Love for ever?

[Lasting_faith]

Yes, I did promise not to ask a silly/stupid/daft question anymore, but hey, what can I do?

We can’t control our heart, or soul or wherever we “store” our feelings. This question is something I have been pondering for years and years, in fact, for 38 odd years. I will not go into details more then I need to. I fell in love with the most beautiful and sexy girl I ever have seen when I was a teenager. We never did date, a few kisses, holding hands, but we where always together even when we dated other people. We grew older and did marry and got kids and moved away from our childhood playgrounds. Yet I have, and I am not lying, been thinking about her every single day of my life. My marriage was hell, ( I wish I would have marry her) but I did love my wife, I also did cheat on my wife, but that is confessed and the penance done, still, I have never stop loving this girl. Many years ago, almost ten, I did call her, and we had a cup of coffee, we did talk, remembering the good old days in the sun, and when we did part we hug each other, and I think we will never meet again, but I miss her. I love her, and I have always done so. She is still beautiful and sexy, I have a picture of her from our early years and one that is not that old, I must confess that I did snatch it from FB, and she is gorgeous, perfect in every way. I have deep feelings for her, in all the ways we know, but I also know nothing will ever happen. Every day I want to call her, but I can’t. She know how I feel, and she have been very understanding, not a harsh word, nothing that would have hurt me, never. Problem is that she don’t love me. So here is the question: is it a sin to love her, she do know that, and if, what can I do. I can confess it, but that would not stop me for having feelings for her, nothing I reckon. So, somebody, give me a good answer.

 

[dee_burk]

Um, are you still married? then yes, you shouldn’t lust after this childhood friend.
also, it is human nature to daydream and fantasize about how much better or different our life could/would be if we had only ____ (fill in the blank). if you are still married, i suggest you pray that your current sacrament of marriage will fulfill your needs and love and put this other woman out of your mind.

 

[ahs]

Love is not an emotion, it is an action. Loving this girl, in the true sense of the word, is not a sin. But if you understand “love” to mean “dwell on her memory and entertain thoughts about her to the detriment of other relationships or your sanity”, then this could be sinful.

 

[marymary1975]

Love is not a feeling, love is an action and a decision. I think your problem is that you are emotionally attached to a past moment and emotionally attached to a desire. Many people confuse actual love with a desire and hormonal attraction and that is what I think is happening with you. You are attached to a memory and to an idealistic idea and that attachment is stopping you from moving forward and it seems to me too that you don’t want to break the attachment. Breaking the attachment is doable not easy but doable. I think you need to start breaking that attachment stop living in an idealistic vision you created in your mind and start living in the present reality.

 

[Petaro]

Orsino in the Twelfth Night calls “If music be the food of love , play on…” Like yourself he has fallen in love with love itself, a miasma of memory, idolised but forever barren.
As all the other posts have advised, move on. Grab your real relationship with the four other loves and cherish your long suffering wife. I think all the adolescents in us { as contrasted to the child within,) recognises the agony and the ecstasy but you have to let her go.
as to the state of your soul, that is between you and your Lord. Feel for you.

 

[Lasting_faith]

Thank you for your answers.

And no, I am not married anymore. I did divorce 1994. I will think about your answers and see what if I can find any sense in this problem.

 

[Joy2day]

Hi, i hope you reflect on this and make a good decision. I dont know whether you were married in the catholic church & can apply for an annulment? Otherwise i guess you just have to decide yourself on the reasons for your marriage failure. 38 is young to have to spend the rest of your life alone. If you cant forget someone, maybe that is God bugging you about them?

 

[Lasting_faith]

I was not married in a Church, I was a very unhappy Lutheran when I did marry my x in 1985, and we did divorce 1994. My marriage was as I did write, living hell. So when I was divorced I was only 34 years old. I did date a few women back then but it did feel right so I decided to live with my dog. (Not a bad choice, a dog never nag, you can watch what ever channel you choose and a dog does not mind if you don’t want to talk.) But this girl, well, she is 52 now, was and is always a “special thing” in my life. We did grow up together and we was very close all the time, and we could tell each other everything. Only problem was that she did not love me in the “romantic” way. And when I finally did convert and became a Catholic I don’t want to marry anyone because I will not be without the right to receive Communion. Many most likely think that my life ended in 1994 but in fact it started. I am OK as things are, I know what I can’t have, but I still love her. (Not my x-wife.) I miss her every day and still, after so many years when something happen and I need to tell someone she is the first that I think about. But I don’t want to call her. She has her life and she is happy I hope and I don’t want to stir the life she have. We saw each other in 2005, and it was nice. We did talk as we use to, joke around, it was like the good old days, or as in the song, “the bad old days when tings was good”, for a short moment I was actually happy. But she was living with a guy and since she don’t love me as I love her, well…we said goodbye and that was that day. Silly, I can still scent her perfume when I remember that day. There is, and will always be, a certain bond between us, that I know, and she know it. Truth however is that we will never date, never be together as a man and a woman so there really is not much I can do. But I can’t forget her, I don’t want to, I am just curious if it is a sin to love someone so much that it hurt’s? Is it?