Love donuts more than hubby

[Lone_Catholic]

I think there is alot of truth in the fact that men need their spouse to be attractive. I think we, as wives, owe it to our husbands to do the best we have, with what we have. We also owe it to ourselves, and to God, to take care of our bodies, by eating properly and by exercising. That being said, we also need to bear with our spouses in the ups and downs of life. For example, I am pregnant with my 4th baby in 6 years. I expect my husband to bear with me in the childbearing years when my weight will fluctuate. I, of course, would not want a slob for a husband! If he were to let himself completely go, I would be offended. However, in the past year, he has started a new job and works very very long hours, and his free time is spent with me and the kids, and he has not had time to devote to going to the gym. He is a good 20 pounds overweight, but I almost APPRECIATE what he looks like right now, because it is the price he is paying to work hard for our family so that I can stay home with our kids. In the same way, I hope he can appreciate what I look like right now, because it is the price that I am paying to bear the children God is blessing us with.

Balance in all… we are both working on squeezing in time to exercise and we are both trying to eat healthily. We started this past Monday… he joined a gym by his work so he can work out on his lunch hour. I am walking during the day with the kids. And we are both making an effort to eat right. I can tell a difference in both of our attitudes because we feel better about ourselves.

 

[SAHmommy]

I just wonder how much of this is because the issue is “fat”. My whole life, I’ve had an eating disorder. At points in my relationship with DH, I’ve been 83lb and I’ve been 215lbs and everywhere in between. I was medically UNhealthiest when I was 83lbs and fasting for days on end, but everyone continued to tell me how great I looked. Now, at my high weight of 215, I run competitve races, I take step classes every day, lift weights every other day, do yoga and pilates. I am much more fit now, eventhough I’m fat. Would everyone be as concerned if they discovered that their spouse had stopped eating and dropped below a healthy weight or are we all just saying that because “health” is a good cover for " not liking fat chicks"?

SAHmommy

 

[Lone_Catholic]

SAHmommy:

I just wonder how much of this is because the issue is “fat”. My whole life, I’ve had an eating disorder. At points in my relationship with DH, I’ve been 83lb and I’ve been 215lbs and everywhere in between. I was medically UNhealthiest when I was 83lbs and fasting for days on end, but everyone continued to tell me how great I looked. Now, at my high weight of 215, I run competitve races, I take step classes every day, lift weights every other day, do yoga and pilates. I am much more fit now, eventhough I’m fat. Would everyone be as concerned if they discovered that their spouse had stopped eating and dropped below a healthy weight or are we all just saying that because “health” is a good cover for " not liking fat chicks"?

SAHmommy

I would be very very concerned if my husband stopped eating and dropped below a healthy weight. Actually, I would be concerned if my husband just started working out in excess, in that he was focused on his body and sculpting it into a perfect speciman! Because to me that would be out of balance, and the hours in the gym necessary for that would be taking away from other things in his life, like his family.

We are in a crazy culture, that is for sure. I have never been anorexic (I like to eat too much) but I do know when I killed myself and got myself super skinny (for me) I got compliments left and right. It’s crazy how being thin is an idol for alot of people. But health should only meant that–health! And health is not always based on weight.

 

[CatholicSam]

Has it ever been “in” for men to be shorter than their wives? I can’t think of any time in history when that was the in-thing, but please let me know if there was a time as such. However, fat has definitely been “in” in the past. So men liking thin women is NOT genetic It’s a cultural thing, in my opinion anyway!

What about a woman whose husband likes her long hair, but she’s tired of dealing with it and chops it off at ear-length in what she thinks is an attractive style?

How about a man’s shaving habits–his wife likes a clean shave but he insists on a Santa beard?

And finally, as for the wife who is obese and enjoys her junk food–this might be emotional eating because maybe the husband is not showing her that much love. A previous poster mentioned that she loves herself less and this has nothing to do with hubby. Maybe it is not so much that, but that hubby’s love is lacking.

 

[deb1]

SAHmommy:

I just wonder how much of this is because the issue is “fat”. My whole life, I’ve had an eating disorder. At points in my relationship with DH, I’ve been 83lb and I’ve been 215lbs and everywhere in between. I was medically UNhealthiest when I was 83lbs and fasting for days on end, but everyone continued to tell me how great I looked. Now, at my high weight of 215, I run competitve races, I take step classes every day, lift weights every other day, do yoga and pilates. I am much more fit now, eventhough I’m fat. Would everyone be as concerned if they discovered that their spouse had stopped eating and dropped below a healthy weight or are we all just saying that because “health” is a good cover for " not liking fat chicks"?

SAHmommy

I think that you might be reading into what others are saying on this site. We are discussing people, men or women, who do not take care of themselves in some way. That could be anything from bad body odor to poor dental care.

We are not discussing the worth of overweight people, nor are we saying that everyone should have the same body type. No one has written anything about not liking fat chicks. We haven’t even used that wording.

Can I ask how tall you are? I am only five foot tall. At my lightest I was only 95lbs, which according to the goverment is just at the bottom of a healthy weight for someone my size. Other people did not tell me that I looked healthy. I was constantly told to gain weight and I, myself, did not like being so skinny. I now fluctuate between 115-120lbs still within the limits of what the goverment says that I should weigh and I look and feel much better.

Even at five foot, I would look grotesquely thin at 83lbs. I am not doubting you, just surprised. I can’t imagine anyone complimenting such a thin person, unless that person was very, very short.

 

[SAHmommy]

deb1:

Even at five foot, I would look grotesquely thin at 83lbs. I am not doubting you, just surprised. I can’t imagine anyone complimenting such a thin person, unless that person was very, very short.

I’m 5’1". At the time I was a ballet dancer. Of course, all my friends and co-workers were ballet dancers, too, so being as thin as possible was the ideal.

SAHmommy

 

[deb1]

SAHmommy:

I’m 5’1". At the time I was a ballet dancer. Of course, all my friends and co-workers were ballet dancers, too, so being as thin as possible was the ideal.

SAHmommy

I have heard that among both ballet dancers and gymnist that a very thin body is the ideal. But I didn’t know how extreme the ideal was. 83lbs would be very unhealthy, even for shorties like you and me.

 

[deb1]

CatholicSam:

Has it ever been “in” for men to be shorter than their wives? I can’t think of any time in history when that was the in-thing, but please let me know if there was a time as such. However, fat has definitely been “in” in the past. So men liking thin women is NOT genetic It’s a cultural thing, in my opinion anyway!

What about a woman whose husband likes her long hair, but she’s tired of dealing with it and chops it off at ear-length in what she thinks is an attractive style?

How about a man’s shaving habits–his wife likes a clean shave but he insists on a Santa beard?

And finally, as for the wife who is obese and enjoys her junk food–this might be emotional eating because maybe the husband is not showing her that much love. A previous poster mentioned that she loves herself less and this has nothing to do with hubby. Maybe it is not so much that, but that hubby’s love is lacking.

To me, and maybe I am reading the thread wrong…this thread is more about attraction then love. You can love your spouse but not be attracted them.

I can relate to the Santa beard. I like well trimmed beards but I find long beards to be less then appealing. I would probably ask my hubby to trim his for me. If he didn’t, would it be my fault that I didn’t find him as attractive? I would still love and respect him but I really can’t imagine snuggling up to Santa Claus.

What if I stopped shaving my legs? Does he still have to find me attractive? Take my word for it, I am a little monkey woman when I don’t shave. I can’t imagine what his reaction would be if I announced that I was throwing out my razor. Probably horror.

 

[CatholicSam]

deb1:

What if I stopped shaving my legs? Does he still have to find me attractive? Take my word for it, I am a little monkey woman when I don’t shave. I can’t imagine what his reaction would be if I announced that I was throwing out my razor. Probably horror.

That would be a good way to get your point across to him about his lack of facial shaving

I think the question boils down to “If I love my spouse, am I willing to look a certain way for them, within reason?” And then maybe even a further question would be “And *should * I look a certain way for them even if I myself would choose a different look?”

If something was a big deal to my husband, say, he really liked me in brown shirts, I guess I would be more prone to wear that color. If he liked long hair, I wouldn’t cut it very short. If he liked short hair, I would keep up with a cute short style. It just so happens that he couldn’t care less if I were bald, so I guess I lucked out there But I think that taking the opinion of one’s spouse into consideration with regards to one’s appearance is the loving thing to do.

 

[Marilena]

My husband is only 1 inch taller than me As for looks, that didn’t matter to him, nor myself. Iam not exactly thin, and do you think it matters to him? No. Iam not extrmely obese at all, just a bit big.
My husband is one of those men that does not look at women as
objects. He is very old fashioned. when a pretty woman looks his way, he turns his head and does not give it any attention. Nor does
he make comments about women. He is very faithful to his vows to his marriage, and to God. Frank has a very lovely respectful attitude towards all, and that is one of the many reasons why I fell in love with him. He is not arrogant, not conceited, he is simply put, a very old fashioned gentleman. A seemingly rare find in today’s society!

 

[Lone_Catholic]

Marilena:

My husband is one of those men that does not look at women as
objects. He is very old fashioned. when a pretty woman looks his way, he turns his head and does not give it any attention. Nor does
he make comments about women. He is very faithful to his vows to his marriage, and to God. Frank has a very lovely respectful attitude towards all, and that is one of the many reasons why I fell in love with him. He is not arrogant, not conceited, he is simply put, a very old fashioned gentleman. A seemingly rare find in today’s society!

What a blessing you have.

 

[Peace-bwu]

A husband or wife should love their spouse no matter what and be loyal and live a life of fidelity.

That said, we should take care of our bodies and souls to be able to do the best we can at our vocations. Medical problems happen that are out of our control, however if we ask ourselves if we are as strong and healthy as we can be for our vocation, for our spouse and family, both spiritually and physically can we answer “yes?” My husband and I strive to be the best we can be in our marriage. I know I will never look the way I did when I was twenty and before pregnancy, but I try to be as healthy as possible and strive to be attractive to him. For me that is just giving my husband the best I have to give, just as I strive to give God the best I have to give. My husband accepts and respects me and loves me. I know he will be loyal to me no matter what I look like… but don’t our spouses and children deserve to have us taking a little time for a strong healthy body so that we can best handle our vocations? I’m not talking about looking like the media’s version of a perfect ten, I’m talking about doing what is necessary to avoid diabetes, high blood pressure, cholesterol and to be physically able to walk a few miles, or run in an emergency, or go up and down flights of steps in an emergency. ,It isn’t just about appearances, it is about taking care of the bodies God gave us so that we can, in turn take care of our families and friends, and best handle whatever tasks lay ahead of us

No matter what happens in this life we will take care of each other and live up to the promises of marriage. If he shrunk ten inches or lost his legs while in Iraq this week, or became paralysed I would be just as dedicated as I was on our wedding day, perhaps moreso.

 

[pittsburghjeff]

I have a hard time understanding why, apart from concern about looking good for their spouse, one wouldn’t want to take the best care they can of the body that God gave them.

If someone is cramming junk in their body and leading an seditary lifestyle out of their own choices, not only are they not showing love for their spouse or kids, they aren’t loving themselves.

I am always amazed that people often take better care of their pets or their cars than they do themselves.

Sure, I love my wife and I want to look and feel my best for her but I also want to look and feel my best for myself and for God.

“Letting yourself go” is more than just a physical problem. It is destructive behavior…much like smoking or drinking.

If your having problems in that area, start with 30 minutes of exercise a day. It will do wonders (physically AND mentally). And once you realize how hard you work to exercise, you will be less likely to down those donuts because you wont want to undo the hard work. And don’t tell me you don’t have time either. THat is a cop out. It is how you prioritize and manage your time. Exercising will give you more energy to do those chores throughout the day. Your body will thank you. You will add to the length and quality of your life.

Remember to live a balanced life - mind, BODY, and spirit!

 

[SAHmommy]

pittsburghjeff:

they aren’t loving themselves.

“Letting yourself go” is more than just a physical problem. It is destructive behavior…much like smoking or drinking.

If your having problems in that area, start with 30 minutes of exercise a day.

You’re exactly right, however, it’s not as easy as “just start with 30 minutes a day”. I’ve been in therapy for 20 years for my eating disorder and will probably be in therapy for the rest of my life. They are now begining to discover problems with brain chemistry that contributes to binge eating. Some binge eaters are getting help from anti-depressants because there is a chemical inbalance in their seretonin and dopemine levels that studies have shown to be similar to obessive compulsive disorder. Unfortunately, therapy and psychiatric meds aren’t always covered by medical insurance.

SAHmommy

 

[deb1]

I think that some people look at the modern criteria of beauty and rightly believe that they will never achieve that so they simply give up. The goal should not be to look like some anorexic supermodel but to instead, be as healthy as possible. This might mean that the person remains a bit plump by today’s standards, but they will be healthy.

Most people can make changes to their lives by eating only one helping or walking around the block. Small changes can do wonders for a person’s outlook which can help them make bigger changes if needed. Thirty minutes a day might be to overwhelming for a person just starting to change their lifestyle.

I would tell a very obese person to not worry about the weight, just try to engage in more healthy habits.