, to a rush of pain, to brooding - being angry at and hurt by that person all over again. Then follows thinking all manner of things I’d say if I could tell that person off right now, or what I’d do if I could go back and change things. This is where controlling thoughts come in handy - the same way I might do when any other sinful thought comes to mind that should not be entertained. Interrupting the thought and praying a Hail Mary both for myself and the person(s) involved is a good way I’ve found to prevent the brooding and move on. It’s a miserable waste of time getting yourself all worked up and angry over a memory!

I think a good standard for what qualifies as forgiveness is the advice Jesus gave to St. Faustina. She writes, "During Holy Mass, I saw Jesus stretched out on the Cross, and He said to me, My pupil, have great love for those who cause you suffering. Do good to those who hate you. I answered, ‘O my Master, You see very well that I feel no love for them, and that troubles me.’ Jesus answered, It is not always within your power to control your feelings. You will recognize that you have love if, after having experienced annoyance and contradiction, you do not lose your peace, but pray for those who have made you suffer and wish them well.” (Diary 1628).

The healing of my feelings and memory is not in my control, but the work of the Holy Spirit, so I wait for Him to do it in the time He sees fit. My job in the meantime is to fight against the temptation to brood when injuries are brought to mind. Praying for the other’s salvation is a better use of our time, and is one way we can do good to those who hurt us while bearing our own cross.

 

[simple_soul]

Dave I have another question. ( Sirach I hope you don’t mind.)

What is it that is happening in ones heart or soul when memories are no longer a source of anger, pain, or anguish when the memory comes to mind but are now a source of such joy it makes one break out in song and a very deep love. The memory is still the same memory it just no longer causes pain and anguish just joy and love? Kind of like the pain and anguish melted or broke away and are no longer there and all that is left is joy and love in the memory?

 

[DBT]

What is it that is happening in ones heart or soul when memories are no longer a source of anger, pain, or anguish when the memory comes to mind but are now a source of such joy it makes one break out in song and a very deep love. The memory is still the same memory it just no longer causes pain and anguish just joy and love? Kind of like the pain and anguish melted or broke away and are no longer there and all that is left is joy and love in the memory?

Well Simple Soul I guess that would show that the purification has run it’s course and a certain amount of transformation has been effected in your soul. Each of our faculties (intellect, will and memory) are meant to aid us to praise the Lord and find joy in Him the way you mention … our memory through recollection, our will through prompt response to grace and moments of inspiration, our intellect to cling to Him through repeated interior acts of Faith in order to believe that which we can’t feel … when “Jesus is asleep in His little boat.” Perfection, I suppose, being a reflection of how habitually we’re able to do all this. Sounds like a great blessing to me!

Dave

 

[simple_soul]

Well Simple Soul I guess that would show that the purification has run it’s course and a certain amount of transformation has been effected in your soul. Each of our faculties (intellect, will and memory) are meant to aid us to praise the Lord and find joy in Him the way you mention … our memory through recollection, our will through prompt response to grace and moments of inspiration, our intellect to cling to Him through repeated interior acts of Faith in order to believe that which we can’t feel … when “Jesus is asleep in His little boat.” Perfection, I suppose, being a reflection of how habitually we’re able to do all this. Sounds like a great blessing to me!

Dave

Thanks for responding Dave. I believe I can understand and see now what I was trying to explain and understand a while back on a different thread when I was trying to understand something about my spiritual life. I seem to go through these cycles.

Sirach, I beleive I am understanding better what you are referring to about being triggered so easily. I know I am triggered very easily and I believe this is why I keep seemingly going in these cycles. If your prayers regarding finding a way to detach yourself from having a negative emotional response to being triggered produce any fruit please let me know.
Thank you again for starting this thread it has given me much to try and digest and some focuse and dirrection to try and p(name removed by moderator)oint and put into practice as I continue to work through problems I can see I have in my own journey.
God Bless you so much and have a wonderful, peaceful and joyful New Year!

 

[DBT]

Thanks for responding Dave. I believe I can understand and see now what I was trying to explain and understand a while back on a different thread when I was trying to understand something about my spiritual life. I seem to go through these cycles.

I’m not sure if we’re talking about the same things but I do know that “cycles” are often the way we’re spiritually purified.

St. John of the Cross speaks of this in Book 2, Chapter 1 of Dark Night. He is describing the state of the “proficients” that Sirach mentioned. The soul has made much progress and many imperfections have been purged … from both passive trials and our active cooperation. But the work is not done even though at times it seems the soul has “arrived.” Then, trials return and the soul feels all is lost. There is an ebb and flow the soul can’t quite get a handle on … alternating periods of light, then darkness … clarity, then uncertainty … peace, then interior disturbance … consolation, then desolation.

Such “proficients” are working their way through what theologians call the Illuminative Way. So there is a base serenity of soul that has been established … but not yet so firmly that it is the peace that endures all things that is they way of the “perfect.” Such individuals catch glimpses of what is yet still to come. Then “certain needs, aridities, darknesses and conflicts are felt” that rock the serenity of soul off it’s axis. The soul has come a long, long way … but it is still weak in the face of trial.

And this is often the pattern of things for many, many years. One is purged gradually and by degrees … perhaps a less intense version of night than the “full immersion” we often see in the saints.

Here’s St. John’s own words …
Dark Night 2.1:

For after enduring the short period or periods of time, or even days, in this night and tempest, the soul immediately returns to its customary serenity. Thus God purges some individuals who are not destined to ascend to so lofty a degree of love as are others. He brings them into this night of contemplation and spiritual purgations at intervals, frequently casing the night to come and then the dawn

Dave

 

[simple_soul]

.

If i can find a way to send it to you i will.

Sirach- this is the piture I was talking about.

View attachment 19026

 

[Sirach2]

Hi Dave,

I just downloaded the Ascent by Mark Foley to my Kindle. It was only $9.99 without any shipping charges. There are a few books I have left to read so I had better stop ordering until lent is over. This one will be my first read, after your recommendations. Gotta love Wi-fi!

 

[DBT]

Hi Dave,

I just downloaded the Ascent by Mark Foley to my Kindle. It was only $9.99 without any shipping charges. There are a few books I have left to read so I had better stop ordering until lent is over. This one will be my first read, after your recommendations. Gotta love Wi-fi!

Happy reading!!

This book really helped me with some of the more “obscure” aspects of St. John and how those teachings are really more common-place in our lives than we might think. Of course given my own interest/spiritual needs I immediately jumped ahead to Father’s chapters on the memory which were excellent:

-The memory
-Do not store up in the memory
-The hair trigger of memory
-The stomach of the mind
-Tranquility of soul
-Supernatural knowledge in the memory
-Remembrance of things past

There’s a passage Father gives that’s particularly applicable to this thread. He tells a story I never heard before on the dangers of nursing “justifiable” anger. It is the story of St. Augustine when he was publicly accused of seducing a married woman with a love potion. Father describes this accusation by a fellow bishop as pure slander and recklessness … but also shares the key teaching to this thread; the spiritual nobility of St. Augustine’s response despite the “inner fury” he felt toward the bishop:
Ascent Reflections quoting St. Augustine:

We must be on guard lest hatred for anyone should seize our innermost heart and prevent us from “praying to God in our chamber, having shut the door,” for you know quite well that hatred would close the door against God Himself. Anger creeps in so subtly that everyone thinks that his own anger is just, and habitual anger becomes hatred. And the mingled sweetness of a just resentment is like a trace of perfume in a vial, remaining too long until the whole becomes sour and the vial unfit for use. Therefore, it is better not for us to harbor even a just anger against anyone, because it is only too easy to fall unperceived from just anger into hatred.

“Mingled sweetness” is precisely the type of feeling our memory stirs as it recalls past events through incessant re-hashing (which I am prone to do). It is the “feeling” we crave which grows in stature in our mind until it becomes more desirable to us than even the presence of God. And that’s when our recollection is shot … the danger St. Augustine warns against.

From my own experience, memories we rationalize and justify to ourselves are the hardest “movies in our mind” to turn off. Somehow those memories end up being on every channel.

Dave