Love Letter to my future wife

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I am going to post this here. It might very well be justifiably taken down. At least I can say I tried. I apologize for the horrid formatting. If anyone is interested in a PDF, I can send it to them.

To my future wife:

Disclaimer:

I don’t believe in the concept that long documents should be ignored or even cursorily read simply because of their length. Too Long Didn’t Read is in opposition to my manner of expression. I feel that I integrated large words into my vocabulary when I was younger as an attention seeking mechanism. What I failed to realize until recently is that verbosity in the expression of another irks me. The lack of empathy on my part meant the way I write to inflate my self-worth and attract friends is detrimental in the latter and pointless in the former. Unfortunately, trying to change my writing style makes me feel as though I am speaking the words of a third-party. However, in many cases I may not understand the nuanced connotations If anyone feels that this is a deterrent, please contact me directly. Also, the majority of this letter is derivative. Many of the ideas presented here do not originate from myself. I choose not to implement codified citation because it was one of the banes of my existence in high school. If you feel that anything in this document is unfairly used, contact me and I will rectify the issue.
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What is Love?

What is the epitome of good marriage and friendship? I look at one of my favorite movies to determine the answer. The title character Venu is a virtuous man that unfortunately briefly spent time in a psychiatric institution and has a speech impediment when he is nervous. He is of marrying age and is looking at prospective suitors. He first meets a woman named Rajitha who is hesitant because of the stigma associated with mental illness, which Venu openly discloses. She decides she does not want to marry him because of this. Venu is heartbroken because he adored Rajitha. The second suitor that Venu considers leaves him on the day of their marriage. She does this because her former boyfriend threatens to kill himself if she does not abandon marriage to Venu and come with him. Venu is heartbroken yet again. This heartbreak manifests itself in anger towards his employees. His friend, who is a blind man that finally found love after years of searching, encourages him to be more optimistic. He eventually changes into a man who treats his employees as family and embraces a positive outlook on life. He embarks on his third attempt at finding a suitor. The man assisting in the search for the suitor is the father of the woman that was forced to leave on her marriage day. He still harbors intense guilt about the failure of the marriage between his daughter and Venu. Before he meets his third suitor, Venu crosses paths with his second suitor. The man who she was forced to marry is incarcerated because he assaulted a man for staring at his wife. The second suitor is now pregnant, guilty about the shame she caused her father, and living in a small slum-like house. She supports herself as a preschool teacher but she cannot afford prenatal care. She implores Venu not to relate this information to her dad because it would only cause him more shame. Venu is deeply troubled by this revelation and takes her to the hospital and pays for her care. At the hospital, he sees Rajitha, working as a nurse, again and strikes up a cordial conversation. She tells Rajitha that his friend has no one to care for her and asks Rajitha to help her out. He says he will cover the cost of future medical expenses. Venu then goes to meet his third suitor, Gayatri. He is once again open about his life and she says that they should continue to communicate for a while before they get married. On the ride back, Venu and the second suitor’s dad hear the story of their auto-rickshaw driver. He was once a career thief who fell in love with a woman whose house he broke into. He renounces his life of crime and asks her what it would take for her to marry him. She says she will never marry a thief and is looking for a virtuous and well-regarded man in the community. He enters a race and wins it, appearing on television. He then immediately goes to the woman’s college and asks her if he did enough. She scathingly rebukes him and tells him that he must work hard to improve his life and earn an honest income. She says she does not want to talk to him again or even see his face. He is utterly demolished, his feet bleeding and his heart broken. He is a changed man and earns an honest upkeep as an auto rickshaw driver. It is then revealed that the woman he loves is in fact Gayatri. The second suitor’s father thinks that the driver is a fool and utters invectives galore. Venu goes to talk with Gayatri and learns that the only reason Gayatri was hesitant about marriage to Venu was that she had grown fond of the rickshaw driver. Venu states that the rickshaw driver will remain with her forever and that Gayatri should marry him. Later on, Venu gets a call that his friend is about to deliver but she has no relatives by her side to provide her essential care. Venu rushes to the hospital. When his friend’s father finds out about this, he is outraged. He tells Venu that his daughter is dead to him and Venu should not care about her either. Venu is deeply saddened and declares that he will be the family for the newborn child. Venu presents a very troubling question. What does a newborn do to deserve the circumstances he or she is born into, good or bad. Why was I born into an upper middle-class family while others were never born because of the tough and heart-wrenching decision to have an abortion, the darkness of miscarriage, or other unfortunate circumstances. The woman’s father is deeply touched by Venu’s charity and resolves to take care of his daughter and grandchild. Rajitha is a witness to this entire scene. She realizes the exemplary character of Venu and deeply regrets that she did not realize back then the virtue of Venu. Venu still loves Rajitha but does not realize that she now reciprocates this love. Venu then asks Rajitha to meet with her. Rajitha is afraid to confess her love because of her harsh treatment of Venu before. Venu, seeing Rajitha as a great friend, asks her to mediate a marriage arrangement between him and another suitor. There are many more events that occur within this story but for the sake of whatever illusory claim to brevity that I still may have, the story ends with the marriage of Venu and Rajitha. I sincerely wish this was an anecdote, but it serves to be my favorite piece of fiction.
 
Superman and Protocols

In Nietzsche’s Thus Spoke Zarathustra, which I have not personally read, the idea of the Superman is presented. When he says God is Dead, Wikipedia, as a tertiary source, says that this means “God can no longer provide values.” The Superman is a physical man and the font of ethics that will act as the imparter of values on society in the absence of God. The Superman, by being the source of a new systematization of the human condition, is justified in whatever he wants to do. Genocide is licit. We can see the consequences of this declaration in the Armenian Genocide, American Eugenics, The Holocaust, the rise of Mao, Japan during WWII, and many other examples.
The Catechism of the Catholic Church teaches that for an act of man to be morally licit, it must consider intention, circumstances, and end. A red flag in any of the three is basis for immorality. The Protocols of the Elders of Zion capitalizes on our tendency to believe this aphorism to foster disgust towards the Jewish race. The Protocols is a description of a meeting between Jewish elites where they promise to take advantage of the meek and virtuous Christian populace, ending in their utter decimation or submission to a New Jewish World Order. The greatest irony and tragedy of the Protocols is that the Jewish race was subject to the very same draconian treatment that they were said to practice. It was deemed a forgery in the 1920s but that did not stop Hitler from including parts of it in his Mein Kampf, schools in Saudi Arabia including it as an essential component of their curriculum, and far-right demagogues in the United States and elsewhere using it to justify their anti-Semitism.

Why?

What is the purpose of the prolonged rant above? That rant is in the same vein as what I think above during an average day. To tell the truth, the rant is probably in its basest form, ego stroking. But, despite that, it is a way to know who I am without an explicit declaration. When I talk to people face to face, I am not articulate. My brain is slow in processing speed. My Intelligence Quotient as traditionally measured is probably below 100. New problems are daunting to me and it seems that any idea that pops out of my head is derivative. This is not a pity party, as I have done, shamefully, plenty of that for myself. I am most definitely neurotic. While I am at it, I might as well say that I have a gait impediment due to neurological deficits, pr oblem with executive functioning, and many other issues. I have always used these as excuses to be lazy and apathetic. Last but not least, I am an incarnation of poor personal hygiene choices regardless of the effort I seem to invest. I am in the process of radically overhauling my way of life. My parents are the most virtuous people I know and my brother is a normal and decent human being.
 
The Emptiness of Materialism

The double entendre employed above considers Materialism as an inordinate desire for material wealth and the idea simply put that our Material World is the only reality. The two aforementioned qualities are the ones I want to avoid at all costs. I do not require a dowry and I will pay for the marriage. It must be at a Catholic Church. I am not baptized into the Catholic faith but I hope to be soon. I do not have the means to provide for anyone as of now. I am a Computer Engineering Major from the University of Pittsburgh who will enter into the 6th and last semester of education and graduate in December 2017, provided that there are no extenuating circumstances that I have failed to account for. I will attempt to obtain a software development job and save a considerable portion of my wages for the express purpose of starting a family. I am currently 21 years old born on May 6, 1996.

What I hope to find:

The only major requisites I have for a wife is staunch belief in the Catholic faith and a heartfelt desire to be virtuous. I strongly hope that my wife will share my interest in Catholic, Secular, and World Theology, Philosophy, History, Anthropology, Sociology, Soteriology, Eschatology, Hermeneutics and so on and so forth. I have a strong predilection for Keralite Catholics, whether abroad or in India but it is not absolute. Sadly, I do not speak or write Telugu or Malayalam. It is my goal to become fluent in both languages, however.

Thank You for taking the time to read this,
[My Name Here]

About this document

The biggest folly about High School English for me was the fact that I did not create drafts and undergo a thorough revision process. That literary vice continues to plague me. I wrote this within the span of four hours. I did not and do not plan to reread what I wrote unless it is to clarify a point that I have made. I use Courier New font, because I find the monospaced nature aesthetically pleasing and easy to read. I realize that this document is riddled with grammatical errors galore, the most ubiquitous being related to commas. I do not believe that they will hinder understanding.

Acknowledgements

I thank my parents for raising problem child me to the best of their ability. I thank my brother for being my best friend and always willing to have an intellectual discussion. I thank my best friend throughout the latter half of elementary school and the entirety of middle school. He was one of the most positive corrective influences in my life. I thank my extended family in India, who I see once every three years. Even though I used to live my life with neglect and resentment towards extended family, they continued to show a genuine love of me, across the ocean. I thank the priests and deacons at my local Catholic Church for fostering my growth in the faith. I thank the current and former FOCUS missionaries affiliated with the Newman Center in Oakland, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. The sincerity of their compassion is something I one day strive to emulate. I thank my local and national National Public Radio as well as the British Broadcasting Corporation for the amazing journalism they provide. I thank Doctors of the Church, St. Augustine, St. Thomas Aquinas, St. Alphonsus Liguori, and St. John Damascene for their theology that is as impressive as it is today as it was in their respective epochs. I thank St. Francis of Assisi, St. Teresa of Calcutta, and St. Maximillian Kolbe for their demonstration of true Christian Virtue. I thank Mary, Mother of God, for her embodiment of the perfect Christian. I thank Lord Jesus Christ for his history-altering sacrifice and the love he continues to exercise over all of us to this very day. I thank the providential love of Yahweh, Adonai, or God the Father in guiding the Israelites and the Salvation of Humanity.
 
I did read all of this.

I’m not sure I fully understand your purpose in posting this here, but whatever happens, I do not recommend you share it with any special ladies who might cross your path. It does not read much like a love letter, despite your thread title.

Please be assured of my prayers as you complete your studies.
 
It is definitely not a love letter in the traditional sense. It is an expounding of myself. I wrote it for catharsis. I realize that it may serve the exact opposite purpose of what I wish to accomplish. I would like your brutally honest (name removed by moderator)ut. When you read this, do you think it is a vain enterprise?
 
FJBSJ said:
It is definitely not a love letter in the traditional sense. It is an expounding of myself. I wrote it for catharsis. I realize that it may serve the exact opposite purpose of what I wish to accomplish. I would like your brutally honest (name removed by moderator)ut. When you read this, do you think it is a vain enterprise?
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Well, that depends on what it is you wish to accomplish. That isn’t clear to me at all. What do you mean by, “an expounding of yourself?”

(Just to give you some background, I am a married woman and a former English teacher, so I have some experience teaching writing.)

If this is a love letter, it seems strange to me that you spend more time on your political views (which are very out of the norm, although you might be aware of that) or your grammatical style as you do your vision of marriage.
 
Striving to become less self-absorbed will improve your romantic relationships and your writing.
 
pensmama87 said:
Well, that depends on what it is you wish to accomplish. That isn’t clear to me at all. What do you mean by, “an expounding of yourself?”

(Just to give you some background, I am a married woman and a former English teacher, so I have some experience teaching writing.)

If this is a love letter, it seems strange to me that you spend more time on your political views (which are very out of the norm, although you might be aware of that) or your grammatical style as you do your vision of marriage.
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It is my way of stating who I am as a person. When you read it what do think the Tone is? Do I come off as vain or annoying? Does it appear as if I affirm Nietzsche or condone the Holocaust (I do the opposite)? I don’t talk about my vision of marriage because it is a speculative matter. I focus on the concrete of what is available to me
 
FJBSJ said:
It is my way of stating who I am as a person. When you read it what do think the Tone is? Do I come off as vain or annoying? Does it appear as if I affirm Nietzsche or condone the Holocaust (I do the opposite)? I don’t talk about my vision of marriage because it is a speculative matter. I focus on the concrete of what is available to me
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It does come across as vain, unfortunately. And even though I reread that section several times, it does come off as seriously anti-Semitic.

I guess I don’t feel this is actually much about you at all, except for calling attention to a few quirks that you don’t want to call attention to, and then some opinions that don’t seem related to each other in any meaningful way.

If it was cathartic for you to write, then that’s fine, but it isn’t what I would call audience-ready.
 
FJBSJ said:
Superman and Protocols

…To tell the truth, the rant is probably in its basest form, ego stroking…
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Brevity is the soul of wit

Your entire message could have been limited to the above sentence. Then you could have re-worded it “I have a pathological need for validation that isn’t being met.”
 
I am not an anti-Semite. I value and respect Jewish tradition and culture. I guess I still don’t know how to properly express myself yet.

In response to brassring.

Thank You greatly for the response. You have revealed to me the sad state of my psyche in a sentence where I have been pondering the question for 3-4 years. I would always wonder if I really possessed virtue or simply deluded myself into thinking I do. The same questions would swirl around my mind the Soteriology and Theodicy of the Catholic Church. The way I have always (maybe mistakenly) understood the Dominican interpretation of St. Thomas is that the God chooses who is saved before the beginning of the universe. Calvin says God chooses who is damned as well but I always wonder what the true difference between their views are. Isn’t it a paradox to say that God chooses who is saved but not who is damned. I would like to know how to ask for the deletion of a thread.
 
Irishmom2 said:
What I did read made me think the title of your thread should have been titled:

Love Letter to Myself.
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Hahaha, yes.

OP, when I read (well, skim) this, it comes across as incredibly pretentious and pedantic. The first thing that comes to my mind is “Wow, that guy is trying WAY too hard.”

This is not meant to be an attack, but have you considered talking to a professional? The way you seem to approach social interaction is a little…off.
 
A tad creepers…maybe let your future wife/friends find out about you first hand, not by a script…just a suggestion.
 
I have exceeded the time limit for editing my posts. The best I can hope for is that a Moderator can do something about my word vomit.
 
FJBSJ said:
The same questions would swirl around my mind the Soteriology and Theodicy of the Catholic Church. The way I have always (maybe mistakenly) understood the Dominican interpretation of St. Thomas is that the God chooses who is saved before the beginning of the universe. Calvin says God chooses who is damned as well but I always wonder what the true difference between their views are. Isn’t it a paradox to say that God chooses who is saved but not who is damned.
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Here you go again! Really, what is this in response to? It is not relevant to anything anyone said. It’s like you have no filter.
 
FJBSJ said:
I have exceeded the time limit for editing my posts. The best I can hope for is that a Moderator can do something about my word vomit.
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I think you’re just overthinking things. The best thing to do is to let things go and pray, especially to the Immaculate Heart of Mary. Put this in God’s hands. He knows and loves you better than any of us ever will. Words are words. Actions are the best. Showing your future spouse your love by being a good man is going to mean the most to her. God bless you, dear soul.
 
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